Angels Are Singing! The Chosen Ones Have Arrived!
I'm sure you already heard the news due to the fact that millions are rioting in the streets, thousands of people are shouting from mountain tops and your pet has probably taken shelter underneath your bed. Lock your doors, turn off your electricity and horde your water, because the second coming of Jesus is here (aka Saint Angelina gave birth to the twin messiahs). I know, don't you just want to burst into tears and bathe in holy water?
The chosen ones arrived on our planet yesterday in France. They can already talk, read, write and sing. Their SAT scores are already higher than yours and I'm sure they've already been shortlisted for an Oscar this year. A Nobel Peace Prize too.
Saint Angelina gave birth to a boy, Knox Leon, and a girl, Vivienne Marcheline. Knox was the middle name of Brad's pepaw. Marcheline was Angelina's mother's name.
Vivi weighed in at 5lbs and Knox weighed in at 5.03. Knox needs to go on the zone diet stat! Things in the Brangelina household are now even. 3 boys, 3 girls.
3 boys named Maddox, Pax and Knox. Those three should start a boy band and call themselves Triple X.
Saint Angelina's doctor told the Associated Press (via People) that the chosen ones were delivered via c-section. He said, "The babies are doing well. The operation went just perfectly. Angelina is in very good spirits. Brad Pitt was at her side. He was there and all was well."
Brangie's lawyers also wasted no time in buying up every single domain name for their chosen ones. They purchased everything from knoxleonjoliepitt.com to viviennemarchelinejoliepitt.biz. They covered all their bases.
There's good news though! Brangelinaisridiculous.com is still available!
So that's that! You now must immediately shut down your computer and spend the day praying at your Brangelina shrine, begging for forgiveness for all the sins you've committed. Or you can just spend the day drinking until your eyeballs roll back into your head. Either one works.
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my post didn't show up either, jared you fascist bastard
fuck my posts aren't showing up at JJ think I got banned?
already?
all I did was point out to them that angie wouldn't piss on any of them if they were on fire.
was that mean?
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"In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure.."
ROOF FLIES OFF!
RIP George Carlin
EOnline's Ted Casablanca's most recent Blind Vice column was about Fake-a-la Ferocity, a Hollywood goddess who does it all - movies, endorsement deals, charity endeavors - and always looked flawless doing it, until recently. Everyone around her, including her "hunky man" are shaking in their shoes as they watch her wither away. According to Ted, the reason for Fakey's deterioration is heroin addiction.
from
http://www.prettyboring.com/?q=node/4127
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
Submitted by Sheeps on July 13, 2008 - 11:57am.
Angie queen of the world @ 07/13/2008 at 4:00 pm
BLOCK & CENSOR Them NOW JA @ 07/13/2008 at 3:55 pm
^^^^^^^^^^^
It’s so sad that you want to practice censorship on this joyous occasion. Angelina would not want you to censor. She has done many n*de and sexy scenes, and I know she would be sad at you wanting to censor anyone.
I only want to celebrate and sing her praises. I have been down on my knees all morning, where I know she would want me to be
HAHAHAHAHAHA. AQOTW has read one too many Ukrainian spam posts.
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Yes Sheeps, actually I HAVE!!!!!! ;) There's one good use for them at least.
________________________
Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
Fuck me- they think me and Angel are the same person. That's amazing- the idea that only one person could 'hate' Ange. Actually I don't hate her, she irritates me and I enjoy moaning about her. I am to scared to go back in case they pop out of my computer wearing bear suits and punch me before setting the bees on me. I have long been afraid of that.
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Leave the thinking to horses, they've got bigger heads.
radio siren-
I don't actually know- that's info I pieced together from loons- unreliable at best. lol.
I feel like googling....
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
You know what it is? They're like dolls. You know - you get this doll and you really like it...the hair's just right and the clothes fit well adn she fits in the car. And then you find this boy doll and he looks perfect beside her...so you decide you want a dollhouse and once you have that, a little doll family. Usually doll families get pretty mixed up because the kids of the doll family are often just littler dolls that you like. They don't have to match like the couple - they're just so cute - they're your favourites. And you LOVE your dolls! And then mommy says she's going to buy you some NEW dolls and you're SO happy! New dolls! Yay!
That's what's going on over there.
They think we're sad cuz we din't get new dolls. O yes - I'm crying in my milk over here because *I* don't have 6 children. Not.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Oh never mind, caught it on the last post.
________________________
Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
Thlayly5 as a fan:
pupose @ 07/13/2008 at 4:14 pm
"I know it’s supposed to be purpose- I made a typo in my excitement. Yep- I am 22 today. It’s so exciting.
Ignore the evil trolls, they’re just sad things.
No need to hate of Jen Aniston, though- not today- nothing can bring the JP’s down!!!"
Thlayly5 as a jellis h8ter:
umno @ 07/13/2008 at 4:11 pm
"That makes sense. Her underarms are smelly. She lost many a deep, sensitive man because of smelly arms. Poor woman. If you want a deep, not shallow man, you have to be perfect in every way. No sweating! lol. I’m going, I’m going- I just thought Jill’s comment was funny."
I love how my "hater" persona is more well spoken and logical and polite than they could ever dream of being.
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
Submitted by thlayly5 on July 13, 2008 - 11:50am.
o dirty milk, Bradiful-
That poem is sure to confuse them for a while!
Ted C. is some guy from E! that said something not positive about Angie.
^^^^^^^^^^
What did he say????
________________________
Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
Submitted by BRADIFUL BITCH on July 13, 2008 - 3:52pm.
Oh Ted Casablanca.
=============
He committed the unpardonable sin of saying her Saintliness would dump Brad. (it's twoo wuv)
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"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by lizzieb on July 13, 2008 - 12:56pm.
Brads? I'm stealing it. The person who was embarrassed said it happened almost 20 years ago, so maybe the terms have shifted. Thanks, BTW. I need a serviette after crying laughing all day.
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Honey-moon: The first month after marriage, when there is nothing but tenderness and pleasure. (SJ)
Cheered and jeered- some one loves pupose, but hates umno-
Jill @ 07/13/2008 at 4:05 pm
umno @ 07/13/2008 at 3:52 pm
"Oh good lord, get over yourself. Nobody hates poor Jenny-poo. We feel sorry for her but damn, she brings the ridicule on herself, driving away man after man after man. Every guy she’s been with after Pitt has dumped her. What is it with her, is it her deodorant doesn’t work or what?"
Ouch- I was burned? That was a really scary set down? lol
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
check this shit out.
crazy fuckers are writing NOVELS
Magnolia just wrote a whole page about the greatest love story..
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"In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure.."
ROOF FLIES OFF!
RIP George Carlin
Submitted by christine the hoff on July 13, 2008 - 3:49pm.
For REALS. I can only guess, but I have the feeling it will be similar to Ghostbusters' Sta-Puft Marshmallow Man, only made of cotton candy, with a big "JJ" on the hat instead of Sta-Puft.
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"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Angie queen of the world @ 07/13/2008 at 4:00 pm
BLOCK & CENSOR Them NOW JA @ 07/13/2008 at 3:55 pm
^^^^^^^^^^^
It’s so sad that you want to practice censorship on this joyous occasion. Angelina would not want you to censor. She has done many n*de and sexy scenes, and I know she would be sad at you wanting to censor anyone.
I only want to celebrate and sing her praises. I have been down on my knees all morning, where I know she would want me to be
HAHAHAHAHAHA. AQOTW has read one too many Ukrainian spam posts.
Submitted by Sheeps on July 13, 2008 - 8:40pm.
Hey LizzieB: You're in the UK, right? Someone recently told an embarrassing story about asking for a "napkin" at dinner in the UK. We couldn't figure out what the proper term is. Is it "serviette"? "Towel"?
I am indeed in England and can feel the rays from the holy ones as we speak. As for table etiquette, napkin is actually the posh thing to say- serviette is very common. I can only assume it has something to do with the apocryphal story of a boy laying the table with his mother’s sanitary napkins- although that’s an old one as we say sanitary towels now, or ‘Brads’ to give them their street name.
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Leave the thinking to horses, they've got bigger heads.
angel_i @ 07/13/2008 at 4:11 pm
So…you guys gonna meet up and dance naked around a tree then…?
Build a Brangelina shrine on your front porch..? What?
Wheredapartyat?
O yeah. It’s in France. And you’re not invited.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Banned. There goes a whole day shot to hell.
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"I guess we'll need some more FBI guys."
thayly5, yeah riiiiiight. No one hates JA over there- they just write horrible shit about her day after day.....(rolls eyes)
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"Nicole moved out there to get away from the paparazzi, but when Paris calls them they come to her quiet street and disrupt everything. She's getting a little fed up."
-source to Page Six
bradiful I like your poem.
and I'm not banned. well, not yet anyway, working on it.
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"In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure.."
ROOF FLIES OFF!
RIP George Carlin
Submitted by Sheeps on July 13, 2008 - 12:51pm.
Mr. Prez and Angel _i are one HWAT hermaphrodite! Grrrrr
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dontcha think?
I had to throw shit back at that hypocrite Jubilee's face- what an asshole!
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"Nicole moved out there to get away from the paparazzi, but when Paris calls them they come to her quiet street and disrupt everything. She's getting a little fed up."
-source to Page Six
Oh Ted Casablanca.
TEAM TED!
If he is a jellush8ter that is.
?&!
"Don't get me twisted with average fan losers you have encountered. I am not one of them."
"I am more of a manipulative bitch than a cunt"
"LOVE ANGELINA aka HEART ANGELINA aka ???"
angel_i @ 07/13/2008 at 4:04 pm
You better not be calling ME a troll! I’m 5′8″!
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thlayly5 - you're getting cheered!
Go purpose, Go purpose!
It’s your birthday, It’s your birthday!
Happy Birthday, my fellow Jolie-Pitts fan!
( end edited!)
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Mr. Prez and Angel _i are one HWAT hermaphrodite! Grrrrr
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Honey-moon: The first month after marriage, when there is nothing but tenderness and pleasure. (SJ)
Jubilee @ 07/13/2008 at 3:56 pm
Angies-cooter/Angie queen of the world /lizzieb = IS THE SAME POSTER GLUED TO THE COMPUTER SPREADING HER VILE/HATEFUL COMMENTS!!!! I can’t understand how some people can be so hateful of people they don’t know not unless they are sick. I’ll pray for your evil souls (Angies-cooter/Angie queen of the world /lizzieb).
uffytheevilslutslayer @ 07/13/2008 at 4:04 pm
Hey Jubilee, read you comment about hating someone you don’t know the next time you spew hatred about Aniston, you hypocrite!
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"Nicole moved out there to get away from the paparazzi, but when Paris calls them they come to her quiet street and disrupt everything. She's getting a little fed up."
-source to Page Six
o dirty milk, Bradiful-
That poem is sure to confuse them for a while!
Ted C. is some guy from E! that said something not positive about Angie.
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
Submitted by BRADIFUL BITCH on July 13, 2008 - 11:48am.
I posted a poem under the name "dirty milk"....
I like watching the confusion over there.
And who is this Ted C.?
He and Mr. President are apparently the same the dude.
^^^^^^^^^
I'm thinking they're talking about Ted Casablanca. Is he known for being the only journalist who prints the truth about Brangelina or something? They hate him.
________________________
Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
Submitted by Kizzy on July 13, 2008 - 3:47pm.
I'm in shock from the fucking loon who wrote a fucking poem about the twins.
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I'm pretty much in shock from them all. I love how they don't always answer me, just talk about how the jellus H8ters are in a frenzy of jellusy.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Kizzy
we're all going to have nightmares over this crazy shit.
thank god it's family guy night, I can sleep happy.
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"In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure.."
ROOF FLIES OFF!
RIP George Carlin
I posted a poem under the name "dirty milk"....
I like watching the confusion over there.
And who is this Ted C.?
He and Mr. President are apparently the same the dude.
?&!
"Don't get me twisted with average fan losers you have encountered. I am not one of them."
"I am more of a manipulative bitch than a cunt"
"LOVE ANGELINA aka HEART ANGELINA aka ???"
I'm in shock from the fucking loon who wrote a fucking poem about the twins.
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"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
About that poster screaming for JJ to censor our posts, I just wrote this over there:
BLOCK & CENSOR Them NOW JA @ 07/13/2008 at 3:55 pm
^^^^^^^^^^^
It's so sad that you want to practice censorship on this joyous occasion. Angelina would not want you to censor. She has done many nude and sexy scenes, and I know she would be sad at you wanting to censor anyone.
I only want to celebrate and sing her praises. I have been down on my knees all morning, where I know she would want me to be, blessing this holy family. god bless the jolie-pitts!
________________________
Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
Hey Mr Prseident and angel_i, how does it feel to be a Hermaphrodite with two personalities?
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"Nicole moved out there to get away from the paparazzi, but when Paris calls them they come to her quiet street and disrupt everything. She's getting a little fed up."
-source to Page Six
Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
I posted
Is she wearing a vial of their blood around her neck yet?
BANNED
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"In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure.."
ROOF FLIES OFF!
RIP George Carlin
angel_i @ 07/13/2008 at 4:00 pm
I know, right? Why be hateful of people who buy their children? They have to be sold to someone! Otherwise how will money make the world go round?
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
TV! hahahahhhaa
I wonder if I'll get banned for daring to suggest Angie uses heroin....
one of them will probably tell me I forgot the "e" at the end of Heroin.......you know those fuckers can't spell.
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"Nicole moved out there to get away from the paparazzi, but when Paris calls them they come to her quiet street and disrupt everything. She's getting a little fed up."
-source to Page Six
This poster is awesome- who did this craziness- lol
annie bananie @ 07/13/2008 at 3:54 pm
OMG. Like, I totally LUUUUUV BASPKMZV!!!!
They are the most human beings in the galaxy - no one better comes prior to them and no one better will come after them - they are the best!
All others deserve to DIE next to them… in fact, they deserve to drink the blood of EVERY last human being on earth! They are, like, ROYALTY! I bet they can even walk on water — LOL.. no seriously.
If their blessed eyes would ever fix on me and want me as their slave I would happily abide… everything for BAPKZSVMK!
YOU DESERVE TO LIVE, ALL OTHERS ARE **** NEXT TO YOU! I WILL SELL MY HOME AND ALL MY BELONGINGS AND SEND YOU SAINTS THE MONEY, CUZ YOU DESERVE IT ALL!
Your faithful slave,
Ashley
This next poster is super lame:
Report Abuse
# 663 BLOCK & CENSOR Them NOW JA @ 07/13/2008 at 3:55 pm
Do you realize how ferociouly obsessed and raging insane this ONE poster (Mr president/angie queen of the world/ange_li) has to be, to keep posting and changing monikers constantly every minute on the minute, just to make it look like they are NOT one person?? Well let’s just say, the term ‘Batsh*t crazy,’ doesn’t even begin to describe it, neither does, ‘crazy as a sh*thouse rat.’ (or maybe, gasp, more than one person dislikes you angie????)
Jared do us all a favor and start censoring the content, you know what it is - just do it. These raging jealous monsters attacking new moms and newborns are literally scaring your traffic off this site.
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
I am happy that she had healthy children and that she works all around the world to give other women that chance. you can talk shit, or try to change the world.
Did you realize angel and I are the same person?;
BLOCK & CENSOR Them NOW JA @ 07/13/2008 at 3:55 pm
Do you realize how ferociouly obsessed and raging insane this ONE poster (Mr president/angie queen of the world/ange_li) has to be, to keep posting and changing monikers constantly every minute on the minute, just to make it look like they are NOT one person?? Well let’s just say, the term ‘Batsh*t crazy,’ doesn’t even begin to describe it, neither does, ‘crazy as a sh*thouse rat.’
Jared do us all a favor and start censoring the content, you know what it is - just do it. These raging jealous monsters attacking new moms and newborns are literally scaring your traffic off this site.
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"I guess we'll need some more FBI guys."
Submitted by Team Valtrex on July 13, 2008 - 3:41pm.
I'll give Angie at least some credit, having James Haven as a father means their gene pool is far less polluted than the one that spawned the average JJ poster.
The above is the comment that just got me banned.
HAHAHAHAHA, I win!
LMAO! Evil dlisters up in the house of JJ today! Oh saggy bollocks! *tinkles self*
I posted at JJ
Oh, praise to the Saint Jolie!
she has shit out twins! nobody in the history of the world has ever managed to do this!
I bow to her!
but the fuckers deleted it.
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"In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure.."
ROOF FLIES OFF!
RIP George Carlin
HOW are you guys still posting? Like I said, I got banned within 20 minutes and have never been able to post there again.
And which one of you is Annie Bananie? This one had me laughing like hell:
"OMG. Like, I totally LUUUUUV BASPKMZV!!!!
They are the most human beings in the galaxy - no one better comes prior to them and no one better will come after them - they are the best!
All others deserve to DIE next to them… in fact, they deserve to drink the blood of EVERY last human being on earth! They are, like, ROYALTY! I bet they can even walk on water — LOL.. no seriously.
If their blessed eyes would ever fix on me and want me as their slave I would happily abide… everything for BAPKZSVMK!
YOU DESERVE TO LIVE, ALL OTHERS ARE **** NEXT TO YOU! I WILL SELL MY HOME AND ALL MY BELONGINGS AND SEND YOU SAINTS THE MONEY, CUZ YOU DESERVE IT ALL!
Your faithful slave,
Ashley"
I'll give Angie at least some credit, having James Haven as a father means their gene pool is far less polluted than the one that spawned the average JJ poster.
The above is the comment that just got me banned.
HAHAHAHAHA, I win!
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My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
No prob., angel_i.
Sense is like kryptonite to these fans. They can't be rational, or see more than one side of any argument or situation.
If you hate Angie, you love Jen. Anything else does not compute.
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
Perhaps Angie's massive infestation of herps got in the way of the vaginal birth. It's the only explanation for the c-section because we all know her vag could spit out a watermelon.
Hey LizzieB: You're in the UK, right? Someone recently told an embarrassing story about asking for a "napkin" at dinner in the UK. We couldn't figure out what the proper term is. Is it "serviette"? "Towel"?
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Honey-moon: The first month after marriage, when there is nothing but tenderness and pleasure. (SJ)
Submitted by parissucksliterally on July 13, 2008 - 11:30am.
radio, your comment was great! "I have the herps too"..
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
ok, I'll go post.....
done. I am "buffytheevilslutslayer"
^^^^^^^^^
Ha, I saw yours! They'll shit over that one. Mine already got removed - WTF? - just cause I used the word "herp*s?" I even threw in a "god bless the jolie-pitts" for good measure and it STILL got censored!
_______________________
Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
Submitted by parissucksliterally on July 13, 2008 - 12:33pm.
That is incridible.
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Honey-moon: The first month after marriage, when there is nothing but tenderness and pleasure. (SJ)