The Things We Do For Kids

Harrison Ford got loaded with Shrek semen at the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards last night. That slime is probably what the inside of his catheter bag looks like. I'm yanking him! Harrison has still got it. I mean, he has the earring to prove it.

I actually sat and watched some of this shit. I only did it, because there were rumors that Brit Brit was going to perform. You know what happened the last time she performed, so I couldn't miss this possible mess fiesta. Not surprisingly, she didn't perform. It really hurts when people lie to you. Especially kids. Yes, I blame the kids.

So....here are some of the scallywags that came out for the children. Brendan Fraser's on-again-off-again fake hair needs to be turned off permanently. I'm starting to think it's actual grass grow on his head and he dyes it brown.

One day I really want to pour a glass of water all over the top of Asshole and Pete's heads. Those two would blow up just thinking about their perfectly straight hair possibly turning wavy. I don't think they could function if their hair was not straight.