Joseph Gordon-Levitt's brother, Burning Dan, passed away in 2010 and his cause of death has never been shown to public eyes. Some gossip sites and a few major media outlets sort of kind of said that he died of a drug overdose, but that was never confirmed. Cut to today when JGL slipped off his white gloves and double slapped GQ in the face for using Kathie Lee Gifford as their research department. In their latest issue's cover story, GQ's writer Amy Wallace said that Burning Dan died of an "alleged drug overdose." JGL went on Tumblr (via TMZ) today to say it made him feel "terrible" and then he set a bitch straight:
I’m writing this because I have a problem with what their article says about my brother. I’ll be honest, it really made me feel terrible. Here’s a quote:
‘…the elder Gordon-Levitt died of an alleged drug overdose in 2010. “It was an accident” is all Joe will say about that.’
Using the word “alleged” technically allows the writer to say whatever she wants. The “allegations” to which she must be referring were made by a handful of gossip websites. They are factually incorrect according to the coroner’s office and the police department. I don’t like publicly speaking about my brother’s death, but I’m making an exception to correct this irresponsible claim.
By the way, while I asked the writer not to dwell on how he died, I did say quite a bit about how he lived, and how much he means to me. Dan was a brightly positive, genuinely caring, and brilliantly inspiring person, and I liked the idea of such a wide readership learning about him. My parents and I are disappointed with what the article chose to focus on regarding this sensitive subject.
While JGL is at it, he should also ask GQ to issue him a for real sorry for that cover, because there's only one way to describe it: DAAAAAAAAMN!!!! THIS IS SOME BENJAMIN BUTTON'S SHIT!
Gawker points out that not only did Rolling Stone commit a wrong by putting a wife beater on a baby, but they also recycled the "Hot Ready Legal" tagline they used for their 2004 cover of Lindsay Lohan long before coke granules ate her sense of reason and a mixture of meth, bad decisions and fillers bought from the Internet ate her hotness. So that means in a few years, Justin Bieber will get addicted to the bad shit (aka snorting Enfamil powder cut with cat litter), check into one of Montessori's rehab facilities for junkie toddlers, get a few BWUIs (Big Wheelin' under the influence), rage scissor with a DJ (I'm thinking Deadmau5) for a couple years, flash his 'gina for the paps and then he'll begin his big comeback to the spotlight by playing Sandy Duncan in a biopic on OxyWeTime (yeah, in the future Oxygen, WE and Lifetime will melt into one big fucking estrogen explosion of a network). The cycle will be repeated and we can all thank Rolling Stone for that!
And here's Justin Bieber at some event in Sydney looking like Anybodys from West Side Story.
Vera Wang recently announced that her marriage to Arthur Becker drowned in a pool of white tulle and they were getting a divorce after 23 years. Well, the NYDN says that Vera's unofficial muse, Evan Lysacek, used his ice skate to cut up her marriage. One source says that Vera is the zombie version of Norma Desmond, because she's moved Evan into her multi-million dollar mansion in Beverly Hills and told him he can stay as long as he wants.
Vera and Evan became best homegirls when she designed a few ice swan costumes for him before and during the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver. Since then, they've been seen everywhere together. One source says that "something is going on" and that Evan Likesthedick must be digging for more gold to go with his gold medal, because he's been driving a Bentley and wearing a fancy Rolex. But a different source says that Vera is just hypnotized by Evan and he's never done figure eights with his peen on her coochie.
I'm sure Evan has fucked a lot of wangs in his life, but Vera Wang ain't one of them. This is just one of those "rich hags keeping her companion pretty" situations. It's the best situation to be in. If Evan could find a way to wrap his butt around Vera Wang's last name, I'm sure he would, but that's the closest they will ever get to fucking.
And when asked for a response, the Crystal Enchantress of the Ice Johnny Weir did this:
You know a story is ridiculous when Johnny Weir responds with a cackle AND kick.
Zoe Kravitz's left tit was obviously feeling shy and camera-ready at last night's Dark Knight Rises premiere - Popoholic
James McAvoy's middle hair part is very Nick Carter circa 1999 - Lainey Gossip
Since they say that kids usually end up the opposite of their parents, Marilyn Manson's unborn child will grow up to be a tax accountant who hates Hot Topic, only wears clothes from Sears and is allergic to vampire make-up - The Superficial
Antonio Banderas should try winning Melanie Griffith back with a precious bouquet of Botox needles - Celebitchy
Rosie Huntington-Whateverly's nipple covers German GQ - (NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
The REAL Team Alexis (as in Carrington) is not amused by Jesus Jugs' ugly ass tank top - Hollywood Tuna
Translation: "Pay me $1 million to play at your wedding and I'll find a way to close my ears to the stupid shit that pours out of your yap hole." - Towleroad
I still CAN'T with No Doubt's new song, but Gwen Stefani's face looks almost the way it did 15 years ago. There must be an aging portrait of Gwen hanging in an attic in Anaheim somewhere - ICYDK
Somebody pour Ensure into Miley Cyrus' Red Solo Cup - IDLYITW
Vanessa Lutz's mom from Freeway will be in Catching Fire - Just Jared
The Photoshop Awards: A copy + pasted Duchess Kate on Marie Claire South Africa - OMG Blog
Excuse me while I remove #13's outfit from my Ikea dresser to burn it - The Berry
PETA still hates Kim Kuntrashian. ("Get in line, PETA" - ALL OF US) - Hollywood Rag
Tiny Cottle's birthday dress is a beautiful work of hand-tailored elegance - Crunk + Disorderly
Is "Muslim Things" the sequel to Wild Things set in the Middle East? I wish. - Videogum
Those PUPPIES are so happy they ain't cheeseburgers. Happy Hoff Day! - Cityrag
Russell Brand's got a new piece and this one's a Brewster (not Punky) - I'm Not Obsessed
Elle Macpherson is still in a two piece. FYI. - Popsugar
Daren Kagasoff, whoever that is, should've been Catwoman, obviously - SOW
Here are some highly important, very detailed and not-at-all blurry pictures of Little Lord Tommy struttin' his ass in front of the paps for the first time since Katie Holmes won the first battle against him by getting primary custody of Suri. These pictures are important (not really), because after days upon days of suffering by being forced to walk on the hot, gross, hard sidewalk, Suri is finally back in the arms of her own personal donkey chariot. Katie really makes Suri walk too much on her own. It's unnatural! Walking is hard. Traveling via Tommy Donkey really is the way to go as long as Suri wears a tin foil bonnet so Tommy's Thetan whispers don't penetrate into her brain. Especially after a garbage man (aka Xenu in a green jumpsuit) sideswiped her chauffeured Mercedes last night, Tommy Cab is the safest way to travel.
And I can't wait to see the pictures of Suri throwing a Veruca Salt-approved "You know I was going to get my way. You should've never doubted me." wink at the cameras as Tommy hands her a Morkie puppy with a bow around its neck.
Despite reports that they are fine, this famous couple is splitting up.
It’s the husband who wants out, and he has made the first move by hiring a very interesting group of attorneys. The wife, who wants to stay in the marriage so that she can save face, has engaged an entire team of her own to stop the divorce.
Her most powerful weapon is a set of taped conversations of him discussing some very private issues, including gay encounters he had in the past. While she has always known that he is gay, she considers these tapes fair game in getting him to “reconsider” the divorce.
The husband’s biggest concerns, however, do not have to do with rumors about his sexuality or his legal issues or the millions that this divorce will cost him. He is most concerned about saving his child/ren from the influence of his wife. To that end, he will be asking for full custody.
Don’t expect a long, drawn-out divorce here. Similar to another recent celebrity split, everything will be settled quietly behind the scenes. These two will never have to face each other in court. (Blind Gossip)
The easy guess is John Travolta and Kelly Preston, because there's been rumors that she's the Tommy Girl to his Stepford Katie. She's supposedly the one that loves to get e-metered day and night and he wants to stick his head out of Scientology's ass, because he's sick of getting sent to the audit room every time he comes home smelling like dirty dick and shame.
But the part about the secret audio tapes is hilarious. Like John declaring that he screams for peen on an audio tape is really shocking. Kelly could leak a video of John getting tag teamed by a trio of tops wearing L. Ron Hubbard masks while dressed up in his Edna Turnblad drag, and we'd all just say, "Meh. And his wig game is still busted."
Besides, Kelly Preston is one of those seasoned and stubborn beards. Bitch isn't going that easy. John's going to need a machete, a Flowbee, a weed whacker, an entire shaving cream factory, all of BIC's stock and a dozen tubs of NADs to get that beard off completely.
He was the one we trusted who can’t actually be trusted. He used to be my answer to the question – is there anyone in Hollywood who DOESN’T cheat? Yes, I’d say, and excitedly too! Art does not imitate life! He’s faithful!
Well, no. He isn’t. He hits on the young funny pretty ones at parties. Very typical behaviour – he loosens up with a few drinks and he turns into a pig; two of his more famous targets, both under 30, turned him down. He did however spend a few nights with a frequent co-star, over 30. They’ve worked together on major and minor projects.
As for his long suffering partner? The woman we thought was the love of his life? Well, sometimes when he gets drunk and smears himself all over other ladies, she’s actually right there. She turns away. She pretends she doesn’t see. Which… kind of explains why she looks the way she does. That said, it is a partnership. It’s not like she’s getting nothing out of it. He has used his influence to help her, certainly. Perhaps she’s decided it’s worth it.
An actor cheating on his partner is nothing new and doesn’t make for the most intriguing blind, sure. But like I said earlier, he was the one who was supposed to not be like the others. He’s the one who’s enjoyed almost unanimous popularity. And he turned out to be the cliché. I was surprised about this one. And very, very disappointed.
The popular guess at Blind Gossip is Jon Hamm and that fits completely. Now, I'm not a Hamm apologist (Hammpologist?) or anything, but I'm sure he's just doing research. Research! That's it.
How awkward is it to have guests over to your home, knowing you paid to have sex with the wife of one of the people you invited over. Well, this A+ list actor found out first hand this weekend. Of course since he is paying his current girlfriend too, it probably wasn't as awkward as it could have been. (CDAN)
George Clooney and Channing Tatum's wife Jenna Dewan? Exhibit: A.
Which hated Real Housewife has been cheating on her husband of more than 10 years with multiple guys? A source tells Star, “She and her husband cheat on each other. He can’t leave her, and she wants to stay married for the security for her large family.” (Star Magazine via Blind Gossip)
Adrienne Maloof? Or Teresa "Gorilla Forehead" Giudice?
Ever since Demi Moore got out of a rehab after getting treated for an eating disorder and her addiction to 15-year-old skater boy drugs, there's been rumors that she's been in screaming match after screaming match with the Tater Sisters and that shit's got so serious that Rumer, Tallulah and Scout are thinking of legally keeping her away with a restraining order. How very Frances Bean of their asses.
A source tells Radar that it all started going downhill when the Tater Sisters suspected that Demi was back on the bad shit. Their heated fights led to the sisters getting hot in the head, which led to the room smelling like burnt french fries, which led to them cutting off all communication with Demi. Demi, who's filming Very Good Girls with Dakota Fanning and Elizabeth Olsen in NYC right now, keeps trying to call her daughters, but they want nothing to do with her. They're talking to their attorney and are thinking of shutting Demi up with a restraining order. The source puts it like this:
"Rumer, Scout and Tallulah are seriously considering taking out a restraining order against Demi to stop her from contacting them. They made it clear to her weeks ago that they do not want to talk to her right now but she is still trying to contact them.
Demi has been calling them incessantly and emailing them, leaving them tearful messages and begging them to call her and the girls are sick of it. It is a really drastic measure and not something they are considering lightly but they just feel like they want some peace and quiet. Demi is beside herself over the situation. She hasn't spoken to Scout, Rumer or Tallulah for weeks now, they won’t return any of her calls, emails or texts. The girls have cut off all contact with Demi, and she is absolutely devastated by it. She has returned to work and is trying to hold herself together, but this is a really tough time for Demi."
But some legal expert says that if restraining orders were that easy to get, all of our eyeballs would've taken restraining orders out on the Tater Sisters' faces a long time ago. Rumor, Scout and Tallulah have to prove that Demi has done more than just leave them a few messages.
If this is true, then Rumor, Scout and Tallulah are ice cold and nobody loves cold potatoes. The ghost of Patrick Swayze is going to use Whoopi Goldberg's body to slap up all three of them. What's even worse is that another source says this has a lot to do with Ashton Kutcher. Demi doesn't want her daughters to talk to Ashton since he did her wrong by doing everybody and getting caught. So Rumor, Scout and Tallulah are choosing a chewed-up, empty douche bottle over their own mom? A mom who was in the greatest piece of shit from 1996 titled Striptease? Fuck 'em. Demi should take out a restraining order against them, because that's some truly hurtful shit.
Lady GaGa's putting out her first bottle of stank (smells like whatever Madge's perfume smells like but with a twist of tuck sweat and dash of copy machine toner) and here's the ad for this mess photographed by Steven Klein. You know, it's just CaCa wearing one of Madge's old Dita masks and airing out her pitt-less armpit while tiny men wearing garbage bag diapers and gas masks crawl all over her body. I wondered why those dudes have gas masks on, but then I realized that it's probably because she's got her pit out and her chocha's uncovered. You'd wear a gask mask too.
I don't have a degree in Cacaology, so I don't know what this ad means, but I'm guessing those little men are supposed to be trying to get a piece of her fame. Or maybe she's so evolved that her crabs have mutated into humans. That must be it.
And damn at that body. She's on the right track, baby, she was Photoshopped this way.
My morning time drunk idol is at it again. Angry whores threw "Do Not Pass Go, Report Directly To Rehab" cards at Kathie Lee Gifford a couple of months ago when she hiccuped out a chardonnay-laced oops by asking Martin Short how his wife was without realizing that his wife died a while ago. Kathie Lee apologized and turned an oops into a YAY by posthumously pouring one out into her mouth hole for Martin's wife. Well, Kathie Lee is up to her old tricks again and this time she's slightly offended Aretha Franklin.
On Today's Happy Time Drunk Hour yesterday morning, Kathie Lee and Hoda yapped about Aretha joining American Idol. Kathie Lee said that Aretha hates to fly, so that's going to be a problem, and that many of the young bitches auditioning might not even know who the Queen of Soul is. (Note: If you don't know who the Queen of Soul is, you should immediately be melted down into chaffing cream and smeared all over Aretha's legendary nipple plates.) Aretha is on top of this shit, because she immediately knocked the wine bottle out of Kathie Lee's mouth and handed that uneducated drunk a copy of the Encyclopedia of Aretha. Aretha set a trick straight with this statement to CNN:
"While I enjoy Kathie Lee and Hoda daily, her assessment is totally wrong! I've been to California from Detroit four times this year and Florida. I go wherever I choose to go comfortably on my custom bus.
Further, my audience and fans span the age of 8 to 90! And are multi-ethnic, and I am very well known to young adults, tweens and teens. Their parents play my music and I take care of my business whenever I sign on the dotted line!
I'm surprised Kathie Lee did not research my worldwide celebrity audience! She's usually right on top of things with a great sense of humor, but she's totally wrong this time. She should research me before she speaks about me. I'm sure she thought she was right; still enjoy Hoda and Kathie Lee!"
"I take care of my business whenever I sign on the dotted line!" are words to live by, but Aretha needs to do her research if she really thinks Kathie Lee is capable of doing research. Even if Today's interns wrote those Aretha facts on Kathie Lee's cards, she wouldn't be able to read them since reading words is hard when the studio is spinning and your best friend, Chateau Diana, is taking up all your attention by cooing out your name from across the room. That's why I don't do research! But I appreciate that Aretha provided some much-needed shade on a hot fucking day.
The Dark Knight Rises (aka Batman Takes A Viagra) premiere went down in NYC last night and cam whore turned action star Tom Hardy came out with his piece Charlotte Riley and a freshly manicured and groomed beard. Tom Hardy's beard used to look like it was harvested on (NSFW) Demi Moore's pussy, so thankfully he cut that shit on Christian Bale's razor sharp cheek bones. Don't get me wrong, I love a bushy face shrub that can exfoliate your thighs while polishing your labias, but his newly pruned beard really makes them dick sucking lips pop. Those lips are so luscious that he can practically give you a quick beej just by puckering at you from across the room.
So Christian Bale was also there last night, DUH, with his wife Sandra and so was Anne Hathaway. Let's stop at Anne for a second. Anne's Sandy Duncan ass haircut sometimes looks good and other times, like this time, it makes her look like Cesar Romero in a touring production of Peter Pan. Moving on... Also there was Marion Cotillard (as a swollen eyed swan... beware of orange eyeshadow), Cillian Murphy, the hottest bitch on the carpet Gary Oldman with his wife Alexandra, Morgan Freeman and Joseph Gordon-Levitt who recently offended pretty women by saying that pretty women aren't funny. JGL needs to get an eyeball transplant, because there's a million women who are both pretty and funny. I mean, what about the most beautiful and funniest woman on the planet Carrot Top? The audacity of some bitches.