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Wonky better wipe the jizz dust off one of her shelves because she could take home an actual award for this year. The award for being the biggest piece of shit on movie screens this year! That's because she is nominated for a Razzie Award for her diarrhea-inducing perWHOREmance in The Hottie & the Nottie. This would be her second! She was given this prestigious honor for that House of Wax bullshit a couple of years ago.

The Razzie nominations were announced this morning and they called out the worst bitches and movies of 2008. Mike Myers' The Love Guru got the most nominations with seven. Wonky's 2nd grade school project and The Happening also got a few nominations. Uwe Boll, the King of Shit, managed to get a special award for contributing gallons of vomit to the movie industry.

I'm kind of upset that I've only witnessed a few of these disasters. I better buy a big bucket, a 12-pack of Charmin and get to watching all these epic shit shows.

All the nominations are after the jump. My only prediction/wish is that Pierce Brosnan takes home The Golden Dingles award for his hideous walrus warble in Mamma Mia! Seriously, wrap that shit up and send it his way. JUMP!!!!

I was so caught up with that "What will Michelle Obama wear?" shit that I totally forgot about lil' Jill Biden. Seriously, I had to think for a few minutes as to who she is when they announced her name last night. And then she came out wearing a bright red strapless dress. WHORE! No, she looked really hot. Got Dayum! She looked like she was ready for a catfight on a soap opera. I was waiting for Susan Lucci to come out and pull her hair. I absolutely fucking loved it. It could have used a few more sparkles, but besides that, it was perfect.

And Joe Biden's plugs were looking good too. Why is that I really want him to sell me a vegetable chopper on an infomercial or some shit? I want to come home drunk at 3am, turn on the TV and watch a 45-minute infomercial featuring VP Biden hawking something or another while pointing and winking at me. He also seems the type that calls absolutely everyone "chief." Hey chief!

"Fetal Weapon" starring Mel Gibson and Sugartits. - El Bastardo

Runners-up:

Times like this makes me wish that they were both shooting Blanks. - geminiryder

Her stretch marks are the baby writing "call CPS now!" - christine the hoff

"Fuck off Jolie, this is one baby you'll never get!!" - Provolone

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Cynthia McFadden's elegant and stunning Inaugural Ball dress! - How does an exquisite dress like this even happen? It's like an 80s prom dress and a fug ass mother of the bride dress made dirty dirty love to create that shit. Gorgeous!

For Cassandra

Billy Ocean (59)
Izabella Miko (28)
Emma Bunton (33)
Cat Power (37)
Ken Leung (39)
Charlotte Ross (41)
Geena Davis (53)
Jill Eikenberry (62)
Placido Domingo (68)

Or is that cream? Or white? Whatever. Bitches can finally unclench their ass cheeks because Michelle Obama's inauguration gown came out tonight. I can't wait to hear whores on the morning shows tomorrow rant about this from top to bottom. Anyway, it was made by Taiwan-born Jason Wu. I love him because he used to make clothes for Barbie. He still makes Barbies sometimes, but only really fine ones. The kind you'd drink champagne with and talk about art. Elegant ones.

So, when I first saw her dress, I wasn't sure about it. It looked liked a wedding dress Solange would make down in the basement using Charmin rolls, pipe cleaners and cotton balls. But then when she twirled and it sparkled, I felt tingly. It's the gay gene. I see pretty sparkles and I'm suddenly giggling. And get ready to see low-budget knock offs of this dress at weddings, proms and sweet 16 parties.

As expected, Beyonce sang "At Last" for the Obamas first dance. I didn't roll my eyes completely which means it wasn't that bad. I did a half roll and then brought it back. You know Beyonce's inner Sasha Fierce was begging to come out. Beyonce had to hold her back! You could tell she wanted to get all dramatic, rip off her dress and bust some "Single Ladies" moves. Basement Baby was telepathically telling her to "Let Sasha out! Let Sasha out!" That didn't happen and overall I give it a half clap. She's still no Etta James.

Whenever I stare at Tommy Girl long enough I start to see a gay ass pink bunny rabbit before me, so it's funny to me that this bitch wasn't allowed into the Valkyrie premiere in Berlin. The homorabbit even wore Tommy's eye patch from the movie, but he forgot to put a dead brown poodle on his head. They seriously threw a pink gay bunny off the red carpet. That's Sharon Stone cold. I guess Tommy wants to be the only crazy bitch at his own party.

Stepford Katie was also there looking more demonic in the face than ever. Her lipstick looks like butt grease. You can look at Tommy for that. He probably scooted on her face.

And if you look at the close-ups of Tommy, it really looks like he's getting double-fisted. Real talk: his butt plug probably just shifted.

Gone are the days where you didn't have to worry about going to jail if you threw a taco at a bitch's face. The other day in Deltona, FL, this 19-year-old douchebag threw a taco at his mom's face after she unplugged his Xbox. Yes, she got a face full of taco. It does sound like the plot of a sick ass porn movie.

Dena Moir told police that her son Zachary is a mega loser who doesn't have a job and plays Xbox every single waking minute. When she called his ass down for dinner, he refused, so she went upstairs and fucked up his life by unplugging his Xbox. That's when he followed her downstairs and bitch slapped her with a taco. Seriously, this sounds kind of sexy in a totally wrong way. Dena said, "I've been having trouble with him for awhile won't work, wont' go to school. He's being rude and disrespectful. Pushing things to the limit as far as the violence. I’ve threatened to call police before. But anyway this time, I thought he went too far so I called police and he's in jail now.”

Dena refuses to take his calls from jail and is trying to teach him a lesson. Damn. Bitch really didn't like getting taco slapped. Can't say I blame her. A couple of times in junior high school I experimented and let a bitch pound me in the mouth with her taco. I wanted to call 911 too.

And I hate to admit it, but even though Zach is a bag of dirty dildos, I'd still let him hit it with his taquito. As far as I know, he doesn't have a taco. And if he does, he can hit it with that too.

Fantasia is always photographed with bawling pits and none of her friends have helped her out with this situation. At last night's Hip-Hop Caucus in DC, Fantasia not only had extreme underarm juice, but her titties were also moist . Is she using that crystal rock shit? Methinks that mess makes you sweat even more.

If Fanny can't get her hands on some bootleg Botox, she could do what my cousin did at her Quinceanera. That bitch was afraid of pit jizz, so she put a maxi pad underneath each arm. We called her period pits the entire night, but it worked. That's what Fantasia needs and I would only call her period pits behind her back.

And Fantasia's exquisite Lee Press-On nails have taken her from trashy to *CLASSY*.

It's kind of fitting that I'm following a post about Wynonna Judd's Alli shits with this picture. Anyshitty, a while ago I posted a caption picture that is probably somehow related to this fuckery going on above. This is what they call mechanically separated chicken. It's what they use to make Chicken McNuggets and other delicious morsels. It looks like strawberry soft-serve! It's also what comes out of one of Wonky's coochie pimples.

Looking at shit like this won't stop me from ordering a 20-piece McNugget after a drunk night. It really looks delicious to me, because I'm picturing it going in a tub of Crisco and getting fried. My sister's ex-boyfriend once tried to get me off McDonald's by telling me they used worm meat instead of beef and chicken. Didn't stop me. I don't care if that crap is made out of possum jizz. It still tastes right to me.

Source: Buzzfeed