The Twin Messiahs Are Out
Put down that fucking chocolate croissant and pay attention. Saint Angelina and the twin messiahs have been released from their hospital chambers in France to embark on their world tour. The pope has cancelled all of his travel plans and has given Saint Angelina and the chosen ones use of his pope mobile. Seriously, Angie Jo left the hospital this morning after giving birth a week ago. She needed the week to get lipo, a tummy tuck and a titty lift recover.
Angie Jo, Hard Knox and Vivi managed to beat the paparazzi rush and slipped out around 4 a.m. They joined the rest of the Brangelina holy family at Chateau Miraval. Paps were stationed on roof tops near the hospital, thinking that Angie would fly away in a helicopter.
One witness told People, "This group of people got into the van, very quickly. . . . It was all done in a hurry. And they were very quick organizing themselves inside. Very rapid. And then 'Pouf!' they were gone" DUH! That's how saints do it. They disappeared in a cloud of holy smoke and all that was left was a feather from Hard Knox's angel wings.
You know, I was really hoping some slick pap would get a clear picture of the chosen ones. That would have totally effed up their multi-million dollar picture deal. Quick! Somebody text Maddox and offer him a Hoveround in exchange for poloraids of the golden twins. That shit would make a kick ass default picture for my Facebook profile.
Image: Gallery of the Absurd - Source
ShareThis
Bradiful & angel_i:
Awww, thanks! Twern't nothing'! ;) That was only the second (and probably last) time I'd been over to JJ and honestly, it freaked me out, maaaann! It was fun, though.
________________________
Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
Submitted by Sheeps on July 19, 2008 - 3:50pm.
Submitted by Leatherette on July 19, 2008 - 12:48pm.
No way.... That's dedication to his craft.
--------------------------------
Ah, good point -- you do have to admire that -- took it ALL like a man for a shot at greatness ;D
Submitted by Sheeps on July 19, 2008 - 3:42pm.
Submitted by radio siren on July 19, 2008 - 12:39pm.
hahahaha. Merv Griffin?? Where does he fit in? You're not saying...?
-----------------------------
oh yeah, I'm saying, long story short: since late ms & high school, after he got on the radar after Thelma & Luise, tales and jokes abounded re Pitt's "break" coming from Merv Griffin because a grateful Merv was pre-emptively paying off/showering his former and/or current stable of gay-for-pays or realgays with gifts and connecting them with heavy weight producers who owed him favors, because he was sued for sex harassment by a couple of guys who he pressed to hard to get some loving from.
Anyway, there were several blind items about it back then, but then, as Clooney and Pitt became a team this shit was all hushed Tom Cruise-style but without the I'M-STRAAAAAAAAIGHT media drama.
Submitted by Leatherette on July 19, 2008 - 12:48pm.
No way.... That's dedication to his craft.
Submitted by Sheeps on July 19, 2008 - 11:42am.
Submitted by radio siren on July 19, 2008 - 12:39pm.
hahahaha. Merv Griffin?? Where does he fit in? You're not saying...?
Yeah, I like how you can't use big-boy/big-girl words there. Most of us find that hard to avoid.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sheeps, there were rumors a long time ago that Brad got his start in Hollywood with the - ahem - "help" of Merv Griffen and his casting couch. Others Dlisters, feel free to jump in and correct me if I'm wrong or if you have more info on this.
Yes, I was cursing aloud often that day, trying to post at JJ, because every single time I'd get a message that I couldn't use a particular note, and I had to keep self-editing my posts just to get them on-line.
________________________
Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
Submitted by BRADIFUL BITCH on July 19, 2008 - 2:43pm
Thanks; it was a fun filled day, wasn't it? I guess I've picked up a few tips from working on the mental ward...
**********************************************
Simplicity provides a fine line between eloquence and plainness. -LL Cool J
Submitted by angel_i on July 19, 2008 - 12:47pm.
OK, that's a bunny in a can on a carpet, right?
Submitted by radio siren on July 19, 2008 - 2:45pm.
**************************
LOL! It was YOU! I was tryna remember for boomsy earlier. Good one:)
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
The scene on my balcony right now;S
M.K. jumped ship and left us with THIS? Diabolical!
JJs Brangeloonies won't be over here for awhile - too busy jacking and rubbing off to the news of the hospital release of the babies.
To radio siren and the others, CONGRATS on stealing the thunder from the JJ obsessed loosers.
They can't even take credit for being quoted now!!!
HA to the fucking HA to them....
They can't even get their worship right.
♥♥♥♥♥♥
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Submitted by radio siren on July 19, 2008 - 12:39pm.
hahahaha. Merv Griffin?? Where does he fit in? You're not saying...?
Yeah, I like how you can't use big-boy/big-girl words there. Most of us find that hard to avoid.
Submitted by Leatherette on July 19, 2008 - 11:34am.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA YOU FUCKERS!!! yr bogus JJ posts were on there as loonie samplers & then some real loonies posted attempting to sound all sane and shit and then their shit was all "STFU!1!" AHAHAHAHAHAA!! good online diddlin times!
^^^^^^^
Yeah, the first bogus JJ post was posted by yours truly, Dlisted's resident burka-wearing prude. I made sure to write it while wearing my burka, so it's all good. However, I wasn't wearing panties, so that evens it out.
________________________
Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
Submitted by radio siren on July 19, 2008 - 3:39pm.
Sheeps, here's the one:
"These children are so blessed. There will be many future nights around the fire where they will be regaled with the stories of mommy and daddy's many previous lovers. There is so much love in the world! Mommy can explain to them how it is good to have many past husbands. They will grow up with open minds. Daddy can tell them many stories about Merv Griffin. It is all too beautiful! I am about to cry tears of joy....god bless the jolie-pitts!!"
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
FUCKING POETRY AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA THANK UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!
Submitted by Karen Flatts on July 19, 2008 - 3:29pm.
Submitted by Sensimina on July 19, 2008 - 12:58pm.
Jolie better stay away from the Romanian orphans. My mom came here from Romania when she was 18. The orphan situation there is sickening...there are 13 year old that can't walk because they've never been out of bed. Children like that need actual one on one care and tons of therapy - physical, emotional, everything. God forbid they collect a child that can't just be tossed aside to a nanny. Or one that's not pretty enough to fit into their exotic baby collection.
*************************************************
ITA...except for the part about not being pretty enough to fit in. Ahemmm, but have you seen *cough cough* Zahara? And unfortunately, I think Maddox is hitting his awkward stage early. If they are picking them for looks, they are batting about .100.
-------------------------------------------
from the little I've read about Zahara, I think those two nimrods bent over backwards -- had their people bend over -- to get a HEALTHY baby from Africa, but turns out the kid unforch had health problems later on. I really do think if these two dumb snots could return the baby in exchange for a healthy one or get their money back like turning in a cuisinart at Sears WITHOUT pr/career suicide, they would have already done so.
cornwall wallcorn on July 19, 2008 - 3:34pm
Welcome!!!
I just saw your post, I was Roast and Rake.
XXO
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Sheeps, here's the one:
"These children are so blessed. There will be many future nights around the fire where they will be regaled with the stories of mommy and daddy's many previous lovers. There is so much love in the world! Mommy can explain to them how it is good to have many past husbands. They will grow up with open minds. Daddy can tell them many stories about Merv Griffin. It is all too beautiful! I am about to cry tears of joy....god bless the jolie-pitts!!"
I also posted something about being able to sympathize with Angie because I have "herp*s" too (you're not allowed to post the actual word over there at JJ) and I was happy she was able to get a C-section and protect the babies from her herp*s.
________________________
Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
Ante Bee wait untill the media facination with her cool down, Pitt will go to the another Hot and young and the it girl of the time. Wait for another PR team to put down Anlina.
Oh how I love you clever D-listers. If you really did make up some of those loonie Brangelina comments and post to JJ, I need to become pals with you because you are my kind of people. Tricksters UNITE!
xoxo
14
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA YOU FUCKERS!!! yr bogus JJ posts were on there as loonie samplers & then some real loonies posted attempting to sound all sane and shit and then their shit was all "STFU!1!" AHAHAHAHAHAA!! good online diddlin times!
Submitted by Sheeps on July 19, 2008 - 11:26am.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I think I may have copied & posted it here. I'm askeered to go back there. Let me see if I can find it here.
PSL: Yeah, some of the bogus posts were pretty convincing! I didn't fight with anyone, but I had a couple of actual JJ'ers who caught on to me and didn't believe I was being sincere enough in my Brangeloonie love. That was a fun day.
________________________
Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
Submitted by Sensimina on July 19, 2008 - 12:58pm.
Jolie better stay away from the Romanian orphans. My mom came here from Romania when she was 18. The orphan situation there is sickening...there are 13 year old that can't walk because they've never been out of bed. Children like that need actual one on one care and tons of therapy - physical, emotional, everything. God forbid they collect a child that can't just be tossed aside to a nanny. Or one that's not pretty enough to fit into their exotic baby collection.
*************************************************
ITA...except for the part about not being pretty enough to fit in. Ahemmm, but have you seen *cough cough* Zahara? And unfortunately, I think Maddox is hitting his awkward stage early. If they are picking them for looks, they are batting about .100.
radio, there were a few really good bogus posts! I fought with someone, who turned out to be a joking Dlister that day! LMAO
**************************************************
“Maybe I was mean, but I really don't think so; you asked for the truth and I told you..."
-Sinead O'Connor "The Emperor's New Clothes"
Submitted by radio siren on July 19, 2008 - 12:23pm.
Nope. Do you have it handy, or must I go there?
Submitted by Sheeps on July 19, 2008 - 10:50am.
Submitted by radio siren on July 19, 2008 - 11:45am.
That was a strong bogus post, though it was hard to miss the knees reference.
^^^^^^^^^^^
I know, right? I though for sure that would have given it away as a fake.
I haven't been back to JJ since the blessed event on the day that the skies parted and don't intend to, but did you happen to catch the one I wrote as a Loonie envisioning a cozy evening at the Jolie-Pitts' home? That one was my personal fav and really pissed off some real Loonies.
________________________
Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
I can't wait until the Pitt dumps her ass and leaves her with six kids for a younger more self absorbed, woman
boomsy, it is a loooooong story, and I don't want to get into it- exhausting...but the gist is, people were posting personal info about some DLers on JJ and dissecting it.....not cool
**************************************************
“Maybe I was mean, but I really don't think so; you asked for the truth and I told you..."
-Sinead O'Connor "The Emperor's New Clothes"
Someone posted earlier about how easy it was for them to leave the hospital with out the hoopla and whatnot, ITA!
This "exit" is the action of people with their backs and images up against a wall. While they were reveling in the rainbow the Mayor shit out for them gwad forbid they should face the music and even make a gesture or comment regarding their now unwelcomed status.
I read the link Peaches posted to Variety about Brad and his PR person parting ways, the author noted what happened to Tommygirl when he did that very thing.
And the Screen Actor's Guild contract was up June 30, prompting now rumors of an actor's strike.
pssst...i still ♥ the brad though.....shut up.
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Submitted by parissucksliterally on July 19, 2008 - 2:03pm
I haven't been back there since that day; what exactly has happened?
**********************************************
Simplicity provides a fine line between eloquence and plainness. -LL Cool J
ohmyFUCK I LOOOOOOOOOOVE that site -- GalleryoftheAbsurd -- where the shring pic's from. a COMIC GENIUS posting as Bradley Pitt's Armpit is in there and then THIS from its comments page:
The psychological profile of the Brangeloonies:
Definitely female, I would say.
> Age range 14 - late 60's
> Very religious
> lack of sexual experience, unless you are a dyke (I'll
> explain that one later)
> provincial or very isolated from society
> lack of relationship experience
> adhering to macho attitudes of a woman's place
> associating love with mass reproduction
> thinks Jesus is beautiful, the perfect beautiful couple
> makes them godly
> lives in the cinderella fantasy world
> very immature
> unrealistic ideas about love, sex and relationships oh and
> just life in general
> unable to think critically
> easily influenced
> cognitively challenged
> deluded
>
>
> can I say enough?
------------------------------
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!
thalylay5...we discussed last night that we should stay away from JJ...it will only backfire, and already has....the day the twins were born it was funny, but after that......not, IMO.
**************************************************
“Maybe I was mean, but I really don't think so; you asked for the truth and I told you..."
-Sinead O'Connor "The Emperor's New Clothes"
Submitted by thlayly5 on July 19, 2008 - 10:56am.
Exactly.
Submitted by radio siren on July 19, 2008 - 11:45am.
That was a strong bogus post, though it was hard to miss the knees reference.
Submitted by Sensimina on July 19, 2008 - 2:37pm.
The Brangeloonies' hatred for JA almost outshines their obsessive devotion to Brange themselves.
***************
And that only fuels the disgust many have for their beloved god and goddess. I neither despise nor admire them. I will say I am annoyed by their sense of self importance, but I think that's typical of most celebrities. It's just on a much grander scale equal to the level of fame.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
I just really looked at the link to Gallery of the Absurd and realized that the first Brangeloonie quote she used from JJ was mine when I was posing as a Brangeloonie:
"I only want to celebrate and sing her praises. I have been down on my knees all morning, where I know she would want me to be, blessing this holy family. god bless the jolie-pitts!"
BWHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA, I guess it really seemed authentic Looniespeak.
________________________
Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
Oh my GAWD, I must have this to hang over my shrine - I am contacting 14 immediately to order two (must have a spare). 14 is a genius!
________________________
Dlisted's a hellava drug.
"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl
The Brangeloonies' hatred for JA almost outshines their obsessive devotion to Brange themselves.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
http://www.myspace.com/rainbowsrule
THEY TRIED 2 GIVE ME A TIME SLOT WERE IT WAS STILL LIGHT OUTSIDE ... I HAVE A FUCKING LIGHT SHOW DUMB ASS, IT'S NOT CALLED GLOW IN THE DARK FOR NO REASON SQUID BRAINS!
Good point, Deb!
----------------------------------------------
"I don't like your grandma Cartmen, she smells like vitamins and pee."
Submitted by thlayly5 on July 19, 2008 - 12:56pm
I'm sorry, they did WHAT?! I need more details so I know who to sue. :p
**********************************************
Simplicity provides a fine line between eloquence and plainness. -LL Cool J
Submitted by . on July 19, 2008 - 1:07pm.
Cheers! I mean either at the bottom, or like in the Virgin Mary statues, Jen's head could be on the serpent's body, crushed under St. Angie's delicate foot!
"This ain't rock n roll. This is genocide!"
Submitted by Deb on July 19, 2008 - 2:03pm.
This shrine pic is brilliant. The only thing I see wrong is that in true St. Angelina iconography, Jen Anniston would NEVER appear ABOVE St. Angie.
Deb, I agree. Manny should have been on the bottom 'X-ed' out. Good point!
Submitted by . on July 19, 2008 - 12:55pm.
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on July 19, 2008 - 1:52pm.
Oh, that shrine pic is classic. Notice Brad is portrayed with his "pits" on display. I guess his name (or stank) is the only thing he is contributing to Angie Jo.
LMAO! I'm loving this work ofart even more now!
This shrine pic is brilliant. The only thing I see wrong is that in true St. Angelina iconography, Jen Anniston would NEVER appear ABOVE St. Angie.
"This ain't rock n roll. This is genocide!"
I'm still having fits over the line across anniston's face.
LOL
----------------------------------------------
"In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure.."
ROOF FLIES OFF!
RIP George Carlin
NO WAY HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THE WH**RES CHILDREN MADE IT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL, WITH OUT WARS, HUMAN SUFFERING AND POVERTY ENDING????? HONESTLY WHO GIVES A DAMN I'M SO OVER HER AND HER KIDS
*********************************************
I'm always gonna be me and I'm always gonna be real so, you love it or hate it :-)
The lips on baby Viv...ROFLMTO
I'm not going to go back to JJ either- it was fun to post like a loon for that day when the messiahs were born, but they creeped me out too much.
Plus, I read that earlier thread on this site about how some dlisters got hurt by some JJer trolling our site and finding out personal info. So, no more for me. Plus, I don't wanna turn into an opposite HALA.
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on July 19, 2008 - 1:52pm.
Oh, that shrine pic is classic. Notice Brad is portrayed with his "pits" on display. I guess his name (or stank) is the only thing he is contributing to Angie Jo.
LMAO! I'm loving this work ofart even more now!
Submitted by boomsy on July 19, 2008 - 1:04pm.
Submitted by angel_i on July 19, 2008 - 12:01pm
All joking aside, I think she goes to countries where there are minimal regulations on adoptions. Being a celebrity, I'm sure they make it super easy for her. Never in America would they allow her to adopt, which is why all her adopted ones are foreign.
__________________________________________________
I've said before that given the fact she is 33 years old with two failed marriages, psychological problems, and a history of self-harming herself and dabbling in Class A drugs including heroin, there is probably no way in holy hell that Jolie would be allowed to adopt a dog from the ASPCA let alone a child from a reputable agency.
The fact that she was ever allowed to adopt in the first place is frightening, but it's even worse now that she appears to be hoarding kids. She's 1 step away from Crazy Cat Lady land, IMHO.
Oh, that shrine pic is classic. Notice Brad is portrayed with his "pits" on display. I guess his name (or stank) is the only thing he is contributing to Angie Jo.
I just cannot go back to JJ. It's crazy town there. They are like Holly Hobbie on acid. I can't take it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"What? Salma was supposed to stuff her melonitas into a million-dollar wedding dress and marry that rich bitch without a prenup." - MK 07/18/08
@ boomsy- I cracked up when I saw my quote on Gallery of the Absurd- the "OMG OMG OMG you guys, today is totally my birthday, blah blah blah"
I had to resist the urge to out myself on that site for a hilarious poseur. Lol!
We out-loonied the brangeloonies....
We're regarded as prime examples of their craziness- I guess our satire was really too realistic and believable....
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-