Once you've been in the rehab, you figure you've been through enough shit that you can kick your boss in the nuts. Oh No They Didn't is featuring some Tweets (wait, it's DListed - I'm supposed to call them "Twats" right?) that Demi stuffed up Walt Disneys corpse's ass over their treatment of anorexia.
Demi Lovato was home (not doing cocaine, fucking for an audience on bunkbeds, or snapping and attacking her ex's new chick) and happened to be watching something called Shake It Up on her home network. A character made an ano joke and Demi took her 13th step - putting the company that made her on blast:
Dear Disney Channel EATING DISORDERS ARE NOT SOMETHING TO JOKE ABOUT
She Twatted a few more times, mentioning that Disney lost an actress to an eating disorder and noting that she misses the days of fat asses like Raven Symone and Hilary Duff breaking your child's TV with their girth. Hey, she called them fat - I didn't. See what she did there? Sly bitches like Demi can stick up for anorexia sufferers WHILE throwing shade at the competition.
We now know who's running things over in Orlando, cuz' Disney immediately crawled over to Demi's Twitter feed, removed their dick, and announced they had pulled the episode in question:
@ddlovato, Demi we hear you & are pulling both episodes as quickly as possible & reevaluating them [ed. note - "reevaluating" = "killing the writers and actress responsible and burning the set down"]
@ddlovato - It's NEVER our intention to make fun of eating disorders!
Not like that Spike network with their Hot Snatch In Bikinis Puking Up Dinner show. So now we know who runs Disney. Can Demi do something about the couples who get married and then walk around the park in those fucking mouse ears bridal veils and top hats? We get it, you got married with Mickey. Two assholes blocked my view of the Hall of Presidents show last time with those sad things. Yes, I've seen the show before, but I like when one of the robots malfunctions and starts seizing like his vibrating butt plug just went into turbo.
Check out the actual Tweets and more pics of Demi on stage in Puerto Rico in the gallery.
Hiya! I'm J. Harvey. I used to write for Socialite Life (then I got fired) and then I wrote for Celebitchy for two whole days (and then I got fired from there, too), and now I blog about guys fucking over on Manhunt Daily. It's not as seedy as it sounds (yes, it is). You're figuring out that Michael K. wanted to get to Italy stat so he could get fucked up on vino and suck off a gondolier so he just picked some mullet off the blogging street, aren't you? Poor Sweetas. I have horrible grammar, and my run-on sentences are legendary. Fuck grammar! I refused to be chained by your grammar ways.
Oh, and I heard the last guest blogger had an epic meltdown and is currently sporting a self-hug coat and recuperating in a rubber room somewhere due to you fiery cunts in the comments. It's ok if you hate me. I'm drunk right now and can't feel anything. I can't feel anything anyways because I'm dead inside. And drunk. Seriously, you can sneak nips into Starbucks here in Boston. We're a drinking city.
Hopefully while he was on his layover in London, Michael K. spotted this white carnation out on the street and gave her the hug she needs. A girl who will let someone do that to a body part is actually looking to fill the hole in her heart with love, and settled for innnertubes in her face lips. I know why she did that to her pucker, though. It's that overbite. Edward Norton's character in American History X would find curbing her too easy with those choppers. She figured she coud hide em' with the lip job. And then distract us with BOOBS.
Those lips! They look like Michael K's asshole after Fleet Week!
This is British reality television gal Lauren Pope out on the town with some co-tarts in London last night. She's following up her tasteful debut in THIS dress. Let's choose to believe that some The Only Way Is Essex hater slapped her gently with a brick, or put some embalming fluid in her Grape Crush shot. Cuz', DAMN over the "cartoon hillbilly" expression. What drink is that? Pink Umbrella Homeless Dude flanking you is wondering.
Note - FUCK! My very first DListed post and I gave the bitch the wrong name! Ugh, already revealed as a FUCK-UP. The Only Way Is Drunk-Blogging. This unfortunate creature is actually named Chloe Sims. I bet she still borrowed that dress from her friend, though. They share it. It's ventilated and easy access.
A shiny brand new newborn baby should be calling 68-year-old Robert De Niro "PEPAW!!!" instead of "Daddy?" but the latter is what's going down in the De Niro house this holiday weekend. Because Robert's old ass and his wife Grace Hightower are parents to a baby girl born via a leased baby oven. The baby girl has a 13-year-old brother named Elliot and a bunch of half-siblings including 40-year-old Drena, 35-year-old Raphael and 16-year-olds Julian and Aaron.
Now, when my ass is 68, I want to be drunk on my porch and throwing rotten lemons at the shit-nosed brats driving their stupid ugly bikes on my lawn. I want to be a mean old cunt who's not afraid to show it. I don't want to be pulling my damn hip muscle while rocking my wailing baby to sleep at 3 in the morning. That shit ain't the life. But if that's how Robert wants to spend the Werther's Originals phase of his life, who am I to judge (I'm totally judging)?
But the best part is what Robert and Grace named their baby friend. Their rep tells People that her name is Helen Grace De Niro. Not only does Helen Grace De Niro sound like the name of a Catholic school head mistress who secretly moonlights as a lounge singer, but Helen Grace is also the name of the chocolate company that makes the most delicious fudge Easter eggs your stomach has ever digested.
These chocolate Easter eggs were serious business in my elementary school. Every year, we fought to death to sell as many as possible. It was like the middle-class suburban version of The Hunger Games. We killed each other for that shit, because the prizes were legendary. One year, I came in 5th place thanks to my mother forcing everyone at work to buy at least 3 and the prize was nothing like I have ever known before. The five of us (yes, I was last place, of course) all got into a limo and it took us on a journey of culinary pleasures. We stopped at Carl's Jr. for appetizers (fries), then pulled into the gourmet garden of desires that is McDonald's for entrees (Big Mac) and cleansed our palate at the Michelin-starred Baskin-Robbins. It will go down as the most luxurious experience of my life. For such a glamorous occasion, I wore my finest outfit which was a white turtleneck, a black chunky cardigan from Mervyn's and pleated black pants. I was dressed like an Eastern European lesbian tennis star going to a hearing to face charges of steroid abuse.
I even got to take a picture in front of the hot limo while wearing the hottest outfit I've ever owned. If my ass ever goes missing and the police ask you for a picture, please give them the one of my 10-year-old self awkwardly standing in front of that limousine. I look nothing like that anymore, but I only want people to see me in my most glamorous moment.
And I'm sure Robert's Helen Grace is as precious the Helen Grace Easter eggs I sold in order to live like Alexis Carrington for an afternoon.
Shelley Duvall - Like a real life Precious Moments figure, Shelley's big eyes and fawn-in-need-of-a-cheeseburger physique first captured America's heart in early Robert Altman films like Brewster McCloud and Nashville. But this bitch hit the big time when she played Jack Nicholson's put upon wife, Wendy, in The Shining. During the two hours where Shelley spent running around, screaming, trying to act with a knife, not washing her hair and generally talking to that Danny kid like he was slow, America truly fell in love.
Thanks to Shelley, children of the 80s were given the gift of Faerie Tale Theatre, where stars of the day acted out storybook fables amidst a production budget cheaper than most community theater productions of CATS. Shelley herself played the beautiful Rapunzel (obviously) and also that hay weaving bitch from Rumpelstiltskin, where she acted against Herve Villechaize and also a rabbit.
Today, Shelley lives in Blanco, TX where residents say she claims her backyard is a portal to another dimension, and aliens have taken over her body.
Ricky Martin (40)
Robert Schwartzman (29)
Michael Raymond-James (34)
Mekhi Phifer (37)
Ryan Seacrest (37)
Stephenie Meyer (38)
Mark Valley (47)
Kate Spade (49)
Lee Daniels (52)
Anil Kapoor (52)
Mary Higgins Clark (84)
It's a double Christmas miracle! Mimi doesn't have a Hello Kitty toe and she's walking without the help handlers! Tiny Tim ain't got shit on Mimi. - Lainey Gossip
George Michael almost go go-ed to heaven (sorry) - Towleroad
Gabrielle Union's in a bikini and you're not. Although, I doubt your ass would really wear a pumpkin ass bikini anyway... - Hollywood Tuna
I think I see the faint print of Hilary Duff's baby's chipmunk teeth pressing up against her belly - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
I think I see the faint print of Hilary Duff's baby's middle finger pressing up against her belly - SOW
(Some) Panty Creamers of the Day - The Berry
The malnourished Falcor is still the epitome of dickmatized - Celebitchy
A Clockwork Whoreange - Just Jared
Pink is a PUPPY!!! saver - ICYDK
I guess a piece of wet cardboard was not available so DKNY got Ashley Greene instead - Popoholic
Leonardo DiCatchAHo's like, "Shit, whatshername again... Blake... Bar... Why didn't I write this on my hand?!" - Popsugar
The Trololo Guy lives! - The Daily What
Guess the nalgas? - Cityrag
That Christmas shit on his head is probably the answer to: Why does Christmas dog hate Christmas? - Videogum
If I popped a genital pimple and put a drop of the pus under a microscope, this is what I'd see - I'm Not Obsessed
The Slut Dress' second cousin twice removed found a home on Katie Price's legs - Hollywood Rag
When Louis C.K. talks big dick, he talks big dick - OMG Blog
The Christmas angels in Chicago have given the Internet a holiday miracle this year and that miracle is called Jan Terri's comeback! YAASSS! When you first walk through the broken gates of the Internet, you immediately see a welcome sign with Jan Terri's "Losing You" video on it. Jan Terri is the soundtrack of our Internet lives. And after years of praying for her return, she is back with the perfect holiday song for you to sing to yourself while you're three Lohans to the wind and locked in the bathroom to get away from your family. I'll hum this song while cutting into a piece of holiday tiramisu at an Olive Garden in Rome. They have Olive Garden in Italy, right?
This year, my family decided to skip the giving presents shit and instead we're really getting neck deep into the holiday spirit by torturing and annoying each other while traveling all around Italy for a week. I've already come up with a drinking game. Every time my sister asks if they have any gluten-free pasta, I'll shoot myself. No, she's not going to ask that, because she's bringing her own (no joke). Anyway, I will still blog something every day, but while I'm seeing all the beautiful sights of Italy (examples: the alley way where Snooki passed out, the STD clinic built in The Situation's name) seasoned Dlisted guest blogger Sweetas and J. Harvey, formerly of Socialite Life and currently of Manhunt Daily, will be filling in the fuckery for me. Sweetas will continue to write all the Charlize Theron fanfic you need and J. Harvey will fill the quota for b-hole jokes. Also, my friend Lahoma will be covering most of the Hot Sluts. Lahoma used to write for Dlisted back in the olden days when I was on Blogspot and he's the one who came up with Hot Slut of the Day, so he's the perfect piece of trash for the job.
Dlisted will return to its normally scheduled foolery on January 3rd.
And now I have to go and practice how to say "Oh no, officer, that's just American oregano for my allergies..." in Italian. Merry Rojo Calientemas!
(Jan Terri's Return via TGBHH)
This chick right here shits out of her vag and pisses out of her ass whenever she sees a grown person dressed in a snowman costume and I can sort of understand. That snowman does look like he lives in a white van parked in a cul-de-sac and has a nose made out of the femur bone from one of his victims. I would cry right next to her, but I'm too busy getting a serious fever from the dude who looks like a methed-out Bob Newhart in Fabio drag.
This video taught me that I might have snowmanaphobia and I definitely have a fetish for Bob Newhart in Fabio drag.
Because the high-pitched fear screams from her boy toy lying in the crib cage next to her bed keeps her up at night, the only way Madge can slip into a sleep coma is if she rests her head on a silk pillow case with a picture of what she loves most on it: HERSELF! That must have been the inspiration for her perfume ad, because bitch looks like she's taking a nap on herself. (Or maybe my eyes are telling me that it looks like she's yanking her own pussy skin. I don't know.) The picture for this mess of an ad was taken from a spread she did for Interview Magazine last year, but Photoshop still bled to touch it up. Aren't there anti-Photoshop laws now? Shouldn't this ad look more like this:
You know, like her Super Bowl ad. Since Madge named her stank water after Truth or Dare, she could've at least used the best part from that movie in her ad:
via E! Online
Not much to say here except that this B list actor from a popular franchise apparently has a fascination with Tijuana Donkey shows. He’s obsessed…. (BuzzFoto)
NOT THE DONKEYS! The "obsessed" part makes me think this is the former keeper of the unicorns (he's moved on to donkeys) RPattz? Well, I guess if you're contractually obligated to hump on Kristen Stewart....
It’s coming down to the wire, folks! Just a few weeks to go. There’s one problem, though. She was looking too thin to be convincing. Thankfully, she found a solution that doesn’t include eating a single bowl of ice cream. It’s called Prednisone. Taking excessive amounts of corticosteroids over time can result in some serious effects, including hypertension and cataracts. Another side effect is gaining weight, especially in the face and neck and abdomen. She knew this because it happened to her before. Last time it was accidental and was upsetting for her. Now, though, it’s purposeful, and is a solution to her problem.
She started taking Prednisone a couple of months ago, so she should be plumping up pretty soon. Fat face and neck coming right up! She not worried, though, because she’s been told that the weight will drop quickly once she tapers down below 10 mg a day. Followed, of course, by claims of how hard she worked to take off the weight. (Blind Gossip)
Beyonce? Of course. And when can we expect to get a Lifetime original movie based on all these blind items about Beyonce's supposed fraudulent pregnancy? Basement Baby can play Beyonce and Orlando Jones can play Basement Baby.
Which famed cougar actually swings both ways and once stripped in front of a female journalist as an obvious come-on? (Village Voice)
Which Oscar nominee seriously claims that legendary director raped her to get a better performance out of her? (Village Voice)
What in METHOD Hell? Okay, who's worked with Roman Polanski?