I Need This Shit!

The Soup featured this commercial for Barton Medical Home Solution and I'm really tempted to buy one. Every morning I find myself almost unable to get out of bed due to my extreme laziness. This is the answer for me! My friends and family can take turns cranking me out of bed every morning and propping me up in front of the computer. I don't even have to lift a big toe.

Seriously, why bother with that thing? Just invest in a stun gun. Zap your loved one safely into their wheelchair every morning. Their ass might be covered in burn marks, but they would never miss their morning walk!