John Mayer Will Give You The Best Sex Of Your Life
This isn't the first time that we've heard that John Mayer will have your coochie screaming "mercy!!" It's already been rumored that his dick is major and that he knows how to fuck. A "friend" of John's backed up these claims to OK! Magazine.
The "friend" said, "John is good in bed. Not just good, but sensational. Every girl I know who has slept with John says it was the best sex of their life. I'm not sure what exactly he does in bed, but after girls sleep with him, they're ruined. They get totally hung up on him and want more! Whatever John's secret is, he should market it. He could retire from the music industry."
Hmmmm...I know which "friend" said this. Rachel Green! We get it, Jen. You're fucking John Mayer and the sex is fantastic. Good for you. Give yourself a hug. You don't have to remind us anymore, so you can go back to sticking pins in your Angie Jolie voodoo doll.
Not only is Douche Mayer a master at sexy times, he's also a comedian! He left a pharmacy with the words "experimental human growth hormones" written on his bag. Oh John, save it for the sack.
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Submitted by niki on June 12, 2008 - 3:50pm.
I love women who have lost their mind while wearing hooker heels.
I have gotten all of my play things that way.
Be sure to look at the man you desire nad say "Pruuuuuune".
It works every time!
No not for me. I don't get it.
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Madam s. on June 6, 2008 - 9:18am.
Okay. I am going to try and control my language here, because I don't want to expose the depths of my filthy trucker mouth....
Gross. There isn't enough money in the world for me to get near that. And I refuse to believe that anybody who makes music as crappy as him can actually be good in bed.
This is an old pic from about 2003 when douche boy was almost kind of hot.
He has a lot more stupid tattoos now.
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"This cunt from cuntville really needs to be put on a cunt filter." - MK, 6/11/08
Please...I could teach this fucker a thing or two about fucking... Seriously, I was told I fuck like a pornstar, which I think was a compliment? Hmm...wait, was it? Do I do sexytimes good? Well? OMG OMG OMG...
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"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits"- Albert Einstein
"What's Walmart? Is that where they sell Walls?"- The Plague upon this earth, aka Pussy Hole Hilton
Ewwww. He creeps me out. I just think he'd be all odd and strange in the bedroom.
No matter what the "friend" says, I wouldn't let him pee on me. No way.
He is nearly six feet tall, what are you? A fricking giant?
For reals? I thought he was a little wee man. Well in that case he's even yummier. To look at that is and okay I'll admit to listen to as well. His music probably bores most people to tears and then possibly suicide, but some of it isn't completely sucktastic.
Oh and I'm 5'6 when I'm sensible, damn near 6 foot when I've lost my mind and wear my hooker heels.
Ick. He gives me this dough boy vibe whenever I look at him. I just think cheese dick, erm, danish...blah. Maybe, he whips off his douche mask and is actually cute under it?
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Don't worry, it's a thinking man's game.
Submitted by Migraineuse on June 12, 2008 - 2:40pm.
But, Dlisters, I ask you: if you play limp-dick music, how hot can you really be?
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LMFAO!
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PC Load Letter"? What the fuck does that mean?~ Michael Bolton, Office Space.
I'd do him. Douchiness be damned.
Maybe the secret is not in his dick and he's good giving head you know, like a "cooch whisperer" or something.Or he just hums until you cum. I can see it now: John "the Hummer" Mayer... God have mercy on us...
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Let me dirty up your mind.
she had Brad when Brad was hot.
I'm sure this asshole doesn't measure up, I mean, come on.
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Cause your mouth's writing checks that your ass can't cash.
applejones he has his moments. Sometimes I think he's a total waste of good clean air and space and other times I want to find out if the rumors are true. Maybe I'm just hard up. Yep I blame it on not getting any on the regular. That will do crazy shit to a girl.
The women love it because he spends the whole time eating them out, because he only sticks his dick in THE MAN HOLE!! Oh by the way i am the best in the bed in the world..just ask my publicist or amy whinehouse!!!
Submitted by niki on June 12, 2008 - 3:40pm.
You have to be so tall to ride this ride, but for him I'd do a little midget slummin'.
He is nearly six feet tall, what are you? A fricking giant?
That being said, Brad has a tiny, tiny, penis and he wont go down on me because he said that is a job only my brother would do.
Im so going to adopt an 18 year old French student if he doesnt start munching up on my carpet right now!
Is he hot? I can't tell. Sometimes I'm overpowered by the douche factor, and then I see him on Laugh or Die and I think he's cool. Ugh, where are my meds?
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Happily posting on anything not about Angelina Jolie since 2007!
You have to be so tall to ride this ride, but for him I'd do a little midget slummin'.
This is straight from his publicist's ass.
Of course they want you to think he's hot, so you'll buy his "image" and his limp-dick music.
But, Dlisters, I ask you: if you play limp-dick music, how hot can you really be?
It's like people who can't stop talking about sex. They talk a big game, but they always suck in bed. And not in a good way.
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"This cunt from cuntville really needs to be put on a cunt filter." - MK, 6/11/08
Just as long as he doesn't sing to them, too.
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"The fair thing would be, in electing the American president, to let everyone in the world vote, because it affects all of us. If there was a world vote, there’s no question who would win." (Chris Martin, non-American)
I think he is cute