You Don't Say?
In their latest issue, UsWeekly shouts from the mountain tops that Saint Angelina conceived through in vitro. You mean to tell me that she didn't conceive by simply touching her womb with her holy hand?! I don't believe it!
A source told the magazine that Brad and Angie were desperate for more kids so they tried fertility treatments. Some doctor who didn't treat Brangie said, "The chance of having fraternal twins at Angelina's age (33) naturally is under 1 percent; with in vitro, the chances are 25 percent. We live in an era of reproductive freedom, so anybody can do anything they want within legal limits."
Angie went with the procedure so she wouldn't have to deal with the stress of trying to get knocked up. The source went on to say, "She could just knock it out. They were too impatient." Just knock it out? I bet you Angie used those same words.
Saint Angie is probably always on fertility drugs. You pop a vitamin C in the morning and she pops a fertility pill. Shit, she's probably pregnant right now....with triplets! The triplets were waiting in the wings while the chosen ones did their thing. In heaven, there's a huge line of babies waiting for their turn. And you thought the iPhone line was long?
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Submitted by oklahoma on July 24, 2008 - 9:35am.
Missy.. OMG.. Pax time
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Why yes, Pax time...that was about two years ago, right? I will have to get my Brangeloonian Calendar out, but that's the way they tell time at JJ. I will have too google it to be sure, but I believe Maddox time was the early 2000's, which quickly changed to the Zahara-era, followed (rather briefly) by the Shiloh period (Lord knows Angie hasn't had one in years!!!) which was quickly replaced by Pax time (not to be confused with Hammer Time- break it down!).
Your mom: When you do finally smoke again, suck through the side of your mouth you didn't have surgery.
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"yes, DUH, I am a low rent whore"
Missy--a nic patch is a great idea. why didn't I think of that, before?
Hekki--I was wondering the exact same thing. Although with cigs there's not just the sucking that's bad, but also the tobacco.
When you smoke a j or a bowl there's still a bit of sucking going on, but I'm not sure if weed smoke is as harmful as tobacco smoke in this case.
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Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life. -- Lord Byron
Submitted by Notoriousrem_22 on July 24, 2008 - 12:06pm.
although I wouldnt say it in mixed company, I totally agree.
I dont wish to offend anyone, but I do share that viewpoint.
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
Submitted by Your Mom Ate th... on July 24, 2008 - 9:59am.
Sucks SOOOO bad because I was counting on the narcs to get me through not being able to smoke cigs/weed.
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*getting on soapbox*
Well, maybe now is a good time to quit (cigs).
*getting off soapbox
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
Plus if your partner shave too you can oil your asses up and play slip and slide with your wang and your connie chung hole.
Submitted by missy on July 24, 2008 - 11:54am.
wait, who had the wisdom teeth pulled?? LCT?? did they give you good drugs?!?!
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I had my done YEARS ago and they knocked me out and it was fucking awesome. The post-op drugs they gave me to prevent infection made me dry-heave though (probably because I took them on an empty stomach)
So many of us already knew that ! IT was the loonies that were in denial. Could Jolie be getting tired of sex with Brad?LOL. She'd rather this procedure than trying the old fashion way? I guess sex didn't fit into her schedule. Seriously, alot of people suffer from secondary infertility but I highly doubt that was the case. SHE so bullshittingly told an interviewer that they were shocked to find out they were having twins??!! SHe knew the percentage for twins was high, she probably would've been more shocked if it WASN'T twins. Who is she trying to fool? OH, I'm sure the wackos at JJ are on damage control and already have come up with a list of excuses and a justified defense as to why she needed this IVF. Freakin' cult.
Submitted by idiots drive me loco on July 24, 2008 - 9:57am.
Does it shatter their seemingly 1950's viewpoint that a woman is not really a woman unless they are spewing forth crotch fruit?
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I think it shatters their viewpoint that Angie is natural and perfect.
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Plus if your partner shave too you can oil your asses up and play slip and slide with your wang and your connie chung hole.
Women who are fully comepetent of having a child but choose to get in vitro are fuckin disgusting pigs. They are a problem to this society, there are already too many fuckin kids no one needs to be having twins, triplets or fucking litters of babies. Its fuckin disgusting, just like these 2 pieces of shit.
On another note women over 40 who have kids are just as guilty. Its called a biological clock for a reason, once you hit a certain age you should not breed and if you are not able to have children that is just natures way of saying ITS NOT FOR YOU. Deal with it. Women are so desperate for love and attention they will have children even if it means doing the wrong thing. In vitro is just wrong in my opinion, its selfish there is never any unselfish motive behind in vetro. Just goes to show that Brad and Angelina dont care about anything but them selfs. They are so gross, typical American trash.
* I am American so I can say whatever bad shit I want about the people here and this country.
"I think you know that your more then just some fucked up piece of ass."
George Fuckin Michael.
Submitted by Your Mom Ate th... on July 24, 2008 - 12:05pm.
soooo, how fast can you get to a western union? ;)
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
LOL Sounds like my brother and his wife. They had four kids in 5 years because they wanted to "get it over with" and get on with the family part.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Surfing the apocalypse.
Submitted by Euphoria on July 24, 2008 - 9:41am.
"You've already had one set of fraternal twins. For mothers who have already had one set of fraternal twins, their chances of conceiving another set are four times greater than the average woman, or about 1 in 12!"
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And this is why i am AFEARED to go through another pregnancy. I was told by my doctor that my chances of having twins(or more)is greater now because I have had twins, my age, and the fact that they run in my family on my moms side. *sigh* I dont want to be the next Jon and Kate PLUS 8!! hellz no.
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I never met a joint I didnt light!
Submitted by missy on July 24, 2008 - 12:02pm.
Your Mom - those bastards!! I always ask for them and if they wont give them up then Ill call crying that night and ask for a script. Im feindish like that :)
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Well, he did say that if the ibuprofen wasn't doing the job he'd give me narcs...the pain hasn't been too bad though, so I figured I'd suck it up instead of having to shell out money for the prescription. I have been seriously considering calling him, though...
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Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life. -- Lord Byron
OT re: dry socket smoker... Can you just inhale a cig the same way you would a joint? Like, not sucking it into your mouth and then into your lungs, but directly into your lungs? Seems like there would be a lot less suction that way. Just a thought...
your mom ate: in hard times, use a nic patch.
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
Your Mom - those bastards!! I always ask for them and if they wont give them up then Ill call crying that night and ask for a script. Im feindish like that :)
Submitted by idiots drive me loco on July 24, 2008 - 11:57am.
Since the vast majority of twins are the results of IVF, why is this a big deal, and why would the fucking psychos at JJ care?
Does it shatter their seemingly 1950's viewpoint that a woman is not really a woman unless they are spewing forth crotch fruit?
**
because they truly think angie jo is perfect. seriously. they think she is better than anyone else in the world, morally, spiritually, in every way possible.
oh, and they are totally derranged.
_____________________________________________
Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
Submitted by Stoney on July 24, 2008 - 11:57am.
Submitted by Your Mom Ate th... on July 24, 2008 - 11:54am.
Don't do it! Wait at least 12 more hours! Pop your pain pills and have someone blow smoke in your face, lol.
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I've been having my boyfriend blow smoke in my face the past two days, but it doesn't help much! Eh, what choice do I have? I'll wait. If you don't have your health, you don't have anything.
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Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life. -- Lord Byron
Submitted by angel_i on July 24, 2008 - 12:57pm.
Me likie! Then all is euphoric!
IDML: You said "crotch fruit!" LMAO!
*jotting down "crotch fruit" to try and work into a sentence today*
Submitted by missy on July 24, 2008 - 11:54am.
wait, who had the wisdom teeth pulled?? LCT?? did they give you good drugs?!?!
*wide eyed*
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Missy, I had one of mine removed two days ago. I was hoping I'd get some narcs, but I got my tooth pulled at the dentist and all I got was some lousy prescription-strength ibuprofen. Sucks SOOOO bad because I was counting on the narcs to get me through not being able to smoke cigs/weed.
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Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life. -- Lord Byron
Submitted by Stoney on July 24, 2008 - 12:52pm.
Dry sockets happen when you smoke or drink through a straw (or any sucking action, lol) too soon after surgery and the scabs/packing in the holes comes out and all the nerves are exposed. It's extremely painful and has to be fixed by your oral surgeon.
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! MOUTH SCABS! I feel the need to vomit/Google it.
Submitted by Clarisse on July 24, 2008 - 12:50pm.
LCT / Mrs K.,
Oh god! Your dueling merkins are crackin me up!!!
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Mrs. K, I challenge you to a merkin duel.
Raise your stenches!
It is!
I associate Euphoria with home cooking, resting after a hard day's work, magic mushrooms, sex and chocolate. But not necessarily in that order.
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Miss American Dream.
Submitted by Your Mom Ate th... on July 24, 2008 - 11:54am.
Don't do it! Wait at least 12 more hours! Pop your pain pills and have someone blow smoke in your face, lol.
ONT: I am so not surprised Angie wants 12 apostles. *rolls eyes*
__________________________________________
"yes, DUH, I am a low rent whore"
Since the vast majority of twins are the results of IVF, why is this a big deal, and why would the fucking psychos at JJ care?
Does it shatter their seemingly 1950's viewpoint that a woman is not really a woman unless they are spewing forth crotch fruit?
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
"Self-promotion, for me, is like going to the dentist" —Daniel Craig
This post made my day....lmao
"And you thought the iPhone line was long?"! LMAO
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"D-Listed is like chicks who hang out together for a long time- they start getting their periods the same day.
All d-listed sluts start to think exactly alike after a while. LOLOLOLOL" Mel-tang!
Submitted by Rocket on July 24, 2008 - 11:43am.
Guiliana Rancic of E News was on Chelsea Handler this week and said their Brangelina source "who has not given them false information yet" told them Brad and Angie plan on having 12 children because of the 12 Apostles.
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Oh. My. Lawd. MK wasn't too far off with the Messiah Posts! LOL!
LOVE CARROTTOP on July 24, 2008 - 12:50pm
Yes, i have heard INTRO is a miracle for many.
They are losing their minds, hahahahahahaha fucking HA!
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Submitted by Stoney on July 24, 2008 - 11:43am.
Submitted by Your Mom Ate th... on July 24, 2008 - 11:39am.
I had all four of my wisdom teeth pulled about four weeks ago. I had it done on a Wednesday morning, and late, late Friday night I finally smoked. I was careful all weekend, smoking through the center of my mouth, not using straws and limiting my cigs to just a couple a day, and I did not get dry sockets. So waiting about 60 hours after my surgery before smoking the first cig worked out fine for me.
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Good grief! All four at once, huh?
It's been about 48 hours since I got the tooth pulled but I'm still a little nervous because last time I checked there was still a minimal amount of bleeding...so I'm not sure if the clot has formed completely? I'm afraid of getting dry socket, but I'm jonesing for a ciggie and/or some weed so badly I'm almost willing to risk it.
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Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life. -- Lord Byron
wait, who had the wisdom teeth pulled?? LCT?? did they give you good drugs?!?!
*wide eyed*
_____________________________________________
Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
Submitted by angel_i on July 24, 2008 - 12:48pm.
Is that a compliment? Hope so! (Just wondering!) ☺
"A bell rung cannot be unrung"
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!
Priceless!
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"yes, DUH, I am a low rent whore"
Submitted by Rocket on July 24, 2008 - 11:43am.
Guiliana Rancic of E News was on Chelsea Handler this week and said their Brangelina source "who has not given them false information yet" told them Brad and Angie plan on having 12 children because of the 12 Apostles.
It all makes sense now.
**
NO
FUCKING
WAY
This is getting pretty ridiculous.
_____________________________________________
Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on July 24, 2008 - 11:47am.
Dry sockets happen when you smoke or drink through a straw (or any sucking action, lol) too soon after surgery and the scabs/packing in the holes comes out and all the nerves are exposed. It's extremely painful and has to be fixed by your oral surgeon.
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"yes, DUH, I am a low rent whore"
@missy:
I'm scared to look. I have a fat mouth too and I know how to say "cvnt" over there. They must be going crazy.
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Miss American Dream.
LCT / Mrs K.,
Oh god! Your dueling merkins are crackin me up!!!
(Mrs K., I changed my sig in your honor)
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What's a 50 year old lollipop man doing knowin fuckin karate??
Another JJ gem:
"That’s it!! I’m officially giving no more hits to Jared. You make your living from perpetuating lies. Even if you do not initiate the lies, you perpetuate them. A bell rung cannnot be unrung. Once gossip blogs tarnish someone’s reputaion it is out there forever. (NOT THAT INTRO IS A BAD THING. IT IS REALLY A MIRACLE FOR MANY). But it’s not right and it’s not fair to print lies deliberately and I am not going to be a contributor to the success of blogs that tarnish people’s reputation and spread lies knowingly. Saying the source is US Weekly is not good enough. Your ass should get sued too!!!"
What a pile of crap. US Weekly whores probably figure the magic couple will be too damn busy right now to sue their perineums and if they do, imagine the photo ops at the courthouse!
Hey d.dudes - we might get to see the Brangie's OBGYN records...
oh man, if you go to JJ, be careful.. it can really mess with the mind after a while. I feel dizzy. Someone give me a toke off a bowl, quick!
_____________________________________________
Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
Euphoria:
That's a good name for you:)
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Miss American Dream.
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on July 24, 2008 - 11:38am.
You have just portrayed the funniest mental picture in the history of the world.
Sandy: "Hey there big boy, got a date for Friday night?"
Billy: "Yeah I do, and she's standing right in front of me."
*Peeeeeeeeeeeeel*
*Splat*
Billy: ".......... what the hell is.... did your.....?"
Sandy: "Oh, hahah, that's just my uh.... um, hahahaha. When do you want to pick me up?"
*Billy drinking antifreeze*
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Haha! I love how the last line in your dialogues is never a quote, but an action stemmed from exhasperation and/or disgust towards the other person in the dialogue!
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Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life. -- Lord Byron
Submitted by oklahoma on July 24, 2008 - 12:45pm.
YAMS
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OKRA
Submitted by missy on July 24, 2008 - 9:40am.
Bradi - go on over.. its HILARIOUS!!
"I can’t believe the JP fans are being treated like this."
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After all they've done for the world you'd think they would get treated better than that.
Oh, the humiliation and pain of it all!!!
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
Plus if your partner shave too you can oil your asses up and play slip and slide with your wang and your connie chung hole.
Submitted by Stoney on July 24, 2008 - 12:43pm.
I had all four of my wisdom teeth pulled about four weeks ago. I had it done on a Wednesday morning, and late, late Friday night I finally smoked. I was careful all weekend, smoking through the center of my mouth, not using straws and limiting my cigs to just a couple a day, and I did not get dry sockets. So waiting about 60 hours after my surgery before smoking the first cig worked out fine for me.
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Dry sockets? What are those? When I got my yanked out I got soup noodles stuck in the holes.
missy on July 24, 2008 - 12:40pm
There is unrest in loonville.
Of course it will be all DLISTED's fault.
And Jennifer Aniston.
I smell a coup and civil uprising. Jared might not be re-elected Mayor.
I might tip toe later through the Garden of Hypocrisy....
My lunch hasn't fully digested.
♥ u missy.
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
YAMS
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Pop pills, Pills I pop, Pop two pills
On stilts I walk; Snort two lines that were filled with chalk; Thought I was incredible and killed the hulk;
Submitted by Your Mom Ate th... on July 24, 2008 - 11:39am.
I had all four of my wisdom teeth pulled about four weeks ago. I had it done on a Wednesday morning, and late, late Friday night I finally smoked. I was careful all weekend, smoking through the center of my mouth, not using straws and limiting my cigs to just a couple a day, and I did not get dry sockets. So waiting about 60 hours after my surgery before smoking the first cig worked out fine for me.
__________________________________________
"yes, DUH, I am a low rent whore"
Guiliana Rancic of E News was on Chelsea Handler this week and said their Brangelina source "who has not given them false information yet" told them Brad and Angie plan on having 12 children because of the 12 Apostles.
It all makes sense now.
MISSY!!!!
You can't make that shit up! HOLY CRAP!!!!
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What's a 50 year old lollipop man doing knowin fuckin karate??
Okay, so I was only half right. The odds of having twins decrease if you are under 25 and after that, the odds increase. Some interesting tidbits - notice that it's the MOTHER'S GENETICS that increase the odds of having fraternal twins! (Just skip over my post if you don't give a fuck!)
You'll increase your odds of having twins/multiples if....
You (the mother) are over age 45. The chances of having twins increases with age; 17% of mothers over the age of 45 give birth to twins. Becoming a mother after age 50 boosts your odds considerably, to nearly 1 in 9!
You live in Massachusetts or Connecticut. A 1999 study found that rates in these states were at least 25% higher than the national rate in the United States.
You take fertility drugs or undergo other fertility treatments. No one can deny that the availability of fertility enhancements has increased the multiple birth rate, but no study seems to conclusively pinpoint the impact. Some estimate that the chances of having twins after fertility enhancing treatment is as high as 1 in 38. Others estimate that using the drug Clomid increases your chances to 1 in 5.
You, your mother, or her mother's mother is a fraternal twin. These women may carry a gene for hyperovulation, which means they release more than one egg during an ovulation cycle, increasing their ability to conceive fraternal twins. The chances may be high as 1 in 17 if the mother is a fraternal twin herself.
You've already had one set of fraternal twins. For mothers who have already had one set of fraternal twins, their chances of conceiving another set are four times greater than the average woman, or about 1 in 12!
You're Nigerian. This African country purportedly has the highest twinning rate in the world, estimated at 1 in 22. Some sources attribute it to their consumption of large quantities of yams. (It's worth a try if you really want to have multiples!)
You're overweight or tall. A 2005 study published by the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology reported a significant increase in fraternal twin births to mothers who had a BMI of 30 or higher, or who were in the top 25th percentile for height.
You'll decrease your odds of having twins/multiples if...
You (the mother) are Hispanic or Asian. The 2001 study by the National Center for Health Statistics found that women of Hispanic origin were substantially less likely to have twins than white or black mothers. Among worldwide populations, the Asian countries of Japan and China have the lowest twinning rates, estimated at 1 in 150 and 1 in 300, respectively.
You (the mother) are under age 25. The chance that a woman would bear twins before her 25th birthday are is less than half of what it would be after age 35.
You live in Hawaii. In a study that examined multiple birth in the United States, this tropical paradise scored lowest, about 30% below the national average.
You're looking for identical multiples. The rate for identical, or monozygotic, multiples is random and universal; it's the same in all populations regardless of race, heredity or other factors, and it has remained constant over time. The chances of having identical twins is about 1 in 285.