Not A Visual I Needed To Have
The image of Michael Lohan blowing his lumpy man chowder into a plastic cup is not what I needed today. Barf. You know that shit is like Campbell's chunky New England clam chowder. Double barf.
Anygross, Michael told E! News that he gave a DNA sample this morning for a paternity test. I know that it was probably done by blood or another way, but you know Michael insisted he drop his junk in a plastic cup.
Last week, Michael told the press that he had a secret daughter. He claims he effed some hobag named Kristi while he was separated from White Oprah. Years later, Kristi told Michael she had his daughter, Ashley, now age 13. Michael is now changing his tune, because he thinks something in the milk ain't clean. Why did I just say that? That made me think of Michael's chunky chowder jizz again.
Michael said, "We were together in July of '94. I think it was just before The Parent Trap came out because that's when Dina and I were separated. [Kristi] left me and went to Houston, Texas, and she met a guy she lived with there for a year." Um...The Parent Trap came out in 1998. Somebody enroll this dumb bitch in a class at Sylvan Learning Center.
Michael went on to say that Ashley was born in June 1995, so he doesn't think the timing adds up, "She had me so convinced. She had me snowballed." Snowballed?! I bet she did and I bet Michael loves eating his own chowder....OK! I'll stop. I've gone too far. No more talk about Michael's chunky chowder!
He will have the results in 10-12 weeks and said he's willing to step up if he is in fact Ashley's daddy. By "step up" he means he'll whore poor Ashley out to Hollywood, so that she can make some easy cash for him.
And Maury must be truly depressed that he didn't get to handle this shit.
He is a cool man. we all love him. there are so many fans of him. and they set up the groups related to stars. you can even check out his sexy and beautiful photos, videos and blogs on the wealthy dating club RICHLOVING.COM for hot singles to hook up for Hot Love and Sexy Dating.
Pimpin it to his youngest daughters friends
Whatever you do: Don't Feed The Celebs
Bahahahahahahahahahaaaa!!!!!
I don't know why but chunky New England man chowder makes me laugh so hard :P
sweet mother of neptune did it HAVE to be chunky man chowder...*cries*
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I don't drink as much as I use to could.
~~Anna Nicole Smith
When will this white trash "family" go back to the trailer park?
Submitted by DebFrmHell on July 1, 2008 - 12:11am.
i just think at my age i would be happy with a little tune up. not a joan rivers kind of thing.
***************************************
I think that's, likely, just that odd, natural glitch thing....we always feel like something *could* be better lol....Since plastic surgery became a "thing", I've been thinking about what I might do if I had the time and the willingness...
That's kinda more like a "girl" thing than an "age" thing;p
♥ ThreadKilla! Avvie courtesy of Viva La Lohan. Lean Like a Chola
Chubby's right, spunk is not needed. I don't think spunk was ever needed for paternity testing. DNA is in every cell of the body but red blood cells. Even before cheek swabs, a blood test was the order of the day.
Anyhow, betcha Michael Lohan's spunk is funky.
The world does not need another 45-year-old-looking 20-year-old freckle-speckle alcoholic gayelle with a deep voice from 10,000 cigs.
♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. - George Carlin
Today's DNA tests are taken by using a cotton swab on the inside of your mouth along your cheeks.
Someone may have already posted that but I don't have time to look through them all.
================================================
"Money is the magic wand that turns many a frog into a prince" - ChubbyWubby
================================================
Chucky man chowder?
Jesus mother of God that is grotesque!
(I've always though he and White Oprah were perfect for eachother. They should get back together.
------------------------------------------------
Wyle E Coyote
*SuperGenius*
Seems he is a hooker. I’ve seen his profile on the single dating club --+ S i n g l e P a r e n t Kiss .c o m --- for hot singles to hook up for Hot Love and Sexy Dating. He seems to be hooking up with nice girls there. I’ve been there for day, it seems the girls are not hard to hook up.
Michael is my favorite. I support him.I saw his profile on milllionaire personals site ****"AffluentBachelors . c o m"**** last week. It is said he is in relationship with a young beautiful woman on that site now.
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Oh wow! Daddy Tits is finally getting the column inches and attention he derserves! Go Michael! What story will he think of next!
to manimal5
yeah... I have noticed that, too.
you would think this toolbag would be embarrassed at a 30 y.o. woman is a better father than him. :(
but he's sad about the missed photo ops...
@Angel, i got plenty of grey hairs coming in too but i like them. (my hair is in the JAniston range of color/length) and i think it is going to be really pretty as it gets greyer.
if it doesn't i am ok eith that too. i just think at my age i would be happy with a little tune up. not a joan rivers kind of thing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If you are going to burn our flag, please be sure to wrap yourself in it first."~~~Maxine
I was yapping with a friend just this evening and she was talking about finally allowing herself to go silver (it really is silver, not grey)...but she was talking about just being tired of the struggle to maintain colour where there was none...and coming to the realization of what she was doing.
She figures she's been comfortable with who she is up until now (with the odd, natural glitch, of course) why be resistant now? It's all beautiful> If it was all the same, each point of life would lose it's lustre.
♥ ThreadKilla! Avvie courtesy of Viva La Lohan. Lean Like a Chola
I am fine with crows feet, those are smile lines. It's the "11"'s between the brows that make people look angry and older....
**************************************************
"You should've known from the jump, that you'll always get dumped; so dust off your Fuck Me Pumps"
-Amy Winehouse "Fuck Me Pumps"
Submitted by DebFrmHell on July 1, 2008 - 12:26am.
Don't feel bad, my local priest told me I had the body of a 14 year old.
***********************************************
My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
Kizzy, i have lived in my body too. perhaps a litte too well?? or too much?? My doctor told me I had the body of an 86yr old. I said but Doc, I am only 56. He gave me the prune face. 'nuff said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If you are going to burn our flag, please be sure to wrap yourself in it first."~~~Maxine
We need more with that kind of an attitude on aging. I am not too hung up on it, I look around and see people younger than me who look older, and worse.
Submitted by devilgirl on July 1, 2008 - 12:16am.
Fuck all that noise. I earned these wrinkles, dammit! I wear my gray hairs like badges of honor! I have actually LIVED in this body! I have DONE shit with this body! I am damned proud of it, too!
************************************
"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
I can't imagine mine posing at all. Put your arm down Mike, the war is over!
Avoid Botox! There is a new treatment that uses lasers. The results last, where as Botox needs touch ups and after awhile, on some, knots develop at the injection site. Botox also after prolonged treatments deadens the nerves for good, leaving no feeling in your facial muscles. My mom has done extensive research on the subject. I will have to get the name of the laser deal because I have no idea what the official title is.
Can you imagine if that was your DAD?!?! posing like that...ugh.
Who does he think he is? BeYAWNce?
♥ ThreadKilla! Avvie courtesy of Viva La Lohan. Lean Like a Chola
Exactly! She is supplying her own habit. Damn, I knew I should've had kids!
considering botox next year. I have gotten THAT shar pei. haha.
"find the young to feed off of."
perhaps we should start with Lavatian..Hoodrat Boy. THAT should knock off a good ten years.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If you are going to burn our flag, please be sure to wrap yourself in it first."~~~Maxine
Submitted by devilgirl on June 30, 2008 - 11:59pm.
Like Angelina Jolie?
***********************************************
My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
Ha! I doubt the Shar Pei look. I am lucky, so far my good genetic heritage has not let the road map to set in. It'll probably happen all at once, overnight. I will wake up like Dorian Gray and have to find the young to feed off of.
Submitted by devilgirl on June 30, 2008 - 10:50pm.
one could mistake me for considerably younger based on my foul mouth
I wear my hair in ponytail or bun to look younger. Pulled back really tight! haha. without i look like a sharpei puppy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If you are going to burn our flag, please be sure to wrap yourself in it first."~~~Maxine
one could mistake me for considerably younger based on my foul mouth and the things that go on in my mind. I just have never wanted to get that middle aged person mentality, fretting about my heath, wearing sensible clothes and shoes, change in lifestyle more age appropriate- Screw that.
My mental age is oh-4.
**********************
"I guess we'll need some more FBI guys."
Hahaha, DevilGirl, I am considerably older (ahem) but I always tell people I at least I have immaturity on my side.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If you are going to burn our flag, please be sure to wrap yourself in it first."~~~Maxine
Submitted by DebFrmHell on June 30, 2008 - 11:41pm.
DevilGirl, don't mean to be forward but what age group are you in?
***********************************************
Hey! I was hitting on her first!
Just kidding!
***********************************************
My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
Mental age group or actual? I hate to say, but I am the big 4-oh!
DevilGirl, don't mean to be forward but what age group are you in?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If you are going to burn our flag, please be sure to wrap yourself in it first."~~~Maxine
If you were Polish would that be a belch reflex then?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If you are going to burn our flag, please be sure to wrap yourself in it first."~~~Maxine
Submitted by devilgirl on June 30, 2008 - 11:31pm.
Thanks, that's the only means I have for inciting the gag reflex. I'm Irish.
***********************************************
My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
Thanx Mr.Pres. for link. Since I am so into outing people, her name is Devon Jenkins. She was also a habitual non-bather and a slut. No, I wasn't a jealous classmate. She was a surfer chick. By the way TV, that chewing gum thing made me gag as well.
@TV. Free Ballin'. Isn't that a single on the new Miley Cyrus album?
**********************
"I guess we'll need some more FBI guys."
Submitted by Mr. President on June 30, 2008 - 11:19pm.
I always thought the song was called Free Ballin'. Imagine my embarrassment at karaoke night.
***********************************************
My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
Tom Petty and the tampon hoarder. Skateboarding starts around the 2:22 mark.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=726Zf-zin-s
**********************
"I guess we'll need some more FBI guys."
Kristie is counting on a cash cow and she is getting to goat instead.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If you are going to burn our flag, please be sure to wrap yourself in it first."~~~Maxine
Someone needs his balls cut off with a very dull, pitted & rusted instrument. Hand it over - I'll be right back.
~Egotism - usually just a case of mistaken nonentity..Barbara Stanwyck~
10-12 weeks ?
;)
money first orgasms second
:(
George Carlin went to Heaven and left us with Dane Cook here in Hell
Submitted by devilgirl on June 30, 2008 - 11:14pm.
She was making chewing gum for Angelina Jolie.
***********************************************
My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
No, close though, Diane, Diane Gilliam. Had to out her. Not that she even knows what the internet or a computer are.
Speaking of used tampon storage facility, I have to share this gem of a tale: You know the girl from the Free fall video by Tom Petty (skate boarder), well she and I went to boarding school together. Don't ask me why some friends and I were looking under peoples mattresses (probably for stolen things we were missing), anyway, when we lifted up Free fall girls mattress, it was like seeing a miniature battle field- a collection of bloody tampons and pads littered the entire box spring surface! Why she did that, we can never know, but I will never forgot the shock of it all.
Submitted by devilgirl on June 30, 2008 - 11:09pm.
LOL! Team V, if only it could have been that. A combo of rotted fish laced with the scent of dirty sweaty toe jam socks.
********************************************
Yeah, Meow Mix!
***********************************************
My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
Submitted by devilgirl on June 30, 2008 - 11:09pm.
Was her name Debbie? About 5'6"? Brunette?
***********************************************
My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
LOL! Team V, if only it could have been that. A combo of rotted fish laced with the scent of dirty sweaty toe jam socks.
Public Transit is the worst for smells like that. I try to avoid the bus at all costs. If they can kick you off a bus for being too noisy, why can't they kick you off for smelling like a used tampon storage facility?
**********************
"I guess we'll need some more FBI guys."