Over the weekend, Katie Price's cage fighting, cock tucking, cross-dressing sweetheart Alex Reid (Roxanne if you love it with lace) told the News of the World that he was going to travel to Australia to propose marriage to her. Well, I hope that sparkly engagement ring can easily be turned into a cock ring, because Katie Price quit Alex during her live exit interview for I'm A Blah Blah Blah....Get Me Blah Blah Blah.

Just as Roxanne was sashaying through an Australian airport on his way to the jungle, Katie Price said this: "I'd done a lot of reflecting. I've realized that I want to be on my own. I don't want to be in a relationship. I hope that we can remain friends. I'm not with him, no."

At that moment, Harvey Price got a jolt of the fever in him and jumped up, did the splits, jumped back up, did the moonwalk, swirled to the right, swirled to the left, did the Cabbage Patch and then shouted, "FUCKITY FUCK FUCK YES!"

Since Roxanne, like Katie, is a famewhore who just doesn't quit, he immediately queefed out this statement: "Following yesterday's surprise revelations that Alex Reid's relationship with Katie Price has apparently ended, Cage Fighter Films Ltd, with whom Alex has contractual obligations and responsibilities, would like to make it clear that he will continue with his business meetings associated with the film Cage Rage at undisclosed locations in Australia. Naturally there are ongoing telephone conversation between the couple, but Alex has no further comment to make at this time regarding the state of their relationship."

Business meetings?! ROXY STOP! Getting your prostate massaged by a ladyboy's dick doesn't count as a "business meeting." We're all adults here.

And start your watches, because it won't be long before a gorgeous-looking Roxanne (wearing the outfit above) and Peter Andre are holding hands on the cover of OK! Magazine with the headline: "Our mutual hate for Katie brought us together!"

Below is Katie's interview from last night. Skip to the 5:45 mark to watch her dump a bitch on live television:

Proof that homewrecking is genetic... whenever Sienna Miller's mum came to visit, the wives of the village put their husbands on ice. - magdalene

Runners-up:

After overcoming Tom's couch jumping incident and endless speculation over Suri's paternity, Katie's next hurdle is to explain to her daughter where Scientology babies come from. - ISprainedMyUvula

At Glamberace's Market, we offer a wide variety of fruits and meats - vermonster

A revamped Deal or No Deal has been picked up by Bravo - loozer

(Thanks Dan)

Nancy Zieman, host and executive producer of Sewing with Nancy!

Not only has Nancy hosted her sewing show since 1982, but she also has written ten million books on the subject and founded Nancy's Notions, a mail order catalog that sells........what else? Sewing shit, of course! Seriously, Nancy is hardcore when it comes to sewing. Don't fuck with her or she could sew your ass up. No, I'm serious. She could literally sew your asshole up with a fancy stitch and everything.

Linda Tripp (60)
Katherine Heigl (31)
Colin Hanks (32)
Shirley Henderson (44)
Ruben Santiago-Hudson (53)
Lee Michaels (64)
Billy Connolly (67)

Entertainment Tonight says that Janet Jackson and Colin Farrell had an "intimate" dinner together at the Polo Lounge in Beverly Hills last week. Colin and Janet were sitting side-by-side in a booth.

No, Janet was not using Colin's pubes to floss her teeth after their meal. No, Colin was not hitting Janet from the back while she was bent over the table. No, Janet was not dipping Colin's peen into blue cheese dressing and smothering it all over her lips. They were just having dinner. But obviously they must be swapping genital jelly, because celebwhores cannot have dinner together unless they are doing sex to each other. Factual.

And Colin's Polish girlfriend just had a baby! Colin should be at home burping babies, not running around town burping vaginas.

Birthday: March 15, 1933
Age: 76
Birth Name: Miguel de Mairena

Original Date of HS of the Day: November 22, 2009
Claim to Fame: Carmen is Spain's official tranny legend. Carmen is a TV star, a chanteuse and has also been known to get down in porn movies.

Where is she now? Carmen is either wrestling tarantulas in her backyard to glue onto her eyelids or she's injecting garden slugs into her lips.
Why is she HS of the Week? Because all of us secretly wish we will be plastic-faced tranny porn stars when we're 76 years-old. It's the truth.

Gawker took us back to 2006 by posting these pictures from someone's Facebook account of Katie Couric celebrating her new job as the anchor of the CBS Evening News by getting all messy on the dance floor. I've always known that Dan Rather could smash lights with his crotch thrusts, but who knew Katie Couric could pop that asshole like it's Groundhog Day!?

Katie is giving FACE, BOOTY, SPAKLE, FACE in all of these pictures. Homegirl definitely has the sweet nectar running through her veins. AND HOW!

I love how she's just backing her junk up to anything in her way. Make it rain dollars, Katie!

Hooray! Suri Cruise has graduated from the bottle. At lunch yesterday, Suri, being the elegant lady of the world that she is, sipped from a fancy wine glass. No need to place a call to CPS, because Suri wasn't drinking wine. Wine messes with her stomach and makes her all Kathie Lee Gifford-like. Suri was just sipping on a little gin with a splash of soda. It's all fine.

Here's more of Suri with her two slaves, Stepford Katie and Isabella, lunching and shopping in NYC yesterday afternoon.

ABC says they received over 1,500 calls from hos complaining about Glamberace getting a crotch full of man face during his performance on the AMAs last night. They would have gotten even more complaints, but ABC washed the faux beej away for the West Coast feed. They also edited JLo's mega ass becoming one with the floor. If I was on the West Coast, I'd send ABC hate mail for keeping me from the best parts of that caca fiesta.

Access Hollywood (via UsWeekly) asked Glamberace what he thought about ABC cutting the man-on-peen action out of his performance for the West Coast viewers. Glamberace cried "Discrimination!" He said, "You know honestly, if I offended some people... it's apples and oranges. I'm not an artist that does things for every single person. I believe in artistic freedom and expression, I believe in honoring the lyrics of a song, and those lyrics aren't really for everybody either. There's a big double standard, female pop artists have been doing things provocative like that for years, and the fact that I'm a male, and I'll be edited and discriminated against could be a problem. People are scared and it's really sad, I just wish people could open their minds up and enjoy things, it's all for a laugh, it's really not that big of a deal."

What does Glamberace expect? This is ABC we're talking about. ABC is a family network owned by Disney. And Disney is the upholder of all things moral. They have a pristine reputation they need to look after. I mean, just look at Miley Cyrus.... Oh, wait......

I take it all back. FUCK YOU, ABC! You fake blow job haters!

Would you motorboat? - Towleroad

And on the other side of the chichis coin.... - Lainey Gossip

Sofia Vergara's sausage strap had its work cut out for it - Hollywood Tuna

The Photoshop Awards: Clauda Schiffer, Helena Christensen and Eva Herzigova get nekkid - Egotastic!

Scrap The Photoshop Award above, because this right here deserves dozens of awards - I'm Not Obsessed

What in the Yummy Mummy hell? - Just Jared

In the words of Tommy Cooze: "Nicole girl, that dress is wearing YOU!" - Popsugar

Shakira looks hot (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

I REFUSE to believe this - Celebitchy

Kitson wants Lindsay Lohan's cookie - Hollywood Rag

This will singe your retinas - Holy Moly!

Oh, so THAT'S who Keenan Thompson reminds me of - Cityrag

News you can queef to: Eva Longwhoria only fucks on the weekend - ICYDK

The Howling is the latest classic to be sent to the butcher - SOW

Jermaine Jackson should let his clay head dry thoroughly before he leaves the house - Socialite Life