Angels Are Singing! The Chosen Ones Have Arrived!
I'm sure you already heard the news due to the fact that millions are rioting in the streets, thousands of people are shouting from mountain tops and your pet has probably taken shelter underneath your bed. Lock your doors, turn off your electricity and horde your water, because the second coming of Jesus is here (aka Saint Angelina gave birth to the twin messiahs). I know, don't you just want to burst into tears and bathe in holy water?
The chosen ones arrived on our planet yesterday in France. They can already talk, read, write and sing. Their SAT scores are already higher than yours and I'm sure they've already been shortlisted for an Oscar this year. A Nobel Peace Prize too.
Saint Angelina gave birth to a boy, Knox Leon, and a girl, Vivienne Marcheline. Knox was the middle name of Brad's pepaw. Marcheline was Angelina's mother's name.
Vivi weighed in at 5lbs and Knox weighed in at 5.03. Knox needs to go on the zone diet stat! Things in the Brangelina household are now even. 3 boys, 3 girls.
3 boys named Maddox, Pax and Knox. Those three should start a boy band and call themselves Triple X.
Saint Angelina's doctor told the Associated Press (via People) that the chosen ones were delivered via c-section. He said, "The babies are doing well. The operation went just perfectly. Angelina is in very good spirits. Brad Pitt was at her side. He was there and all was well."
Brangie's lawyers also wasted no time in buying up every single domain name for their chosen ones. They purchased everything from knoxleonjoliepitt.com to viviennemarchelinejoliepitt.biz. They covered all their bases.
There's good news though! Brangelinaisridiculous.com is still available!
So that's that! You now must immediately shut down your computer and spend the day praying at your Brangelina shrine, begging for forgiveness for all the sins you've committed. Or you can just spend the day drinking until your eyeballs roll back into your head. Either one works.
ShareThis
@ Sheeps: The French news report doesn't know the french word for "people"(gens)? And perchance did they mean "gateau"? Other than that, WTF?
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Submitted by parissucksliterally on July 13, 2008 - 8:52am.
Guys, they are right about the twins being fraternal on JJ:
Monozygotic twins are genetically identical (unless there has been a mutation in development) and they are always the same sex.
sorry to spoil the fun.....
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Hi honey!
Of course they have to be fraternal; boy and girl twins can never be identical twins.
I hope you are safe in hiding after the arrival of the chosen ones (aka the little antichrists) this morning??
________________________
Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
Submitted by christine the hoff on July 13, 2008 - 1:41pm.
She wants lil' Anthrax and Botox to have the official stamp: made in China
************************************
"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Can we start calling Brangelina Frangelico? Please? Pretty please?
oh fuck, this shit is funny.
so funny I just got back from a Walgreens run and had to check again.
so, she leaves for china tonight, and she's got her combat gear ready?
hidet he kids, china, hide the kids.
----------------------------------------------
"In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure.."
ROOF FLIES OFF!
RIP George Carlin
Mr. President, I am scared. Scared for us all in these great nations, I am. Hold me.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Submitted by Sheeps on July 13, 2008 - 1:34pm.
Can you translate for those of us who took Spanish instead of French?
************************************
"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by angel_i on July 13, 2008 - 1:27pm.
It seems more as if they just close their eyes and flail away at the keyboard.
--------------------
You mean like this?:
zen2 @ 07/13/2008 at 1:04 pm
*CONGRATULATIONS *CONGRATULATIONS* CONGRATULATIONS*CONGRATULATIONS* CONGRATULATIONS*CONGRATULATIONS* to ANGIE and BRAD. For sure they are very pround at this moment.
I LOVE THEM.
GOD BLESS THE JOLIE-PITTS 4EVER.
**********************
"I guess we'll need some more FBI guys."
something, something and then something about eating white bread? SOrry I stopped taking French after grade 9 <.< As long as I can ask someone where the bank and the library are, I'm ok.
I choose to remember the hot Brad... before Angie sucked the hot out of him.
♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥~*~♥
You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because I just farted.
MacKoroni: Funny you said that. The French news report said, "Aussitôt nées, aussitôt « people », Knox Léon et Vivienne Marcheline ont donc mangé leur pain blanc."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Honey-moon: The first month after marriage, when there is nothing but tenderness and pleasure. (SJ)
Submitted by angel_i on July 13, 2008 - 10:27am.
It seems more as if they just close their eyes and flail away at the keyboard.
Whew! Glad we good folks at DL never, ever do that.
I didn't even know that Angelina was pregnant.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Honey-moon: The first month after marriage, when there is nothing but tenderness and pleasure. (SJ)
Her mother grew up in a bowling alley, right? In the midwest, right? Well Goddess bless their family, now leave us all alone.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Oddly enough, I left 2 toilet muffins this morning. One of which was 5 lbs. and the other was 5.03 lbs. Damn All Cheese Diet.
***********************************************
My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
not to offend, but what's so fucking special about being french? or anything else for that matter, mexican, american? who gives a shit?
it's an accident of birth, not a choice.
_______________________________________________
CtH
I agree, but I've heard her talk about it, read about it. I guess she feels like lain white bread or something and wishes she was 12 grain. Omg, that's what this is - she's starting her 12 grain family!
I'll agree with PSL, Sheeps...
It seems more as if they just close their eyes and flail away at the keyboard.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
YES. This can end now.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sheeps I hope to god that is a rhetorical question.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
pathetic is chatting with bitch of crazy mouth
Funny Bitch LoLo as FLA
Submitted by parissucksliterally on July 13, 2008 - 1:09pm.
MK and Ashley Olsen are actually fraternal, even though they look exactly alike...and obviously are the same sex.
********************************************
Troll is a gender? I thought it was a species.
***********************************************
My life is nothing but a convoluted drinking game.
Sheeps, using the word "think" gives everyone at JJ too much credit.
see y'all in a while!
**************************************************
"They think that I got no respect, but everything means less than zero"
- Elvis Costello
Submitted by angel_i on July 13, 2008 - 10:16am.
Right (and I kinda sorta only studied history in kinda sorta school). But maybe the genius at JJ was thrown off by "fraternal," which means "brotherly"? Or is that giving the person too much credit?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Honey-moon: The first month after marriage, when there is nothing but tenderness and pleasure. (SJ)
Submitted by James Haven on July 13, 2008 - 1:14pm.
Take good care of yourself, James Haven, especially around the Edge.
************************************
"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Post Script:)
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
P.S. (what does P.S. mean anyway?)
James Haven has lots of G to the P (that means GOSSIP!)
Big Lenny (that's what his friends call him) Kravitz, has told James Haven all about the A-Rod/Madge story! You wouldn't believe what James Haven has found out! Very torrid, very kabbalah! But that's for another time!
******************************************************************
See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
```````````````````````````````````````````````
THANK you, angel_i!
I told you, I am still a little brain dead this morning......
hehee
**************************************************
"They think that I got no respect, but everything means less than zero"
- Elvis Costello
Submitted by parissucksliterally on July 13, 2008 - 1:09pm.
Yes Sheeps, if twins are born a different sex,
************************
LOL! This convo is too funny.
Lemme break it down for y'all.
Angie had a boy and a girl.
Some dumbass at JJ asked: But how can you know they're fraternal?
I.V. answered: Because, dumbass, it's a BOY and a GIRL!
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Submitted by Kizzy on July 13, 2008 - 1:06pm.
The Edge gives James Haven the creeps! He's always lurking. Everytime James Haven turns around, there is the Edge!
Max doesn't appreciate James Haven. Why just the other day, he put a piece of chalk in James Haven's oatmeal. Nearly lost a tooth.
Anyhoo, it's feeding time. If Brad doesn't get his grits on time, all hell will break loose.
Bye for now bitches! SmOOChes to ALL!
******************************************************************
See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
```````````````````````````````````````````````
Submitted by madam s. on July 13, 2008 - 10:10am.
For the "x" lovers out there, the domain Brangelinasuxass.com is also available.
heeheehee
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Honey-moon: The first month after marriage, when there is nothing but tenderness and pleasure. (SJ)
Ajax!
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Submitted by christine the hoff on July 13, 2008 - 1:07pm.
Ever see the eppy of South Park where Bono turns out to be a human shit that grew into a life form?
LOL!
==================
ROFL Yes!! But silly me, I thought it was an E!True Hollywood Story.
************************************
"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
James Haven on July 13, 2008 - 1:09pm
So Jamesy Poo, did your sister make you bottle some the "fluids" and put them in vials as X Mas gift stocking stuffers?
Congrats on being an uncle...again and again.
?&!
"Don't get me twisted with average fan losers you have encountered. I am not one of them."
"I am more of a manipulative bitch than a cunt"
"LOVE ANGELINA aka HEART ANGELINA aka ???"
The next boy may be named Traxx.....as a salute to Heroin....
**************************************************
"They think that I got no respect, but everything means less than zero"
- Elvis Costello
Submitted by christine the hoff on July 13, 2008 - 1:00pm.
Unless you're a pretentious famewhore, it's an accident. For her, it was a plan. 2nd generation pretentiousness, at that. Or would it be posthumous pretentiousness? Hmmm....LMAO
************************************
"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
For the "x" lovers out there, the domain Brangelinasuxass.com is also available.
Submitted by noneya on July 13, 2008 - 11:07am.
FAMOUS TWINS BOY GIRL TWINS LIST
Famous Twins and Celebrity Twins
--------------------------------
Have we forgotten JLo $6 million IVF twins, M&E, already?
Oh yeah, I guess we have.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Does Vader have to choke a bitch?
Submitted by Mr. President on July 13, 2008 - 1:01pm.
Finally, we hear from the most important person in this whole drama: James Haven. How are you doing? Brad Pitt should be ashamed of himself for treating you so shabbily.
-------------------------------------------------
*kisses*
Mr. President! Good to see you. James Haven has been busy, but James Haven is always thinking about his dlisted buds! Brad is never nice to James Haven and when James Haven's Tell All hits the streets, the world will know what you bitches have known all along!
Have you seen that pepaw hat he's been wearin? Ha!
******************************************************************
See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
```````````````````````````````````````````````
Yes Sheeps, if twins are born a different sex, they have to be fraternal, so that is how the JJers can tell.....amd I understanding your question correctly? I'm still a little brain dead this morning....
MK and Ashley Olsen are actually fraternal, even though they look exactly alike...and obviously are the same sex.
**************************************************
"They think that I got no respect, but everything means less than zero"
- Elvis Costello
Ever see the eppy of South Park where Bono turns out to be a human shit that grew into a life form?
LOL!
poor James, the things you must endure because of that dirty whore sis of yours.
----------------------------------------------
"In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure.."
ROOF FLIES OFF!
RIP George Carlin
Apple Jax? Ok, misspelled it, but I love that cereal.
**********************
"I guess we'll need some more FBI guys."
ubmitted by James Haven on July 13, 2008 - 1:00pm.
Submitted by Kizzy on July 13, 2008 - 12:53pm.
Thanks Kizzy. James Haven is glad someone else notices how self righteous that Bono is! Makes James Haven, sick! He is very bossy and doesn't wash his hands after he uses the bathroom. Nasty
==========
Eeewww!! ROFL- YOU'RE the true saint, here, James Haven, all you have to endure for the sake of your sister. Saw a pic of your ride to the hospital with Pax. Those kids are so lucky to have such a wonderful uncle as you. You are making sure Edge doesn't get too close to Zahara and Shiloh, aren't you?
************************************
"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by parissucksliterally on July 13, 2008 - 10:01am.
I think your medical info is right but, as I understood I.V., the poster on JJ was asking how anyone can tell if the twins are fraternal. They are fraternal, right (even though of different genders)?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Honey-moon: The first month after marriage, when there is nothing but tenderness and pleasure. (SJ)
My mother actually buys into her PR bullshit. I just got off the phone educating her differently.
I really don't like using the words
*famewhoring cunt*
to my mom.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
pathetic is chatting with bitch of crazy mouth
Funny Bitch LoLo as FLA
I Max! LOL! It's so perfect.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
my bad!
Exlax, lmfao!
----------------------------------------------
"In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure.."
ROOF FLIES OFF!
RIP George Carlin
MaddoX, PaX and KnoX?
Congratulations to both of them. I'd like for them to add a Native American or an Eskimo to their clan next. Maybe they should adopt Bjork.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Don't be telling me that you gone and moved to Paris when we both know you're in Burbank near the IKEA
www.myspace.com/dreamhypnotique
Submitted by christine the hoff on July 13, 2008 - 12:59pm.
Xanax?
****************************
I think that should give which ever one it is that's into the 'x' thing a pretty big boner!
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
christine the hoff on July 13, 2008 - 12:59pm
It has to start with a vowel.
Apex?
I Max?
Exlax?
?&!
"Don't get me twisted with average fan losers you have encountered. I am not one of them."
"I am more of a manipulative bitch than a cunt"
"LOVE ANGELINA aka HEART ANGELINA aka ???"
Finally, we hear from the most important person in this whole drama: James Haven. How are you doing? Brad Pitt should be ashamed of himself for treating you so shabbily.
**********************
"I guess we'll need some more FBI guys."
Sheeps, I looked it up on Wiki, because I thought identical twins had to be the same sex....all the info is there, under "twins"....
**************************************************
"They think that I got no respect, but everything means less than zero"
- Elvis Costello