Elton John Sucks At Suicide

 

In David Buckley's new biography about Elton John he tells of the time that Elton tried to murder himself before marrying Linda Woodrow. Marrying a woman can do that to you.

 

Minutes before the wedding, Elton's friend, Bernie Taupin walked in on him with his head in the oven. Bernie apparently couldn't stop laughing, because Elton sucks at suicide.

 

David wrote, "Elton had stuck his head in the oven, but set the gas on low with all the windows open. What's more, he was resting his head on a pillow."

 

That's the worst way to off yourself! I'm not sure what the best way is. I'd say pills, but if you live and eff up your system you can become a veggie for the rest of your life. I'd say shooting yourself in the head, but that would leave an awful mess everywhere. I don't want people to see me with my brains coming out of my head and shit coming out of my ass. Oh wait, what brains?

 

Source: NYDN