Shitty news for a Friday afternoon. Patrick Swayze was hospitalized for pneumonia. Ugh. I hate pneumonia. I even hate the name.

Patrick was scheduled to attend an event at the Television Critics Association in Los Angeles today for his new show The Beast. A&E's president told reporters, "Patrick Swayze has checked himself into the hospital. However, he asked us specifically to go forward with today's panel. We wish him the very best with his recovery."

Patrick, who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last year, recently told Barbara Walters in an interview that he's going through hell. And now this. 2009 was supposed to be better.

Send a million and more good thoughts to Patrick....

Round 2 wasn't even close. Spaghetti Cat proved that even though his creators have died (see below), he will go on! SC noodled off (I know, but he doesn't run) with 67% of the votes leaving Michelle Duggar's super snatch behind. Now on to our third round. The slut who wins this round will go on to dick fight Spaghetti Cat and La Pequena in the final finals. Here are your choices:

September: Abandoned Couch - Seriously, it's an abandoned couch. That's it!
October: Clara Meadmore - The 105-year-old virgin! And she's still alive!
November: Kim Zolciak - Fake cancer survivor and the place where wigs go to die.
December: Rojo Caliente - No explanation needed.

I swear, Abandoned Couch is going to pull some shit. I know it! Seriously, I know most of you don't have hearts, so vote with your genitals. It will point you to the right choice. Voting is in the sidebar to the right. The final slut in the finals will be announced sometime tomorrow. You know, whenever I feel like getting my lazy ass out of bed.

Today's caption picture and this mess were separated at the collagen needle - Popsugar

I fear for Amanda Bynes' head. It looks like it's going to roll right off - Egotastic!

RiRi can make Chris Brown bust one just from flashing her eleventyhead - Just Jared

But can I call him Big Pepaw? - Towleroad

Rumer looks like Carrot Top's peen with attached fire bush. I'd hit it - Lainey Gossip

Sherlock Holmes himself also landed in Brooklyn - Cityrag

Another good reason to petition for the immediate wiring of Pete Wentz's jaw - Hollywood Rag

Some girl pissing on the street. Enough said (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Twit and Twat have black belts in douchebaggery - Hollywood Tuna

The Morning Show with Mike & Juliet is responsible for bringing us the life-changing Spaghetti Cat into our world. For that we will forever be grateful. Now that they have served their purpose, they are shuffling off to take a permanent dirt nap. They've been canceled after 2 years. This time, Spaghetti Cat weeps for them.

One of the HBICs of Twentieth Television blamed money problems. I'm sure Spaghetti Cat could have spot them a few, but you know how cheap that pussy is. He won't even buy sauce for his noodles.

Now that there's a time slot open, Twentieth TV needs to do the right thing and put a Mike & Juliet spin-off in its place: The Happy Fun Time Spaghetti Cat Hour Of Power!

Source: THR

Thanks Becky

Our fourth open post host is Suri's cabbage patch doll. She'll make a good host, because she'll bitch out if you get out of hand. Trust me. She can speak. And she can bite.

You know, I'm really upset with my 5-year-old self for not being smart enough to keep all my Cabbage Patch dolls in their original boxes. I could have sold that shit on eBay and pursued my dreams of becoming a bar girl in Thailand. Wait. Scratch that. I just looked up some 80s Cabbage Patch dolls on eBay and those things don't sell for shit! Okay, I'm not mad at my 5-year-old self.

Enough with my ranting! It's your turn. This is where you can talk about how you hate my 5-year-old self or whatever else you want. It's open, so you don't have stay on topic. Happy ranting!

Real talk. Those girls in the back are going crazy for the Shiba Inu puppy. They don't even notice Kelly Osbourne, because Shiba Inus are the new Jonas Bros. And they have better howling voices and aren't ashamed to lick their genitals out in the open. I know Kelly's puppy isn't a member of the Shiba Inu 6, but seeing his face still made me go on over to their old home on the web. Do me a favor, don't go there! It's so fucking depressing. It's missing six PUPPIES!!! trying to commit first-degree murder on each other. The empty Shiba Inu puppy cam is what the inside of my heart looks like.

Peta has once again pulled a WTF by launching a campaign urging whores to start calling fish "sea kittens" so that we won't want to eat them anymore. The catfish of the world are staging a protest. They are the only pussies with gills.

Whatever the hell you call that shit, I'm still going to enjoy a hot plate of "sea kitten and chips" every damn week.

Peta thinks that people don't like fish (Rosie, Ellen, SamRo not included) very much, so they started a website in hopes of changing their image. Peta says on the website, "Nobody would hurt a sea kitten! People don't seem to like fish. We're going to start by retiring the old name for good. When your name can also be used as a verb that means driving a hook through your head, it's time for a serious image makeover." They also asking hos to sign a petition asking the US Fish and Wildlife Service to stop the promotion of sea kitten hunting (aka fish hunting).

Peta's sea kitten really looks like a pussy eating a fish. It's the new lesbian mascot! Seriously, it does sound like a lezzie sex act done in the bathtub or pool.

You know, I'm going to give this whole "sea kitten" thing a shot, because I'm into making waiters uncomfortable. But if I order the grilled sea kitten and they bring me something with fur and whiskers on it, I'm going to flour bomb Peta.

And when I googled "sea kitten," this is the first picture that came up. Sea kitteh not so cute.

VIA Jezebel

Last month, HoHan was spotted "nuzzling" on Sean Penn in NYC. I figured she was just trying to snort out a little sugah-covered booger chunk from his nose. Well, Ho and Penn were back together at Nobu in L.A. the other night. A nosy ho told Celebuzz (via P6), "Sean was the only guy at a table full of Lindsay and her friends. The whole table chatted and chain-smoked."

Lily Allen was absolutely right. Coke isn't one of Satan's minions. It also brings people together. If it wasn't for the candy dust, Ho and Penn might not be sharing laughs and fags at dinner. Can you imagine their conversation. Actually, there's probably not a lot of talking going on. They just stare at each other, licking their lips, sniffing their noses and wiping their snot. Then they get up and go to the bathroom, come back, sit down, and do it all over again. I doubt they're bumping it.

But if they were, what would their couple name me? I'm thinking HoPenn. Well, let's drop the unnecessary n and put an e in its place where it rightfully belongs. HoPeen! Perfect.

Oh and what about that sad little lesbian SamRo? Page Six says that she really did end their shit, but HoHan is in denial. Some source said, "Sam broke up with Lindsay but she is completely in denial about it."

When someone dumps your ass and you're not ready to let go of their good sexin' or their wallet, the best thing to do is pretend like it never happened. That way you can just skip on up and demand they lick your orgasm maker or give you some cash. If you whine and persist long enough, they'll finally just give in to shut you up.

The biggest flour bomber - UsWeekly

NYC Fashion Week is going to the douches - Celebitchy

Kevin Costner almost died! Not really, but I like dramatics - I'm Not Obsessed

A Golden Globe Best Actress spoiler? - Socialite Life

The paps totally put the coke in HoHan's pants too - Celebslam

Carrie Underwear looks like she's gotta make a pee - Popoholic

Hilary Duff's $100k chipmunkmobile - The Bastardly

Sherlock's ho in Brooklyn - ICYDK

Braided together - Urlesque