Look At My Eagle Claw! I'm Engaged!

Paris Hilton wore the most hideous ring on her engagement finger at the opening of Kim Vo's salon in Las Vegas the other night. That shit was definitely made with one of those little girls' jewelry kits. Some people think the BM stands for Benji Madden and they are engaged now. I think the BM stands for bowel movement, because that's what the skank is. This is probably part of Ashton Kutcher's new show that punks the media. She did it before and she'll do it again. Trust nothing!

Speaking of Kim Vo, he scares the hell out of me. I know he's hiding under my bed at night even though I have a platform bed. He's slinky enough that he'll slide under the cracks and wait for me. I'll wake up to find a Brit weave disaster on my head and him cackling like a Thai tranny hooker after her unsuspecting john finds her dick.