John Mayer Will Give You The Best Sex Of Your Life
This isn't the first time that we've heard that John Mayer will have your coochie screaming "mercy!!" It's already been rumored that his dick is major and that he knows how to fuck. A "friend" of John's backed up these claims to OK! Magazine.
The "friend" said, "John is good in bed. Not just good, but sensational. Every girl I know who has slept with John says it was the best sex of their life. I'm not sure what exactly he does in bed, but after girls sleep with him, they're ruined. They get totally hung up on him and want more! Whatever John's secret is, he should market it. He could retire from the music industry."
Hmmmm...I know which "friend" said this. Rachel Green! We get it, Jen. You're fucking John Mayer and the sex is fantastic. Good for you. Give yourself a hug. You don't have to remind us anymore, so you can go back to sticking pins in your Angie Jolie voodoo doll.
Not only is Douche Mayer a master at sexy times, he's also a comedian! He left a pharmacy with the words "experimental human growth hormones" written on his bag. Oh John, save it for the sack.
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Submitted by Stoney on June 12, 2008 - 4:26pm.
Submitted by M.E. on June 12, 2008 - 4:24pm.
I used to think that was the case, but it's getting easier for me as I get older, and I think that also has a lot to do with it. Maturity, sex drive, etc.
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I hear ya sister. I think that in some cases, the older we get the more comfortable we feel about our sexuality. I think sometimes our awkwardness about sex is because society makes us believe that we should be ashamed of being sexual and that our intimate parts are bad and dirty.
I think that if you find the right man, the man that makes you feel like a goddess in the sack even if you're not Charlize Theron, that man can do wonders to your body, things you never even dreamed of feeling. Then again, not all human beings have sexuality as a priority in their lives and it is a tiny part compared to the other things that make their lives interesting.
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Let me dirty up your mind.
Submitted by Your Mom Ate th... on June 12, 2008 - Submitted by parissucksliterally on June 12, 2008 - 2:23pm.
Submitted by Kizzy on June 12, 2008 - 2:31pm.
I like to, ya know, DO IT, but I don't like to discuss it.
Don't let my prudishness spoil your fun, however!!!!
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Don't get saucy with me, Bernaise.
Mrs.K is fib telling!! She's a kinky hawt sluuutt! She likes for Mr.K to tie her up!! They use Cool Whip!!
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"His name is not 'fat shit cat,' it's Meatball...and he's eating your crab cakes."
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
There's gotta be a certain amount of cool factor to Mayer...I mean, he is friends with Dave Chappelle...
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In heaven, everything is fine. You've got your good things, and I've got mine.
Submitted by M.E. on June 12, 2008 - 5:25pm.
I do the same thing!! I can't stand that shit!! How people make it through an entire concert, I do NOT know...
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"His name is not 'fat shit cat,' it's Meatball...and he's eating your crab cakes."
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by MONKEYPOX on June 12, 2008 - 4:27pm.
Y'all crack me up. When I got trashed on monday, I was talking about how much of a sell out and douche Mayer has become. There was a time when he was *likeable* but that time has long passed. He used to be genuine, funny, most of all, humble. Now he nauseates me...
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I think, at first, he was shocked that anyone gave a shit. And then Hollywood got all up in his shit and he turned into a douchebag...he'll be shocked as shit again when nobody gives a fuck anymore.
That was fun. Dirty mouth girlie, I am:)
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Do you think I'm high right now? Do I seem high to you? No? Well, you're wrong - I'm totally high right now. - Super-High Me.
Lean Like A Chola
Submitted by parissucksliterally on June 12, 2008 - 4:22pm
I just never enjoyed it, and I hate when my clit is overly stimulated. That shit only hurts... Then again, I may be a freak of nature...
>>>>> Girl you a freak!
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Mine eyes hath seen the glory of our schizofriend, oh yes, mine eyes hath seen. HA!....."Jizzus Christo"
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on June 12, 2008 - 4:25pm.
Submitted by parissucksliterally on June 12, 2008 - 2:23pm.
I do not like talking about sex.
I don't even like to watch people kissing in the movies.
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Oh, Mrs. K...I'd love it if you could embrace your inner slut, but that is how you feel, and I respect that. :)
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In heaven, everything is fine. You've got your good things, and I've got mine.
That surprises me MrsK.....but hey, whatever you are comfortable with.....now, I have to go make some money...I will see you all tonight!
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“Pamela and the kids have moved in with me. It’s awesome, man. It’s definitely working. We’ve only given it a try 800 times — 801, here we go"
-Tommy Lee
Y'all crack me up. When I got trashed on monday, I was talking about how much of a sell out and douche Mayer has become. There was a time when he was *likeable* but that time has long passed. He used to be genuine, funny, most of all, humble. Now he nauseates me...
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"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits"- Albert Einstein
"What's Walmart? Is that where they sell Walls?"- The Plague upon this earth, aka Pussy Hole Hilton
Submitted by M.E. on June 12, 2008 - 4:24pm.
I used to think that was the case, but it's getting easier for me as I get older, and I think that also has a lot to do with it. Maturity, sex drive, etc.
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It's like judging ducks before they become swans...its stupid. -HA
Kizzy- when I hear that shit come on the radio, I furiously start banging my radio to hit the CD button.
Fucking HATE that shit!
Submitted by parissucksliterally on June 12, 2008 - 2:23pm.
I do not like talking about sex.
I don't even like to watch people kissing in the movies.
-☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
Don't get saucy with me, Bernaise.
Submitted by M.E. on June 12, 2008 - 5:22pm.
ITA That was the first and only one I tried to listen to.
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"His name is not 'fat shit cat,' it's Meatball...and he's eating your crab cakes."
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Used to be the kind of girl who couldn't climax without oral. But then I found the right peen, the right position and well, yeah. I can get off in about 30 seconds.
Submitted by parissucksliterally on June 12, 2008 - 4:22pm
I just never enjoyed it, and I hate when my clit is overly stimulated. That shit only hurts... Then again, I may be a freak of nature...
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"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits"- Albert Einstein
"What's Walmart? Is that where they sell Walls?"- The Plague upon this earth, aka Pussy Hole Hilton
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on June 12, 2008 - 2:22pm.
This convo makes me very uncomfortable.
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really?
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“Pamela and the kids have moved in with me. It’s awesome, man. It’s definitely working. We’ve only given it a try 800 times — 801, here we go"
-Tommy Lee
With the 69, for me, it's all in the fact that the kitty gets licked BACKWARDS and that feels awesome. Also, I love the fact that I'm being stimulated at the same time I can hear my partner getting excited. Don't get me wrong, I still love a good banging. LOL
This is way more info than I've ever given you sluts.
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It's like judging ducks before they become swans...its stupid. -HA
This convo makes me very uncomfortable.
-☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
Don't get saucy with me, Bernaise.
Submitted by M.E. on June 12, 2008 - 4:20pm.
I HATE 69. Cant' concentrate on giving mindblowing BJ, while trying to concentrate on how good the kitty is feeling.
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Amen, sista! I'm usually too involved in greasing the pole to feel the benefits of his clamming session during a 69, myself.
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In heaven, everything is fine. You've got your good things, and I've got mine.
Wow Monkeypox....but I think many women don't like receiving oral...makes them uncomfortable....I had one BF who went down on me for over 5 hours , and wouldn't let me do anything to him....that was niiiiiiiiiice.
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“Pamela and the kids have moved in with me. It’s awesome, man. It’s definitely working. We’ve only given it a try 800 times — 801, here we go"
-Tommy Lee
The Mayer song "Say what you need to say" or whateverthefuckitscalled annoys the fuck out of me. How many times can you repeat the same line over and over and over again.
I love everything about sex! Sex rocks!
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Do you think I'm high right now? Do I seem high to you? No? Well, you're wrong - I'm totally high right now. - Super-High Me.
Lean Like A Chola
Submitted by Migraineuse on June 12, 2008 - 4:06pm.
Word... I may be the only girl who is definitely not into oral sex(receiving). It's not that I haven't had good oral, it's just that I can only get off with penetration... TMI? Yeah, TMI...sorry folks!
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"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits"- Albert Einstein
"What's Walmart? Is that where they sell Walls?"- The Plague upon this earth, aka Pussy Hole Hilton
I HATE 69. Cant' concentrate on giving mindblowing BJ, while trying to concentrate on how good the kitty is feeling.
Lmao. I know I'm late but this post is hilarious!
蜘龍====================龍蜘
(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
True:
69 is really the only position that effectively gets me off. I LOVE it.
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It's like judging ducks before they become swans...its stupid. -HA
i'm deleting all of this assholes music from my computer.
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Honestly, this girl needs to dig a hole and stick her head in it.
She has no intelligence, no class, no beauty, no charm NOTHING doing for her.
Submitted by Lucy Goosey on Rumor Willis
Whoever was talking about 69 being the most overrated position ever, tell me about it. Try being 5'1 and having a boyfriend 6'1, almost 6'2 and try to make a go of it. Ri-DICK-ulous!
he lost points w/ aniston. she seems as sexually exciting as drying paint. Heard Brad regretted marrying her and Cox w/in 6 months.
Brad was probably behind the scene trying to pawn off his sloppy seconds to anyone., so she'll move on.
Submitted by Angelina Jolie-Pitt on June 12, 2008 - 3:56pm.
Submitted by Falcor on June 12, 2008 - 4:55pm
MORE LUBE!
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I'd say MORE SALIVA... It doesn't get sticky and acts as a good lubricant. LOL.
Falcor, you can also do something to feel in the mood... like taking a luxurious long-ass bath with rich body lotions and/or reading erotica before the deed so you have sex in mind before doing it. You see, I think preparing your mind("caressing" it as some might say) is also a must if you want to get in the mood. ;)
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Let me dirty up your mind.
@Lory- HA! I guess I could torture myself and go to Rhapsody and take a listen, but do I really want my ears to bleed and the world as I know it to come to an end? Nah, I will go off what you said and keep my ears virgin to the sounds of Super Douche.
68 is better!
You satisfy me and then I'll owe you ONE.
bbbawwahhhaaaaahhaaahhaaaaa
Submitted by cornpone on June 12, 2008 - 5:05pm
Thank you!!!
Oh, on topic: I'd never give John Mayer head, and I definitely would not want to receive any from him.
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"His name is not 'fat shit cat,' it's Meatball...and he's eating your crab cakes."
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
I know guys, usually I like to concentrate....but this one man....jeez...I just couldn't wait....lol
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“Pamela and the kids have moved in with me. It’s awesome, man. It’s definitely working. We’ve only given it a try 800 times — 801, here we go"
-Tommy Lee
I heard a John Mayer song once and I believe he was saying "Slow dancing in a burning pooon"
My nanny says that song was about Jessica Simpson.
Submitted by . on June 12, 2008 - 1:00pm.
I agree. 69 is the most overrated sex position ever.
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"This cunt from cuntville really needs to be put on a cunt filter." - MK, 6/11/08
Submitted by No Words on June 12, 2008 - 3:58pm.
Okay, fine...you've convinced me.
*pulls down pants*
*waits for John Mayer*
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You'll have to share him with Aniston. Do you think she's the generous kind?
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Let me dirty up your mind.
Submitted by Kizzy on June 12, 2008 - 4:29pm.
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Unlike blow-jobs, cunnilingus cannot be done as a favor. You're in the right frame of mind.
Devilgirl: Rob Zombie and Prodigy! Woot! You're my kind of gal! I've heard two Mayer songs. (Thank my sister for that)
Neither of them I could finish. I got so sick I actually wanted to grab the sheets on my bed and hang myself. Thank God I could find the remote!
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Let me dirty up your mind.
Submitted by . on June 12, 2008 - 5:00pm.
Submitted by parissucksliterally on June 12, 2008 - 4:55pm
That's me, I like to concentrate on the task at hand, whether giving or receiving.
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"His name is not 'fat shit cat,' it's Meatball...and he's eating your crab cakes."
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by Angelina Jolie-Pitt on June 12, 2008 - 4:57pm.
Submitted by . on June 12, 2008 - 4:55pm.
period, oh period, I havent seen you in like nine months.
AJP, okay, that was fucking funny! lmao!
Clarisse, geoducks are among God's sexiest creatures ;)
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A worthy cause: http://dogsindanger.com/ or http://hua.org/
Submitted by parissucksliterally on June 12, 2008 - 4:55pm.
then again, there was one person I loved to 69 with
PSL, 69 distracts me. I like either doing the deed or being done but not both. And I thought I was good at multi-tasking but alas, I am but a lowly single tasker when it comes to the sexy times. :(
Submitted by parissucksliterally on June 12, 2008 - 4:58pm.
just had to throw that out there!LOL!... catch ya all in the night time!
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"Come a little bit closer
Hear what I have to say
Just like children sleepin'
We could dream this night away."
@Kizzy- AMEN to that!
ESE:
grrrrrrr...hahahaha....I ain't no DUMMY!
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“Pamela and the kids have moved in with me. It’s awesome, man. It’s definitely working. We’ve only given it a try 800 times — 801, here we go"
-Tommy Lee
Okay, fine...you've convinced me.
*pulls down pants*
*waits for John Mayer*
I guess Mr.Snugglebunny and I are going to have to have a chat. He will withhold it if I haven't given it to him the last couple of times. Then he starts "do me and I'll do ya back", which earns him an eyeroll.
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"His name is not 'fat shit cat,' it's Meatball...and he's eating your crab cakes."
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by . on June 12, 2008 - 4:55pm.
period, oh period, I havent seen you in like nine months.