The Twin Messiahs Are Out
Put down that fucking chocolate croissant and pay attention. Saint Angelina and the twin messiahs have been released from their hospital chambers in France to embark on their world tour. The pope has cancelled all of his travel plans and has given Saint Angelina and the chosen ones use of his pope mobile. Seriously, Angie Jo left the hospital this morning after giving birth a week ago. She needed the week to get lipo, a tummy tuck and a titty lift recover.
Angie Jo, Hard Knox and Vivi managed to beat the paparazzi rush and slipped out around 4 a.m. They joined the rest of the Brangelina holy family at Chateau Miraval. Paps were stationed on roof tops near the hospital, thinking that Angie would fly away in a helicopter.
One witness told People, "This group of people got into the van, very quickly. . . . It was all done in a hurry. And they were very quick organizing themselves inside. Very rapid. And then 'Pouf!' they were gone" DUH! That's how saints do it. They disappeared in a cloud of holy smoke and all that was left was a feather from Hard Knox's angel wings.
You know, I was really hoping some slick pap would get a clear picture of the chosen ones. That would have totally effed up their multi-million dollar picture deal. Quick! Somebody text Maddox and offer him a Hoveround in exchange for poloraids of the golden twins. That shit would make a kick ass default picture for my Facebook profile.
Image: Gallery of the Absurd - Source
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I wonder how long until Maddox starts smokin pot
Welp, I thank I'm gonna take a nap. My twang is comin' out even in m'typin'
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Geez, Banana shut your friggin' gob, okay?
For Mike ~ a real life encounter with a Brangeloonie last Sunday:
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Submitted by DiamondDawg on July 13, 2008 - 7:10pm.
GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!
It turns out my neighbor-friend is a BRANGELOONIE!!!! We had a massive throw-down at a restaurant during breakfast this morning! She says "....people either love or hate angelina jolie - what do you think? I said, "well, when the barbs start flying i generally throw some spears" (I'm thinking - this is "fair warning"). Then she starts telling me how great angie is and I ask her "How is she great?" and she says well you know all the work she does with the babies and with the UN. I'm like "Baaaa haaa haaa! "The U.N.? For G-ds-sake - that's the most evil entity on the planet ~ that she's an "ambassador" for them is not saying much about her. Remember the oil for food scandal last year?!?!" Then she says, "well, Kofi Annan has done so much for the U.N." I said - "I can't believe this! It was Kofi Annan's SON who was head of that scandal!" This b*tch has a master's degree and claims not to watch t.v., anything violent, b*tches about people not recycling but knows nothing about the U.N. and KNOWS and cares that Angie had twins this morning! I'm having a MASSIVE WHAT THE HELL F*CK MOMENT with her, but unable to articulate it because she's starting to hyperventilate and yell (in the restaurant!). I then explain that there's also the problem of Angie STEELING another woman's husband while filming that movie, AND she's a junkie! To which she says "How is that even true!? Like right now while she's pregnant!?!?!?" I said "My G-d, she's like St. Angelina to you! Yeah, like RIGHT NOW. She was reportedly in rehab recently and she's been on junk forever. And the affair was in the media." Then she says "well that's all tabloid stuff you can't believe it, you don't really know." I said, "Yeah, the U.N. stuff is all just tabolid sh*t, too, so you really don't know about that cuz you weren't THERE!" And then she brings up the lesbo lover (another wtf moment - like how is that going to help her argument?), and I'm like -"Yeah, another sidebar se*ual thing she's doing WHILE practically married and having kids with the MAN she stole. What the hell kind of GD morality is that? Her personal life is utterly reprehensible."
So my husband walks into the restaurant just then. M****e is practically yelling and my husband says "Whoa, hey, what's going on?!" I said to this b*tch "Yeah, why is it exactly that you brought up Angelina Jolie?" She says, "Because she had her twins this morning." (I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YET OR GIVE A F*CK). My husband was like "So?" and I said, "Oh great!!! She just squirted out Antichrist 1 and Antichrist 2!! baaa haaa haaa." Then M****e starts telling my husband about what a great UN person angelina is and all the same blahbity blah bullsh*t she told me, but like yelling and red-faced. I said "Why are you such a femi-Nazi?!?" Then she says "Why are you such a misogynist?" I was getting ready to answer, but then the b*tch gets A$$TRONOMICALLY huffy and grabs her purse and keys and screams "I'M NOT STAYING HERE FOR THIS!!!" B*tch acts like *I* started it. She even picked me up for breakfast! I said, "Hey, you CAME HERE WITH THE INTENTION OF PICKING A FIGHT. You brought it, stay and finish it!" Freak coward ran away. She's like 47!!
F*ck. What a stupid b*tch. And again this is from someone who claims not to watch tv or violent movies. Like yesterday she begged my husband to go see the f*cking Panda movie with her (yes, the 6-year olds movie). Earlier in the week I told her she should stick to the Disney Channel. She pretends she's so fragile, but then goes ape sh*t about my disagreement and statement of facts around Skankalina. Seriously, I am still shocked at what a f'ing IDIOT my neighhbor is.
Later I talked to a friend and he said, "oh, you forgot to mention she slept with her brother" I was like "Damn! Yeah, I was getting there, but then she went all crazy and I never got a chance to mention it."
That was this (Sunday) morning. I spent the rest of the day at antique stores trying to shake the insanity of the RL Brangeloonie. Then I came home and started working on this crystal chandelier that's been languishing in the study - it needs to cleaned before I can hang it. I has like a THOUSAND pieces to it. It is only now, almost 10 hours later that I've been able to get the energy and concentration to tell the story to my Dlisted friends (Damn! I wish I had a RL dlisted friend!). I'm still rattled. A RL Brangeloonie my neighbor! BUT FRIEND NO MORE.
I will likely repost this for the Monday morning crew since I think the would appreciate the story and I could get some support. Its like the world went upside down!!
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And that my dear DL friends, is my first real life experience with a Brangeloonie. Present an opposing view and they very nearly become VIOLENT.
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so, ya, REAL LIFE BRANGELOONIES ARE OUT THERE. THEY MIGHT EVEN BE YOUR NEIGHBORS.
Frito
Brad's a true blond, you can tell.
no offense to anyone, I'm blond.
PSL
I know. I remember it cause I was thinking, who the fuck needs to know about that shit?
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"I don't like your grandma Cartmen, she smells like vitamins and pee."
@Christine the hoff:
I never saw the hot in Brad Shitt. Yes, I like good lookin' ones as much as the next girl (Johnny Depp anyone? At least he is interesting and talented) but Brad just seems like the type of guy that you wouldn't be able to joke around with because even Laffy Taffy Jokes would make him stare at you blankly.
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Geez, Banana shut your friggin' gob, okay?
I remember that interview- I believe it was in Rolling Stone.....she would meet her lovers- she had 3 or 4 at the time, to meet her needs, but didn't want a Daddy for Maddox.....
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“Maybe I was mean, but I really don't think so; you asked for the truth and I told you..."
-Sinead O'Connor "The Emperor's New Clothes"
@Mike:
I've never met one either. I would be royally creeped the fuck out if I did though.
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Geez, Banana shut your friggin' gob, okay?
Frito
Brad was hot back in the day, but yes, in a bland white bread kind of way.
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"I don't like your grandma Cartmen, she smells like vitamins and pee."
@Debfrmhell:
I love their Double chocolate cookie sandwiches. I haven't had one of those in forever. I would usually take me 3 days to eat one, but man, those were heaven! I love Mrs. Fields!
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Geez, Banana shut your friggin' gob, okay?
diamonddawg
SPILL.
Frito
I thought she was way fucking cool, she was edgy and out there before this whole mess went down.
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"I don't like your grandma Cartmen, she smells like vitamins and pee."
oh snap! I did, Mike! posted a long a$$ story about it on another thread. I'll link you in a sec...
Mike
I'm not in jail booked for murder, so no.
if I ever do, I will run like hell in the opposite direction
you cannot argue with them.
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"I don't like your grandma Cartmen, she smells like vitamins and pee."
@Christine the hoff:
She was fun back then. At least she owned up to it, and was real with it. That's what I used to admire about her. Now, she's just a fucking liar. I mean it is one thing, an a respectable thing, to say "Yeah, I used to be a major slut, but I learned some things since then, and I've changed", but it is a nastier thing to claim that shit never happened and lie.
As for Brad, I never got the hype. I hate his speaking voice. He just seems like he has no personality, like he's not even the kind of celeb that you fantasize about having a one night stand with, because you would think that his ass would be so boring that he would be a terrible lay.
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Geez, Banana shut your friggin' gob, okay?
oh f'ing hell. i'm having a post traumatic stress attack from this and the real life encounter with a brangeloonie last week. ~over and out~
Question: Has anyone ever met a Brangeloonie in real life? I don't think I have, but I don't really discuss d-listed kinda stuff in the real world.
Question: Has anyone ever met a Brangeloonie in real life? I don't think I have, but I don't really discuss d-listed kinda stuff in the real world.
And, I'm waiting for Maddox to be old enough to read about her fucking strangers while he sat around with his nanny.
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"I don't like your grandma Cartmen, she smells like vitamins and pee."
Frito,
If you club me with a Mrs. Feild's cookie, I can promise that I will be "overcome with emotion"!
Gratitude!
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And I find it kinda funny.
I find it kinda sad.
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had.
Thebreakdown
Ben just shoulda known better than to get with an attention ho diva.
there's plenty of fish in the hollywood sea.
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"I don't like your grandma Cartmen, she smells like vitamins and pee."
Frito
I like your thinking. let's do it.
I'm so disgusted by the positive attention these two souless hors are getting
has everyone just happned to forget, he cheated on his wife, she broke up the marriage, she has fucked every man (and woman) on the planet, now claims to have had what, two lovers?
Yet in an old vanity fair I have she talks about hooking up with random men in hotels for booty calls, AFTER she adopted Maddox.
oh, and she sucked the hot out of billy brad thorton too.
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"I don't like your grandma Cartmen, she smells like vitamins and pee."
Can you really blame Ben Affleck?
He was a small-town Boston boy sexposed to Bronx booty. He couldn't resist!
Her ass destroyed his box office.
'Heaux Confessionals'
www.myspace.com/triston
@Debfrmhell:
I will send Z a gift certificate for Mrs. Fields if she'll club Brad and Angie so that I'll never have to hear about their pansy asses being "so overcome with emotion" again.
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Geez, Banana shut your friggin' gob, okay?
the loonies are working themselfs into a frenzy on the blogs.
I cannot believe that many people have no life of their own to worry about.....
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"I don't like your grandma Cartmen, she smells like vitamins and pee."
Well, Frito
Brace yourself. Now that they are back at the villa every Saturday we will get something of an update from the wetches. Every Saturday, perils of child birth, the first poops at home, Z breaking a peice of furniture to club the little globs with, etc...until the pictures are published.
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And I find it kinda funny.
I find it kinda sad.
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had.
My god-daughter is the spitting image of Shiloh Pitt.
aside from the lips, that is
'Heaux Confessionals'
www.myspace.com/triston
I think Maddox is adorable! He looks like a pain in th ass, but cute. Zahara and Pax are the ugly ones to me.....
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“Maybe I was mean, but I really don't think so; you asked for the truth and I told you..."
-Sinead O'Connor "The Emperor's New Clothes"
Submitted by DebFrmHell on July 19, 2008 - 3:02pm.
-0-0-0-0-0
good to see you too. Just droppin' in to fight off a little bit of Saturday afternoon boredom. Can't believe it's already 4. Brad Shitt annoys me to no end. So does Angie and Jennifer Aniston. A couple of days ago, I watched Gone In 60 Seconds. Can't believe the change from then to now. Then she was so much cooler than she is now because she wasn't as much as an attention whore.
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Geez, Banana shut your friggin' gob, okay?
HI Frito!
Long time no see.
Schmelly Pitts.
I love that Jennifer Aniston is on top of AJ haid.
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And I find it kinda funny.
I find it kinda sad.
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had.
I love the vanity of Brad Shitt in the background. Perfect.
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Geez, Banana shut your friggin' gob, okay?
Submitted by angel_i on July 19, 2008 - 3:26pm.
@Sandbitch: Ugh. They'll be like a pack of Paris Hiltons.
That is soooo not true, Angel. By that time they will not have their fathers last name...lol!
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And I find it kinda funny.
I find it kinda sad.
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had.
sheeps may be it had to do with the local getting mad of the city mayor and The joliePitt clan taking over the small city and make a circus out of it.
I just went to the Nice Matin website. No AJ updates since the 14th (I think). Even they've gotten tired of her (but got a huge lift out of the story).
@Sandbitch: Ugh. They'll be like a pack of Paris Hiltons.
And, I have fond memories of those long boring uploading days with Britney by my side, soldier that she is keeping me entertained throughout:)
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Miss American Dream.
Submitted by angel_i on July 19, 2008 - 1:21pm.
Now THAT is a classic avie. I remember the day you made that one--and as it evolved. *sniff sniff*
I wonder if any of the brangeloonie spawn will continue mom & dad's good works when they grow up? Yeah right, as if any of them will ever work a single day.
Good. Maybe the Earth can recontinue its orbit around the sun and the media can return to reporting truly important events, like Britney's next meltdown and the newest Miley Cyrus softcore porn photos.
@ radio siren.
Nope. It started there but it got a little carried away and went on for a coupla days. I do believe it's over now - except for a couple of sniper hits here and there;P
GO outside! I went there! It's nice:)
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Miss American Dream.
angel_i: You mean the day we were all posting at JJ?
Well everyone, the DH is dragging me away from the comp to go out into the broad daylight. The nerve of him. It's been lovely talking to you all on this blessed homecoming day for the Brangie Bunch. gob (typo) bless them!
xoxoxo
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Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
Ok; PSL said she was gonna leave it alone as have you, so I'm gonna let it die. I remember to stay here where it's safe.
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Simplicity provides a fine line between eloquence and plainness. -LL Cool J
@ boomsy - yeah, it was late. It wasn't so bad, tho - those JJers got outta line and someone (who wasn't going over there) ended up taking a hit somehow...tres bizarre, but apparently they keep tabs on us a little - also bizarre. LOL! I think we'd all rather die than know ANYTHING about those people. ANYHOO: it's all good and I'm all about letting sleeping dogs lie becuz y'all are very funny and smart (and WAY sweeter than them JJ beechez) and its' way more fun when we use that against celebs and not each other. (ok, sometimes it's fun and funny when it's in here, but I wouldn't want to make a habit of it;)
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Miss American Dream.
@angel_i: There was fighting HERE? Man, I need to stop going to bed so early....
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Simplicity provides a fine line between eloquence and plainness. -LL Cool J
@Sandbitch! LOL!
I'm fixing it, I'm fixing it! ;P
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
The scene on my balcony right now;S
@ radio siren:
Best not remembered - it didn't end so well, with everyone here getting into a mini-brawl at the end of the day. That being said: I was VERY impressed with the way everyone handled the whole thing in the end. And in the end, we really did put those morons (a term I NEVER use!) at JJ to shame.
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
The scene on my balcony right now;S
@sheeps & angel
Sheeps, I'm glad you asked about angel's avie, coz it's been disturbing me as well. I thought, hmmm, bunny in a can and a dead litter of something...LOL
Submitted by Leatherette on July 19, 2008 - 11:55am.
Submitted by radio siren on July 19, 2008 - 3:41pm.
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so FINALLY! You dropped that burka and ran NEKKID through the daisies AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
CHEERS ;D
^^^^^^^^^^^
Oh, I still have it and reserve the right to wear it on any threads concerning Christie Brinkley's husband, R Kelly, Sienna Miller, and Paris Hilton.
________________________
Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
Dlisters, I just realized I need to clarify a couple of my posts.
First, I do not actually have the herp. Just wanted to make sure there were no misunderstandings there!
Second, I wasn't the first Dlister to pose as a Brangeloonie on JJ, I was only the first mentioned in Gallery of the Absurd. Another Dlister was the brave soul who first ventured over there the day everyone eventually ended up posting.
Just wanted to clear that up and not steal their well-deserved glory (even though I can't remember now who it was...hmmmm...)
________________________
Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
Submitted by Karen Flatts on July 19, 2008 - 3:29pm.
Submitted by Sensimina on July 19, 2008 - 12:58pm.
Jolie better stay away from the Romanian orphans. My mom came here from Romania when she was 18. The orphan situation there is sickening...there are 13 year old that can't walk because they've never been out of bed. Children like that need actual one on one care and tons of therapy - physical, emotional, everything. God forbid they collect a child that can't just be tossed aside to a nanny. Or one that's not pretty enough to fit into their exotic baby collection.
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ITA...except for the part about not being pretty enough to fit in. Ahemmm, but have you seen *cough cough* Zahara? And unfortunately, I think Maddox is hitting his awkward stage early. If they are picking them for looks, they are batting about .100.
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Seriously, I agree that Zahara and Maddox are unfortunate looking, but apparently, Zahara's fans are about to rival the Brangelunatics and Claymates in their devotion. We call them "Zahara's aunties" and they're out to convince the world that Shiloh is ugly and retarded while Zahara is America's next top model and will be a famous actress/beauty queen.
Submitted by radio siren on July 19, 2008 -
Heardat, radio siren, with the words. The only thing that's cool about that is that it makes you creative. I can now spell: dumbass, asshole,shithead, motherfucker,cunt and a dickload of other words and get past that kinda filter. It's good for the mind, I tellsya! Also. They're so full of shit. The way I learned to do that was by watching how they do it - so much for their kinder, gentler language *ahem* "skills", over there.
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
The scene on my balcony right now;S
Submitted by radio siren on July 19, 2008 - 3:41pm.
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so FINALLY! You dropped that burka and ran NEKKID through the daisies AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
CHEERS ;D
@ SHEEPS!
I KNOW your funnin' me! It's MAMA PIGEON and her rat babies! I told this story already! :p
ONT: The Brangeloonies are prolly struggling with their love of this shrine, right now. It's on GOTW but they love it. I know they do. They wish they'd thought of it themselves. And if they love this thing created at GOTA then they must be a big joke.
Except, of course, that they are masters of denial - I bet, if I go over there, I will see a lot of Jenhate today for no other reason than to cover up the fact that they're actually feeling pretty stupid.
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
The scene on my balcony right now;S