Not A Visual I Needed To Have
The image of Michael Lohan blowing his lumpy man chowder into a plastic cup is not what I needed today. Barf. You know that shit is like Campbell's chunky New England clam chowder. Double barf.
Anygross, Michael told E! News that he gave a DNA sample this morning for a paternity test. I know that it was probably done by blood or another way, but you know Michael insisted he drop his junk in a plastic cup.
Last week, Michael told the press that he had a secret daughter. He claims he effed some hobag named Kristi while he was separated from White Oprah. Years later, Kristi told Michael she had his daughter, Ashley, now age 13. Michael is now changing his tune, because he thinks something in the milk ain't clean. Why did I just say that? That made me think of Michael's chunky chowder jizz again.
Michael said, "We were together in July of '94. I think it was just before The Parent Trap came out because that's when Dina and I were separated. [Kristi] left me and went to Houston, Texas, and she met a guy she lived with there for a year." Um...The Parent Trap came out in 1998. Somebody enroll this dumb bitch in a class at Sylvan Learning Center.
Michael went on to say that Ashley was born in June 1995, so he doesn't think the timing adds up, "She had me so convinced. She had me snowballed." Snowballed?! I bet she did and I bet Michael loves eating his own chowder....OK! I'll stop. I've gone too far. No more talk about Michael's chunky chowder!
He will have the results in 10-12 weeks and said he's willing to step up if he is in fact Ashley's daddy. By "step up" he means he'll whore poor Ashley out to Hollywood, so that she can make some easy cash for him.
And Maury must be truly depressed that he didn't get to handle this shit.
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@Team V- Maybe they should, just to encourage a better smelling America.
Submitted by devilgirl on June 30, 2008 - 11:05pm.
Her ladyparts smelled like Meow Mix?
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My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
Well you know, you are what you eat!
CTH: that was hilarious!
devilgirl, it is totally a dietary thing, why some people stink...it is nasty- I hate it....the older I get, the more sensitive my nose is getting too- I wish it wasn't!
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"You should've known from the jump, that you'll always get dumped; so dust off your Fuck Me Pumps"
-Amy Winehouse "Fuck Me Pumps"
Submitted by devilgirl on June 30, 2008 - 11:03pm.
I see you've been to WalMart.
Notice they never Rollback the price on deodorant?
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My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
Gag!TeamV! I had a girlfriend whose aunt had such smelly lady parts, cats would flock to her!
Submitted by Mr. President on June 30, 2008 - 10:02pm.
lettum try!
I will kick some chicken wing ass!
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"You drive like old people fuck, slow and sloppy."
RIP George Carlin
PSL- B.O is a serious problem in this country. Forget France, I have been there and never have I smelled worse b.o than in our own country. The canned chicken soup b.o and coffee bean are the worst for me, with taco meat a real close second! I am wretching now just thinking of the various odors!
CTH, better watch out. The Buffalo chicken wing anti-defamation league will sue your ass if they read that.
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"I guess we'll need some more FBI guys."
Submitted by parissucksliterally on June 30, 2008 - 10:57pm.
You think b.o. is bad, Dina can't get those damn pelicans to stop following her.
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My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
Well jesus christ.
like having innsomnia is not punishment enough, I get this shit.
the guy looks like a fucking buffalo chicken wing.
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"You drive like old people fuck, slow and sloppy."
RIP George Carlin
devilgirl, you are killing me with the "types of B.O."......so fucking true!
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"You should've known from the jump, that you'll always get dumped; so dust off your Fuck Me Pumps"
-Amy Winehouse "Fuck Me Pumps"
Just think, one day Lindsay will have to go to the homeless shelter to get multiple DNA samples.
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My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
Good night Balenciaga Bitch, and don't sweat it. I had the files backed up on DVDs, so it's all good.
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"I guess we'll need some more FBI guys."
Submitted by Balenciaga Bitch on June 30, 2008 - 10:48pm.
Night, BB!
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My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on June 30, 2008 - 10:45pm.
and ihavenomoneymaybeyouhavesome.com
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Oh, KF, I just remembered another b.o favorite, coffee bean b.o. It is atrocious!
Good night everyone...Sorry to be of topic. I really didnt mean to rant.
Give Em all Hell tonite!
xoxoxox,
BB
**Fasten your Sock Slots, it's about to get worse.** BRADIFUL BITCH ~~
Submitted by letinstar on June 30, 2008 - 10:44pm.
Goodnight, thanks for the laughs!
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My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
Submitted by Manimal5 on June 30, 2008 - 10:40pm.
They have a sister site - poor, sponging convict loving.com.
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My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
what's wrong with us that we had to be entertained by "mean girls" tonight?
on that note...i'm off to bed...good night all...
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be honest...is my wig on straight?
@Karen Flatts- No, you are not alone. There is also taco meat b.o, curry b.o and I am sure others that I have identified at one time or another but can't remember at the moment. No, I haven't tried the foot pads, but I am sick thinking about it.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on June 30, 2008 - 10:38pm.
Submitted by letinstar on June 30, 2008 - 10:35pm.
I watched that too. Damn, those last 26 years since 2004 were rough.
Hahaha.
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Submitted by devilgirl on June 30, 2008 - 6:36pm.
He looks like a poor man's James Caan in that pic. I bet his underarms smell like Campbells chicken noodle soup!
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Ugggghhhhhhhhhhhh......devilgirl!! I thought I was the only one on earth that ever noticed that some BO smells like CN soup....and have you ever used those Japanese foot detox pads? If you have, you'll know why I couldn't eat Hickory Barbecue sauce for months afterwards...
So cheating Daddy might be off the hook(er).
I'll bet RICH LOVING had something to do with Ashley being born.
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@ the scientists have it right...pussprints are bad for the environment and it's especially bad for the lohans...
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be honest...is my wig on straight?
Submitted by letinstar on June 30, 2008 - 10:35pm.
I watched that too. Damn, those last 26 years since 2004 were rough.
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My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
Excuse my ignorance, but why do they even need a DNA test? All they have to do is test for the chromosome that all of the Lohan children are missing. You know, the one that would have instilled them with grace, dignity, humility, and sanity.
Or they could just check her juvie record. If she's a Lohan, there WILL be one.
@ team valtrex...i just finished watching "mean girls", which was the last time lilo was cute...now thanks to the pussprint legacy, it's all down hill from here on out...
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be honest...is my wig on straight?
Submitted by Mr. President on June 30, 2008 - 10:31pm.
Save the pics to Microfilm.
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My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
Submitted by Balenciaga Bitch on June 30, 2008 - 10:17pm.
You made me feel so ashamed of myself that I'm now in the process of deleting all the midget porn from my computer.
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"I guess we'll need some more FBI guys."
Submitted by letinstar on June 30, 2008 - 10:25pm.
And those aren't freckles on Lindsay, they're chemical burns.
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My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on June 30, 2008 - 7:22pm.
Submitted by letinstar on June 30, 2008 - 10:18pm.
Well, we saw what that toxic environment did to Lindsay. She's so scarred she borrows pants from drug addicts.
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HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH
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"You should've known from the jump, that you'll always get dumped; so dust off your Fuck Me Pumps"
-Amy Winehouse "Fuck Me Pumps"
@ team valtrex...we can also blame dina's tainted pussprint on creating teenagers who claim to be 14 but could easily pass for 35...
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be honest...is my wig on straight?
Submitted by Balenciaga Bitch on June 30, 2008 - 10:17pm.
Point well taken. Media whores have become the new celebs.
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Other celebs see this and are thankful that thier families don't speak & give statements. geez this dumbass doesn't know you're not supposed to air the dirty laundry.
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http://fuzzygalore.buzznet.com
Team Troll - cause Spencer is a douche.
Submitted by letinstar on June 30, 2008 - 10:18pm.
And I blame her pussprint for Erectile Dysfunction.
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My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
Submitted by letinstar on June 30, 2008 - 10:18pm.
Well, we saw what that toxic environment did to Lindsay. She's so scarred she borrows pants from drug addicts.
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My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
Not that anyone gives a rat's ass but 10 to 12 weeks for a paternity test is pure invented bullshit. You can get results in a week (don't be rude and ask me how I know this. I just do, ok?). He is just so full of shit. Just wants to be in the press for as long as possible.
@team valtrex...i can't stomach the thought that dina's pussprint is in some way responsible for happy feet...
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be honest...is my wig on straight?
With the war and everyone whose families are being killed and all of this fucking shit, WHY do these ppl even get any time online?
Something is TERRIBLY FUCKED UP when this fucking shit is in the headlines and our innocents are being killed 24/7.
Im about to quit blogs and shit like this until they start fucking giving some SHOUT OUTS to our innocents who are giving their lives so that these fucking shitbags can be in the fucking news and blogs.
Good night to everyone. I know we all love to snark, but this shit is terrible. FUCK. And sorry for the FUCK a bunch. Its just so sad...
Sorry to be off topic.
**Fasten your Sock Slots, it's about to get worse.** BRADIFUL BITCH ~~
Submitted by letinstar on June 30, 2008 - 10:14pm.
And retarded penguins.
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My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
@ team valtrex...i'm pretty sure her carbon pussprint is partially responsible for the ice caps melting in antartica...
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be honest...is my wig on straight?
Am I the only one who thinks Michael Lohan is a hot daddy and would be a Great Roll in the sack?
I'll bet he's got a nice thick one. Okaaaay?
Submitted by letinstar on June 30, 2008 - 10:08pm.
And the smoke signals will scare off any hostile aliens.
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My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
Submitted by letinstar on June 30, 2008 - 10:08pm.
She has a carbon pussprint?
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My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
Submitted by Francine on June 30, 2008 - 9:04pm.
He looks like the tourist in "Hostel" who meets up with Jay Hernandez by accident in the dressing room and wants to know how he did it. Remember him?
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Ayiiiiiiii!!!!
He DOES!!!
Those were the scariest movies man, seriously.
I still have visions of some o' dat shit. Ick.
♥ ThreadKilla! Avvie courtesy of Viva La Lohan. Lean Like a Chola
Submitted by forever.now on June 30, 2008 - 10:02pm.
Yeah, I agree with all that you said. I hate to admit it but Hohan seems to be doing better with Daddy Ronson.
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@ team valtrex...and since we know that heat rises, the stench of fishy hot vajayjay would do major damage on our already thinning ozone layer...
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be honest...is my wig on straight?
ewww