Can't A Man Do Sex To His Bike In Private?

 

51-year-old Robert Stewart from Scotland has been put on probation for 3 years for having sex with his bicycle. They are calling it "sexually aggravated breach of the peace."  He was also put on the sex offenders list for 3 years.

 

Get this shit. The dude was caught doing sex to his bike in the privacy of his own room in a hostel! He was caught by the cleaners. It's always them. Fun killers.

 

Prosecutors told the court, "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply. They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down. The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

 

The cleaners told the Hostel manager who told the cops.

 

Robert denied the claim and said it was a "misunderstanding" and he was drunk. I used that same excuse when I was caught doing sex to....I'll stop.

 

Ugh. Poor Robert. He can't help that his bike is such a sexy bitch. That bike is a slut and now Robert is paying for it.