I Object!

What do you say when you're trying to stop a wedding? Is there any kind of official lingo? I guess, "That skank likes pussy!" will work. I'm going to need to know this just in case The National Enquirer (via dig spy) is right. They claim Penelope Cruz is going to marry Javier Bardem. This bitch has no idea.

A source claims Javier's momma, Pilar, told him to marry Penny, "Pilar took her son aside and told him, 'What's the matter with you? She's perfect! You love her, she loves you. Get married.'" The sourcie goes on to say that they will marry later this year. Over my skinny ass dead body.

Somebody help me put these razors in my hair. A rumble is going down. Penny could totally kick my dirty nalgas though. She would shout shit in her cockatoo voice and it would confuse the hell out of me and that's when she'd deliver the fatal blow. Yeah, I'm not fucking with that snatch.

2008 is all about sabotaging weddings. First, we have to hit up the Depp nuptials and now we gotta wreak havoc on Penny's special day.