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Myleene Klass (above, duh), a British singer, model and host of CNN's The Screening Room, tells the Daily Mail about the time a star asked her to be his full-time whore: "About six months ago, a newly-married Hollywood star asked me to sign some kind of sex contract with him. I just thought, 'Mate, which planet are you from?' I met him a few times and when I went to interview him it was like something out of a film.

We were having lunch and as the starter arrived he launched into it [his chat-up spiel]. I was like, 'Bugger, I’ve got main and ­dessert to go – I’m stuck here!' Then his PA came over with a confidentiality contract. I just thought, 'Oh my God, your poor wife'. I don’t want to be a marriage-wrecker."

Anybody with the last name Klass has the utmost integrity and would never tell a lie to promote her own cause. NEVAH!

With that said, my guess is that either Vince Vaughn or Marky Mark asked Myleene to join his harem of hookers. Although, Vince Vaughn would probably rather spend his time (and money) on delicious ice creams instead of mistress cooch.

This male, foreign born, national television entertainment reporter has been stalking a heterosexual worker at a Starbucks. The reporter comes in almost everyday and has been leaving notes on the worker's car. One such recent note said, "I'll give you $50 if you let me suck your cock." The reporter has been busted by other workers in some of his attempts to leave notes. This should all end gloriously I'm sure. (CDAN)

Gaycrest dressed in disguise as Steven "Cojo" Cojocaru? And $50 for a blow?! Cheap fuck! $50 can barely buy you two Venti Americanos and a croissant at Starbucks.

This pop star recently had some facial work done. It wasn’t a huge secret, but it was assumed that she had done it on her own initiative. Turns out that the production company that hired her is actually behind the new look. They weren’t happy with the way she looked in test shots, and strongly suggested to her that she modify her look before they invested in her. She agreed, and the production company set up the appointment and paid the bill. After all, no matter how talented you are, a pop star has to look camera ready, right? And god forbid she should actually look her real age. (Blind Gossip)

Charice? Exhibit: A.

There's another good reason for why Jersey Shore is called Macaroni Rascals in Japan. Apparently, The Situation can fit his wang into the hole of a wet macaroni noodle. Hey, that's still a few centimeters bigger than his brain.

A Florida club promoter who goes by the name of Melody Eckerson admitted to Star Magazine that she earned herself a file at the health department by hooking up with The Situation one night.

According to Melody, she could deep throat his dick and lick his taint at the same time. That's how minor his dick situation is. Melody said, "I wouldn't even call it a one-night stand, because he only lasted a few minutes." And when asked what she saw when The Situation dropped his Ed Hardy thong, Melody said, "Let's just say, I'm thinking of my pinky."

If Melody thinks it's small now, wait until she sees it without the giant wart on the head! That wart was giving him some length and girth. I swear, some whores are too picky. And I bet Vinny's "watermelon cock" can swallow The Situation's "watermelon seed cock" whole.

America's national embarrassment (or treasure, depending on who you ask) has made its way over to the magical land of Japan, because there's a whole group of people there who have yet to experience herpes of the eyes and the pharmaceutical companies have bills to pay, dammit! So, of course, they can't call that mess Jersey Shore, because the Japanese have no idea what that is. And I guess Syphilis Shore and Jacuzzi Full of Kamikaze Barf doesn't really translate, so they went with, "MTV Jersey Shore〜マカロニ野郎のニュージャージー・ライフ〜" which translates into "MTV Jersey Shore -- the New Jersey life of macaroni rascals." MACARONI RASCALS!

This is the best thing to come out of Jersey Shore since the duck phone! CNNGo explains the name:

Our only guess is that the folks at MTV were looking for a way to translate the Italian-American epithet 'guido' and stumbled upon something more Japanese but equally un-PC. Since this is a family website, we translated 'yaro' (野郎) as 'rascals' but the pejorative word can take on much more R-rated nuances.

According to Twitter user Daniel Feit, for all the strangeness of MTV Japan's translation, the term "macaroni rascals" does appear in the Japanese subtitles of the 1972 film "The Godfather." Someone in Programming apparently did their homework.

Macaroni Rascals sounds like the name of some backyard gang Chef Boyardee was in when he was just a little meatball. Macaroni Rascals is also the name of a dirty sex fetish Brit Brit gets into when Daddy Spears is away. When Kirstie Alley's kids come home and wonder who ate their leftover lasagna from The Olive Garden, you know who she blames it on? Yup, the MACARONI RASCALS!

If The Real Housewives ever make it over Japan, I wonder what they will call that mess. Silicone Scoundrels? Foreclosure Fatales?

(Thanks Andrew)

A few days ago comedian Greg Giraldo found himself laid up in a hospital bed after he accidentally overdosed on prescription pills. Friends found Greg in his New Jersey hotel room after he didn't show up to a scheduled show. Greg was rushed to the hospital and listed in critical condition. Greg's manager said the overdose was accidental and he wasn't trying to commit suicide.

Sadly, Greg died today at the age of 44. TMZ says that Greg was surrounded by his family at the time of his death.

Greg was a judge on Last Comic Standing and he most recently gave it to The Hoff in Comedy Central's annual roast:

Rest in peace, Greg. Here's to you roasting the angels up in heaven!

Joe Jonas and me are thinking the exact same thing about Ashley Greene: "Damn, I wonder what kind of leave-in conditioner she uses?" - Popsugar

Oh, it has nothing to do with the heatwave, Kellan Lutz is just always topless - Lainey Gossip

Confirmed: Snooki is one of Khloe Kardashian's turds that mutated into a living thing - The Superficial

Even more of unPhotoshopped Madge - The Berry

The Long Island Holita is a porn star now (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Pepaw's like: "Da hell is that on her head?" - Hollywood Tuna

Jenny McCarthy's snatch was too furry for Playboy - Celebitchy

But where's the green, blue and yellow Hungry Hippo? - Towleroad

Mischa Barton and leather shorts should never be allowed near each other - Popoholic

Beyonce gets down with the real - Just Jared

Pixie Lott is early for St. Patrick's Day - Egotastic!

Take the rest of the day off to stare at Don Draper's peen print - OMG Blog

Snooki can write words? - I'm Not Obsessed

Taylor Swift or an extra from Swing Kids? - Hollywood Rag

A stake to Ken Paves' vulnerable heart - ICYDK

Lady Gaga is everyone - Cityrag

Russell Brand reads with his penis - SOW

Back to Budget Booze for Kerry Katona - Holy Moly!

On this cover of The Globe, Prince Charles does look like he would love nothing more than a few stray nutsack hairs between his teefs, but he's not the gay British prince! (You know what's coming...) Prince Hot Ginge is and there's nothing you or my state-appointed therapist can say to change my mind. I mean, Prince Hot Ginge got dumped by that Chelsy hag again! Only gay princes get dumped by the same girl that many times. It's fact!

Okay, maybe Prince Hot Ginge doesn't list man ass as his meal of choice, but The Globe still made a bad decision. Especially IN THIS ECONOMY. If that cover read "Prince Hot Ginge Is Gay", I would've sold my dog's kidney to buy every copy and a male RealDoll. Then I would've paper mached my RealDoll with some of the copies and use the rest to build a house for us to live in. So as Vivian said to Snobby Saleswoman #2 in Pretty Woman, "Big mistake, Globe. HUGE!"

P.S. - Yes, it's a slow day for me. Just pat my head and move along.

via Cover Awards

The only good that can come out of this NSFW clip of two half-nekkid Irish drunks celebrating St. Arthur's Day is if Ireland's government sees the subtle artistry in their street performance and makes this the country's official art style. If that happens, I'm moving.

Hippo riding, booze coming out of every faucet and peentars.... What more could I want? Byeeee!

Click here if you can't see the mess above.

(Thanks Dermot)

Before Rachel "Chupacabra" Zoe can sink her fangs into Brad Goreski and suck the everything out until all that's left is a pile of skin (which she'll paste onto her bones after her old skin moults off), he has decided to hit the evacuation slide and quit that bitch.

In a statement, which sounds like it was written while a Bette Midler song played in the background, to People, Brad says that he is no longer Chupa's main slave and won't be on the next season of Bravo's The Rachel Zoe Project.

“I love Rachel and she’s taught me everything I know. But there’s a point where either I do it now or I’ll never know what it’s like to spread my wings and soar.”

Chupa says that Brad told her a month ago and she couldn't stop hugging him. Uh huh. Trying to get in that last bite to the froat before the prey flies away.

“We couldn’t stop hugging and we couldn’t stop crying. He did this with such class and elegance. And I get it. I just told him, ‘I’m here for you always.’ We have a relationship that’s not normal. I jump into bed with him and wake him up and we have these pow wows and he’s like, ‘Wow, I haven’t brushed my teeth,’ I don’t want to hire somebody for the purpose of the show, we just got lucky. No one’s ever going to be Brad to me.”

Good, maybe now Brad won't be as busy. Seriously, 90% of that show is Chupa and Brad going on and on about how busy they are. Chupa can't even sit down at the dinner table to NOT think about eating, because she's busy matching the perfect Dior Homme cock ring with the perfect Versace pants. Chupa forces her husband to cut his hair like pedophile Justin Bieber, so she won't ever be tempted to bump bones with him. She doesn't have time!

Anyways, Brad will be missed from the show. Mostly because, now 99% of the show will be Chupa farting about how busy her life is. You know if she didn't talk about being busy as much as she talks about being busy, she probably wouldn't be that busy.

When a douchebag wet burps and passes the check to Jennifer Aniston after a romantic dinner, she swoons so hard that the dust from her womb queefs out of her vag. When a douchebag calls her a cab ten seconds after he busts a nut because he says he has somebody else coming over, Jennifer Aniston runs home and pastes a picture of his face over the mannequin groom she keeps in her "wedding room." Basically, Jennifer Aniston stops for assholes, which is why she wanted to go around with Josh Hopkins even though he treated her like a common fuck buddy.

Josh and Jennifer first started dating back in May after she met him through Courtney Cox. Josh is in that Cougar Town crap with Courtney. A source tells UsWeekly that Jennifer drew hearts around Josh's name on her Trapper Keeper, but the only thing he wanted from her was a fuck 'n run.

The source went on to say, "Josh is a player and is into meeting younger girls. He definitely lies to girls. Josh calls Jennifer his 'sport fuck'." Another source said that Jen has always gotten a boner for "really good-looking assholes." The official medical term for that is called "Dickmatization." You know, dick so good that it effects all your senses.

And on a single positive note, being called a sport fuck is better than being called a lonely and miserable spinster whose future looks like an episode of Animal Hoarders. Right? Right. Right?

Before Michael Bolton and his Magic Ken earring were told to walk the damn plank, Brooke Burke showed what she says is evidence that the audience booed at the judge's scores and not Sarah Palin. The YouTuber who uploaded the clip above is not buying it and still thinks those boos were made specifically for Sarah Palin's ear holes. Put your monocle up to the screen and decide for yourself. Or you can get me a box of Boo Berry, because that's all I've been thinking about since this boo controversy started. Yes, my mind is always sitting at a breakfast nook circa the 1980s waiting for a fucking bowl of Boo Berry.

And if you're a friend or family member of an ABC executive, there's no reason to send out a search party to find them. They've been locked up with the other executives circle jerking to this "Boo-Gate" shit since Monday night. Every possible boo for Palin, is a stroke for an ABC exec!