No, You're A Douche

For their August issue, Out Magazine talked to the guyliner-wearing, walking vagina known as Pete Wentz aka Mr. Asshole Simpson. Since it's a gay magazine, Pete talked to them about all his gay experiences including kissing other douchebags.

Pete said, "When I said that I make out with dudes, there was a slight sense of sexual rebellion in that. And I probably even made it a bigger deal than it was. Like, 'You make out with this dude and we'll make out.'" Pete first kissed a dude when he was around 16 or 17 on a dare. The last time he kissed a boy was around 7 years ago. You know Papa Joe was sitting in on that interview thinking, "He better not say shit about about our special times together!"

That quote just confirms that Pete is a first-rate mega douche. Pete went on to say that he's never gone below the belt with another dude, "It's really about the equipment. I really don't think it's an attractive quality. That's what it comes down to. I don't even like my own. Like, I really don't like it. I don't like anything about it."

Excuse me while I go have a heart attack and weep like Wino in front of an empty crackpipe.

Dick is not pretty?! Anybody that thinks dick is not pretty needs to go stick their head in a manhole (not that kind of man hole). Dick is a gorgeous thing. Good dick will make you praise Jesus in the morning. Good dick will make you punch a guppy in the face. Good dick will make you empty your checking account and sell all your belongings.

Dick is the most beautiful thing in the world. And I hate Pete Wentz for saying it isn't. I HATE HIM.

Posted by: Michael K

•

Submitted by sarah1104 on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:51pm.

Ok, I think penis is weird and kinda ugly. Don't get me wrong, I love it for sexy times but it is not enjoyable to look at. Does that make me a gayelle?

Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:51pm.

Hekki, yes, just turned 29 in June.

*thanks wiki*

Totally too old to be so wishy washy.

Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:49pm.

Nevermind, got it myself.

http://skinindex.com/archives/pete%20wenz%20nude2-thumb.jpg

Submitted by I_FUCKING_LOVE_GRITS on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:49pm.

What a pretentious fuckface!!!
I would kill him, seriously.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
all grits is gud grits

ya digg?

Submitted by Viva La Lohan on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:49pm.

M.E. - word

♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•
maybe you should sign yourself in to see your physogologist (fizz-o-golly-gist) to help u with your major self esteem issues! - Kitty Zingale

Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:48pm.

Viva - hook a bitch up with a link to Pete's peen.

STAT!

Submitted by Saltypretzel on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:48pm.

So he kissed a guy on a dare and he calls himself gay?!? Yeah, right.

I'd pay good money to see Boy George chain this little poseur boy bitch to a radiator and hear him scream for his mommy.

Hate him.

Submitted by Hekki on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:48pm.

M.E.: NO! I did not know that. Oh, hell, he is too old to be acting like an angst-ridden adolescent.

Submitted by Lucy Goosey on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:48pm.

Help me understand: if he is saying he does not like any penis (and his own penis for that matter), then doesn't that make him a transgender? In other words, he desires to have a vagina instead?

Am I missing something?

************************************************
Fashion is art that you wear - L.G.

Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:47pm.

Ok, that was just waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay TMI.

*shaking head at stalkers comment*

Submitted by SpiceDong on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:46pm.

Well I would hate my cock too if it were as ugly and small as his...we've all seen it...nothing to write home about...Asshole Simpson is NOT a lucky woman in that respect.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Fuck kissing! His dick is like a gherkin - Samantha Jones

Submitted by maDalice on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:44pm.

I always hate it when people say penises are ugly, and vaginas are beautiful. Vaginas are gross.

Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:44pm.

Submitted by Mr. President on July 1, 2008 - 5:39pm.
BTW: Happy Canada Day angel and all the other Canadian whores.
***********************************

Thanks! We got firecrackers and now I'm looking for a manly man to light them for me! I figure: why not kill two birds with one stone:)

♥ ThreadKilla! Avvie courtesy of Viva La Lohan. Lean Like a Chola

Submitted by Miss Priss on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:43pm.

Somebody shove a big fat cock down this douche's throat, like, right now, like

I LOVE the peen

I HATE the Wentz and his chintastik wifey!

♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦
I say we get dangerous

Submitted by joe shmoe on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:42pm.

Well MK, I HATE him too. Just as a sign of solidarity and all..

*********
" N'oubliez pas que le cerveau est l'organe sexuel par excellence."~Laurence Dubois

Submitted by TheVinylVillager on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:40pm.

well if he doesnt like his peen, he can give it to me.
If he would shut up, wipe off the Elvire makeup, and get some tattoo removal, Id hit it.

http://thevinylvillage.wordpress.com

Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:39pm.

Hekki - you do know that Pete here is 29 right?

Submitted by Mr. President on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:39pm.

Submitted by angel_i on July 1, 2008 - 6:31pm.

The first time was when he was 16 or 17 and the last time was 7 years ago? Would that be on, like, the same day?
------------------

Yeah, suspicious time line, isn't it? Not that I actually give enough of a shit about this douche to sit down and crunch the numbers.

BTW: Happy Canada Day angel and all the other Canadian whores.

**********************
"I guess we'll need some more FBI guys."

Submitted by Mud Packer on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:38pm.

Submitted by Viva La Lohan on July 1, 2008 - 6:27pm.
you know what's crazy, I actually had a glimmer of liking for this dude one day when I saw his pretty peen. THAT is how powerful the pecker is.
______________________
Ya wouldnt think so, but Asians have to the most beautiful, perfect peens around! Black dudes are too Fing big, my shit is just acheing thinking abiout it, mexicans and such have brown skin, but when yiu get down to the wang...its all wrinkly and black and sh*t...ive been with like 4 hispanics and its all the same, white guys are either too short or too wide and pink or red...just weird,but asians are the best! Perfect size, no funny color, just perfect!

Submitted by ILovePapaSmurf on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:38pm.

lol @ his perception of "rebellion." I thought being a rebel was listening to punk rock, smoking in the girl's bathroom and flirting with an English teacher.... guess I was wrong.

Submitted by Mawy on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:37pm.

gia, i also get penis envy sometimes. i actually have dreams every now and then that i have a penis. in my dreams, its tons of fun. penises are great! one of God's best creations!
------------------------------------------------
Use goodsearch instead of google. Each time you search, you can donate money to your favorite charity without having to spend any money yourself! Spread the word.

Submitted by lyndsaybluth on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:37pm.

I'm really starting to worry about Asshole's uterus. If that spawn she's carrying has even HALF of her original nose and any part of douche boy's chin, her little emo body's bound to explode any day now!!!!!!

***********************
MK in '08!!!!

Submitted by Hekki on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:37pm.

He sounds very confused. Either it's all part of his act, or he is trying to get attention, or he really is confused. No matter what the case is, he is too young and confused to make the lifetime commitment that marriage is supposed to be.

Submitted by forever.now on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:37pm.

oh he just says that to keep his relationship with papa joe from going to the next level.

Submitted by BEAT on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:36pm.

I'm about to slap Petey with my GORGEOUS AS FUCK dick.

****
You can't stop the BEAT!

"A little hoo-ha, a little poot-poot, hee-ha, a little foo-fah..."

Submitted by Viva La Lohan on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:35pm.

My mind is so totally blown right now. Clean off my shoulders.

Submitted by Puggles on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:34pm.

Me thinks you doth protest too much Petey boy.

I give his marriage a year or two and then he'll finally wake up and grow some balls and come out of the closet.

What a fucking idiot.

Submitted by ShootinStar on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:34pm.

of corz he hates it.Because he hasn't one! i bet he doesnt even know how a real, gorgeux penis looks like =))

The world is a stage, but the actors are badly cast.(Oscar Wilde)

Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:31pm.

The first time was when he was 16 or 17 and the last time was 7 years ago? Would that be on, like, the same day?

♥ ThreadKilla! Avvie courtesy of Viva La Lohan. Lean Like a Chola

Submitted by ZiggyStardust on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:30pm.

What a moron.

I can't stand fully grown people who turn body parts into pantomimes. Claiming an aversion to the aesthetic of the penis isn't a demonstration of one's masculinity or heterosexuality.

Body dysphoria by proxy seems to be the in-thing among those with the mentality of high school children.

Submitted by Bondagebarbie on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:28pm.

Beauty has absolutely nothing to do with . . . that word . . . that thing you have there hanging like an obscene pickle. Spare me your anatomy! ...

The Wentz has watched Female trouble a lil to much me thinks.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

Submitted by Viva La Lohan on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:27pm.

you know what's crazy, I actually had a glimmer of liking for this dude one day when I saw his pretty peen. THAT is how powerful the pecker is.

Submitted by Kizzy on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:26pm.

Cynthia PlasterCaster has a collection of some beautiful pieces. Perhaps Pete should familiarize himself with her work. She's old school, but she got the best!!!

************************************
"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥

Submitted by zomay on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:25pm.

Funny that he thinks penis is ugly, considering he has two, one on his groin and one he calls a chin.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:24pm.

I will praise the penis. I LOVE the penis.

Submitted by gia on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:24pm.

i have always hated this guy, now i just have more reason to hate him. how could you not love manly goody parts?? i am a girl & i get penis envy sometimes.

Submitted by Pernicious on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:23pm.

I think somebody needs to listen to some Alexyss Taylor

Submitted by Wacka Wacka on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:23pm.

Ugh Why? Why is this douche in a Gay Magazine or any Magazine. He's such a publicity whore. What a waste of ink.

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:21pm.

Papa Joe is sitting with his head in his hands and thinking, "well at least it is only Ashlee's husband.... Jess has a real Man"

**************************************************
"He is going to get one of me but he won't let me get one. He doesn't like tattoos on women. He thinks I look pure."
- Paris Hilton

Submitted by Clarisse on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:21pm.

"Good dick will make you praise Jesus in the morning. Good dick will make you punch a guppy in the face. Good dick will make you empty your checking account and sell all your belongings."

Preach it Brother Michael, preach it!

*jumps in the isle and starts to dance*

Hallelujah!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion – they're two words which are both … different. In spelling.

Submitted by pakyooh on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 6:21pm.

Dick will make you slap somebody?! OMG I miss her!