Wednesday, July 2nd 2008

A Press Conference?

Saint Angelina's baby doctor, Dr. Michel Sussmann, has announced that he will hold a press conference this afternoon in front of the French hospital Angie's currently holed up in. Angie checked into the hospital on Sunday, because her doctors wanted to watch her ass or something like that.

Angie is currently staying on the fifth floor of The Lenval hospital in Nice, France. They've booked several rooms and she's surrounded by bodyguards. Dramz.

The Associated Press isn't sure why the hell her baby doctor is holding a press conference? Maybe he's going to do a song-and-dance for the press? The press conference will be followed by a floor show starring Maddox, followed by a poetry slam competition between Zahara and Pax. Shiloh will appear via satellite where she will just blink and pout a few times for the camera. Gift bags will be passed out and a fireworks finale will end the evening.

Or baby doctor will just announce that the chosen ones are here, so we can all cancel our 4th of July plans to spend the day worshipping our new messiahs.

UPDATE: The press conference was a bore. No floor show and no fireworks. Instead, the baby doctor just told us crap we already know. He said the chosen ones will be here within weeks and St. Angie "is very well, and she's okay. ... Brad and Angelina want everyone to know that everything is going well." Zzzzzz....

Posted by: Michael K


LOVE CARROTTOP's picture

Submitted by Kizzy on July 2, 2008 - 12:44pm.

I'm jelly you plotted an adventure without me :(

Don't you need Girl-Scout cookies for fuel, or the shortbreads for torture/urine absorbers?
ROFL
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Negative, this adventure contains only excrements of the body. I guess if you took 'recycled' girl scout cookies it would count. Urine absorbers is a good idea though. You're in.

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"I'm allowed to complain that my fucking butt hurts every now and then." - Lolo

peaches's picture

Once again I am picturing the Brangeloonies in the secene from Evita where she dies and they are crying and lighting candles.

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*I used to Love Celebrities, now I just love to Hate them!*

Otter Pop's picture

Ugh, I'm so tired of those worthless twats including their kids.

Clarisse's picture

Kizzy,
Halfsies on the NEXT paycheck...when they adopt again for hype on the next movie. We have to sort out these flood victims first now! Man, it's a good thing you got me to keep you above board!

Missy,
EGGGGStically!!! Win win!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion – they're two words which are both … different. In spelling.

oklahoma's picture

I know it all, I know it allll.. *rubs crystal ball* OH wait.. I don't know it all. I just like to pretend I do.. the TRUTH!! pfft..

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So that's what your after... A Farter?

M.E.'s picture

Peaches - ITA= I totally agree

Kizzy's picture

Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on July 2, 2008 - 12:39pm

I'm jelly you plotted an adventure without me :(

Don't you need Girl-Scout cookies for fuel, or the shortbreads for torture/urine absorbers?
ROFL

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"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥

angel_i's picture

Submitted by Kizzy on July 2, 2008 - 11:41am.
Submitted by angel_i on July 2, 2008 - 12:37pm.
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That makes sense too.

♥ ThreadKilla! Avvie courtesy of Viva La Lohan. Lean Like a Chola

M.E.'s picture

If there wasn't something wrong, she could be on bed rest at home, there is no need to be hospitalized unless there is some sort of imminent danger for either mother or babies, to where you need to be hospitalized for the duration of your pregnancy.

And THAT is the truth.

pompom's picture

Stupid stupid stupid. Hate them even more now. Just trying to increase the hype so they can get even more $$$ for the first pics. Not buying into this.

Kizzy's picture

Submitted by angel_i on July 2, 2008 - 12:37pm.
Submitted by peaches on July 2, 2008 - 11:35am
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Nah, these are the famewhoriest famewhores around, she went there to prepare for the birth, and the paps set up camp outside the hospital. they just released that statement in order to try to get them to de-camp. (not likely)

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"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥

missy's picture

this confirms it for me: i despise brangelina

Clarisse - I like your thinkin doll... fuck the brangeloonies and help the poor & needy?? hellls yeahhh
_____________________________________________

Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke

a message from the Church of the SubGenius

LOVE CARROTTOP's picture

Submitted by peaches on July 2, 2008 - 12:35pm.

When people volunteer information like that, with a press conference, no less, without anybody asking, They are hiding something.
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Or they're just so full of themselves they think people give a shit. Seriously, not hard to believe with those two.

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"I'm allowed to complain that my fucking butt hurts every now and then." - Lolo

peaches's picture

Submitted by angel_i on July 2, 2008 - 12:37pm.

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ITA. I pretty much figured something was wrong. Now, I'm thinking they were GOING to tell us something but decided against it.

very good point!!! I don't want to sound stupid, but what does ITA stand for?

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*I used to Love Celebrities, now I just love to Hate them!*

Kizzy's picture

Submitted by Clarisse on July 2, 2008 - 12:36pm.
Kizz,
You know me...i'm a giver!
==========
You soooo are. You are SUCH a humanitarian. You give and give and give til it hurts. That was a damn fine idea, tho--but let's give it a twist: I'll set up a P.O. box, and we'll go halfsies on the proceeds, eh? LMFAO!!!

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"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥

peaches's picture

Submitted by joanne on July 2, 2008 - 12:15pm.
Good Luck Pitt, look where you dick got you, hope it was worth it. I do hear its fur lined.

you heard he has a hairy dick? haha, where'd you hear that one?

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*I used to Love Celebrities, now I just love to Hate them!*

LOVE CARROTTOP's picture

Submitted by oklahoma on July 2, 2008 - 12:29pm.

OK you made me piss my pants.. I hope that'll help your crusade, also.. LMAO!! Luc Poocard!! Bwahahahahahaa..
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Hmmmm... I could put your tinkle in water guns and use it as the tasers on the ship. Only, it won't be laser beams people get shot with. Just make sure you eat multivitamins before I collect your peepee so it's nice and scary-bright.

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"I'm allowed to complain that my fucking butt hurts every now and then." - Lolo

angel_i's picture

Submitted by peaches on July 2, 2008 - 11:35am.
When people volunteer information like that, with a press conference, no less, without anybody asking, They are hiding something.
**************************************

ITA. I pretty much figured something was wrong. Now, I'm thinking they were GOING to tell us something but decided against it.

♥ ThreadKilla! Avvie courtesy of Viva La Lohan. Lean Like a Chola

Clarisse's picture

Kizz,
You know me...i'm a giver!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion – they're two words which are both … different. In spelling.

BRADIFUL BITCH's picture

ISprainedMyUvula on July 2, 2008 - 12:30pm

And you KNOW Alba and the rest that just gave birth are thinking "DAMN! I should have done that!"

Joe Simpson is taking notes right now...

?&!
"Don't get me twisted with average fan losers you have encountered. I am not one of them."
"I am more of a manipulative bitch than a cunt"
"LOVE ANGELINA aka HEART ANGELINA aka ???"

peaches's picture

When people volunteer information like that, with a press conference, no less, without anybody asking, They are hiding something.

-------------------------------------------------------------
*I used to Love Celebrities, now I just love to Hate them!*

Kizzy's picture

Submitted by BRADIFUL BITCH on July 2, 2008 - 12:28pm.

Blow out one of their candles, and watch their heads explode

************************************
"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥

dramaqueen365247's picture

Submitted by M.E. on July 2, 2008 - 11:24am.

From now on I am boycotting all AJ movies.

Been doing it for years, & you know what? It ain't much of a hardship!
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"I'm intellectual & stuff." "You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue & stuff."

http://www.myspace.com/dramaqueen365247

Kizzy's picture

Submitted by Clarisse on July 2, 2008 - 12:30pm.
A tactical mission
========
What a grand little mischief-maker you are!!

************************************
"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥

joanne's picture

@Bradiful, I'm glad to hear that., Georgie is much cuter.

Clarisse's picture

A tactical mission:

Slip into the Jolieland, under the guise of a loonie, and casual like, mention that you heard if you give your next paycheck to flood victims in Brangelina's name, that the Holie Mother will bless them with fame, fortune, and eternal happiness...

Then, a few of you, post saying that your did donate you last paycheck and you...eh, one of you won the lottery the next day...um, one of you got the job as the twins new nanny...

Think of all the people we could help!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion – they're two words which are both … different. In spelling.

ISprainedMyUvula's picture

Sasid it before and I'll say it again- I like her, I've never bought into the homewrecking whore buzz, but christ on crutches- this update on every move is SO tired and has been for years now.

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Tell the fake captain that Air Marshall Carlin says "go fuck yourself"!

DebFrmHell's picture

In other words, the next illegitimate spawn have not arrived.

She could give a good rat's ass about her natural born kil...err...children. She is more of a pick'em up at the airport kind of gal.

Predict no more births from the loins of Santa Angelina. (fingers crossed)

When they split up, Brad will get all the natural ones and she will keep her own private UN convention.

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"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals."

oklahoma's picture

Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on July 2, 2008 -

Nope. I also created a little run-off tube from the back of toilies. I need a lot of turds for my StarCrack Rectumprise. The corn and carrot bits suffice nicely as the control panel buttons. I don't need to look very far in the turds to have my own little Worf either.

"Captain Jean Luc Poocard, USS Rectumprise."

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OK you made me piss my pants.. I hope that'll help your crusade, also.. LMAO!! Luc Poocard!! Bwahahahahahaa..

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So that's what your after... A Farter?

peaches's picture

Submitted by Rocket on July 2, 2008 - 12:17pm.
Good God. Other celebrities have had babies/twins and they don't hold press conferences.

exactly! Even J-lo didn't pull that shit!

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*I used to Love Celebrities, now I just love to Hate them!*

BRADIFUL BITCH's picture

M.E. on July 2, 2008 - 12:24pm.

So the press conference was just to tell everyone she's fine.

- And the loonies are now shaking hands, hugging and in teary shaky voice thanking themselves as they take credit for the outcome.

"Thank Jebus, our Queen is fine! Our prayers were answered via a website! LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!"
(Ok that hurt physically...*limps away*)

?&!
"Don't get me twisted with average fan losers you have encountered. I am not one of them."
"I am more of a manipulative bitch than a cunt"
"LOVE ANGELINA aka HEART ANGELINA aka ???"

Kizzy's picture

Submitted by missy on July 2, 2008 - 12:21pm.

Yeah, I wasn't believing what I was seeing either. The damned reporter was practically pissing in her pants trying to rush and translate verbatim what the Dr. was saying. The last part was she may not give birth for weeks yet. I was like, OMFGawwwww, unreal.

************************************
"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥

Mrs.Kravitz's picture

Submitted by devilgirl on July 2, 2008 - 9:21am.
I am going to have to ck out jj, I am intrigued by everyone's comments about it. Will I get sick from the sugar?
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Godspeed, devilgirl. We will wait here and pray for your safe return.

-☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
DAE:I think some of them are missing important parts of their brain.
VLL: Yeah, the brain part.

LOVE CARROTTOP's picture

Submitted by oklahoma on July 2, 2008 - 12:20pm.

LCT.. So tht's where my turds are going.. I just thot they kept getting stuck inside the plunger. but nope,I was way off!! you're killing me.. Funny stuff!!!
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Nope. I also created a little run-off tube from the back of toilies. I need a lot of turds for my StarCrack Rectumprise. The corn and carrot bits suffice nicely as the control panel buttons. I don't need to look very far in the turds to have my own little Worf either.

"Captain Jean Luc Poocard, USS Rectumprise."

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"I'm allowed to complain that my fucking butt hurts every now and then." - Lolo

Kizzy's picture

Submitted by devilgirl on July 2, 2008 - 12:21pm.
I am going to have to ck out jj, I am intrigued by everyone's comments about it. Will I get sick from the sugar?
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Just have a shot of insulin prepped for when you get out. LMAO

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"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥

Stock Broker's picture

Madam S ~ I can find the volcano if you can get us some rope to tie them up.

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"Not only would you sell your mother to make a deal, you'd send her C.O.D." - Gordon Gekko, from the movie "Wall Street"

M.E.'s picture

So the press conference was just to tell everyone she's fine.

OMFG!! That woman is unfucking believable.

I absolutely hate that self centered bitch.

From now on I am boycotting all AJ movies.

Kizzy's picture

Submitted by C U Next Tuesday on July 2, 2008 - 12:20pm.
Kizzy
=========
Thanks doll, I saw that where she said she was speaking as them, they wouldn't want the golden ones born here. I said, oh, ok, we don't ALL suck!

************************************
"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥

I am going to have to ck out jj, I am intrigued by everyone's comments about it. Will I get sick from the sugar?

joanne's picture

I also don't wish anything bad to happen to Jolie.

missy's picture

so wait, they had the press conference just to say everythings fine and bitch is on bedrest??? aw for chrissakes!!!
_____________________________________________

Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke

a message from the Church of the SubGenius

C U Next Tuesday's picture

Kizzy, Phoebe was being sarcastic I'm sure. She mean't thats how Brad and Angie percieve Americans--as lowlifes (or lives).

■"I want to fall in love like Amy,"says Nicole."I think Ive been in love before."
Winehouse lifts her head:"No,no,if you had, youd be dead because you werent together."
-Rolling Stone
■Even Stevie Wonder could get this Blind Item correct-Stock Broker

oklahoma's picture

LCT.. So tht's where my turds are going.. I just thot they kept getting stuck inside the plunger. but nope,I was way off!! you're killing me.. Funny stuff!!!

-----------------------------------------------
So that's what your after... A Farter?

Stoney's picture

Couldn't they have answered everyone's questions by just releasing a statement? This press conference shit is ridiculous.

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It's like judging ducks before they become swans...its stupid. -HA

LOVE CARROTTOP's picture

Submitted by oklahoma on July 2, 2008 - 12:11pm.

LCT You're gonna get me in trouble..I had to hold that laugh in, Tightly.. Not many things tight these days either..lol.. And NO, no poopy times on the rug, TY very much!!! hahaha
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Bummer. None for me either. Although, I did overturn a big old glass of OJ onto the couch (and my back, and butt, and legs) on Monday night and I SMELLED like a turd on the bathmat.

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"I'm allowed to complain that my fucking butt hurts every now and then." - Lolo

BRADIFUL BITCH's picture

joanne on July 2, 2008 - 12:15pm.

Good Luck Pitt, look where you dick got you, hope it was worth it. I do hear its fur lined.

- Oh honey, his dick only saw his hand and watched Georgie re-runs of ER and spooged into a plastic cup.

?&!
"Don't get me twisted with average fan losers you have encountered. I am not one of them."
"I am more of a manipulative bitch than a cunt"
"LOVE ANGELINA aka HEART ANGELINA aka ???"

Kizzy's picture

Submitted by BRADIFUL BITCH on July 2, 2008 - 12:16pm.

As always, WORD. Amen, sistah, tell it, tell it.

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"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥

joanne's picture

Poor and middle class women would be resting at home, like that would happen, insurance companies you know.

Phoebe's picture

Submitted by Phoebe on July 2, 2008 - 12:08pm.
Excuse me? Did you just say "lowlife Americans"??
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Kizzy, I was saying that's what THEY would be saying. I'm American : )

The devil woman won't want her babies sharing a birthday with an American holiday. She doesn't even want them born here.

AND oklahoma - of course he wants to be there for the births, but it didn't stop him from buying ugly furniture in Switzerland or going to a concert in Italy. And didn't he just make a hoo-haa about some cause he's joining Clooney on?

Kizzy's picture

Submitted by Phoebe on July 2, 2008 - 12:15pm.

Oh, ok, whew!! I was like, hey, we don't ALL suck!! LMAO

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"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥