He Had Me At "Elegant"
A couple of hilarious voicemails (above) from a mega-douche named Dimitri are currently making the internet rounds. It all started when d-bag Dimitri met the "elegant" Olga outside of a bar in San Francisco. Elegant Olga made the mistake of giving him her business card. Dimitri called Elegant Olga several times and delivered such memorable quotes as:
"You're an extremely elegant woman. I couldn't take my eyes off you, and your friends were very jealous, even if they say they weren't...""I'm Greek and I'm extremely particular about what I like. So I'm giving you an opportunity here. "
"But nobody says "Call me," hands a person a business card and then doesn't return calls. It's extremely passive aggressive. You should actually look that up, passive-aggressive personality disorder."
Jezebel has the complete transcript of Dmitri's douchetastic voicemails to Elegant Olga. I'm shocked as to why Olga never called Dimitri back. I mean, he called her "elegant" several times! Any dude that calls me "elegant" is definitely the one.
Dimitri totally borrowed his mommy's cell phone to leave Elegant Olga messages during his lunch break from his 8-hour shift at Quizno's.
Thanks Melanie
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Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on June 27, 2008 - 1:16pm.
Submitted by LoLo on June 27, 2008 - 10:12am.
HA HA!
Speaking of sun screen... i was wanting to find sun screen/bug repellent/anti wrinkle/alpha hydroxy/feminine itch cream. I see all the commercial for each seperate one. But frankly i need the space in my medicine cabbie!
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I love you, Cheetos. Mmm Cheetos, I love you so much!
-ohmy-: O man I am outting myself as the true nerd that I am....
there's 10,000 combinations with those 4 last's
but if only trying to combine 3 then there's 1,000
DONT LAUGH DAMN IT!
(lol)
Submitted by LoLo on June 27, 2008 - 12:04pm.
i like Dee Dee's avie!
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I like LoLo's sexytimes talk on the phone.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
~George Carlin. RIP George.
Methinks Olga is not quite as elegant as Dimitri is led to believe if she is handing out her cards to guys like Dimitri at bars.
@classy
yup.
taser, combat boots, german shepherd, glock, nightstick and mace.
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"You drive like old people fuck, slow and sloppy."
RIP George Carlin
Oh my God! Is that for real? Fuckity fuck fuck.
Submitted by LoLo on June 27, 2008 - 10:12am.
I am LMAO. My moisturizer w/30 SPF sunscreen is getting into my eyes!!
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Near the end, "Sir, you kill my children with this price."
416-981- _ _ _ 4
How many combinations of #'s are there? LOL
Submitted by christine the hoff on June 28, 2008 - 1:11am.
Submitted by Fucking_Classy on June 27, 2008 - 12:08pm.
LMFAO!
Sorry Dimitri, it was the whole momcancer, depressed disorder thingy I got going on.
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But seriously, I'm concerned about this broad.
Olga, homegirl, I have ONE precious word for you: TASER!
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"Our kind must never sit in the audience. Our kind must perform and run the show, or the others will run us."
Submitted by LoLo on June 27, 2008 - 12:03pm.
Submitted by Green Is Good on June 27, 2008 - 1:02pm.
Group rates?
I can harass the both of you for a price of one?
Call me. Or no i better call you... fifteeen time sin a row and ill just fart in the phone and laugh and hang up!
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Sweet talker.
Submitted by LoLo on June 27, 2008 - 12:12pm.
OMG
you guys are going to make me shit my pants..
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"You drive like old people fuck, slow and sloppy."
RIP George Carlin
When you give your number out always let it go to voicemail (atleast the first time he calls) I always let all unknown numbers go to vm. Let them leave a message and hear what he says. Oh and always give a fake name that way if they keep calling you can say they got the wrong number.
One time this guy kept on calling me and of course got my voicemail I swear he was having full conversations........
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Hey sexy wanna come over and play Guitar Hero?
Submitted by pompom on June 27, 2008 - 12:10pm.
Submitted by christine the hoff on June 27, 2008 - 9:45am.
Yes! That is my dog. But those aren't my feets. If they were, they would be clad in my spiffy hot pink faux crocs. She is my woofie princess. And she has never bit another person / dog in her life, I'm pleased to say. Stupid JLo.
NICE!
she's a beauty! is she trained in shutzhund?
I'm working on that with my boy..
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"You drive like old people fuck, slow and sloppy."
RIP George Carlin
Mrs. K! This reminds me of a Todd Rundgren (sp?) song!
Hello, it's me
I've thought about us for a long, long time (since yesterday)
Maybe I think too much but something's wrong(obviously)
There's something here that doesn't last too long
(its her phone number, shes so gonna change it now)
Maybe I shouldn't think of you as mine
( NO NO YOU SHOULD NOT!)
Seeing you (through your office blinds)
Or seeing anything as much as I do you
(he jerks off to your picture on a camera phone)
I take for granted that you're always there
I take for granted that you just don't care
(He is starting to get the hint?)
Sometimes I can't help seeing all the way through
(He cant help but stalk. This sound like LA talking now)
It's important to me
That you know you are free
(Untill he cathes you and ties your ass up in the backof his van!)
'Cause I never want to make you change for me
(Only in front of the camera hidden in your gyms shower room)
I love that song but it always sounded stalkerish to me!
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I love you, Cheetos. Mmm Cheetos, I love you so much!
Submitted by Fucking_Classy on June 27, 2008 - 12:08pm.
LMFAO!
Sorry Dimitri, it was the whole momcancer, depressed disorder thingy I got going on.
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"You drive like old people fuck, slow and sloppy."
RIP George Carlin
Submitted by christine the hoff on June 27, 2008 - 9:45am.
Yes! That is my dog. But those aren't my feets. If they were, they would be clad in my spiffy hot pink faux crocs. She is my woofie princess. And she has never bit another person / dog in her life, I'm pleased to say. Stupid JLo.
I dunno, I think Olga missed the opportunity of a lifetime.
Maybe there's still time to give little Dmitri a call, saying "Hey, sorry I didn't call you sooner, it's just that I was abused in childhood and my mom has cancer."
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"Our kind must never sit in the audience. Our kind must perform and run the show, or the others will run us."
416-981.....
OH SHIT HE's from toronto!
FUCK I'm from Toronto! NOOOOOoooo
I love how he has a whole list of reasons why Elegant Olga hasn't phoned him back, including her mother having cancer! Can't just be that she didn't think he was a great a catch as he does...
i like Dee Dee's avie!
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I love you, Cheetos. Mmm Cheetos, I love you so much!
Submitted by Green Is Good on June 27, 2008 - 1:02pm.
Group rates?
I can harass the both of you for a price of one?
Call me. Or no i better call you... fifteeen time sin a row and ill just fart in the phone and laugh and hang up!
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I love you, Cheetos. Mmm Cheetos, I love you so much!
Mel-Tang you live in Astoria? O YES that's Greek-guidos douché land!
Shitttt I live in NJ and I live in the MTV-DOWN-THE-SHORE guido land....ARGH!
Submitted by LoLo on June 27, 2008 - 11:49am.
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Gosh, LoLo! If I weren't married, I beg you to stalk me!!! It was the Klingon that won my heart! Ha ha ha!
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WISH GRANTED! >:)
myspace.com/draya23
PSYCHO!!!!!!!!!! i would be totally freaking out if some dude leaves a message like that..
Green is Good
fucking word!
the first two or even THREE dates take place at the local coffee house.
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"You drive like old people fuck, slow and sloppy."
RIP George Carlin
OMG i want to meet this guy. I love 1-man freak shows.
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"F*ck you Tyra Banks, Oprah, Magic Johnson, Tiger Woods, Rockefeller. F*ck you." - La Pequena Hillary Clinton, 6/17/08
Submitted by Mel-Tang on June 27, 2008 - 11:17am.
Omg, consider yourself lucky. I live in Astoria, Queens. It is Greek douche central, lol.
Submitted by Mel-Tang on June 27, 2008 - 11:17am.
LOL!
ubmitted by Athina on June 27, 2008 - 11:42am.
"He kept calling for like 2 weeks, several times a day, leaving me messages calling me "rude" and "ungrateful." Psyyyycho."
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First date: ALWAYS GO DUTCH. Pay your half, drive your own car, or have an independent escape from the date. You never know..
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WISH GRANTED! >:)
myspace.com/draya23
Hahaha
Mr. D Bags is from Toronto.
416 is a Toronto Ontario area code.
Ahhhhh unfortunately there are lots of his kind bred here. Douchebags I mean......
Hahahaha LoLo. Klingon is a hard language to master.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
~George Carlin. RIP George.
Submitted by JeffreyDahmer on June 28, 2008 - 12:48am.
I'd be surprised if he didn't have his victim's bodies hanging in his closet, Patrick Bateman-style.
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ROTFLMAO!!!
My thoughts exactly!!
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"Our kind must never sit in the audience. Our kind must perform and run the show, or the others will run us."
I wonder why she didn't call him back? He seemed like a real gentleman! Olga fucked up by not calling this man back! She probably lost out of the love of her life!
Seriously, he sounded like a total douche-bag nerd. He said that if she was taking any medications for anxiety or other mental issues, he wasn't interested.......
maybe he should be on some of those medications? ..just sayin'
So, according to Douchbag Dimitri here, he's a real catch, and the only one left in town who is 'normal', and the only way that Olga would not want him is if she has mental or emotional problems, or if there is chemo involved.
Gross. Ew! But, I'm a tad jealous of his crazy self confidence!
.•´¯`•-><-•´¯`•..•´¯`•-><-•´¯`•..•´¯`•->
"Asshole . . . get that down or else you better pawn your cat because you'll need the money!" Tricia Walsh-Smith: Patroness of Angry Divorcés
Submitted by missy on June 27, 2008 - 12:47pm.
Ok i do this for you !
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I love you, Cheetos. Mmm Cheetos, I love you so much!
I am a very sexual man with deep thoughts and fine furniture made of Leggos. I speak Ebonics, English, Klingon, and French. I like to make eggs and canadian bacon for dinner to keep glamorous women such as yourself on thier toes.
I know my approach at Dunkin Donuts was rather aggressive but im very visual in nature and you caught my eye while you were eating munckins in the corner with your assistant.
You left your purse open a bit for me to see this business card and swipe it. I know you left it for me. Call me back!
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I love you, Cheetos. Mmm Cheetos, I love you so much!
fucking awesome.
entrapment and intimidation are highly underrated forms of getting a date...but, you would know that if you ever LISTENED TO ME!!!
...
...
...
now, get back into the cellar...you've a radiator to be handcuffed to.
I'd be surprised if he didn't have his victim's bodies hanging in his closet, Patrick Bateman-style.
OMG I just listened to his messages - W T F..... this is why I sleep w/ a bat by my bed and don't have a home phone nor do I ever give anyone a business card - what a FREAK!!!
LOLO PAGING LOLO aka HOT HEAD INJURY YODA
check your email tard-o ♥
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
Olga just playing hard to get now that Guy Ritchie is on the market.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Oh how I wish I still had my voicemails to share with the world. But alas I stupidly deleted them after a few weeks.
effing scary that's what it is
he is the one with the personality disorder...maybe HE SHOULD LOOK IT UP
I love it when you reject a man, then he tries to play the "I make a lot of money" and/or "I'm good in bed" cards. Like their final last 'nuclear option.'
Yeah, and anyone who has to tell you that they're "normal" OR a "catch" is definitely definitely definitely NOT!!!
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"People stop and stare at me,
we just walk on by.
We just keep on dreaming.
Dreaming is free."
Men like this make me so happy that I am married. I cannot imagine dealing with lunatics like this now. It was bad enough when I was in my 20's-men are crazier now.
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The only gossip I'm interested in is in the Weekly World News - 'Woman's bra burst, 11 injured.' That kind of thing. -Johnny Depp
God be with you, dumbass.
Submitted by pompom on June 27, 2008 - 11:38am.
is that your dog? nice stacking in that pic!!!
on topic
I think I would have agreed to meet him so I could beat the shit out of his annoying ass.
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"You drive like old people fuck, slow and sloppy."
RIP George Carlin
Ahhh crap, I lurve Jezebel!
And I think I might have met Dimitri before, the douchetastic voicemail seems somewhat familiar.
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"Our kind must never sit in the audience. Our kind must perform and run the show, or the others will run us."
ok, what am I doing wrong? This NEVER happens to me and I literally will give my number out to anything that moves. I want a stalker dammit! We can make sexytime while he tells me how elegant my nutsack is.
Ew! Scary, creepy, and full of himself. I see a protective order in some lucky lady's future!
"But nobody says 'Call me,' hands a person a business card and then doesn't return calls. It's extremely passive aggressive."
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Yeah, they do if they just want you to STFU and go away.
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Near the end, "Sir, you kill my children with this price."
Are these peeps famous or are these just random people? Confused....?