Tuesday, May 20th 2008
A Measly Ass Cookie?!
File this under: Michael K blogs about anything involving cookies.
Life & Style has pictures of Asshole Simpson and Vagina Wentz's wedding invitation as well as the parting gift they gave to their guests. Yes, they gave a damn, stupid cookie! When I go to a wedding, I expect to get a plastic swan with a handful of jordan almonds in it. That's the only reason to go to a wedding. Everyone knows this.
I mean, those poor saps had to sit and watch those two d-bags get married and all they get is an ugly cookie?
Below is a picture of their invitation. You can almost make out their e-mail address. Quick! Send those Nigerian spammers their way!
Jordan almonds are dee-licious!
I know the cookie is kinda plain. but ashlee and pete were really pressed for time when they were baking. they also had to make papa joe's cue cards and wash jessica.
"Submitted by Jesus on May 20, 2008 - 4:38pm.
I didnt give my guests anything. Zilch. Zero."
Ahh, but you gifted them with your presence.
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"If I punched every bitch who called me fat, it would be dead bitches all up and down the highway."
First of all..I just wanted to thank everyone for all the "welcomes" (Cuz I'm new here..)
You are all so sweet, thanks!
Also...I know I'm a little late, but I am only like an hour from Mariani's (The candy covered bacon store in Santa Cruz) I Can tell you this...Choco Covered bacon is pretty mild compared to some of the other stuff they sell...They have a snack, and the package is about the size of a match book, and it has little worms in it....There's cheese one and sour cream and onion...and there's a few more flavors but I forgot...Sounds Yummy, right?? Haha...
Anyhow...About this cookie. Ok...I think it's kinda chintzy considering these 2 have lots of money...But it's also cute too.
My wedding was planned in under 6 months, and I had way better party favors then this! Maybe this was in addition to something else??
I am no fan of Simpson and Wentz, but I have to pipe in to say this:
Why should you expect a favor as a guest at a wedding? You have already been provided with free food, booze, and music. Most favors suck, including these cookies.
I didnt give my guests anything. Zilch. Zero.
Looks like a cheap-ass Wal-Mart cookie, too.
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"If I punched every bitch who called me fat, it would be dead bitches all up and down the highway."
Submitted by cultmovieheathers on May 20, 2008 - 1:47pm.
Call me a dumbass......but I kind of think that is a cute idea.Sort of creative.
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pretty much all emo kids claim to like alice in the wonderland... go on myspace to see.
its actually so cliche it makes me queasy.
I'm lmao at the 'tag' for this story
蜘龍====================龍蜘
(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
The only Wonderland I want to visit is the one on Walnut Street in Philly.
Submitted by cultmovieheathers on May 20, 2008 - 12:47pm.
Call me a dumbass......but I kind of think that is a cute idea.Sort of creative.
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dumbass.
well! you asked for it! :p
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"Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke."
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
Wait, we need explaination here?
Not me. I was quite aware that the cookie in the box referenced the little cake that said EAT ME in Alice in Wonderland.
"No time to say hello, goodbye!" is from the Disney movie, not the book. I'm sure neither of them has read it.
And that looks more like a save-the-date card than an invitation. I /hope/ there was something nicer than that.
Submitted by lmh on May 20, 2008 - 12:29pm.
Thanks for clearing that up, lol. I'm pretty sure most of us (with some obvious exceptions) passed the fourth grade.
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It's like judging ducks before they become swans...its stupid. -LA
yew wind some yew loose some two! -FLA
Call me a dumbass......but I kind of think that is a cute idea.Sort of creative.
*****AGHHHH!!!....please don't hit me too hard!!****
lmh,
I'm pretty sure everyone knew that it was an Alice in Wonderland reference, which is why they were suggesting that also including a small bottle of wine or something with "drink me" on it would make it seem more appropriate (another part of the story). Even knowing that it's part of the story, a cookie with "Eat me" written on it seems kind of like a slap in your guests' faces... considering it has become a popular insult phrase.
The lame cookie gift is an Alice in Wonderland reference: "Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under the table: she opened it, and found in it a very small cake, on which the words `EAT ME' were beautifully marked in currants. `Well, I'll eat it,' said Alice, `and if it makes me grow larger, I can reach the key..." (Chapter I. Down The Rabbit Hole)
I have seen better weddings cookie
ok so i kinda love the theme and the invitations are cute and as for the cookie well you know they were thinking it's edgy cool and off beat just like us it's just soooo different i mean who gives out a cookie with eat me on it as their parting gift for their wedding it's so punk rawk.lmfao
There HAS to be more to this story. Maybe the cookie came with one of those "a donation has been made to such and such charity in your name" messages.
MK, don't forget the tulle. The plastic swan with the jordan almonds HAS TO BE wrapped in tulle.
♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥
The world is full of little people like you
They have to read a book to learn what to do
Submitted by Jadedkitten on May 20, 2008 - 11:47am.
ok so i kinda love the theme and the invitations are cute and as for the cookie well you know they were thinking it's edgy cool and off beat just like us it's just soooo different i mean who gives out a cookie with eat me on it as their parting gift for their wedding it's so punk rawk
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Punk "rawk?" No, actually. It really isn't. You wanna see real punk rock? Watch Sid & Nancy...or Bonnie & Clyde.
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I've learned there are three things you don't discuss with people: religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gKxXAwBRuVo
Looks like the box probably cost more than the cookie. I would be glad to get anything, though. Since when to they give gifts at weddings? It's not common where I'm from. I usually waste 3 hours of my time for nothing!
LoLo is invited to my next new boat. lol.
See I think it's just that Papa Joe never misses out on a money making or a money saving opportunity. He got everyone high as a kite so they wouldn't ask too many questions about the pregnancy and they wouldn't notice Tony Romo banging some other blonde than Jessica under the tables. Then when they were good and high he gave out the boxes and in 50 years guests will still be letting everyone know that it was the BEST wedding gift ever.
God, the wedding invitation looks like it was made by some gay little 13 year old emo kids. Oh wait...
I think a box of cookies with little messages and a mini-bottle of wine would have been nice. But just one cookie that says "EAT ME" seems rude.
The mere fact that they did a goth and Alice in Wonderland wedding is a clear indication that they're both totally fucked up on drugs and think it's cool. Didn't Pete give an interview one time where he said he hates being alone when he's coming down off coke? Yeah, me too buddy. Only I don't tell the whole world about it. Hope your lip-syncing plastic wife is taking a little break from the x and powder though right now since she's knocked up with your mini hobbit, douche.
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It's like judging ducks before they become swans...its stupid. -LA
yew wind some yew loose some two! -FLA
Submitted by Your Mom Ate th... on May 20, 2008 - 12:25pm.
Submitted by Kizzy on May 20, 2008 - 11:16am.
Submitted by Your Mom Ate th... on May 20, 2008 - 12:12pm.
Submitted by Kizzy on May 20, 2008 - 11:08am.
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Tony just stuck a spork in her hand, and put a rubber band around it to help her hold it.
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Yeah, too bad she thought it was an eyelash comber, though. She ended up poking herself in the eye with it.
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That's why Papa Joe agreed to let Tony go. He just doesn't watch Jessica as closely as needed to avoid injury. As a quarterback, he's used to dodging blitzes and tacklers, but not a blitzed pastor.
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♥♥ If you don't yalk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
What about the little bottle of wine with a personalized ribbon? Cheap f*ckers. The guests needed something to wash down their stupid cookie. That's what I gave at my wedding (the wine, not the cookie).
Submitted by Kizzy on May 20, 2008 - 11:16am.
Submitted by Your Mom Ate th... on May 20, 2008 - 12:12pm.
Submitted by Kizzy on May 20, 2008 - 11:08am.
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Tony didn't want to have to do it, probably the only time he was grateful for Papa Joe's interference.
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Yeah, I'm guessing Tony had enough when they were about to eat dinner and Jessica picked up a fork and a spoon and asked him which one is for the salad and which one is for the chicken.
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Tony just stuck a spork in her hand, and put a rubber band around it to help her hold it.
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Yeah, too bad she thought it was an eyelash comber, though. She ended up poking herself in the eye with it.
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I've learned there are three things you don't discuss with people: religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gKxXAwBRuVo
Didn't People magazine pay them a MILLION DOLLARS for the rights to cover this happy event? And all they can afford to give the guests is an overpackaged COOKIE? That's just low.
The cookie would have been appropriate if one of them had been marrying Fred Durst.
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My only regret is that I'll live to see all the trends I hated come back to life.
wow, if i go to your wedding and get you a gift i better get at least a cupcake, not a cheap cookie
How lame! The gift wrapping looks like it cost more than the gift itself...imagine the guests' surprise when they opened that exquisite box to find a stupid cookie! Those two suck so hard.
--
"So, what do you do if you're a Satanist?"
"Sacrifice virgins and stuff."
"I guess that lets us off the hook."
you could do better than this at Family Dollar~!
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http://s19.photobucket.com/albums/b175/christine43/?action=view¤t=...
Seriously??? haha I'm not surprised..I bet they had a Twinkie Cake too, and a face painter. There tools!
Submitted by Your Mom Ate th... on May 20, 2008 - 12:12pm.
Submitted by Kizzy on May 20, 2008 - 11:08am.
Submitted by Your Mom Ate th... on May 20, 2008 - 12:04pm.
Submitted by Kizzy on May 20, 2008 - 11:00am.
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Tony didn't want to have to do it, probably the only time he was grateful for Papa Joe's interference.
-----------------------------
Yeah, I'm guessing Tony had enough when they were about to eat dinner and Jessica picked up a fork and a spoon and asked him which one is for the salad and which one is for the chicken.
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Tony just stuck a spork in her hand, and put a rubber band around it to help her hold it.
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♥♥ If you don't yalk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
"Wow - A $4.00 cookie in $10.00 worth of packaging"
Exactly what I was thinking!! In keeping with the Alice in Wonderland theme the very least they could have done was include a mini-bottle of Absinthe that had "drink me" on it to go with the tacky cookie. Okay - I know mini-bottles are tacky too - but atleast you'd have a little buzz going to distract you from the absurdity of it all.
Submitted by Kizzy on May 20, 2008 - 11:08am.
Submitted by Your Mom Ate th... on May 20, 2008 - 12:04pm.
Submitted by Kizzy on May 20, 2008 - 11:00am.
=============
Tony didn't want to have to do it, probably the only time he was grateful for Papa Joe's interference.
-----------------------------
Yeah, I'm guessing Tony had enough when they were about to eat dinner and Jessica picked up a fork and a spoon and asked him which one is for the salad and which one is for the chicken.
*******************************************************
I've learned there are three things you don't discuss with people: religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gKxXAwBRuVo
Submitted by NYC_Lady on May 20, 2008 - 10:44am.
Submitted by Hekki on May 20, 2008 - 11:37am.
And what's with the "Eat Me" message on the cookie? I'd be pissed if I had to open a box and then another box and all I got was something that said "EAT ME" on it. I'd call and say "Hey, bitch: eat ME!"
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Exactly! That message just seems insulting. It's like saying "BITE ME" or "F U". I'm totally going to send people cookies with weird messages now.
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nono, dont you guys get it, they're way too edgy for a traditional favor....
ya know, its asslee simpson!! she's like, the authority on all things underground and edgy.... i mean, have you guys heard her music? its totally cutting edge...
*big eye roll*
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"Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke."
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
Submitted by Stoney on May 20, 2008 - 8:07am.
I kind of like the Wonderland theme.
*blows head off*
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Agreed
*takes shotgun*
*shoot self in head*
"The really offensive thing is the excessive amount of packaging."
Seriously! All that for a fucking cheap-ass cookie? My local Wal-mart bakery makes tastier looking stuff than that.
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Cancel my subscription to the resurrection. Send my credentials to the house of detention. I got some friends inside.
Submitted by carlk223 on May 20, 2008 - 11:05am.
Lindsay Lohan is my favorite. Someone told me she is datting a young billlionaire on -"W e a l t h yR o m a n c e.c o m. What kind of relationship she is looking for on that site? Long-term relationship or just a dating?
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This is a post about Asslee Simpson, you merkin-for-brains!
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I've learned there are three things you don't discuss with people: religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gKxXAwBRuVo
How fucking CHEAP! Guess Papa joe did't want to fork over the DINERO like he did for Chestica and Nick's hoopla.
You know, Chesty is his fave, plus, she remained a virgin *coughcough* till marriage. She got the princess treatment.
Submitted by Your Mom Ate th... on May 20, 2008 - 12:04pm.
Submitted by Kizzy on May 20, 2008 - 11:00am.
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Tony didn't want to have to do it, probably the only time he was grateful for Papa Joe's interference.
************************************
♥♥ If you don't yalk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
I kind of like the Wonderland theme.
*blows head off*
__________________________________________
It's like judging ducks before they become swans...its stupid. -LA
yew wind some yew loose some two! -FLA
Lindsay Lohan is my favorite. Someone told me she is datting a young billlionaire on -"W e a l t h yR o m a n c e.c o m. What kind of relationship she is looking for on that site? Long-term relationship or just a dating?
Submitted by Kizzy on May 20, 2008 - 11:00am.
Had to have been a marijuana cookie, with Ecstasy sprinkles.
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Ecstasy sprinkles? I'll bet Papa Joe stole as many cookies as he possibly could, force fed them to Jessica, and then locked himself in a private room with her for the rest of the night. Tony Romo was seen wandering around the reception for about two minutes before he got tired of looking for her.
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I've learned there are three things you don't discuss with people: religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gKxXAwBRuVo
It's not like you can save it and remember this "glorious" emo day in wonderland...
I mean you could save it, but then it willg et moldy, just like these two vaginas...
Or just do as your told. Eat it. And then poop it out.
Clever...
♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦
Rollin' with the homies
yeah that's a pretty lame goody bag, they should have included nose hairs as featured on this weird online news show: http://digitalfuntown.squarespace.com/dft-blog/2008/5/16/dft-news-episod...
Had to have been a marijuana cookie, with Ecstasy sprinkles.
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♥♥ If you don't yalk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥