Angels Are Singing! The Chosen Ones Have Arrived!
I'm sure you already heard the news due to the fact that millions are rioting in the streets, thousands of people are shouting from mountain tops and your pet has probably taken shelter underneath your bed. Lock your doors, turn off your electricity and horde your water, because the second coming of Jesus is here (aka Saint Angelina gave birth to the twin messiahs). I know, don't you just want to burst into tears and bathe in holy water?
The chosen ones arrived on our planet yesterday in France. They can already talk, read, write and sing. Their SAT scores are already higher than yours and I'm sure they've already been shortlisted for an Oscar this year. A Nobel Peace Prize too.
Saint Angelina gave birth to a boy, Knox Leon, and a girl, Vivienne Marcheline. Knox was the middle name of Brad's pepaw. Marcheline was Angelina's mother's name.
Vivi weighed in at 5lbs and Knox weighed in at 5.03. Knox needs to go on the zone diet stat! Things in the Brangelina household are now even. 3 boys, 3 girls.
3 boys named Maddox, Pax and Knox. Those three should start a boy band and call themselves Triple X.
Saint Angelina's doctor told the Associated Press (via People) that the chosen ones were delivered via c-section. He said, "The babies are doing well. The operation went just perfectly. Angelina is in very good spirits. Brad Pitt was at her side. He was there and all was well."
Brangie's lawyers also wasted no time in buying up every single domain name for their chosen ones. They purchased everything from knoxleonjoliepitt.com to viviennemarchelinejoliepitt.biz. They covered all their bases.
There's good news though! Brangelinaisridiculous.com is still available!
So that's that! You now must immediately shut down your computer and spend the day praying at your Brangelina shrine, begging for forgiveness for all the sins you've committed. Or you can just spend the day drinking until your eyeballs roll back into your head. Either one works.
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Submitted by DebFrmHell on July 13, 2008 - 1:24pm.
Please note that I am not trying to throw a bucket of cold water on the fun parade. I have been laughing my ass off. And i love the snarkiness, just shocked at how long it took to get TV and Mr. Pres banned.
But methinks that by driving up the counters by the click-on-sites you are making JJ money. He can waving that 700+posting like a flag for advertisers. I could be wrong but I think that is how they measure a sites popularity. Hence Adv $$ goes to the most popular sites.
^^^^^^^
That's a really good point. Once I posted, I couldn't keep myself from going back for the deepest belly laughs of my life! But yeah, I don't want to make JJ any more money or get them any extra attention from advertisers.
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Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
Mindful of not bumping up the hits on JJ I have visited for the last time. I was surprised to note that DListed is a quote 'racist site' Trust a fucking Yank to say that.
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Leave the thinking to horses, they've got bigger heads.
sheeps
I'm pretty sure you're correct!
okay who should my new alter ego looser fuck with next?
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"In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure.."
ROOF FLIES OFF!
RIP George Carlin
Identical twins often share the same placenta, usually have separate amniotic sacs, and always have their own umbilical cords. Non identical twins have separate placentas, amniotic sacs, and umbilical cords.
(americanpregnancy.org)
Submitted by Sheeps on July 13, 2008 - 2:30pm.
CTH: I was joshing. I have no bloody idea, but I bet it's 2 cords all the way. Wonder if they get tangled up like loose fishing line?
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eeeeuuuuuwwwwwwwww
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"I won’t hold my breath either: they don’t know how to have intelligent conversations. These are loonies from the awfully racist website Dlisted who come here to start trouble..."
-poster on JJ
@Sheeps: I think it should be 2 cords since they were 2 seperate eggs and therefore should have 2 sacs. But I've never had a baby so IDK.
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Simplicity provides a fine line between eloquence and plainness. -LL Cool J
Bradi,
You+Me=Pancakes with strawberries and IceCream on top...way better than cool whip...
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And I find it kinda funny.
I find it kinda sad.
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had.
CTH: I was joshing. I have no bloody idea, but I bet it's 2 cords all the way. Wonder if they get tangled up like loose fishing line?
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Honey-moon: The first month after marriage, when there is nothing but tenderness and pleasure. (SJ)
sheeps
I know, but in the technical sense, in that it's supplying two different humans with life force, it's two cords.
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"In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure.."
ROOF FLIES OFF!
RIP George Carlin
Damn it Deb, I HATE when we use logic here. You have a relavent point. Not quite sure how it all works, but I am in no way for financially supporting what seems to be a sad commentary of the average American on JJ.
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Simplicity provides a fine line between eloquence and plainness. -LL Cool J
I only just heard the news via IMDB, and apparently the c-section was done for medical reasons and not beacuse AJ was 'too posh to push' lol. Linky here: http://www.imdb.com/news/ni0260405/
Anyway congrats to the parents, I harbour no illwill towards these two famewhores. I say best of luck, they will need it with all those kids *shudder*.
IG:
"Mayor Fromage"....bwahahahahahaha!
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"Nicole moved out there to get away from the paparazzi, but when Paris calls them they come to her quiet street and disrupt everything. She's getting a little fed up."
-source to Page Six
DebFrmHell on July 13, 2008 - 5:24pm
Hi DEB!
I can't help it, it's so easy.
Lenny ♥'s U.
OLE!
?&!
"Don't get me twisted with average fan losers you have encountered. I am not one of them."
"I am more of a manipulative bitch than a cunt"
"LOVE ANGELINA aka HEART ANGELINA aka ???"
Submitted by christine the hoff on July 13, 2008 - 2:21pm.
I researched this: it's one cord but then branches into a Y just before each navel.
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Honey-moon: The first month after marriage, when there is nothing but tenderness and pleasure. (SJ)
Please note that I am not trying to throw a bucket of cold water on the fun parade. I have been laughing my ass off. And i love the snarkiness, just shocked at how long it took to get TV and Mr. Pres banned.
But methinks that by driving up the counters by the click-on-sites you are making JJ money. He can waving that 700+posting like a flag for advertisers. I could be wrong but I think that is how they measure a sites popularity. Hence Adv $$ goes to the most popular sites.
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And I find it kinda funny.
I find it kinda sad.
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had.
angel_i, here's my quote:
Who Pissed in the Gene Pool?
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Póg ma thoin.
I am currently poster under the name looser.
I shall go and fuck with yous now.
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"In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure.."
ROOF FLIES OFF!
RIP George Carlin
Crazy crazy people. Bradiful, I was just thinking that scrambled eggs made a very good point and was very well spoken.
lol!
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
I love scrambled eggs.
one of the jared retards wants to know if twins have one or two umbilical cords.
"falls to floor laughing>"
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"In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure.."
ROOF FLIES OFF!
RIP George Carlin
The Gods Must be Crazy.
So I just keep changing names there, now I'm scrambled eggs, I tried to be "civil", here:
scrambled eggs @ 07/13/2008 at 5:16 pm
I do not understand the hate.
Why must hate exist?
So, not everyone shares the same feelings, some feel different than you or you. Why must censoring be so celebrated?
Why must you do what is done to you?
Is that proper?
Is this not a public site? Or is it just your pledge of devotion to Angelina is more important than free speech?
The love of your own blinding, chaotic fandom is more important to you than your actual fake worship of Angelina.
None of you are fans, you are only here acting like this for you, no one else, just you.
Selfish should be replaced with selfless, then you will begin to be a real fan, then you will realize you don’t need to look to celebrity to give you purpose.
At least snark is healthier than imbalanced illogical worship.
Laugh at yourselves once, at Angelina once, just once, maybe then you have the missing link to reality.
Angelina laughs at all of you, not with you.
Oh and a question, did Jen A. kill your puppies?
Response:
from bdj
scrambled eggs @ 07/13/2008 at 5:16 pm
If it makes you happy and gets you through the day, then vent on. It does not take away from the joy the Jolie-Pitts have on welcoming twins to their already adorable family. However, whatever floats your boat. Peace to ya.
My response:
scrambled eggs @ 07/13/2008 at 5:25 pm
It stopped you long enough to reply.
You believe they are this happy family, they weren’t even in the same room at conception.
This site should be renamed “Conjecture Confetti”.
It’s saddest that everyone, most everyone believes anything these two “say”.
But peace to you.
It’s all you seem to have.
Now go one loons, give it your best shot.
But remember, all the effort still makes it all about ME.
So thank you in advance, I am worth it.
Other responses:
# 765
sonia @ 07/13/2008 at 5:27 pm
these negatives remarks make me love this sophicated family that much more, they have contributed to this world like none other before them, they should be commented, they are selfless human being,, please ignore these lunatics as they show their lack of sane brain cells with every strike of the keys. future blessings for this wonderful family.
bdj @ 07/13/2008 at 5:28 pm
scrambled eggs @ 07/13/2008 at 5:25 pm
Whatever delusion of grander. Peace to ya.
?&!
"Don't get me twisted with average fan losers you have encountered. I am not one of them."
"I am more of a manipulative bitch than a cunt"
"LOVE ANGELINA aka HEART ANGELINA aka ???"
Hi IG!! Yes, he does. I bet he says stuff like "pleased as punch" (well, it probably sounds better in the lilting French tongue) and hands out badges and awards.
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Honey-moon: The first month after marriage, when there is nothing but tenderness and pleasure. (SJ)
The mayor displaying the birth certificates was so over-the-top and asinine-even for these two posers. Yikes!
BTW, good point about how the dumbass parents can't even read French.
Submitted by Sheeps on July 13, 2008 - 5:10pm.
The birth certificate doesn't say anything really new or interesting. It gives the date and time as July 12 at 6:27 pm. It's signed by the Deputy Mayor of Nice, for whom this is apparently a big deal.
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If there was ever a time for this quote it's now:
Has the WHOLE WORLD gone MAD?!?!
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Hey PSL... I think you should keep insulting me, make it a little more interesting. THEN I can start getting nasty...
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Simplicity provides a fine line between eloquence and plainness. -LL Cool J
Submitted by TT99 on July 13, 2008 - 5:12pm.
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Hmm...interesting and probably very true.
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"Tact is just not saying true stuff - I'll pass."
Submitted by Sheeps on July 13, 2008 - 5:10pm.
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The Deputy Mayor of Nice reminds me of Mayor McCheese. Although I guess Mayor Fromage would be more appropriate, non?
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Póg ma thoin.
Back to you's guys. Phew- housework sucks.
Aww, are they calling us names? Well, I'm not a drunk, a skanky ass, a jerk, or have Aspergers, but I was diagnsed with boderline personality disorder (mild case, possibly) at age 17....
Guess Angie and I share at least one disorder. Of course, I am on meds and have treated it so I'm completely normal now (well, as normal as I feel like being- a little light hearted crazy is much needed in this world), unlike the denier Jolie...
I have to go check out mellymelmel.....
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
Submitted by QueenCharisma on July 13, 2008 - 5:00pm.
I'm pretty sure JJ is paid for by Networks and studios. Notice they barely have ads, cause the stories I think are already paid for. They can't tolerate any type of "bad" commentary. Douches. And Yes, be proud!
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"I'll go unlock the kids and make us all breakfast." - Theodore Bagwell
The birth certificate doesn't say anything really new or interesting. It gives the date and time as July 12 at 6:27 pm. It's signed by the Deputy Mayor of Nice, for whom this is apparently a big deal.
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Honey-moon: The first month after marriage, when there is nothing but tenderness and pleasure. (SJ)
Umbilical cord update:
Just asked husband and he said he couldn't cut cord as it was an emergency c section-i.e I am not too posh to push but baby was stuck- and thus he was not allowed down the 'business end' as he put it. Maybe it's different when you have planned it all to aviod herpes etc.
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Leave the thinking to horses, they've got bigger heads.
Submitted by lizzieb on July 13, 2008 - 5:01pm.
Submitted by Kizzy on July 13, 2008 - 9:56pm
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Thank you, I thought that sounded a little weird.
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"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Figured I'd butter them up for a bit and then see what evil I can spread...mwahahahaha!!!
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Simplicity provides a fine line between eloquence and plainness. -LL Cool J
The loonies like to insult on AOL and TMZ, soemtimes aol lets for write back, most of the time TMZ won't let you answer.
Submitted by boomsy on July 13, 2008 - 5:06pm.
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We should keep the back and forth going (pretending to be loons, smacking the loons down) just to continue fucking with these psychos.
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"Tact is just not saying true stuff - I'll pass."
@PSL: *does a curtsy* Why thank you very much, my dear....I'm here 'till bedtime.
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Simplicity provides a fine line between eloquence and plainness. -LL Cool J
boomsy, I am buffytheevilslutslayer!
hahahahahaaa......you did a GREAT job! Had me fooled!
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"Nicole moved out there to get away from the paparazzi, but when Paris calls them they come to her quiet street and disrupt everything. She's getting a little fed up."
-source to Page Six
Submitted by Migraineuse on July 13, 2008 - 5:04pm.
___________________
"high fives back*
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angel_i's picture
Submitted by angel_i on July 13, 2008 - 5:03pm.
__________________
;-)
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"Tact is just not saying true stuff - I'll pass."
Guess I did a good job impersonating a JJ loony if you guys are posting against me.... lol.
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Simplicity provides a fine line between eloquence and plainness. -LL Cool J
Submitted by QueenCharisma on July 13, 2008 - 11:00pm.
I got banned from JJ! I'm so proud :D
A loonie said that Brad and Angelina were soulmates and I said they had to actually have souls for that to be true.
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Bwahahahaha. *high five*
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"When your balls are free, you will find inner peace." - Utilikilts
Hey, who's buffytheevilslutslayer? Because I was Mellymelmel....
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Simplicity provides a fine line between eloquence and plainness. -LL Cool J
Submitted by radio siren on July 13, 2008 - 4:38pm.
Submitted by QueenCharisma on July 13, 2008 - 12:32pm.
Submitted by radio siren on July 13, 2008 - 4:30pm.
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LOL, I just saw that over at JJ and died. I posted under "Truthiness" and basically said all the bitches posting there were nuts!
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That was great, btw.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Can't. Stop. Laughing at this one:
God blessed them with twins and even numbered kidds - 3 boys adn 3 girls - for all the children’s lives they have helped make better with their charitable donations. I truly believe this. This is their good karma at play. God bless the family. What a joyful day. How wonderful! I think they will adopt in Africa next but either way, they will probably wait a year or so - maybe! Can’t wait to see pics of the kids. OMG! Another boy on this planet with Brad Pitt’s genes: too much!!!!! They will both be too cute. ANyone know the origin of Vivienne??? I wonder why the name was chosen - if there was a family member with the name, etc. Anyway, congrats Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie - you deserve this happiness given how much happiness you try to bring into poor children’s lives every day. God bless! Yippeeeee!!!!
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"Nicole moved out there to get away from the paparazzi, but when Paris calls them they come to her quiet street and disrupt everything. She's getting a little fed up."
-source to Page Six
Kizzy
daddy can still cut the cord, they take the baby and the afterbirth out at the same time.
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"In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure.."
ROOF FLIES OFF!
RIP George Carlin
Submitted by Kizzy on July 13, 2008 - 9:56pm.
Never having had a c-section myself, I do not know, but I thought that "daddy cuts the cord" deal went out the window when it came to abdominal surgery?
It's bollocks. I had one with my youngest and they cut through the womb to remove the baby. At least I think that's what happened. My husband would have cut the cord if that had been an option so I think I'm right. But what would I know,I'm a jellus drunk hater on meds with asparagus syndrome.
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Leave the thinking to horses, they've got bigger heads.
I got banned from JJ! I'm so proud :D
A loonie said that Brad and Angelina were soulmates and I said they had to actually have souls for that to be true. Now I can no longer post! I feel very accomplished today. Who says good work can't be done on the sabbath?
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"Tact is just not saying true stuff - I'll pass."
Posted on JJ:
"Marcheline is the French-sounding name of Angelina Jolie’s late mother, with whom she was very close, and whose heritage was French-Canadian and Native American. An actress, she was born Marcia Lynne, which she seems to have transformed into a distinctive version of the French ‘Marcelline.'"
So someone over there is admitting that the name Marcheline was Marcia Lynne's attempt at transforming herself into something that seemed to her to be more "high-class." The others at JJ are too stupid to get it. Looks like Angie Jo came from a long line of pretentious, ego-inflated frauds.
________________________
Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
Never having had a c-section myself, I do not know, but I thought that "daddy cuts the cord" deal went out the window when it came to abdominal surgery?
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"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by boomsy on July 13, 2008 - 9:49pm.
BTW, I'm now a JJ member... who would like me to do their bidding?
Me please. Perhaps in the guise of a true fan you could ask why, oh why, oh why do people keep saying she bought her babies, she’s a herpes ridden, home wrecking drug addict and that her assistant had the babies whilst she sat stoned to the gills leafing through a brochure of Chinese babies? Perhaps you could suggest we are all jellus h8ters who deserve nose cancer. You know, something along those lines.
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Leave the thinking to horses, they've got bigger heads.