Oh Jesus!
Heidi Montag, the plastic pony from "The Hills," told UsWeekly that she's planning to record a Christian album. The "non-denominational Baptist" said, "I have been the most religious person since I was 2 years old. I always felt this crazy connection to God."
It gets better. Heidi said that she once planned to devote her life to missionary work in Africa. She will travel there this August to "feed children and help build things." In other news, Africa has just announced they are closing all their borders effective immediately.
And it gets EVEN better, Heidi compared herself to Jesus when talking about spreading the rumors about Lauren Conrad's sex tape, "God knows the truth in all of this, and at the end of the day, that is the only thing that matters. Jesus was persecuted, and I'm going to get persecuted, ya know?"
Somewhere in Hollywood, Christopher Guest has to be sitting in a little room feeding these lines to Heidi Montag through an earpiece. There's no way this vapid skank is coming up with this kind of pure comedy on her own.
And Jesus is not amused.
ShareThis
dementa on June 30, 2008 - 12:31pm.
1. How can you be a non-denominational Baptist? Baptist is a denomination!
- Thank.You.dementa. My first thought exactly.
And she isn't going to Africa, she's going to that Safari park in Florida, she won't know the difference.
Persecution? For what? Being on an "unscripted reality show"?
Burn her at the stake then.
?&!
"Don't get me twisted with average fan losers you have encountered. I am not one of them."
"I am more of a manipulative bitch than a cunt"
"LOVE ANGELINA aka HEART ANGELINA aka ???"
Mud Packer - The name and pic is from a John Cusack movie, and those harlequin babies make me want to cry. Thanks for fucking up my day! (kidding)
Mud Packer: Oh that's so sad! seriously! :( Oh man oh man. I thought it was a burned baby victim
********************************
"I fucking drink beer and party!"
There used to be a homeless guy in front of my apartment in N.Y. that had a "crazy connection to God" too. He was smarter, more enjoyable, and better looking than this one, though.
Submitted by Better Off Dead on June 30, 2008 - 12:53pm.
I agree Mud Packer, it is pretty nast! What's a Harlequin baby? One conceived after a reading of erotic literature?
____________________________
Hmm, you display name is the same as a very good Bad Religion song. Loves them!
To answer you question, from what I know, harleqin babies have one of the most SEVERE skin diseases known to man...their skin is VERY thick and it dosnt bend, like construction paper or something so therefore everyplace on thier body where there is supposed to be a crease in the skin...the skin tears instead of bending! The eyes and lips are flipped inside out because the skin is too tight and theres just a lot of other awful shit! Anyway,for know, the only treatment for this disease is constant continual moisterization of the skin and special eyedrops for the eyes!!!
Submitted by Viva La Lohan on June 30, 2008 - 11:41am.
Let us pray the Pimp's Prayer. Lord, please pray for the soul of this bitch and guide my pimp hand and make it strong Lord, so that she might learn a hoe's place. Amen. - A Pimp Named Slickback
********************************************
O yes! Let us pray!
(I'm all about praying today. It has EVERYTHING to do with the fact that they made me work today! WTF is up widat?!? It's Canada Day tomorrow!)
♥ ThreadKilla! Avvie courtesy of Viva La Lohan. Lean Like a Chola
I bet big J finds this shit pretty funny actually...
_____________________________________________
Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
AIDS, poverty, global warming, political unrest and now Heidi...Africa is beyond fucked now.
How egotistical do you have to be to think a higher power gives a flying fuck about your daily life?
Jesus would NOT be amused by most of the shit going on in his name.
Although he would probably forgive Heidi, he might suggest to her that she put some clothes on.
This girl knows what she's doing. Sadly, a sure way for her to get attention is saying outrageously stupid things and Spencer and she have mastered that art.
I agree Mud Packer, it is pretty nast! What's a Harlequin baby? One conceived after a reading of erotic literature?
Free story idea to any entertainment writers browsing this site: Please, please, someone, compile a list of narcissistic celebrities who've compared themselves to Jesus over the years. I'll spot you Barry Bonds to start.
Submitted by thehoustongirl on June 30, 2008 - 12:49pm.
MK PLEASE STOP POSTING ABOUT THESE TOOLS!! *unless something really fucked up happens to them LOL*
Mud Packer: Geez, ya avatar dude!! :(
________________________________
Harlequin Babies....they're people too! There are people who live like this out in the world and they should not be grimaced at or hidden away!
MK PLEASE STOP POSTING ABOUT THESE TOOLS!! *unless something really fucked up happens to them LOL*
Mud Packer: Geez, ya avatar dude!! :(
********************************
"I fucking drink beer and party!"
I wonder if she knows that she gets work only because people think she's ugly and they hate her?
*************
A video movie could improve your life.
Maybe she can give horsey rides to the poor children in Africa. giddy-yup!
Useless, vapid, horse-faced CUNT.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Our kind must never sit in the audience. Our kind must perform and run the show, or the others will run us."
I never knew why every one despised this girl and made fun of her so much until I started reading d-listed.....now I get it!
I HATE when my PC pauses as I scroll down, espically the woman has bleached blonde hair, I instanly think "Christinaa!!" & then the PC moves & it's this whore. :o( No fair.
This slapper wants to sing Christian Music?? What a retard.
"I always felt this crazy connection to God." - Isn't that going a little too far? He may be perfect in YOUR eyes, but Spencer is NOT God.
~♥~"Since I'm holding my son, I'm Not Gonna Belt In His Face!"~ Xtina to Larry King~♥~
~♥~"Oh My God! They've got little animals on their peepees, it's kinda funny ~Xtina~ ♥~
yeah she def 'felt a crazy connection' but def not to good...more likely to the 'loonie-bin'
fuck this ho... we have a new Cheeto Report
♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•
Let us pray the Pimp's Prayer. Lord, please pray for the soul of this bitch and guide my pimp hand and make it strong Lord, so that she might learn a hoe's place. Amen. - A Pimp Named Slickback
Submitted by Pernicious on June 30, 2008 - 12:35pm.
I love how celebs always say Africa, like it's just one big country. Someone needs to trick this one to The Congo; I'm sure the rebels would love to hear her album.
__________________________________________________
I am pretty sure that some of them couldn't name one country in Africa.
Wanna bumble with the bee huh?! Bzzzzzzz
I firmly believe MTV is "punking" us with these two tools... no way in hell can anything they say anymore be real. No way.
Submitted by Sayonara on June 30, 2008 - 6:35pm
On the upside... It gives me ample time and oppurtunity to plan her assassination *evil snicker*
OH my GOD.
Someone PUNCH her in the face. PLEASE.
......oh, and she is SO "Christian" is her whorey Heidiwood Clothing!
**************************************************
"I think she is a bitch and whore. "
-Pam Anderson, re: Chestica
Let us pray the Pimp's Prayer. Lord, please pray for the soul of this bitch and guide my pimp hand and make it strong Lord, so that she might learn a hoe's place. Amen
*******
hahahhahahhahahahaha
Its 4:20. Do you know where your weed is?
Why can't these twats just STFU?
She's claiming to be super religious? Is that why she's having sex before marriage?
Idiot.
Submitted by Carmeloh on June 30, 2008 - 12:28pm.
Oh Crap! I live in Africa... Hope this plague wont infect this continent. We have enough problems already.
__________________________________________________
Sooner or later her tentacles will cross the ocean and reach your mainland.
Wanna bumble with the bee huh?! Bzzzzzzz
I love how celebs always say Africa, like it's just one big country. Someone needs to trick this one to The Congo; I'm sure the rebels would love to hear her album.
So that's *not* Chris Crocker?
♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•
Let us pray the Pimp's Prayer. Lord, please pray for the soul of this bitch and guide my pimp hand and make it strong Lord, so that she might learn a hoe's place. Amen. - A Pimp Named Slickback
She must be very bitter not to have been included on the VF Issue.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If you are going to burn our flag, please be sure to wrap yourself in it first."~~~Maxine
no Heidi, you're just dumb
Please Lord, forgive us the sin of Heidi Montag. We'd kill her but you said not to be killing... so...just, sorry, I guess.
PS. I can NOT believe that dumb ho equated herself with Jesus.
♥ ThreadKilla! Avvie courtesy of Viva La Lohan. Lean Like a Chola
I'd buy her album. . .to burn it.
Submitted by dementa on June 30, 2008 - 12:31pm.
3. So being pestered about someone else's sex tape is analogous to being unjustly accused, flayed, crushed, stripped, having thorns jammed in your head, nailed to a giant piece of wood and left to dangle from said nails for hours?
-------------------------------
Couldn't have said it better meself.
Then again, I'm sure a home-made music video of Jesus prancing around in a bananahammock will surface any day now. THEN she'll be right in comparing herself to him.
----------------------
"I'm allowed to complain that my fucking butt hurts every now and then." - Lolo
She went on to say "...but, these go to eleven."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion – they're two words which are both … different. In spelling.
Wonder if she could point out Africa on a map...
1. How can you be a non-denominational Baptist? Baptist is a denomination!
2. Hearing voices in your head is not having a "crazy connection" to God. That's just crazy. Don't sully God with it.
3. So being pestered about someone else's sex tape is analogous to being unjustly accused, flayed, crushed, stripped, having thorns jammed in your head, nailed to a giant piece of wood and left to dangle from said nails for hours?
Seriously, how high school can you get?
4. I would rather stick barbecue skewers in my ears than hear Mont-hag bawling out simplistic "praise Jesus" songs.
5. Christians everywhere, denounce the Mont-hag now. Otherwise you're gonna have people actually associating this plastic famewhore with you!
..umm... oh fuck it what's left to be said about this annoying cunt that hasn't been said
:(
George Carlin went to Heaven and left us with Dane Cook here in Hell
is there enough room for her chin in africa?
Its 4:20. Do you know where your weed is?
What the fuck is she doing with that diaper Spencer? We should hook her and Kanye up. He can be God and she can be Jebus.
Also, I don't know anything about being a Baptist, but isn't 'non-denominational Baptist' a total oxymoron??
----------------------
"I'm allowed to complain that my fucking butt hurts every now and then." - Lolo
jesus? o fuck. if she want to be treated like jesus i say we treat her like jesus. whos got some nails?
Its 4:20. Do you know where your weed is?
Oh Crap! I live in Africa... Hope this plague wont infect this continent. We have enough problems already.