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I knew there was a good reason for not trusting that shifty My Week With Marilyn movie and this is the reason why. Variety says that director Sacha Gervasi has cast ScarJo to play Jamie Lee Curtis' mom in a movie about the making of the movie Psycho. Alfred Hitchcock and the Making of Psycho was probably inspired by My Week With Marilyn (it was) and it will also star Anthony Hopkins as Hitchcock, Helen Mirren as Hitchock's wife and James D'Arcy as Anthony Perkins. Oh, and again, ScarJo is playing Janet Leigh. I had to remind you of this in case you forgot, because you stabbed yourself in the eye with a kitchen knife after reading it the first time. Don't worry about that eye. You're going to look so much hotter with an eye patch.

This mess of a movie is going to be about all the problems Hitchcock had making Psycho. I'm sure the silver lining in this for some of you is watching ScarJo slowly bleed out chocolate syrup to death in a cold shower, but I say Hollywood needs to leave Psycho alone. It's been through enough. It's still raw from getting butchered in that shitrocious remake starring God's daughter Anne Heche. Let a bitch breathe for you punch it again.

I guess movies about the making of movies is now a thing and it'll be a thing again in 50 years when a waterlogged piece of cardboard with two dough balls pasted to it plays ScarJo in a movie about the making of the making of Psycho.

Looking like my third favorite Wuzzle after Hoppopotamus and Butterbear, Mimi wobbled out of Gotham Hall in NYC last night after hollerin' out her butterfly yodel for the first time since she birthed out Baby Lohan (haven't you heard that Lohan is the new Monroe) and Baby Couscous. Mimi's quest to look as damn helpless as possible continued last night when she messed with her vision by putting on sunglasses with lenses the size of pancake nipples and wore a Divine dress that was so tight all the blood in her body pushed down to her ankles, making her almost immobile. That's just the way Mimi loves it, because she needed the help of two grown men to guide her down an extremely steep and dangerous 6-inch high curb.

Of course, Mimi is the delicate and fragile one even though her husband Nick Cannon is suffering from the sicks. Nick told People the other night that the "mild" kidney fail he suffered from earlier this year was the result of an autoimmune disease that doctors found in his system.

"They kind of say [my] autoimmune [disease] is – like a lupus type of thing, but no one else in my family has it. I feel blessed to be alive. If it wasn't discovered, I don't know [what would have happened]."

Thank the Butterfly Rainbow Unicorn Glitter Queef Sanrio Surprise Gods that doctors discovered Nick's disease and are treating it so he doesn't end up laid up in the hospital again. Not because I care about Nick's health or anything, but because I care about Mimi's delicate nature. If Nick wasn't well enough to help her down the damn curb, she'd still be standing on the sidewalk aimlessly waiting for a save-a-ho hand to guide her to safety. Thinking she's Blanche DuBois and shit.

My new rock bottom blogging moment is opening these pictures of Mickey Mouse's former concubine, Adrienne Bailon, at a Caesars event in NYC last night and zooming in close to see how much of her shaved cheetah is showing. I stared so long that I think it winked back at me or maybe it got the last bit of her dignity in its eye and was trying to blink it out.

Adrienne Bailon was in 3LW in the early 2000s, The Cheetah Girls in 2003 and then she was mostly known in 2007 for being in Rob Whoredashian (yes, that's me suggesting that she fingered that bubble butt on the regular). And you know that saying? Once you go whore, you're shameless to the core! Adrienne brought that saying to life last night when she wore this snatchtacular dress thing. Adrienne told Celebuzz that this dress is in the fashion line she did with her sister, but if it was up to her, she'd free her vagina of its sheer dress prison and always be nekkid ass nekkid.

“If I could come out naked, I would. This is just some fancy stuff to throw over my little naked body.”

BITCH, you should've just come out with your coochie out, because that dress is just stupidly ugly. That peach part looks like the balloon valance from a nursery window. It makes her look like a second tier Las Vegas hooker who's pregnant with desperation. What is the point of that thing?

I will passionately defend a trick who is pushing the ho shit agenda by flashing her coochie to the world, but Adrienne just looks like an idiot. If you're gonna show it, really show it. I love how in some pictures she's holding that ugly peach part down all demure-like and then lets it go right before her chocha sneezes so everybody can get a look at the goods. Please, bitch. You know she put some pepper on her pussy so it could sneeze all night. Atchu!

The gayfetti is still exploding in my head after Maryland became the latest state for me to become somebody's huzzban' during a drunken ass whim (I'm thinking I'll have a Female Trouble-themed wedding in honor of Baltimore's crown jewel John Waters), and now the gayfetti is exploding down below after my eyes touched this picture of Prince Hot Ginge and Prince William partying their nipples off in a locker room. This shit is totally fake and comes from photographer Alison Jackson who is known for creating lukewarm escandaloso royal scenes using a PHG look-alike and a Prince William look-alike (who also does "Left at the Altar Because I'm An Annoying Bitch Now Let's Eat My Tears Off Of My Wedding Cake" parties as Carrie Bradshaw).

Alison put together this level 6 panty creaming moment for UK Cosmo's 40th anniversary. While I appreciate that Cosmo published this picture next to their article on labia decals (I'm guessing), I CAN'T with them and Alison for putting Prince Fake Ginge's ass cheek in the background. PHG's royal nalgas are the money and fake Prince William's face should be in the background. Actually, fake Prince William should really be on the porcelain throne, because judging by his facial expression his end is about to crowneth a turd, as Queen Elizabeth I always said.

via OUT (Thanks, Seth)

You know you're skeevy when the skankiness starts to crystalize. - OurMissC

Runners-up:

Looks like someone has finally resorted to ultra-drastic measures to keep those last 23 brain cells in. - dianamarie21

This aint the first time studs have covered her face. - El Bastardo

John Travolta must be in a hotspot, his e-meter is getting 7 bars. - Provolone

Satan's daughter forwent the three sixes for a more glamorous mark of the beast. - jackie

via @keshasuxx

Baby Sloth in a Onesie! You might be thinking to yourself "Can I get drunk from eating the possibly fermented and most likely rotten orange that's been sitting in the cheese drawer of my office's refrigerator for the past 5 weeks?" The answer is a no, but at least your ear holes won't be terrorized by the sound of the crazy bitch in your office screaming at the air about how no one has thrown away that possibly fermented and most likely rotten orange. You also might be thinking to yourself, "Michael, for why is the baby sloth a Hot Slut when that ho ain't doing shit." Yes, technically the staff at Avarios Sloth Sanctuary in Costa Rica are doing all of the physical work, but the sloth is the one bringing the magic!

In this clip, the staff at the Sloth Sanctuary treat a baby sloth with mange by shaving off his body hair before slathering him in lard. This is what it looks like when the Kuntrashians get ready in the morning but this is 100% more adorable and 100% less gross.

And will somebody check on that Kristen Bell trick, because I'm pretty sure she cute spasmed herself inside/out. Also, the next restaurant I go to, I'm so going to order the "uncooked and still alive buttered baby sloth" hoping they bring me a basket full of THIS!

(For Sonia)

Daniel Craig (44)
Robert Iler (27)
Reggie Bush (27)
Elizabeth Jagger (28)
Ben Roethlisberger (30)
Bryce Dallas Howard (31)
Chris Martin (35)
Heather McComb (35)
Amber Smith (41)
Jon Bon Jovi (50)
Laraine Newman (60)
Gates McFadden (63)
Eddie Money (63)
John Irving (70)
Lou Reed (70)
BarBara Luna (73)
Tom Wolfe (81)
Mikhail Gorbachev (81)
John Cullum (82)

In case you couldn't tell from the sound of a million crazed Beliebers turkey basting themselves with beaver sperm so that in a few months they can claim they're knocked up with Justin Bieber's child without facing statutory rape charges, he's legal today! Justin Bieber celebrated the 18th anniversary of the day the heavens queefed him into the heart of Canada by going on Ellen to promote his 18th birthday. Ellen told Bieber that she had a surprise for him and then spewed out a long river of bullshit.

Ellen said that Bieber has done so much for people (insert Mother Teresa eye roll here), has visited sick children in the hospital (insert Princess Diana eye roll here) and that he doesn't do anything for himself (insert the world's population simultaneously eye rolling here). Yes, because buying two multi-million dollar mansions is Justin's way of doing nothing for himself, Ellen. Ellen then brought out Justin's manager Scooter (note: you know some NOT RIGHT shit is going to go down when someone named Scooter comes out) to give him a special birthday gift: a $100,000 Fisker Karma! The audience cheered like they were happy for Justin and shit, but I'm sorry....

If I was in that audience, I would've taken off my shoes and thrown them at that car. Fuck that shit. This is not how the game is supposed to go. The audience has to watch that spoiled ass, chipmunk looking multimillionaire functional fetus get a $100,000 car as a gift while their Toyota Tercel with a broken taillight and a stuck window is waiting for them in the parking lot? I don't know if the audience got anything, but I know they didn't get a car. Oprah needs to smack Ellen down for this shit. This is not in the talk show bible. Oprah would never be like, "Justin, YOU get a car AND.....everybody else you get your parking validated for 1 hour and you've been here for 2 so if you don't have cash on you there's an ATM in the lobby."

And you know Scooter also gave Justin a diamond-encrusted extension pedal since his feet can't reach.

"Stay trailing me, bitches. You're just here for background." - The Queen to that one and the other one ten seconds before this picture was taken - Lainey Gossip

The Hunger Games as seen through the eyes of every chichis lover - Celebitchy

You can't spell The Client List without TITS - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather

Katy Perry's butt cleavage says "bonjour" to Paris - The Superficial

Are we sure this is not a skinny Bigfoot in disguise? - Hollywood Tuna

More gay for Glee - Towleroad

Kristen Stewart always has a look on her face like the authorities just found her in the forest after she had been living in the trunk of a tree for the past 20 years. Very Nell. - Popoholic

To shade or not to shade: the Hunger Games wedding - Popsugar

Amber Rose's gold digging game finally got her a ring - ICYDK

Slap your fingers, Mickey Rourke has never looked hotter - The Berry

Lana Del Rey or a bagger at Piggly Wiggly on a Tab and cigarette break? - Just Jared

Maybe we'll finally get the mash-up of Unbreak My Heart and Party All The Time we've been waiting for - Hollywood Rag

18 reasons why procreation should be illegal - Cityrag

Brad Pitt has no love for his memaw - I'm Not Obsessed

It's all fun and cake until a trick gets knocked out - The Daily What

Why do I have a feeling Kim Kuntrashian thought NeNe was Dennis Rodman? - Crunk + Disorderly

Katherine Heigl's husband buys a goldfish, because he needs another living thing in the house that doesn't give him the urge to fuck his ear holes with a hot curling iron - Moe Jackson

After putting two fug drops in your eyes in the form of Lil Kim's sawdust brows and Lindsay Lohan's shellacked face nalgas, here's a palate cleanser. Don't you just want to kiss him on his nose...and his other nose...and his other nose. How many noses does this bitch have? (Kate Moss so wants to be that bat.)

Boing Boing says that this is a new species of the leaf-nosed bat found by scientists in one of Vietnam's national parks. Experts say that the bat's kaleidoscope of noses helps him to echolate. I don't know what that means! I do know that what I love most about his nose is that when I stare at it I see labia, a circumcised peen, a tip of a clit and a couple of nipples. He's got a Jamie Lee Curtis party on his face!

You know, Mickey Rourke and Jocelyn Wildenstein have spent tens of thousands of dollars to look like this and this bat has it naturally. Excuse his beauty, indeed.