He's Finally Free To Be With Me

 

That hot bitch of a man Jonathan Schaech's divorce to Kelly Bundy became final today. He filed for divorce in 2005 after a 4-year marriage. It was rumored at that time that Christina was boinking someone from NYC while she starred in "Sweet Charity" on Broadway. You must have tit milk for brains if you cheat on that piece of hotness.

 

Us Weekly reports:

 

As part of their divorce agreement, Schaech will receive a 2001 Mercedes convertible, the contents of numerous bank accounts, a cement Buddha, and one-time payment of $105,000 from Applegate. He has agreed to forego his right to collect spousal support.

For her part, Applegate, who will next be seen starring in new ABC series Samantha Who?, will keep the couple's houses, her 2006 Lexus, and the contents of numerous bank accounts.

DAMN! Are they broke?! A 2001 Mercedes Benz?! Did those even exist anymore? I know, I know. I don't even have a car, so I'll show my damn mouth.

2001 Benz or Not...Schaech is mine! I'll gladly take Kelly Bundy's leftovers.