Angels Are Singing! The Chosen Ones Have Arrived!
I'm sure you already heard the news due to the fact that millions are rioting in the streets, thousands of people are shouting from mountain tops and your pet has probably taken shelter underneath your bed. Lock your doors, turn off your electricity and horde your water, because the second coming of Jesus is here (aka Saint Angelina gave birth to the twin messiahs). I know, don't you just want to burst into tears and bathe in holy water?
The chosen ones arrived on our planet yesterday in France. They can already talk, read, write and sing. Their SAT scores are already higher than yours and I'm sure they've already been shortlisted for an Oscar this year. A Nobel Peace Prize too.
Saint Angelina gave birth to a boy, Knox Leon, and a girl, Vivienne Marcheline. Knox was the middle name of Brad's pepaw. Marcheline was Angelina's mother's name.
Vivi weighed in at 5lbs and Knox weighed in at 5.03. Knox needs to go on the zone diet stat! Things in the Brangelina household are now even. 3 boys, 3 girls.
3 boys named Maddox, Pax and Knox. Those three should start a boy band and call themselves Triple X.
Saint Angelina's doctor told the Associated Press (via People) that the chosen ones were delivered via c-section. He said, "The babies are doing well. The operation went just perfectly. Angelina is in very good spirits. Brad Pitt was at her side. He was there and all was well."
Brangie's lawyers also wasted no time in buying up every single domain name for their chosen ones. They purchased everything from knoxleonjoliepitt.com to viviennemarchelinejoliepitt.biz. They covered all their bases.
There's good news though! Brangelinaisridiculous.com is still available!
So that's that! You now must immediately shut down your computer and spend the day praying at your Brangelina shrine, begging for forgiveness for all the sins you've committed. Or you can just spend the day drinking until your eyeballs roll back into your head. Either one works.
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Hey DeeDee...if we join forces we can push those bitches off our birthday map, mmmkay?
Hosea 2:4 - And I will not have mercy upon her children; for they be the children of whoredoms.
When MK finally hosts his NYC party for all the desperate to get out of their houses housewives club...I'll lead a drinking game. Try to say all the names of the kids without messing up. If you mess up you drink. We tried this last night. (my head hurts.) Piloh, Kax, Zavienee. Vivekox. I mean it's hard to say em all at once. Good drinking game!
My birthday is 7/12, that's not right, I am the messiah, mmmkay?
some of us were on dlisted when the blessed event occurred. hehehe
however... how sly is mk getting the first picture of the twins!
They can still go by Itchy and Scratchy.
Poor Shiloh. She must share her throne now, and you know she's thinking "Why couldn't I have some normal name like that?" That kid is gonna be a parasite hilton in a few years, trust.
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Something in the milk ain't clean!
Well SHIT! I better get some perks sharing a birthday with the twin messiahs. Maybe they will let me drive the Jenniloonie shortbus to hell. *applying for my CDL driver's license*
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
Oh ballbags. I've just passed a motion into me cacks. Please take me to Dunnes post haste so that I can procure a new pair. ~A random Irishman
Je ne give a fuck pas.
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"When your balls are free, you will find inner peace." - Utilikilts
And now all is right with the world. Whoop-de-frickin-doo.
Boobies.
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Help me!
Girl's name: fine
Boy's name: the Leon kills it
Knox? geeezzzzz yeahhhhh...yawn. whatever. I guess he is lucky he didn't kop Pox.
Vivienne? I guess she is the next great Oscar winner in the family.
Amazing the world is still just as fucked up as it was before this whore shot out her spawns. So much for the messiahs.
I use Knox gelatin to make Jello shots. Never thought to name a kid that though. Weirdos.
I am happy that the children are here and doing well. Now we can all move onto another subject. This one is dead tired!
Five foot two, eyes of blue,
da da da da da da da
has anybody seen my gal?
glad to see they found a healthy pair of twins for themselves nice weights for being born early, glad they're healthy and I hope they stay in France. Either that or they finally gained enough weight from weeks ago.
Congratulations, glad the babies are healthy, blah, blah, blah. KNOX?????
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Pre-suck my genital situation!
Who gives a fuckity fuck? I just hope they stay the hell in France forever.
The Golden Globs have been awarded...yay.
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And I find it kinda funny.
I find it kinda sad.
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had.
Whoopee? More kids for them to pimp out. This family is going to implode from the never ending rampant expansion.
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I don't agree with animal testing; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
You are toooo funny:)
Congratulations to the Jolie-Pitts! Now we can all go back to sleep!