Who Is This Person?

Let's have a little moment of silence for Old Jordan. She is officially gone. The Jordan we have all come to know and love has been replaced by this thing. Actually, I shouldn't say "we," because I'm the only one that was into her ass and I was shoving her down your eyeballs.

Seriously, what happened? She's turned into Lindsay Lohan. She's even dressing like her, but even more Long Island. Somebody get Harvey! He needs to come over and tell this new Jordan to "fuck off!" Seriously.

Here's Lindsay Jordan whoring out her new book. Don't buy that shit. I'll give you the book in 34 words, "My name is Jordan and I am an attention whore. Everything I say in this book is shit and was only said to make cash, so I can get more plastic surgery. The End!" You're welcome.