Angels Are Singing! The Chosen Ones Have Arrived!
I'm sure you already heard the news due to the fact that millions are rioting in the streets, thousands of people are shouting from mountain tops and your pet has probably taken shelter underneath your bed. Lock your doors, turn off your electricity and horde your water, because the second coming of Jesus is here (aka Saint Angelina gave birth to the twin messiahs). I know, don't you just want to burst into tears and bathe in holy water?
The chosen ones arrived on our planet yesterday in France. They can already talk, read, write and sing. Their SAT scores are already higher than yours and I'm sure they've already been shortlisted for an Oscar this year. A Nobel Peace Prize too.
Saint Angelina gave birth to a boy, Knox Leon, and a girl, Vivienne Marcheline. Knox was the middle name of Brad's pepaw. Marcheline was Angelina's mother's name.
Vivi weighed in at 5lbs and Knox weighed in at 5.03. Knox needs to go on the zone diet stat! Things in the Brangelina household are now even. 3 boys, 3 girls.
3 boys named Maddox, Pax and Knox. Those three should start a boy band and call themselves Triple X.
Saint Angelina's doctor told the Associated Press (via People) that the chosen ones were delivered via c-section. He said, "The babies are doing well. The operation went just perfectly. Angelina is in very good spirits. Brad Pitt was at her side. He was there and all was well."
Brangie's lawyers also wasted no time in buying up every single domain name for their chosen ones. They purchased everything from knoxleonjoliepitt.com to viviennemarchelinejoliepitt.biz. They covered all their bases.
There's good news though! Brangelinaisridiculous.com is still available!
So that's that! You now must immediately shut down your computer and spend the day praying at your Brangelina shrine, begging for forgiveness for all the sins you've committed. Or you can just spend the day drinking until your eyeballs roll back into your head. Either one works.
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What? The chosen ones didn't come out of Angie's golden vagina?
Very cool, Sheeps. Thanks much.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
manger son pain blanc (informal) to be in a good situation temporarily
manger son pain noir (informal) to be in a bad situation temporarily
When you say "manger son pain blanc," you mean that you enjoyed the best part of a period of time, and that the white bread is finished (eaten), so you are expecting a worse period of time to come, with only some "pain noir" to eat (rationing).
(french.about.com; forum.wordreference.com)
You guys are killing me. I love how they all think that Jen lies about having babies (who the fuck cares!? Maybe she doesn't feel the need to be a mother- maybe she wants to "gasp" get married before she procreates (unheard of, I know))
And these posts:
buffytheevilslutslayer @ 07/13/2008 at 3:45 pm
I like the name Knox! Maddox, Pax, and Knox- cool names!
I think the next boy should be named “Traxx”……as a salute to Angie’s dalliances with Heroin!
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# 659 lizzieb @ 07/13/2008 at 3:45 pm
I’m glad she paid for these ones via ‘fertility drugs for anos, buy one, get one free’ She likes the ones she buys better than the free blob.
hee hee hee- genius!
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
omg im seriously crying right now! i just read this news just now and i am SOO happy for them! i love angie and brad they are two of the sweetest most absolute brave people in the world and i couldn’ t be happier for them!! congrats to you ANGIE and BRAD i am so happy for you. you deserve the incridible blessing of these twins more than anyone! i love you guys!
<<<<<33333 AMY
I am so afraid for the future when I read shit like this....
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"Nicole moved out there to get away from the paparazzi, but when Paris calls them they come to her quiet street and disrupt everything. She's getting a little fed up."
-source to Page Six
Submitted by thlayly5 on July 13, 2008 - 3:30pm.
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Thank you thlyayly5. My brain needed a break from stupidness.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
I hope you don't mind me joining in. This is my post:
I'm glad she paid for these ones via 'fertility drugs for anos, buy one, get one free' She likes the ones she buys better than the free blob.
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Leave the thinking to horses, they've got bigger heads.
No controversy yet?
Well, sheesh!
Should I give it a go?
I love Angeline Jolie so much I wish my own babies could be birthed from her womb. All you haters don't understand how wonderful AJ is. She's a humanitarian and a generous celebrity who only sells her children's photo's for charity. How can you people be so mean, cold and ugly to Santa Jolie? I cry for you stupid idiots because you do not see the error of your ways.
People magazine is my Bible, you fools. Maybe you should all think about picking up the Bible and reading a few verses too. Hmm?
-And scene-
radio, your comment was great! "I have the herps too"..
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
ok, I'll go post.....
done. I am "buffytheevilslutslayer"
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"Nicole moved out there to get away from the paparazzi, but when Paris calls them they come to her quiet street and disrupt everything. She's getting a little fed up."
-source to Page Six
Can I just say that I don't care who gets golden showers and who doesn't? If John Mayer is pissing on Jen, I don't give a fuck. If it make syou happy and isn't illegal and doesn't hurt anybody, why should I give a shit?
And, apparently, John brags about it (according to the loons) so that means he's honest about his weirdness.
Unlike Angie, who might enjoy Cleveland steamers, heroin still, and brother fucking, but will never, ever tell the truth about anything.
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
Submitted by parissucksliterally on July 13, 2008 - 3:27pm
Good luck, be careful, and don't drink the kool-aid.
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"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Team Valtrex @ 07/13/2008 at 3:43 pm
I’m just so proud of Brad for participating in their birth, we all no he didn’t participate in their conception. The turkey baster of Billy Bob **** couldn’t make it.
Why did they censor the word "jizz"?
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My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
Are dlisters harassing justjared.crapnet.com?
Great idea!
I'll join in too :)
I HATE jj'ers and the dude himself seems a little... I dunno... the 'clever' captions to his posts irritate me surprisingly much. I don't think I'd be able to stand him irl. And I'm a really friendly person.
Off to JJ.
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MK is a comedic god next to stupid Perez. Why isn't MK catapulted to fame? There's so much I don't understand. Let's start a movement!
They are hurting my feelings over there.
They are "playing with me"! Boo hoo hoo hoo hoo!
O believe me...Angelina's had a Golden Shower or two in her life...every day out back of the bowling alley where her mama lived.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Submitted by thlayly5 on July 13, 2008 - 3:20pm.
Kizzy- the one with the "light in the sky post" was by our own delicious Bradiful.
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Damn, she's good. That was right in line with the rest of the posts, ROFL
Kudos to all you hilarious hawt sluuuttz!! I second Dead Actress in raising my glass to you all!!
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"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
I know. Simple and fucking hilarious.
I can't stop giggling.
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
Submitted by thlayly5 on July 13, 2008 - 3:21pm.
Who posted under Angie's cooter- because that was priceless too.
Angies-cooter @ 07/13/2008 at 3:27 pm
C-Section? I’m big enough for twin elephants! Never mind, just another scar to add to my surgery scars.
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haha! The next one says.
Hi, I stink.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Hey, if Angie Ho makes Matthew McConaughey her next baby daddy she can name the next boy TRex.
Submitted by . on July 13, 2008 - 3:10pm.
Yeah, I'm in the make-a-sailor-blush category, too. Fuck. At least we have cool pictures of giraffe and duck penii to console ourselves with. (awww, look! twins!) ROFL
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"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by parissucksliterally on July 13, 2008 - 11:17am.
hehehehe Kizzy....that is lunacy....
I still like my suggestion for the next boy to be names "Traxx" as a salute to heroin.....should I ask the JJers what they think of it?
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YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!
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Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
Who posted under Angie's cooter- because that was priceless too.
Angies-cooter @ 07/13/2008 at 3:27 pm
C-Section? I’m big enough for twin elephants! Never mind, just another scar to add to my surgery scars.
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
Team Valtrex @ 07/13/2008 at 3:36 pm She’s already spawned too many times. Time to burn the nest before we’re afflicted with any more blobs.
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My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
Kizzy- the one with the "light in the sky post" was by our own delicious Bradiful.
I posted under the brangie-fan-with one-brain-cell: pupose.
IV- I saw another post of jesuswearstennisshoes on JJ the other day on an angie thread- you made me burst out laughing then, too!
I remember wishing that jesuswears would post on dlisted- good to know we already have you!!
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
Just a thought, with Knox is the 'Fort' silent?
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Leave the thinking to horses, they've got bigger heads.
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on July 13, 2008 - 3:12pm.
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*standing on top of barstool* *holding onto chandelier* Brava! ImpertinentVixen! Brava! I say! *raising my Big Gulp size glass of voddie!
~"~"~"~"~"Life is too short to work so hard...Vivien Leigh~"~"~"~"~
Okay, I just broke down and posted at JJ:
Angie queen of the world @ 07/13/2008 at 3:31 pm
I’m so relieved and happy to hear that Angelina was able to deliver via C-section. I have herp*s too, and it’s quite scary for those of us with herp*s when it comes time to deliver. We are so afraid of passing herp*s along to our young. So I’m glad she didn’t have to worry about passing that on to her new twins, and god bless the jolie-pitts forever and ever! Amen!
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Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
They did PSL, but I just checked back.
How are you funny fuckers still getting in there?
Eh, who cares how it is hilarious.
Any one else notice how you pretty much accomplish zip on days that there is a Brangie thread?
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pathetic is chatting with bitch of crazy mouth
Funny Bitch LoLo as FLA
Submitted by thlayly5 on July 13, 2008 - 3:12pm.
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Thanks! Doesn't take much to mimic the loonies.
In all seriousness, I am so glad this site exists and it is okay to snark on these two celebutards without getting flamed to high heaven. Everyone else is acting like this is the biggest event in the world whereas I see two famewhores getting their fix yet again by pimping out their latest additions.
hehehehe Kizzy....that is lunacy....
I still like my suggestion for the next boy to be names "Traxx" as a salute to heroin.....should I ask the JJers what they think of it?
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"Nicole moved out there to get away from the paparazzi, but when Paris calls them they come to her quiet street and disrupt everything. She's getting a little fed up."
-source to Page Six
The posts are there - they load funny...
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
IV- I think I just died laughing. You are a murderer. lol!
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
The comments are still there, I just posted again as glamorous goddess.
And TV has 600 fathers, JJ loons never lie.
?&!
"Don't get me twisted with average fan losers you have encountered. I am not one of them."
"I am more of a manipulative bitch than a cunt"
"LOVE ANGELINA aka HEART ANGELINA aka ???"
Submitted by parissucksliterally on July 13, 2008 - 3:01pm.
Nothing tops "May your Collective Energies purify even the darkest of souls."
Gave me chills. That's dedication. They are all full of "God bless the family, so happy for them, oh, I was dreaming of this day, I saw a light in the sky last night, and I knew". There may have been worse, but I could only get so far. I'm still picking cotton candy out of my hair.
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"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by gucci on July 13, 2008 - 1:51pm.
Angie and brad will have to work the rest of their lives in order to take care of their huge kiddie flock.
Gucci, haven't you heard? St. Skankalina is quitting the movie business to concentrate on the kids. Right after "A Mighty Heart." Oooops, maybe "Kung Fu Panda"? Oooops, I mean "Beowulf." Ooops, no, sorry that was, "Changeling." I mean "Wanted."
Well, now I'm just confused. Surely she didn't lie? Not the saintly one. Not the martyr who has no self-serving motives whatsoever ...
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"I'm intellectual & stuff." "You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue & stuff."
http://www.myspace.com/dramaqueen365247
I also like how all of them are calling me "poo-puss" since my character misspelled "purpose."
Yeah, and no one gets it that they were born yesterday, not today, but whatever. (I mean the twins, but the fans seem like they were born yesterday, too)
KidL, good job. You sound like an authentic loon. I can't go over there for a while, though, I feel dirty for praising Angie.
Plus, all the negative comments were deleted. Talk about oppression of freedom of expression and speech.
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
I posted this. Let's see how long it lasts:
OMG! WTF! LOL! My life has meaning now that two self-absorbed celebrity twits have churned out another spawn the world doesn't need! (insert smiley face icon). I just love them so much, it brings a smile to my face (thinking about how the JP's security team would bitch slap down these loonies should they ever get near them). I am over the moon with joy (and wonderment that such idiotic morons would gush and goo over two people who could give a crap about them and in fact probably wouldn't give them the time of day in person).
I can die happy now, even though my children are not as pretty and nice as the JP's, because God's true plan has been realized. Brad Angie Jo have had sexual intercourse and produced twin babies. No other event in the history of the universe has had so much cosmic impact. The big bang, the invention of the printing press, the moon landing, all pale in comparison to the bodily functions of these two completely ordinary and talent-free individuals.
Huzzah! I raise my glass of champange to all you stupid, stupid fools.
♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. - George Carlin
Jill @ 07/13/2008 at 3:19 pm
angel_i @ 07/13/2008 at 3:13 pm
Jennifer Aniston is quite happy, thank you very much, touring with her awesome BF and living the life.
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You really envy her those golden showers, don’t you? Eeeewwww.
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If you mean the golden jewelery he showers upon her in every city they visit together then yes. Otherwise I really don’t know what you mean…
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You guys were SO right...it's the Jen they can't handle...
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
lol! You merry pranksters rawk! I don't have the wherewithal to even attempt a JJ post. Frankly, I just don't visit those places unless one of them comes up on a random google search of mine. Dlisted [to me] seems like the most ADULT gossip blog out there in cyberland so I just don't visit the others because I'd never fit into that niche anyway and like madame s., I have a trucker mouth too. Most of the gossip blogs I've chanced upon seem like teeny-bopper hang-outs and I'm way too old for that shit.
(((hugs thlay and everyone)))
*sigh* It's so nice to see everyone getting along here. I hope it lasts.
Angelina can suck my monkey toe.
EEG, they deleted the comments?
why, did they scream "DLISTER!!!" or something? How could the schmucks tell?
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"Nicole moved out there to get away from the paparazzi, but when Paris calls them they come to her quiet street and disrupt everything. She's getting a little fed up."
-source to Page Six
Your comments all just got deleted.
Fuck end of game.
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pathetic is chatting with bitch of crazy mouth
Funny Bitch LoLo as FLA
To really get it right, one MUST quote CLINIQUA I think (I have to say that I LOVE to say her name...I wish she had a face so I could chola it.):
Brad and Angelina are Movie Stars and Humanitarians and the biggest movie stars in the world!
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Submitted by thlayly5 on July 13, 2008 - 1:59pm.
pupose @ 07/13/2008 at 3:11 pm
Did you notice that none of them noticed that your birthday is on the wrong day? LMAO.
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And I find it kinda funny.
I find it kinda sad.
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had.
Here's my shot at being a Brangeloonie:
OMG!!! I LOVE this family!! They are SO wonderful and do SO much to help ALL people of the world. I cannot wait to see these beautiful babies in People magazine. My life has been changed 4EVA by this amazing event!!!!
It's easy to blend in- Just don't think, and type the stupidest, most fawning thing you can come up with. They buy it lock, stock and barrel.
However, they think TV, Angel_i and all the rest posting against Angie are one person- since only one crazy person could possible dislike Angie!
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
Submitted by thlayly5 on July 13, 2008 - 11:56am.
Check to see the poster "pupose".
You got a shout out already.
Angel_i said it best: I'm sure this news is killing JA as she gets boned by the W pool (I'm paraphrasing a tad).
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Honey-moon: The first month after marriage, when there is nothing but tenderness and pleasure. (SJ)
Sheeps, I am afraid to go to that site. My brain hurts just thinking about those crazy ass kissers/Aniston haters.
I'll just rely on the little clips you guys are posting.....lol
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"They think that I got no respect, but everything means less than zero"
- Elvis Costello
I would love to put a boot up Jared's ass simply because he is so feeble-minded and runs that stupid site. He's a moron.
thlayly5:
AH HAHAHAHAHA!
I was totally rolling my eyes to that one!
Nice job:)
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
I posted as "pupose", and Jill congratulated me, an blessed the Jolie-Pitts!
I am falling over laughing.
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
pupose @ 07/13/2008 at 3:11 pm
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG—– My life now has meaning. You guys, today is totally my birthday…. and my mom’s name is Vivian! (I know darling Vivienne is spelled differently, but still)
This is the first thing I’ve been able to share with the blessed Jolie-Pitts. I am over the moon.
May God Bless the Truly Most Deserving Family of All!"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-