Thanks to Danish television, the donkey jizz-guzzling stunt on Fear Factor that was too sucio for American eyes has made its way onto the Internet for everyone to see. If you choose to watch this mess, try not to remember this clip when you're drinking Miller Lite and lightly beaten rotten egg whites later tonight.
Like a scene straight out of a Kardashian family picnic, contestants have to drink down full pitchers of donkey cum and piss. The worst part is that they have to choke on that crap while Joe Rogan's smug face (you know he was into that shit) stares at them. The torture! If you watch this video with your eyes closed, it's like hearing sounds from the Scientology Center's massage room. No, I can't.
And I love the girl who nonchalantly says, "I'll be having the semen." It's almost like that isn't her first time saying that.
Click here if the video above is working, but you should probably take it as a sign if it isn't.
Granny porn alert! At around the 2:50 mark in the video above, Madge flashes Baby Brahim's pacifier of choice at the audience while performing "Human Nature" in Istanbul
last Thursday night. Leave it to Madge to show all of us that you're never too damn old to give your subjects some titty. I know that most of us have seen Madge's nipple more times than we've seen our own, but it was either this or post censored pictures of Snooki's naked and shaven Ewok body. I'm not trying to get busted for posting bestiality porn, so I think I made the right choice.
And since YouTube is prejudiced against lady nipples, the video might get taken down. If it does, (NSFW) click here some of Madge's peek-a-titty action.
(Thanks to Tim & Nyn for sending this in)
As Dr. Blossom protected her nipple knobs with rubber teeth guards to breastfeed her 3-year-old, her Blossom co-star Joey Lawrence flashed his freshly waxed, tinted and made up man nipples for a crowd of screaming hos at the Rio's Chippendales show in Las Vegas last night. As much as I get the lukewarm tingles from watching a hot piece from the 90s flex all 30,000 muscles in his body on stage at a strip show, I want to see the footage from the dressing room. That's where the real show was at. Can you imagine what it takes for Joey Lawrence to look like a pristine as fuck Yul Brynner wax figure? I can!
Joey's team slathers him in wax from the neck down before wrapping him in wax strips like a gay mummy. Then they rip all the strips off at once and Joey screams "WOAH!" so hard that his stray brow hairs shoot off of his face. Joey's glam team each holds up a card with a score of 10 on it, because that's how much of an eyebrow game champion he is. As John Travolta's wig master prunes the brown rug on Joey's head until it looks like a curb of hair, his team sloppily paints discount self tanner on his body with old paint rollers. To finish him off, they shove blue gummy worms under the skin of his biceps to make it look like he's got some serious manly man veins. And that's how Joey Lawrence is transformed into Raven's not-as-hot twin!
You're like, "Bitch, please, we all know what's been in Lindsay Lohan's pink bag. That ain't no secret." But I'm talking about a different pink bag this time.
James, the driver behind the wheel of the semi-trailer truck that Lindsay Lohan plowed into on PCH yesterday, talked to TMZ and he says that the entire situation was about as shady as that bitch's forehead in the picture above. James says LiLo tried to bust out of there, her people tried to pay him off and they all got weird when he started to call 911. So James' natural instincts told him that shit was suspect as all hell and something in the milk was probably crack. Sounds like an old-fashioned, normal Lohan situation to me!
James said that right after the accident, LiLo's male assistant jumped out of the Porsche with a pink bag and filled it with some stuff before covering the top with clothes . LiLo and the assistant then got into an Escalade that was following them the entire time. TMZ thinks that the driver of the Escalade works for production on that Liz & Dick mess. When James walked to the Escalade to exchange info with LiLo, he was stopped by the driver who told him they could all go to the bank and get him some cash. James turned down that offer and called 911.
James didn't even know who the world's most famous freckled mess was and just wanted to call the police, but her assistant and the driver kept acting weird:
"Him and the guy took me across the street and told me this was some kind of famous person and they didn't want to be in the media. But I'd already called 911 because they were trying to get away from the scene. But they packed a bag and then the limousine driver told me, 'Don't mention the bag to the cops.'"
Does everybody in this ho's life have to act all shifty and shit? The cops aren't going to check that stupid pink bag. No need to be all secretive. The cops already know that it was filled with half of a Mexican pharmacy, a pair of back-up lips (aka two obese slugs spooning), a bag of sea jasper powder, replacement nose cartilage and a pile of diamonds LiLo snatched from Elizabeth Taylor's body after raiding her grave. What were the cops going to do if they found anything illegal in LiLo's bag? Arrest her and put her in jail? Hahahahahahahahahahaaaa...
Sienna Miller's mentor has finally shown herself! This is 45-year-old Karen Marley, a mistress extraordinaire who gets a thrill from wrapping her husband-seeking vagina around a married man's wedding ring. I know, she would be a Rihanna fan.
In a soon-to-be British Press Award-winning article for the world-renowned literary chronicle The Mirror (only second in respectability after The Daily Mail), Karen of Richmond, North Yorkshire writes about how she's been the side piece to over 50 married men and she wouldn't have it any other way. Karen isn't a home wrecker, because she doesn't want her dude to leave his wife. She's not a gold digger, because she makes her own money and isn't looking for presents. Karen was married 11 years ago, but realized that wet humping on a married man is best when you're not the one married to his ass.
Karen isn't trying to screw around with her friends' husbands and usually trolls for taken dick on the site IllicitEncounters.com, where thousands of married men actively look for a ho to get down with in the shadows. Being the independent woman that she is, she only likes to borrow a wife's husband, because she says the husband "comes back to life" with her since his life at home is a zombie land of mundane boringness. During their dates, they don't fight about unpaid bills or their brats and they can trap themselves inside of a bubble of superficial flirting.
Karen thinks of her husband-chewing crotch muffin as an escape for married men (Fun Fact: If you keep your wedding ring on while searching Travelocity for "quick getaways," Karen's pussy will come up!) and loves their time together. But when he leaves her house, she can have her own private space back and doesn't have to deal with his crap everywhere. Here's a piece from the Gloria Steinem of jump-offs' essay on the glory of whoring around with married peen:
As a member of IllicitEncounters.com, the dating website for married people, I see men who are actively seeking affairs. These men pay £134 a month to the site to find a date, so they are definitely looking for someone on the side. If it wasn’t me, it would be one of the other hundreds of women registered on it.
These men have well and truly made the conscious decision to have an affair. And their wives should be grateful when it’s me their husbands choose. Because I am the perfect mistress. I am never going to ask them to leave their wives for me. Most mistresses do, but not me.
If I asked him to leave his wife, in every argument from then on he’d say: ‘Do you know what I gave up for you?’ I don’t ever want to be part of that. In fact, when one of my men confessed about me to his wife and told me his marriage was over, I finished our affair. I was horrified. I don’t want to steal someone else’s husband for good, just borrow him for a while.
I know how to behave as a mistress – and I don’t just mean in bed. I would never ring one of my married men at home at 2am or at the weekend because that’s their time with their family. I would never throw a hissy fit if they don’t spend Valentine’s, Easter or Christmas with me.
We both know exactly where the goalposts are. That’s the beauty of it all – we’re both open and honest with each other, which must sound ironic, considering my men are not open with their wives.
But that’s how it is.
Bitch really does have it all. Bitch has hair like a Miss Piggy wig, the sex appeal of a current day Jessica Simpson, the wardrobe of Abby Lee Miller and she's an independent woman doing it for herself (and by "it" I mean spoken for dick). You can hate on Karen all you want, but while you're reading this, she's having the time of her life while somebody's husband slides his peen between her fupa crevice. I love her, but that goes without saying since I too am a shameless slut.
That article should really be the new lyrics for Destiny Child's "Independent Woman Part 1" It's THAT independent.
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