This Is What Guy Is Missing Out On
It came from the grave...... Eeek! If the whole international superstar thing doesn't work out for Madge, she can always get a job as the Crypt Keeper's hand double. And no, she's not wearing her wedding ring. Despite all the rumors that her marriage is in the shitter, Madge and her family showed up to Friday night services at the Kabbalahahaahha Center in NYC last night.
The Sun reports that Guy Ritchie will fly his ass to NYC this weekend to try and save his marriage. A source said, “It is make or break time for Guy and Madonna. She is completely focused on rehearsals for her tour in America and can’t come back to London. They want to make the marriage work, but they are at a stalemate. Divorce is something they have thought about.”
The source also claims that the main issue is that Madge wants to move her family to NYC, but Guy wants to stay in England. A few Dlisted birdies told me that the main issue is that Guy can't keep his "other guy" in his pants. I'm surprised to hear that he still has a dick. I thought that Madge's vagina of death chomped that thing off a while ago.
If Madge moves back to NYC, does this mean she will finally drop that truly hideous British accent? If only.
ShareThis
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on June 28, 2008 - 1:32pm.
you guys are funny (evn if i don't know what half of that stuff means. salchicha???)
Submitted by parissucksliterally on June 28, 2008 - 11:56am.
Michael Keaton at his finest!
♥
-☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
91. The first reaction to everything you read is...should I change my siggy?
MrsK.....i love "Night Shift"! That movie was great!
**************************************************
"In a word or two, it's you I wanna do; no not your body your mind you fool..."
- Prince "Sexy Muthafucka"
So, you ever see the movie Night Shift? 1982, Directed by Ron Howard, starring Henry Winkler and Michael Keaton.
Henry Winkler is engaged to this woman who won't do sexay times with him because she thinks she needs to lose 10 pounds. She can't have sex, she's "too fat." That is prolly exactly what's going on with Vadge and Guy.
-☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
91. The first reaction to everything you read is...should I change my siggy?
HAHAH
awesome list can I be on it?
"when you think about getting drunk/high you see the hoff's avvie in your head."
----------------------------------------------
"You drive like old people fuck, slow and sloppy."
RIP George Carlin
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on June 28, 2008 - 1:32pm.
LMFAO!
Awesomeness. hahahaha
I.Vixen:
that was HILARIOUS!
**************************************************
"In a word or two, it's you I wanna do; no not your body your mind you fool..."
- Prince "Sexy Muthafucka"
IVix, you must email that list to MK.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions."~~~GC
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on June 28, 2008 - 1:32pm.
LMAO! Well, I can relate to most everything on this great list, and I know for sure I now have a seat reserved on that slow bus to hell MK is always referring to.
The only Friday night services this whore used to care about were the oral kind.
Madonna sure has changed since the 80's.
--
I flew too close to the sun on wings of pastrami.
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen
Thank you for compiling that!!!! Much appreciated for the great laugh of the day. Ihad missed a few of those...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions."~~~GC
Aww, bless your sainted soul for compiling the list, it was hilarious as hell when we were all doing it. Thank you for putting them all together.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
************************************
"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on June 28, 2008 - 12:32pm.
Okiedokie. I'll post it again on a weekday so others can see it as well, but here goes:
*************************************
Dayum! I DO prefer my fake friends to my IRL friends!
Here's number 94. When 93 equals 100 and that's ok:)
♥ ThreadKilla! Avvie courtesy of Viva La Lohan. Lean Like a Chola
You need to suck it dickweed.
♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. - George Carlin
You need to get a life.
------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on June 28, 2008 - 1:32pm.
Okiedokie. I'll post it again on a weekday so others can see it as well, but here goes:
100 Reasons (Okay, 93) You Know You Read Too Much D-Listed:
Vogue asked Madonna circa mid-90's what her favourite body part was: she said it was her hands because they were strong. Just sayin'
♥ ThreadKilla! Avvie courtesy of Viva La Lohan. Lean Like a Chola
Okiedokie. I'll post it again on a weekday so others can see it as well, but here goes:
100 Reasons (Okay, 93) You Know You Read Too Much D-Listed:
93. Do you know how many times Ive explained lately what a chola is?? – Missy
92. The word "mouse" doesn't mean a cute little rodent or a computer part.
91. The first reaction to everything you read is..should I change my siggy?
90. Actually having a siggy file on your laptop - idiots drive me loco
89. You see a picture of Aliens and immediately look for Tommygirl.
88. You know more people who have sexy times with bikes, walls, and cars than you ever imagined you would.
87. You have more avies in your picture files than actual IRL pictures. - Bradful Bitch
86. When you're watching a televised White House news conference and then you hear one of the reporters say "Mr. President" and are surprised when Aubrey O'Day is not at the podium. –Mr. President
85. Everytime you see a funny ass pic you think, "There's my next avvie!" – ihearthaters
84. When your friends show you pictures and all you can think of is "Caption This". – Manimal5
83. When your kid's teacher phones to tell you she has several overdue assignments and you reply: Escandalo! – Angel_i
82. You mention out loud..."somethin' in the milk ain't clean" and everyone looks at you like you're ghetto. – pinkdoodoo2
81. When you see L.A. and think of Angie's biggest fan and not the city.
80. When you find yourself telling your friends about what your fellow dlisters have been saying-- only to be met with blank stares.
79. When you use the term gayelle outside of this blog. – thlayly5
78. When you can still remember commentator "Mishma" and laugh over her cat avies and her witty remarks.
77. When you hear the word "Coco" and don't think of Coco Chanel.
76. When you child says he has to go "P.P" and chicken cutlets come to mind.
75. When you refer to your teeth as "teef" in public and don't even realize it.
74. When you use the phrase "Holy Hooker Hooves" (from Madam S.) and still laugh your ass off.
-TinaTuna
73. When there is something written about **AJ** and all posts refer to Johnny Depp or Gerard Butler, you know without looking a "troll alert" has been issued...- DebFrmHell
72. When you are driving through Moreno Valley and you slow down to take pictures of eyebrows and consider sending them to Michael K. – Zomay
71. When you miss your daily cheeto update. *cough cough, HINT HINT, MK* - IheartHaters
70. You know what a Cheeto report is. And can recognize when fellow dlisters are jonesing for one. – DeeDee
69.When you can spot bad botox, implants, or lipo with just a brief glance. - Kizzy
68. When the highest compliment you can pay your friend is to deem her a HAWT SLUUUTT – Kizzy
67. When your fake tits compliment your fake face. - .
66. When you only call celebs by their Dlisted name (Fishsticks, Hohan, et cetera) – Viva La Lohan
65. When MK gives you a shout-out in a post like "Thanks, now shut your hole!" and you're not offended, but flattered! - Migraineuse
64. When you see a really unfortunate-looking person & think, "Say something nice!" – Dramaqueen365247
63. When you send MK an email & don't get offended when the reply is "Thanks, bitch!" - dramaqueen365247
62. Or in my case, "Thanks, hobag." - DeeDee
61. When you start hating certain celebs not because of who they are, but because of their stalker fans. – Zomay
60. When before reading post you look at the "submitted by" to see if anyone is out there to avoid... – DemFrmHell
59. You and your co-workers hang around the water cooler to discuss who's gayelle. – Reese2029
58. When douche is no longer a feminine hygiene product but a term for a complete & total idiot.
57. When you try to hook up IRL friends w/ cyberfriends over things like their hatred of the word, "slacks." - dramaqueen365247
56. You refer to manish looking women as "Trannies" – M.E.
55. When you have clicked to tranny websites, more then once, but you are a straight woman. – Zomay
54. Mangina becomes part of your regular lexicon.
53. "Xenu wills it" is your explaination for Katie Holmes' career tanking. – Kizzy
52. When "buttfuck Fiesta" becomes part of your regular vocabulary. – DebFrmHell
51. You ask "Where has that hot bitch been?" – M.E.
50. When you don't see someone for a while you wonder "where the hell has that hor been"? – Viva La Lohan
49. You start carrying razors in your hair – tinkuy
48. You have been away from Dlisted a few days and all the sudden, while you are driving on the 5, you think to yourself, "wonder how all the Dlisted horz are doing?". - Zomay
47. You see lucite hooker shoes in the store and actually consider buying them. KIDDING! – islandgirl
46. You dream of dlisters, you see their avis. – DeeDee
45. Schifty-five: You are the only person in your real life who knows what "toilet bats", "ass tax", "wig tax", "boot moves", "sofa batteries", "push-button lipstick" and "tennis cans and green beans" mean. – Migraineuse
44. When you pick up hicks. - .
43. When you see TV and no longer think in terms of size, color or inches...- DebFrmHell
42. You know the word 'blumpkin'
41. The word 'bloop' causes you to giggle – Kizzy
40. When you can't stop saying:
SOTP IT
SOTP IT
SOTP IT, BAISH, SOTP IT - Migraineuse
39. When you see things on TV and instantly think of someone on DL you just HAVE to tell. (For you, M.E. I saw a hot pic of Jared Leto on TV one night and was like oh my god she would die if she could see this!!!) – Viva La Lohan
38. When you can identify a mooseknuckle or cameltoe without seeing the celebrity face. – DebFrmHell
37. You look at picnic tables, tailpipes and wombats differently. – The C word
36. And walls and bicycles. - islandgirl
35. No one has any idea what you are talking about anymore. - Mrs.Kravitz
34. You try to have a convo with your spouse in regards to a post you read that day, and they stare at you blankly and tell you you are crazy. – M.E.
33. You call dumb girls "stupid whores" – M.E.
32. You are on constant "chola brow" alert. – DeeDee
31. You have dreamt of MK. More than once. – maDalice
30. You can't spell "Blake" properly. – Sheeps
29. You point to a 400 lb guy walking down the street with a mullet, no shirt on and yelling at traffic, and you turn to your mom and ask "Would you hit it?".- Madam S
28. You wince every time someone mentions AJ or JA because you're expecting a loon to jump out from behind a bush – Viva La Lohan
27. Every time somebody does something you don't like, you threaten to "cuttabeesh" – Viva La Lohan
26. Everytime you see a ginger, you automatically think, "Rojo Caliente".
25. If a friend tells you some juicy gossip, it's an escandolo. - islandgirl
24. You refer to penis as salchicha and vagina as chocha. – DeeDee
23. You prefer your fake friends to your IRL friends. – Mrs. Kravitz
22. You realize that anybody can be a Hot Slut.
21. You use words ‘edifying’, ‘shenanigans’, and ‘canoodling’. - The C word
20. You start completely inappropriate conversations about tossing salad or rim jobs or 2 girls one cup
19. You use the term twat excessivly.– M.E.
18. You find yourself giggling at almost every fresh food in the grocery store. And Cheetos. – angel_I
17. You apologize to people for being a grumpy bitch but say it's because "I have a fucking hangover and my ass lips are sore. Don't ask". – madam S.
16. You use the word "feltch" at a dinner party for shock value. – islandgirl
15. You greet people by calling them HOR!
14. You call idiots douchebags – M.E.
13. When you see stupid people in stupid situation, you automatically go into "Caption this" mode. – DeeDee
12. When you are trying to seduce your S.O. you use the phrase "sexy times" – Viva La Lohan
11. You've got boot moves. – sheeps
10. You greet anyone & everyone with "What the hell kind of GD outfit is THAT?!"
9. You start staying "what the fuckity fuck are you doing with this fuckery?!" – tinkuy
8. Broke Boot moves is said allowed and no one gets it.
7. The hate of Skeletina. nuff said about that. – Bradful bitch
6. You know what a 'fupa' and a 'gunt' are, and can easily define the two. – The C word
5. Not only do you know who Phoebe Price is, but you looked past Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway watching he new Get Smart movie to see her walk on role. – RigaToni
4. You send emails to coworkers claiming to have "fixed that shit."
3.You greet your sister with "what's up you stupid whore!" - Stoney
2. Your kids mention fish sticks for dinner and you think sourly of Gwyneth Paltrow.
1. You refer to the woman and her two daughters (in your head of course) too slowly walking in from of you as "That bitch and her two little hos." – ImpertinentVixen
♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. - George Carlin
ain't that the truth....when I hit 35, I decided it is better to have 5 extra lbs, than look like an old hag.
**************************************************
"In a word or two, it's you I wanna do; no not your body your mind you fool..."
- Prince "Sexy Muthafucka"
I remember a quote from an older actress (It may have been Zsa Zsa Gabor) talking about how when a woman gets older, she has to choose between her face and her figure.
Meaning that as woman gets older they have to decide between being skinny or putting on a few pounds to help hide aging in your face (and Madonna's case her hands)
It is very obvious that Madonna is choosing skinny and playing the price by looking like Gollum's long lost twin sister.
Eat a cheese burger, Madge!
Your skanky (but hard working) ass earned it!
every square inch of these celebs are scrutinized.
Oh I'm sure NYC is shivering in anticipation that she might move there.
Sorry UK, we don't want her back, she's yours now.
?&!
"Don't get me twisted with average fan losers you have encountered. I am not one of them."
"I am more of a manipulative bitch than a cunt"
"LOVE ANGELINA aka HEART ANGELINA aka ???"
Her hand looks like a frog's foot; I'm expecting her to have sticky fingers.
**********************************************
If Billy Ocean can't chase the devil out of you, nothing can. -MK, 6/18/08
For a 50 year old woman, her cheeks look like they belong to a 20 year old.
Isn't it time the daughter got the unibrow taken care of - doesn't have to be a full tarted up wax job, just make it into two distinct brows.
Let's just hope she doesn't start affecting a Brooklyn accent.
Submitted by Vabrownid1 on June 28, 2008 - 12:31pm.
That thing looks like an E.T. finger
-----------
Don't talk shit about E.T. like that!
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
http://www.myspace.com/rainbowsrule
THEY TRIED 2 GIVE ME A TIME SLOT WERE IT WAS STILL LIGHT OUTSIDE ... I HAVE A FUCKING LIGHT SHOW DUMB ASS, IT'S NOT CALLED GLOW IN THE DARK FOR NO REASON SQUID BRAINS!
That thing looks like an E.T. finger
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on June 28, 2008 - 11:28am.
********
Exactly. Before I read MK's commentary, I thought that was Verne Troyer's hand. Ack!
*********
Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life.
~Lord Byron
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on June 28, 2008 - 8:29am.
p.s. I compiled the list of 100 Reasons you know you read too much dlisted. Should I just post it or send it to MK?
--------
POST IT!! I wanna see it!!
OnT: I am so done with Madonna, everything, her attempts of being the young sexy kitten is over, act your age!!
--------------------------------
"Hahaha....you are eating my caca and paying for it. Meeeeow." No gracias. MK
Can you imagine getting a hand job from that...no wonder he has a wandering dick...uhm wandering eye. I'd still do him, I love slutty Brit hubbies.
In a somewhat related story, I saw Lurdes' daddy Carlos walking around with some ugly, bleached-blonde, anorexic model type the other day. Nothing interesting to add, the chick he was with looked like a spaz.
Diamond -
Condo in Myrtle Beach. LOL - I'm not much of a camper either, your right,it is hell on earth!
Gawd, when will women realize that the "no body fat" look is hideous on them?? Madonna looks all muscle and bone. Not.a.good.look.
Gollum and his precious!
Madge's hair looks like its thinning. What do you think?
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on June 28, 2008 - 8:29am.
p.s. I compiled the list of 100 Reasons you know you read too much dlisted. Should I just post it or send it to MK?
----------------------
POST IT!!
JESUS!
Her hands look worse than my Great Aunt's when she was 95!
**************************************************
"In a word or two, it's you I wanna do; no not your body your mind you fool..."
- Prince "Sexy Muthafucka"
Submitted by Vabrownid1 on June 28, 2008 - 8:44am.
I know I read too much - I dreading vacation because I won't have a computer for a week :(
-------------------------
Excuse me, sweetie, but where the hell are you going that they don't have computers? The only appropriate answer would be the Amazon jungle, because even MARS has computers!! Surely you're staying at a hotel? Don't tell me you're going CAMPING!! Camping isn't vacation -- its hell on earth, just a prep.
Vadge was interviewed by some radio guys here in Arizona and she had NO FAKE ACCENT WHATSOEVER. I was so relieved to hear her "normal" voice. Remember all the interviews before she did before shet turned like 47? She n never came off well - all she presented was stoic defensive stupid bitch.
I hope the story is true that Guy was the cheatin' kind. Sweet revenge on the hag of the universe.
If you look at Verne Troyers fingers from yesterdays thread, they look exactly like Vadge's.
WTF Madonna......get that kid a Brazilian on her face....brow and stash....she looks like Ron Jeremy!!
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on June 28, 2008 - 10:29am.
p.s. I compiled the list of 100 Reasons you know you read too much dlisted.
I know I read too much - I dreading vacation because I won't have a computer for a week :(
i'm thinking the main issue is she's probably tired of getting the crap beat out of her
wtf?
Its 4:20. Do you know where your weed is?
Hold Me • I'm Scared • Madonna • Skinny Bones Jones
**********************************
I do so appreciate the post but, on this one, the tags really do say it all.
♥ ThreadKilla! Avvie courtesy of Viva La Lohan. Lean Like a Chola
When you adopt from the Third World, do you have to sign a paper stating you will carry them at all times?
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on June 28, 2008 - 11:59am.
p.s. I compiled the list of 100 Reasons you know you read too much dlisted. Should I just post it or send it to MK?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Post it!!
♦♦♦♦♦♦♥♥♥♥♥♥♦♦♦♦♦♦♥♥♥♥♥♥♦♦♦♦♦♦♥♥♥♥♥♥♦♦♦♦♦♦
The only gossip I'm interested in is in the Weekly World News - 'Woman's bra burst, 11 injured.' That kind of thing. -Johnny Depp
God be with you, dumbass.
I'd love to see that list. You can post it on one of the older threads and send us to it if you're worried about being off topic. Not that anybody here gives a shit about the dead Madonna-Guy marriage.
**********************
"I guess we'll need some more FBI guys."
Madonna is so skinny you can play the xylophone on her ribs.
---------------------------------------
Madonna is busy polishing up her fake Brooklyn accent to replace her English one.
**********************
"I guess we'll need some more FBI guys."
Plz post the list
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on June 28, 2008 - 10:29am.
post! post!
I'm depressed, it's raining here so I'm not working and making bank.
----------------------------------------------
"You drive like old people fuck, slow and sloppy."
RIP George Carlin