Alec Baldwin has already responded to Tracy Morgan's fire-breathing sermon against gays with a Tweet shrug and now Tina Fey and the head of NBC issued their own statements since some people were wondering What Would Liz Lemon Do?
The head of NBC said that he was happy Tracy apologized and that they don't agree with hate or violence towards anybody (except Conan O'Brien). Since the NBC peacock is as gay as the NBC peacock, he went on to say that both the network and 30 Rock accept everybody (except Conan O'Brien) so Tracy's comments were against what they believe in.
As for Tina, she put it like this:
“I’m glad to hear that Tracy apologized for his comments. Stand-up comics may have the right to ‘work out’ their material in its ugliest and rawest form in front of an audience, but the violent imagery of Tracy’s rant was disturbing to me at a time when homophobic hate crimes continue to be a life-threatening issue for the GLBT Community. It also doesn’t line up with the Tracy Morgan I know, who is not a hateful man and is generally much too sleepy and self-centered to ever hurt another person.
I hope for his sake that Tracy’s apology will be accepted as sincere by his gay and lesbian coworkers at 30 Rock, without whom Tracy would not have lines to say, clothes to wear, sets to stand on, scene partners to act with, or a printed-out paycheck from accounting to put in his pocket. The other producers and I pride ourselves on 30 Rock being a diverse, safe, and fair workplace.”
Tina Fey should know that one of my shittiest ex-boyfriends slept 12 hours a day and always sat on the side of the table that faced the giant mirror in the dining room at Mimi's Cafe, so sleepy selfish dick bags can be hateful too. But what I'm getting from Tina's statement is that on the next season of 30 Rock, Tracy Jordan will become color blind which will lead him to only wearing rainbow colored clothing. Then Tracy Jordan's son Tracy Jr. will come out to him at around the same time he develops a Tourettes-like tick that forces him to stab his daddy in the knee with a rusty shank repeatedly throughout the day. Either that or she's saying that bitch better get right or he'll be lucky if he gets a job as Mel Gibson's understudy at the Westboro Baptist Dinner Theater.
And I just realized that typing "dining room at Mimi's cafe" was ridiculous. Like that shit was some fine dining.
On the left is the Crystal Enchantress of the Ice Johnny Weir signing copies of his memoirs at Macy's in Philadelphia the other day. On the right is the forever reigning pretty pretty prince of the Internet Peter Pan Dude.
Both are what a fluffy white chicken would look like if it tried to escape the farm by disguising itself as Dorothy Hamill. Both could actually convince a room of strangers that Stuart from MADtv was based on them. Both could bedazzle a sheet of toilet paper by wiping their derrieres on it. Both piss hummingbird juice and huckleberry nectar. Both could give a sparkler show just by burping. And both have a nickname for their peen that could double as the name of a Popple.
Johnny is not one to Xerox copy a ho's entire look, so I will assume he's paying homage to the one and only Peter Pan Dude. I mean, who doesn't open their closet in the morning and tell themselves that they want to look like Moe Howard meets Peter Pan Dude meets a Palm Springs divorcee?
Two of the women on this sports themed show, spend more time in bed with each other than their husbands. (CDAN)
This has to be about Basketball Wives, but only one of them has a husband so let's just figure that the "husbands" in that blind item is a figure of speech.
I am so wrong but for topical purposes, I'm going to guess that Tami Roman is cooing "I'm slave I'm a slave I'm a slave to your coochie" into the crotch of Meeka Claxton. Their bitch brawl in Rome was totally a lover's quarrel.
This A-list celebrity – who’s been on “The Oprah Winfrey Show” many, many times – refused to show up for the queen of talk’s send-off spectacle. The award-winning entertainer was asked to sing something for the special event, but Miss Diva didn’t want to share the stage with so many other “lesser” stars! (National Enquirer via Blind Gossip)
John Travolta thinks she's too good! No. Celine Dion doesn't seem the type. Mimi's twinglings were barely hatched from her rainbow womb so she wasn't in a state to yodel. So I'll go with Tina Turner?
This B- movie actress who has dated one of the biggest stars on the planet has started a new regimen that her shaman says will be good for her. What is it? Drinking blood from a combination of animals everyday. Craaaaazy. Of course she has always been a bit kooky. (CDAN)
Winona Ryder? But how are you going to go from drinking Gary Oldman's (fake) blood to guzzling on squirrel blood?
As for a blind riddle, there’s a Hollywood sure-cock who keeps deliberately hitting on and fucking married women because he gets off on the fact that they’re almost always ready to leave their marriages for him. Who? (Lainey Gossip)
The (Gerard) Butler did it?
This Real Housewife from the East is not only sleeping with one of the crew, he is also supplying her with prescription drugs that are not hers. (CDAN)
Sonja Morgan from The Real Housewives of NYC?
This male reality star on a big cable show, not only cheats on his significant other (who is also a big reality star on the same show), every chance he gets, but throws it in her face and dares her to leave. (CDAN)
Either Slade Slimey and Gretchen from The Real Housewives of Orange County?
Scott Disick (aka Scott Is Dick) and Kourtney Kardashian from Keeping Up with Kris' Kunts?
This married Survivor big star got one of his fellow contestants pregnant. (CDAN)
I GOT IT! Phillip Sheppard is such a master secret agent that he's actually a biological woman and Boston Rob knocked him up.
Here's Brit Brit's cover of Madge's "Burning Up" which she will lazily move her lips and throw around limp jazz hands to during her Femme Fatale world tour. I'm biased since "Burning Up" is my #1 favorite Madge song , but this shit is a pounding in my ear that needs to die.
If Brit Brit and her producer wanted her to sound like a toddler on helium screeching for help while trapped on Space Mountain, then mission accomplished!
The only cover of a Madonna song by a robot chipmunk voice I need in my life is this one:
Justin Bieber's playground coochie bumpin' partner Selena Gomez was taken to the hospital last night after her head started to ache in a bad way and she experienced the kind of nausea you feel when you translate the words "playground coochie bumpin" into a visual.
TMZ reports that after she sat across from Jay Leno on The Tonight Show, Selena was overcome with the sicks and needed medical attention. Selena is still in the hospital today to undergo tests. Her show at an outdoor mall in Santa Monica tonight has been canceled. Selena's rep isn't saying what put her on the hospital bed.
If I was Selena Gomez's doctor, I'd ask her three things:
1. Why are you messing around with the baby Marcy D'Arcy?
2. Did she happen to see a deranged toddler in a Justin Bieber onesie crawl out of her dressing room at the Tonight Show with an empty jar of poison in its tiny hand?
3. Is she allergic to any farm animals? Because if she's knocked up, I'll have to prescribe an antihistamine so she isn't snotting all over the place when she births out the second coming of Bieber in the manger.
Oh, and she should probably wear a gas mask during delivery, because Usher is going to show up in a cloud of smoke at some point to collect Justin Bieber's first born. A contract is a contract!
The new equation for a perfect portrait is scotch whisky wallpaper + ginge + fluffy chichi clouds - Hollywood Tuna
Ashley Greene and Gerard Butler are like bottom of the barrel version of Blake Lively and Leonardo DiCaprio - Lainey Gossip
JLo's ass cheeks deliver lines better than she does - The Superficial
Neil Patrick Harris shows us what rich parents with too much time on their hands do to entertain themselves - Towleroad
Ashley Greene's full of tit sweat, or maybe she just hugged Gerard Butler? (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather
Sarah Larson's bunk mate at the halfway house for George Clooney's old hos might be coming sooner rather than later - Celebitchy
The creator of Mad Libs is dead! May he _____ in ______ forever and _____ - The Daily What
Out of some Ambien and need to pass the hell out? Just stare at these pictures of January Jones with a yoga mat for about a second - ICYDK
Someone named Jarah Mariano is in lingerie - Popoholic
Kate Gosselin's former possum pal curls up on Beyonce's head for Dazed & Confused magazine - Just Jared
Backwards cap, wooden chain, white t-shirt and visible gut... Bradley Cooper might be playing KFed in a movie - Popsugar
Two words: homeless farts - OMG Blog
Nice to see that John Travolta's old wig is getting work - The Berry
If an ostrich tried to swallow Charlize Theron - Celebslam
I'D HIT IT! You could stick your peen in his double wide gap while he brushes (not that this gremlin sloth does) - Crunk + Disorderly
Those motherfucking dogs are eating the world's supply of gelato! - Cityrag
What in the pirate wench beast hair is going on with JHud's entire look? - I'm Not Obsessed
Vintage Lisa Edelstein - SOW
And the star of Playboy's beauties of the meth lab issue will be... - Hollywood Rag
This masterpiece from the Glittery Gays archive has landed in my inbox with the subject line "IS THIS YOU?" so many times that I'm beginning to think that my true government name is Robert Jeffrey and this really is me. I WISH.
The bad news is that Karen Elson and Jack White are biting off each other's wedding bands after 6 years of marriage, but the good news is that there will be an open bar at their divorce party! Those damn hipsters really know how to turn an AWW into a YES!
Karen and Jack were married in Brazil on June 1, 2005 and decided that their time sleeping nipple to nipple has come to an end. They issued this joint statement to People:
"We remain dear and trusted friends and co-parents to our wonderful children Scarlett and Henry Lee. We feel so fortunate for the time we have shared and the time we will continue to spend both separately and together watching our children grow."
The invitation to their anniversary/divorce party reads that the party is to re-affirm their friendship.
Yes, as a bitter cunt queen monster who feeds off of the scandalous lives of others, I'm a little disappointed that Karen and Jack aren't throwing daggers of revenge at each other in the streets. But I guess it's best to end a relationship the same way you start it: absolutely fucking tanked.
Happy divorce to Karen and Jack!
After Tracy Morgan's anti-born this way anthem made its way around the Internet, part of me thought that he would tell everyone to get fucked and the other part of me figured that his publicist would put a filter over his mouth and force him to the front of the stage to apologize. Seems like the latter won out, because here's the statement Tracy issued to the New York Times this morning.
"I want to apologize to my fans and the gay & lesbian community for my choice of words at my recent stand-up act in Nashville. I’m not a hateful person and don’t condone any kind of violence against others. While I am an equal opportunity jokester, and my friends know what is in my heart, even in a comedy club this clearly went too far and was not funny in any context.”
Does this mean that the Westboro Baptist Church is going to take back their invitation for Tracy Morgan to become their official mascot? (Wait, do they hate black straight people too?)
Tina Fey said that her daughter writes a lot of Tracy Jordan's lines in 30 Rock. It's become clear that the only solution to this mess is that from now Tina Fey's daughter should write ALL of Tracy Morgan's words.
We know for sure that the sword in Russell Crowe's hand will never be used to cut the skin hood off of his son's penis, because he thinks that shit is inhumane and wrong.
Foreskin was on Russell's mind yesterday when he let out a Twitter rant about his true feelings on circumcision. In the back of my mind, I've always wished that one day Russell Crowe would flame up over dick skin, but this isn't what I had in mind at all.
Russell's campaign to save every baby's foreskin started when one of his followers asked him if she should "circumstanced" her baby. I'm no expert on parenting, but if you're asking Russell Fucking Crowe for advice on circumcision, maybe you shouldn't be having a baby at all. Anyway, cut (not like that) to Russell:
Here's a life rule, if you can't spell it, don't do it.
Circumcision is barbaric and stupid. Who are you to correct nature? Is it real that GOD requires a donation of foreskin? Babies are perfect.
I love my Jewish friends, I love the apples and the honey and the funny little hats, but stop cutting your babies.
I will always stand for the perfection of babies. I will always believe in God, not man's interpretation of what God requires. Last of it, if you feel it is your right to cut things off your babies please unfollow and fuck off; I'll take attentive parenting over barbarism.
The defender of baby foreskin woke up this morning with the thought of penis turtleneck still hovering above him and he apologized for offending his Jewish followers and friends.
I have a deep and abiding love for all people of all nationalities. I'm very sorry that I have said things on here that have caused distress. My personal beliefs aside I realize that some will interpret this debate as me mocking the rituals and traditions of others. I am very sorry.
Coming from someone who was circumcised, I can say that I don't remember a thing about it. I don't have sentimental recurring dreams where I waltz with the butchered corpse of my foreskin before softly weeping into its folds wishing that we were never cut apart those many years ago. Which sort of sucks, because I wish I was having that recurring dream.
Instead of offending Jews and their "tiny little hats," Russell should be addressing more important issues: like parents teaching their sons how to clean the dick right! So that when they grow up, they don't roof over the top of a ho's mouth with crusty spray cheese shingles.
Uncut or cut, you don't know how many times I've put my nose near a peen and inhaled nothing but curdled milk and cheese sweat. There seriously comes a time in every slut's life when they have to make the decision on whether or not they want peen fondue for dinner. Parents, don't let the future dick suckers of the world make that decision. Teach your kids early that Melting Pot dick is not the thing. Ever.