Paula Abdul Is Always 100% Sober

I really wish I was related by blood to Paula Abdul. Then I would have inherited her natural drunk gene. Paula doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs or pop pills and yet she always looks like she's just done a dozen body shots off of a fat frat boy. For example, take the picture above. That's exactly the face I make while staring in awe at McDonald's menu after ten too many coffeetinis. Scientists really need to find a way to extract her natural drunk gene and inject it into me.

Here's Paula at a Lupus event in Los Angeles last night. I also threw in some Dakota Fanning, because it would be illegal not to.