The basement baby's lesser known older sister has a video out for "If I Were A Boy." I know. Isn't that sweet? Basement baby's sister is trying to have a singing career. It's cute and kind of endearing.

The video is some dramatic shit. The beginning looks like a student film version of the old CK Be commercials. Edgy, edgy. The rest is Beyonce bringing out the pure emotion. About 3:30 into it, everything stops and Beyonce proves what a phenomenal actress she is in a dramatic scene between her male co-star. It's like watching two snails try to dance. You know Daddy Knowles is going to submit this shit for Oscar consideration.

YouTube has been pulling this shit like mad and throwing it in the basement with Solange, so click here if the video above doesn't work.

We already know that the Empress of Lucite is one of the most elegant and gorgeous creatures in the universe. We are well aware that her sophisticated and luxurious fashion sense rivals Coco Chanel. And it goes without saying that her exquisite lucite heels makes Swarovski products look like disposable GladWare containers. We know all these things, but sometimes we forget that Shauna Sand is an adoring mother. We forget this because Shauna isn't flaunting the fact that she's a mother goddess on the cover of W Magazine. She's demure and keeps some things sacred. A true inspiration to all mothers.

Below is the mother of the century taking her children to a medical center in Beverly Hills for their first boob jobs. She always wants the best for them. I'm kidding about the boob job part..... I think.

Did you hear a loud boom yesterday? No, it wasn't your drunk roommate falling in the tub again. It was Lisa Marie Presley pushing out her twin girls. FINALLY! She was the size of one of Aretha Franklin's mega chichi balls. That's a whole lot of woman. And she looked like she was ready to bite off her husband's head at any moment. That wouldn't have been such a bad thing considering all the stupid fucking hats he wears.

According to Star Magazine, Elvis' 40-year-old daughter gave birth to twin girls at Los Robles Hospital in Thousand Oaks, CA yesterday. Her two other children, Riley and Ben, were there for the birth of their new sisters. LM's husband, Michael Lockwood, was by her side the whole time. Ugh. Didn't that make her sicker?! I'm sure he was wearing one of his stupid ensembles. He's always looking like the short bus version of Tom Petty. I guess that didn't bother LM since she managed to give birth without any problems.

A source said, “Lisa Marie is mom to four now! She’s feeling good, a little tired too. She is so happy and Michael is ecstatic. He’s wanted to be a dad for so long. This is his dream come true. There was no drama. The babies are healthy and beautiful. Ben was seen pushing them down the hall in their cart and cooing to them"

The source didn't say what the twins' names are. What good is this source?! That's all that matters. Lisa Marie should name her twin girls after her lovely mother Priscilla. She can name one Restylane and the other Botox!

Ramma Damma - The 65-year-old German pop star who married a pineapple 38 years ago. LSD is a hell of a drug.

Ramma (real name: Ulli Hopper) said he decided one day to marry a fruit. Instead of calling up Elton John, he bought one of the most expensive pineapples, named her Tippi and then drove her across the Scottish border where they were married.

Ramma said, "I loved her. I wanted to marry her. We stayed in Gretna Green Hall Hotel and we were married by a craftsman wearing a kilt. We enjoyed meals out. We would go to restaurants and she would enjoy a glass of water over dinner. Tippi loved to go to the movies – especially ones about earthquakes – and she would sit on my lap when she got scared."

Tippi has since rotted away, but Ramma keeps her spirit alive by running the only plant sanctuary in Germany.

You're probably wondering what I'm wondering. Did he ever do sex to that pineapple?! Did he ever consummate their marriage? Did he ever stick his peen into that pineapple and make pina coladas?! You know he did.

Source

Luke Perry (43)
Michelle Trachtenberg (23)
Emily Deschanel (32)
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Constance Zimmer (38)
Ty Murray (39)
Jane Krakowski (40)
Artie Lange (41)
Sean Patrick Flannery (43)
Joan Cusack (46)
Dawn French (51)
Stephen Spinella (52)
David Morse (55)
Elmore Leonard (83)

Chester Cheetah's main boo has a new video out for that "Woomanizah" song and homegirl gets buck nekkid. Brit Brit bares her pork chops, ham hocks and greasy chicken thighs in some kind of nude sauna scene. I bet the room smelled like hot dog water and melted weave glue. Brit getting naked is her way of saying, "Frapps does a hide fine, ya'll!"

The rest of the video is Our Lady of Cheetos as a sexy secretary, a skanky waitress and a slutty chauffeur. In the chauffeur scene, Brit Brit steers with one shoe. She probably uses that technique in real life to pick out Slim Jim crumbs from the backseat. She has "skillz."

Overall, this shit is better than her last couple of broke ass videos, but that's not saying much. It's also hard to sit through it, because of the fucking song. I tried so hard to love it, but it's like torture to my ears. All I hear is "woominzah, wommanizah, woomanizah" on repeat. I feel like there's some kind of hidden message underneath the song. Brit Brit's trying to brainwash us. I bet if I play it backwards, I will hear Brit's voice saying, "Go buy Frapp. Brit Brit is purdy. Chester is sexay."

Click here if you can't see the video above.

Robert Downey Jr. was in costume today in London for the new Chaplin...I mean...Sherlock Holmes movie. For real. I thought RDJ was dressed as the little tramp for "Chaplin II: The Starbuck Years." Unfortunately, it's for Guy Ritchie's version of Sherlock Holmes.

They should call this crap "Sherlock Hobo" instead, because RDJ looks raggedy as shit! Where the fuck is the little deerstalker cap, the silly pipe or the magnifying glass? Maybe this is Sherlock going undercover as Chaplin? Yeah, I know. Different time periods, but I'm trying to understand.

This shit also stars Jude "Effed Up Hairline" Law as Watson and Rachel McBoring as some broad who will probably scream often.

Here's a few more of Sherlock Chaplin in London today. Guy looks so fucking relaxed and bored for being the movie's director. Shouldn't he be running around and screaming into a bullhorn? Directing a movie is like going on vacation!

I like where Broadway is going. I applaud celebrity dudes getting on stage and showing their wangs to a live audience. This is what theater needs. However, Zac Efron's peen is not the dick I had in mind to replace DanRad's wang in "Equus" on Broadway.

Zac tells The Sun that he's ready to shed his goody-goody Disney image by exposing his skin lipstick on the Great White Way. Zac says, "You know that Daniel Radcliffe role on Broadway, well it's been mentioned.”

I know some of you whores are producing massive amounts of panty pudding over this bit of news, but think it through. There's no way Zac is going to show off his man clit in its natural state. This is the Cover Girl princess we're talking about. The peen is going to be covered in powder, foundation, bronzer, mascara, lipstick, false eyelashes and glitter. It's not going to look like a beautiful penis. It's going to look like fucking Xtina.

Damn. Looking at Salma Hayek's succulent breastes never gets old. There's only a few things I could look at all day: "Cops," kittens playing with yarn and Salma's wondrous chichis.

Salma's rack is like a Magic Eye poster. If you stare at them long enough, you start to see other things. Sometimes I see two lil' babies sleeping under a manger. Other times I see two cantaloupes ripening in the summer sun. And one time I even saw Locke from "Lost" cuddling with Paul Shaffer.

Here's Salma with her adorable and totally rich daughter Valentina shooting "30 Rock" with Alec Baldwin in Brooklyn today. I wonder if Alec cooed at Valentina and said, "Awww. What a rude lil' pig."

Katie Price covered up her titty balls in some kind of "Ringling Bros. gone whorey" costume to perform in the annual Whore Horse of the Year Show today. Unfortunately, Harvey wasn't in the audience. He was too busy working on his rap album or something.

Katie and her horse "Jordan's Glamour Girl" performed some slutty dressage routine for the audience. Surprisingly, the routine didn't involve Katie taking off her top and shaking it for the crowd.

However, guess what one of the songs she performed to was? No, it wasn't one of her own songs. Worse. Color Me Badd's "I Wanna Sex U Up." Why in Equus hell did she choose that shit? This might sound prudish, but if you're rubbing your pussy bone against a horse and you're known for being a big fat skank, maybe that's not the best song choice.

This shit reminds me of the time I went to my little cousin's dance recital and watched a bunch of 6-year-olds bust it to "Smack My Bitch Up."