Peek at the pictures in the post below of Brit Brit flashing her "ready to play pool" nipples in a GREY t-shirt in Los Angeles yesterday. Then look at these pictures of Alexander Skarsgard also making genitals turn inside/out by flashing his "slightly aroused" nipples in a GREY t-shirt in Los Angeles yesterday. And neither of them are wearing a bra! Coincidence? Yeah, probably.

I just needed a reason to post a picture of Askars struttin' struttin'.

Here we have Brit Brit spears visiting one of the old haunts she used to frequent during her Pink Wig Days while looking Monster Truck Rally fresh. Brit Brit just popped on in to say "Hi ya'll" to her old friends and pick up her daily dose of Vitamin C. Yes, Fanta counts as Vitamin C. Check the food chart of any Burger King or Walmart.

In other Cheetos news, that Ke$ha creature is trying to suck the bubbles out of Brit Brit's Fanta in one of her new songs. Below is Ke$ha's song "Styrofoam" where spits in Brit Brit's sea weave by saying that Our Lady of Cheetos won't be relevant in 10 years. If you care to listen, skip to the 2:12 mark. Spare your ears the agony and don't listen to the whole thing.

If Ke$ha's lucky, in ten years time she'll be performing/judging/working at a hot dog eating contest in the parking lot of a Wienerschnitzel in Branson, MO. Although, it's highly likely that Brit Brit will be the headliner of that event. And it's even more likely that I'll be sitting on a Hoveround in the audience while wearing a three sizes too small "Hit Me Baby One More Time" t-shirt that barely covers my fupa. But until then, Ke$ha needs to stick a Cisco bottle in her yack trap and shut up.

Yesterday must have been both "Take Your Robo-Beard to a Basketball Game Day" and "Hug A Lady Beater Day," because Tommy Cooze did both of those things in Los Angeles last night. Yes, Tommy and Stepford Katie had themselves a contractually obligated date night at the Lakers game! Sweeter than a pineapple's load, right?

Stepford Katie kept blabbing in Tommy's precious ear about how magical Suri is (BLAH! BLAH! BLAH!), but he wasn't really hearing it since he was more interested in staring at all the balls on the court. Tommy loves balls.

Elza Soares, famous Samba singer and the unofficial Cougar Queen of Brazil!

You can put down the stake and take off that necklace made out of garlic cloves, because Elza's beauty means you no harm. If it makes you feel better, you can hold your favorite stuffed animal while staring at her.

Elza has had several Samba hits over in Brazil and she was married to one of the most famous Brazilian football players of all-time who went by the name Garrincha. He's dead now. Apparently, nowadays Elza is now best known for striking ladylike poses (i.e. chichis poppin', pussy rockin') in whory Brazilian magazines. And at 72-years-old, Elza is getting ready to marry her 27-year-old hustler boyfriend. Yes, your abuelita still has the stuff (aka a fist full of money) that makes the young roosters scream, "Cock-a-doodle do me!"

Here's more beauty shots of Elza in action. If Chaka Khan was chilling out in a hot tub with a bunch of wild cats while Jocelyn Wildenstein injected her face with Lyn May's saliva and an analog TV playing an Irma Serrano movie accidentally fell in the water electrocuting them all........the aftermath would look just like Elza Soares. Beauty times a million.

Kathy Ireland (47)
Christy Romano (26)
Chester Bennington (34)
Jane March (37)
Michael Rapaport (40)
David Thewlis (47)
Holly Hunter (52)
Spike Lee (53)
Theresa Russell (53)
William Hurt (60)
Hal Linden (79)
Carl Reiner (88)

Earlier I posted a highly important news story (eat that with a dollop of whipped sarcasm on top) about White Oprah's plans to hold a press conference today to talk about her new line of eco-friendly toothbrushes. Aaaaaand here's the pictures from that very special press conference which was held in one of the lesser used gates at Port Authority in NYC.

The launch of the Lohan Brush was attended by a college student doing her final thesis on mental illness, a few Japanese tourists (they are everywhere) and a dozen people that White Oprah owes money to.

White Oprah told those who attended that the green Lohan Brush requires no water. This will come in handy when your water has been shut off due to non-payment and you need to clean out your pipe. White Oprah is always thinking about Lindsay. And she really is, because that white brush can double as a taint tickler.

The news about Anna Nicole Smith's estate not getting one penny from J. Howard Marshall's estate got me down, but this shit right here perked me back up like an afternoon prostate exam!

E! News is saying that Kelsey Grammer's stunning trophy wife and Irritable Bowel Syndrome advocate Camille Grammer is one of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills! Yes, I know you were hoping that the next Real Housewives shit show would take place in Appalachia, but this is still good news. Hug your bowels!

Camille has long been one of my gold digging idols, so I will be taking notes each week to learn how it's really done. Unfortunately, it isn't a one-angel show and Camille will have company. But don't worry, they don't even come close to dimming Camille's shine. HAGS! The lot of them!

They are from left to right:

Kyle Richards - Kyle is Paris Hilton's aunt and Kathy Hilton's mother. She's married with chirruns. Kyle is also Hedy to Demi Moore's Allie. She is awful.

Kim Richards - Kim is Kyle and Kathy's sister. She's divorced with chirruns. She is awful.

Adrienne Maloof-Nassif - This plastic surgery wonder who looks like a constipated grasshopper is a member of the Maloof family who owns the Palms in Las Vegas. Adrienne is married to a plastic surgeon who appears on Dr. 90210 from time to time. She is awful.

Lisa Vanderpump-Todd - Lisa owns a few restaurants in L.A. with her husband. She has two kids. She is awful.

Seriously, Bravo did good by casting Camille, but where's The Empress of Lucite or Angelyne?! You know, the real stars of L.A.!

The planet shifted off its axis again this afternoon, because Howard K. Stern, Dannilynn Hope, Cousin Shelly, Sugar Pie and Larry Birkhead all fell out of their chairs simultaneously after a court ruled that Anna Nicole Smith's estate won't get a penny from her late billionaire husband's fortune.

At the time of her death, Anna Nicole was battling J. Howard Marshall's family over the $300 million she claims he promised her before he passed. A lawyer for Anna's estate said he will appeal this latest decision and take this mess back to the Supreme Court.

That means Anna Nicole licked on J. Howard Marshall's curdled pepaw chowder and rubbed her bits on his moth balls for NOTHING! FOR NOTHING! Oh well. Dannilynn will still be fine. Bobby Trendy will take her under his sequined wing and teach her how to make a fortune super-gluing boas to pillows from the Z Gallerie outlet.

Bombshell McGee's "WP" tattoo does not stand for "White Power" as has been previously reported. Jesse James' jump-off tells her latest pimp InTouch Weekly that the "WP" actually stands for "Wet Pussy." Boobshit went on to say, "Jesse and I had a conversation about it and he says a lot of his friends have the tattoo."

See, that's the beauty of having initial tattoos! You can pretty much queef out any random meaning depending on who is asking. WP also stands for: Whore Pie, Wife Puncher, Wayward Poon, Whacked-out Possum (tribute to Kate Gosselin), Winnie Pooper, Wolf Piss, Wench Pleasesitdown....etc...etc...

Somewhere in the world a dozen Totally Hair Ken Dolls are cursing Billy Bob Thornton's name while holding their bald heads - Lainey Gossip

Daddy Spears needs to summon Our Lady of Cheetos back to his kitchen with promises of Velveeta grits, because this doesn't look good - Hollywood Tuna

Here's your chance at a comeback, Miss Cleo! - The Superficial

The answer to all of OctoCrazy's financial troubles! (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Is that Evil Russell from Survivor with Stephanie Seymour?! - Egotastic!

MAH BOO WAS AWFUL ROBBED ON JEOPARDY! - Gawker TV

Angie Jo's penis gloves return to The Tourist set - Popsugar

Kate Moss is sober for once. Yeah, I'm just having a laugh - Holy Moly!

Look at this adorable picture of a prisoner and her master - Just Jared

Sarah Jessica Parker's hands terrifying innocent people in Vegas - Hollywood Rag

Another reason for why auto-spell on cell phones is the work of the devil - Towleroad

Sharon Stone could NEVER ruin anything! Well, except for the lives of a hundred mink - Celebitchy

And today's episode of "The Jokes Write Themselves" is brought to you by Jennifer Aniston - I'm Not Obsessed

CoCo has a lot of love to give - Cityrag

In other news, SamRo just announced that she's moving to India - ICYDK