Angels Are Singing! The Chosen Ones Have Arrived!
I'm sure you already heard the news due to the fact that millions are rioting in the streets, thousands of people are shouting from mountain tops and your pet has probably taken shelter underneath your bed. Lock your doors, turn off your electricity and horde your water, because the second coming of Jesus is here (aka Saint Angelina gave birth to the twin messiahs). I know, don't you just want to burst into tears and bathe in holy water?
The chosen ones arrived on our planet yesterday in France. They can already talk, read, write and sing. Their SAT scores are already higher than yours and I'm sure they've already been shortlisted for an Oscar this year. A Nobel Peace Prize too.
Saint Angelina gave birth to a boy, Knox Leon, and a girl, Vivienne Marcheline. Knox was the middle name of Brad's pepaw. Marcheline was Angelina's mother's name.
Vivi weighed in at 5lbs and Knox weighed in at 5.03. Knox needs to go on the zone diet stat! Things in the Brangelina household are now even. 3 boys, 3 girls.
3 boys named Maddox, Pax and Knox. Those three should start a boy band and call themselves Triple X.
Saint Angelina's doctor told the Associated Press (via People) that the chosen ones were delivered via c-section. He said, "The babies are doing well. The operation went just perfectly. Angelina is in very good spirits. Brad Pitt was at her side. He was there and all was well."
Brangie's lawyers also wasted no time in buying up every single domain name for their chosen ones. They purchased everything from knoxleonjoliepitt.com to viviennemarchelinejoliepitt.biz. They covered all their bases.
There's good news though! Brangelinaisridiculous.com is still available!
So that's that! You now must immediately shut down your computer and spend the day praying at your Brangelina shrine, begging for forgiveness for all the sins you've committed. Or you can just spend the day drinking until your eyeballs roll back into your head. Either one works.
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Team Valtrex @ 07/13/2008 at 2:48 pm angel_i @ 07/13/2008 at 2:40 pm So why bless France? America isn’t good enough for them?
France is the only place where the stank wafting out of her vadge will go unnoticed.
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My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
LOL! Lambs!...I was thinking: Wow - this is a JJ poster...?!?!? Impressive...
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Submitted by . on July 13, 2008 - 2:28pm.
Personally, I'm waiting for the report from the villagers with torches and pitchforks, but there are more Brangeloonie celebrations going on than you can shake a giraffe's pecker at. ROFL
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"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Angel, maybe delete your email on JJ, or you'll have to cancel that address.
Mr. Prez is about to get assassinated.
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Honey-moon: The first month after marriage, when there is nothing but tenderness and pleasure. (SJ)
No, Dot! The giraffe penis! LOL!
Does Angie get paid money for each first picture of her children, regardless of whether she popped them out or bought them?
Maybe she goes adopting because she knows the return for their pictures will outweigh their expense.
If she really adopts some Chinese or Ethiopian children as rumored soon after this birth, how could anyone say she isn't starved for attention? She loves being a new mom. Once these kids have been shown to the press, she'll need another fix.
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
MR. PRESIDENT @ 07/13/2008 at 2:35 pm Word on the street is that James Haven is the father.
^^^^^^^^^
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
For some reason, I picture the initial reaction of JJ'ers as they read negative comments about their gods as complete fucking confusion that anyone else would not worship them the same way they do.
________________________
Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
Submitted by radio siren on July 13, 2008 - 2:25pm.
angel_i, I just noticed your avie only a few minutes ago (yes, I'm still just waking up, don't judge, I'm on the west coast) and I almost choked! Perfect and so fitting for the little antichrists' births!
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No judging...it's seeming to me we're all a little wonky (but in a good way) today...so you're in better company half-asleep, I'd think....
Once again I was inspired by VLL who kept putting those two up there. I was secretly hoping they would be girls, but alas...
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Submitted by . on July 13, 2008 - 2:28pm.
I thought I had seen the photographic evidence of their birth, but it was just 2 demons guarding the gates of hell.
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My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on July 13, 2008 - 1:13pm.
I just hope she never adopts any Chinese, she'll just want to adopt more an hour later
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Why are you so hilarious? We're all going to Hell in hand basket thanks to you, T.V.
It will be a fun ride, at least....
Submitted by angel_i on July 13, 2008 - 2:22pm.
Have no fear, my dear, you have the power of ascerbic wit on your side. Acid dissolves sugar. Plus, the JJ collective doesn't have 2 brain cells to rub together, let alone put to actual use.
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"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
I'm not falling for the banana in a tail pipe this time, MK. If I don't see the pictures of the cherubs snoogled in veiny's arms then I ain't buying this bridge just yet. Yes. That's right. If I let you fool me twice, shame on me.
Submitted on JJ:
Team Valtrex @ 07/13/2008 at 2:40 pm
She puts the X in the boys names to ease their transition when she eventually sells them into the adult entertainment industry.
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My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
Hopefully, both Brad and Angie will finally get sterilized.
Do they have enough kids already?
Submitted by angel_i on July 13, 2008 - 2:17pm.
Oy vey. One would think all that cotton candy (spun sugar) would gum up their keyboards. I'm fairly certain if I wrote that shit, my computer would immediately rebel with a pornado.
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"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
angel_i, I just noticed your avie only a few minutes ago (yes, I'm still just waking up, don't judge, I'm on the west coast) and I almost choked! Perfect and so fitting for the little antichrists' births!
________________________
Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
HAHA, you put your email as your JJ id. They're going to come after you now, angel. I left a message on the JJ board for you.
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"I guess we'll need some more FBI guys."
Sheeps-
No! Don't banish me to JJ, aka "la la land!" Please!
Angelina reminds me of the Queen of Hearts character from the Alice in Wonderland movie- she always scared me. Everyone had to kiss her ass, and if you didn't do it right, "Off with their head!"
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
I'm totally starting a church to worship the twin messiah!! I'm doing it right now!!!
Submitted by Team Valtrex on July 13, 2008 - 2:13pm.
I just hope she never adopts any Chinese, she'll just want to adopt more an hour later.
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LOL
I'm actually laughing pretty hard about this. I really do hope I get some good emails.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Submitted by Mr. President on July 13, 2008 - 10:14am.
Those JJ bitches work fast:
MR. PRESIDENT @ 07/13/2008 at 2:18 pm
Your comment is awaiting moderation
^^^^^^^^^^
So they have to moderate the comment because they can't admit her mother was a nobody from the midwest. How unpretentious and forthright of them. Pffft! I really don't get why it's such a big deal to them (and Angie).
________________________
Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
O THANKS MR. FUCKING PRESIDENT!
NOW IT"S LINKED!!!
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
It's nto like I was really using it anyway. Or like Angel is my real name right. Wow. I feel really fucked up about this. lol
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
That had already been cleared up, huh. Well, I am still waking up and have a passion for biology.
Anyway, their names are fine, I just wish that they would stay in France, and make no more shitty movies.
You know, the graphic novel "Wanted" makes a whole lot mre sense than the movie version? Instead of being self-righteous assassins, it's all about a gang of super-villains who've taken over the world (hence the title "Wanted").
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
Submitted by Mr. President on July 13, 2008 - 2:14pm.
Those JJ bitches work fast:
MR. PRESIDENT @ 07/13/2008 at 2:18 pm
Your comment is awaiting moderation
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FUCK FUCK FUCK!
That's my damn email up there. WTF! I should have eaten!!!!
*sigh* I guess it was time for a change anyhow.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Submitted by thlayly5 on July 13, 2008 - 11:13am.
I'm sorry, that was far too clear and rational for this site. Have you tried JJ?
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Honey-moon: The first month after marriage, when there is nothing but tenderness and pleasure. (SJ)
OMG, Kizzy....
There's some poster called "angel" saying SO many smarmy fanatic love things...ugh! like this:
angel @ 07/13/2008 at 1:43 pm
the boys have x in their last name,maddox,pax,knox,cool
it's making me wretch. WHY o WHY must I have these leftover 13 year old girl senisibilities?
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They're so blissed out over there I'm not even sure they're gonna notice...but I sent you a love letter Mr. Pres. And now I MUST feed my poor ignored body.
and ♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Submitted by Mr. President on July 13, 2008 - 11:14am.
Those JJ bitches work fast:
MR. PRESIDENT @ 07/13/2008 at 2:18 pm
Your comment is awaiting moderation
hahahaha. OK, I'm gonna post something so fawning, so sugary that your teeth will fall out (assuming you still have any).
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Honey-moon: The first month after marriage, when there is nothing but tenderness and pleasure. (SJ)
Those JJ bitches work fast:
MR. PRESIDENT @ 07/13/2008 at 2:18 pm
Your comment is awaiting moderation
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"I guess we'll need some more FBI guys."
I'm sure Knox will be the spitting image of Angelina (maybe her brother, James Haven), not Brad..I don't really think Shiloh looks anything like Brad
I just hope she never adopts any Chinese, she'll just want to adopt more an hour later.
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My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
Just to clarify some earlier confusion--
Identical twins are the same sex always since they come from one embryo that splits into two embryos. They are identical. They come from one egg and one sperm.
Fraternal twins can be same sex or different sexes, as multiple eggs are released and fertilized by a sperm each. Two eggs are released and fertilized by two different sperm, so those sperm can make each egg a boy or a girl.
Impertinent Vixen was laughing at an idiot poster at JJ who was incredulous that Jared could know for certain that they were fraternal twins, and not identical (they have to be fraternal since one is a boy and another is a girl...lol)
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
Sheeps, I'm still trying to figure out why I haven't been banned HERE, yet.
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"I guess we'll need some more FBI guys."
Congrats but they're not my chosen ones
Submitted by christine the hoff on July 13, 2008 - 2:00pm.
Mr. President & Angel
Y'all have strong stomachs. I choked on the Beecher quote, had to get out.
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"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by madam s. on July 13, 2008 - 12:54pm.
MacKoroni,
It would be extra concerning of Angie's sanity if she had the kids in France "in memory of her mother" seeing as her mother's name was Marcia Lynne and she was from the U.S.
Can't we never see these people in the media ever again? Please?
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I second that! Lordy! I wish the whole lot of 'em would disappear from the public eye esp. the kids who truly need to have some semblence of privacy.
Boo hoo! Can we tag team???
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Submitted by Sheeps on July 13, 2008 - 1:59pm.
I was just after the "bread" reference. The news says, "As soon as born, as soon as people, KL and VM have thus eaten their white bread." I think white bread must be an idiom for silver spoon.
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I was kinda reading it as:
Just as soon as they are born, just as soon "people" ("grown" in the poetic?), KL and VM will have their cake and eat it too.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Submitted by angel_i on July 13, 2008 - 10:00am.
^^^^^^
Awww, Mr. President is on top of things at the White House & already posted!
I'm supposed to be doing homework today, can you believe this. Leave it to Angie to fuck up my plans.
________________________
Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
Submitted by Mr. President on July 13, 2008 - 10:55am.
Well done! Keep checking back: it'll get deleted and you'll get banned. It's funny how posters on JJ feel compelled to write "sh!t" and so on.
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Honey-moon: The first month after marriage, when there is nothing but tenderness and pleasure. (SJ)
Submitted by Mr. President on July 13, 2008 - 9:55am.
Submitted by radio siren on July 13, 2008 - 1:48pm.
http://justjared.buzznet.com/2008/07/13/vivienne-marcheline-knox-leon-jo...
Under Mr. President. I can never resist a dare.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
BWAHAHAHAHA LOVE it! Wonder how long it'll take for JJ's hired army ants to go in and whisk your post away....until then, I'll be watching for the reactions. *starts popping popcorn*
________________________
Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
someone actually wrote this at JJ
Oh my goodness, where have I been!!! This is awesome news, and I am so overjoyed to hear that they had a baby boy in addition to another beautiful baby girl :)!! I was totally expecting them to have two girls, and I am just beaming like crazy to hear they now have 3 boys and 3 girls. Their names took me by surprise too. I wouldn’t have expected them to name them Knox and Vivienne but I love they the names are a combination of edgy and classical. Knox, Pax and Maddox- they’ve got to be future soccer players. And Vivienne, Shiloh and Zahara- I have no idea how to call the girls, but I think little Z will be the ringleader of them and probably the whole clan lol. Aww, to think that Angie has a baby girl named Vivienne- who would have thought. And to now know that Brad will have a little mini-me running around so soon- sho would have thought! Congrats Brad and Angie! And remember guys, they don’t like being called Brangelina. It’s going to take me a bit to remember not to do this, but we have to agree to a new family name for them besides the Brangie Bunch (that sounded so cool to me though darn it :). Guess it’ll have to be the Jolie-Pit brunch, Jolie-Pitt clan or Jolie-Pitt brood?? Or maybe the JP kids lol.
jesus.freaking.christ.
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"In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure.."
ROOF FLIES OFF!
RIP George Carlin
Submitted by radio siren on July 13, 2008 - 1:54pm.
Submitted by angel_i on July 13, 2008 - 9:51am.
^^^^^^^^
I TRIPLE DOG DARE!!!
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HA! NOW you've done it. Cuz I really don't give a fuck - I've been there once for five minutes in my whole life and I never planned on going back! Fun, fun, fun.
But, listen, I just gotta eat first - cuz I want to be ready...I saw how TV went down at X-17 (MY guilty pleasure:) and I thought: I WANT that...who doesn't want to play with monkeys, right? ;p
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
I was just after the "bread" reference. The news says, "As soon as born, as soon as people, KL and VM have thus eaten their white bread." I think white bread must be an idiom for silver spoon.
To Angel: I bet they use English "people" because it sounds cool to use a foreign language and is close enough to "peuple" that everyone gets it.
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Honey-moon: The first month after marriage, when there is nothing but tenderness and pleasure. (SJ)
Submitted by radio siren on July 13, 2008 - 1:48pm.
http://justjared.buzznet.com/2008/07/13/vivienne-marcheline-knox-leon-jo...
Under Mr. President. I can never resist a dare.
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"I guess we'll need some more FBI guys."
well, I went out and checked, and the sun is still in the sky, maybe we can relax.
well, those of us not in france that is.
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"In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure.."
ROOF FLIES OFF!
RIP George Carlin
Submitted by angel_i on July 13, 2008 - 9:51am.
^^^^^^^^
I TRIPLE DOG DARE!!!
________________________
Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
Submitted by radio siren on July 13, 2008 - 1:48pm.
Submitted by zomay on July 13, 2008 - 9:30am.
Her mother grew up in a bowling alley, right? In the midwest, right? Well Goddess bless their family, now leave us all alone.
^^^^^^^^^^^
I DARE for someone to go post these exact words over at JJ and see how balistic they all get!
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O no...did you say DARE? Uh oh. My daughter left this morning for two weeks at camp and I'm really too exhausted to do anything else....hmmm...
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Submitted by zomay on July 13, 2008 - 9:30am.
Her mother grew up in a bowling alley, right? In the midwest, right? Well Goddess bless their family, now leave us all alone.
^^^^^^^^^^^
I DARE for someone to go post these exact words over at JJ and see how balistic they all get! I'd do it, but I don't want to give up my JJ lurking priviledges (even though I only use them about once a year) and I don't feel like getting stalked by JJ'ers for the rest of my life either.
________________________
Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
James Haven has lots of G to the P (that means GOSSIP!)
Big Lenny (that's what his friends call him) Kravitz, has told James Haven all about the A-Rod/Madge story! You wouldn't believe what James Haven has found out! Very torrid, very kabbalah! But that's for another time!
^^^A sex magick threesome?