Friday, July 25th 2008
Take Out The Trash
Ken Paves is totally telling Jessica Simpson, "You dumb bitch! I was only joking when I said that all the country bitches were wearing trash bags." At first, I thought Jessica was wearing Stella's trash bag dress from Project Runway. I know it's just the pattern of the dress that's making it look it's from the Hefty collection, but it's still fug as hell.
Jessica was out with my girl crush, Ken Paves, in NYC last night. Jessica's foot claws were also out. Way out. In the last thumbnail, it looks like her toes are about to grab that ciggie. Now that's talent!
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...but is that dress a 2-ply extra strength Lawn & Garden bag or a tall kitchen bag?
Ken Paves is totally fucking with her looks. Even Derek Zoolander knows that someone with greasy skin shouldn't wear her pulled back.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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It's weird, maybe she thought she was a size 6? I am a size 6 in shoes though, I could never wear size 7s. Too big!
Your face!
That trashbag dress even strapped its arm around her neck as in saying "bitch, don't get me near them toes"
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Pop pills, Pills I pop, Pop two pills
On stilts I walk; Snort two lines that were filled with chalk; Thought I was incredible and killed the hulk;
xxyz, I am sorry to hear you having a few bad days.....that sucks. Hope things get better for you...
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Showin of your ass cuz you're thinking it's a trend girlfriend, let me break it down for you again; you know I only say this cuz I'm truly genuine, don't be a hard rock when you really are a gem
What compels Jessica to buy such ugly shoes?! At least buy them your size, her toes are about to touch the ground! Aside from the ugly trash bag dress, she does look like she's gained some weight!
Your face!
YESSSS, thank you Cword! It's been KILLING me since I saw your avie. Thanks!!! :)
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It seems like just yesterday you were bursting forth through your mother's fertile womb!
PendulousPoints on July 25, 2008 - 2:57pm.
First song up "My wife done lef me, but her toes stayed behind"
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bawwahhhahaahaaahahhaa!
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"D-Listed is like chicks who hang out together for a long time- they start getting their periods the same day.
All d-listed sluts start to think exactly alike after a while. LOLOLOLOL" Mel-tang!
Xx..er, Sarah.. teehee.. Where the fuck ya been?
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Pop pills, Pills I pop, Pop two pills
On stilts I walk; Snort two lines that were filled with chalk; Thought I was incredible and killed the hulk;
OKLAHOMA
Girl... I've had a few BAD days
I bet her sister has the same toes.. And that's why Pete Wentz married her or whatever they are doing together.. God Made Ass Ticklers..
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Pop pills, Pills I pop, Pop two pills
On stilts I walk; Snort two lines that were filled with chalk; Thought I was incredible and killed the hulk;
El B - That brings new meaning to seafood taco.
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I like to say the eff word.
Submitted by oklahoma on July 25, 2008 - 2:58pm.
*yells from top of tree* I'm just waiting on you to climb up here.. I've been here for days. My toes got all cramped up and I can't get down..
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Well fuck. Who am I supposed to throw my poo at now??
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I like to say the eff word.
Whoa, holy talons!
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"There's a little bit of asshole in every nice guy, and there's a little bit of genius in every moron." - RDJ
I get her mom and Britney's mom mixed up. And she's out w/ her mom, creepy!
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Pop pills, Pills I pop, Pop two pills
On stilts I walk; Snort two lines that were filled with chalk; Thought I was incredible and killed the hulk;
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on July 25, 2008 - 2:56pm.
Submitted by oklahoma on July 25, 2008 - 2:52pm.
*pours Martini w/ toes* No LCT you are not alone, I too walk on this planet w/ you.. lol
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Thank God.
Feel like climbing some bamboo?
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*yells from top of tree* I'm just waiting on you to climb up here.. I've been here for days. My toes got all cramped up and I can't get down..
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Pop pills, Pills I pop, Pop two pills
On stilts I walk; Snort two lines that were filled with chalk; Thought I was incredible and killed the hulk;
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on July 25, 2008 - 6:50pm.
Ok, so, there's a toe-sized gap in between my big toe and my 'index' toe, and people have actually said I must be closer in relation to gorillas than most people because I pick shit up all the time with my feet. Please tell me I'm not the only one.
You Lobster!
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“Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun).”
Her toes will have their own country album out next month
First song up "My wife done lef me, but her toes stayed behind"
Hey Jessica!
REAL Girls wear Shoes that fit their feet!
Looks like the dress tore or something, and she tied it from between her legs to her chest.. Fucking idiot!
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Pop pills, Pills I pop, Pop two pills
On stilts I walk; Snort two lines that were filled with chalk; Thought I was incredible and killed the hulk;
Submitted by Euphoria on July 25, 2008 - 2:39pm.
Oh, for pity's sake Jessica, buy shoes that fit your hooves. I hate it when women buy too-small shoes for their bigass feet just so they can say, "I wear a size 6 shoe."
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Aha ha ha you reminded me of Al Bundy working in the shoe store.
Is Ken Paves like some hair pimp hanging out with celebrities after he does their hair. It seems odd.
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Dick happens! - MK
Lolo - make poo times. It's Friday.
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I like to say the eff word.
Submitted by Euphoria on July 25, 2008 - 12:53pm.
She's got full-on monkey feet going on there. I bet she can eat with those toes, put her mascara on with them...ewww, I'm grossing myself out.
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Dude, Jessucka Simpleton isn't even smart enough to breathe through her nose, let alone do a bunch of tricky shit with her feet!
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Geez, Banana shut your friggin' gob, okay?
Submitted by oklahoma on July 25, 2008 - 2:52pm.
*pours Martini w/ toes* No LCT you are not alone, I too walk on this planet w/ you.. lol
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Thank God.
Feel like climbing some bamboo?
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I like to say the eff word.
LoLo,
"ha ha ha i almost pissed myself
thankfully i got up and sat in that other bitches chair!"
Oh my god!! That was fucking hilarious! I needed that!
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Randy Pausch (1960 – 2008)
"When you look up at the sky at night, since I'll be living on one of them, since I'll be laughing on one of them, for you, it'll be as if all the stars are laughing."
Submitted by The C word on July 25, 2008 - 12:54pm.
Submitted by AshleyDevin on July 25, 2008 - 2:51pm.
Hey C Word....what book is your avatar from?? I used to read it all the time when I was little, and it's bugging me, I can't remember what it's called.
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Hi AshleyDevin - it's from 'Miss Nelson is Missing' (
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I knew it was a children's book.
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Geez, Banana shut your friggin' gob, okay?
Submitted by AshleyDevin on July 25, 2008 - 2:51pm.
Hey C Word....what book is your avatar from?? I used to read it all the time when I was little, and it's bugging me, I can't remember what it's called.
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Hi AshleyDevin - it's from 'Miss Nelson is Missing' (Viola Swamp).
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My lyrics are sometimes sexist
But bitches oughta know
I’m trying to correct this.
So which one is the "trash"? MK, you can do so much better than Paves. Honestly. He looks like a Vegas hooker.
She's got full-on monkey feet going on there. I bet she can eat with those toes, put her mascara on with them...ewww, I'm grossing myself out.
(Hope her date isn't into toe-sucking because he'll get a taste of everything she's walked on!)
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> P
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For the life of me, I will never understand why some women decide to wear shoes that are clearly too small for them. Ew.
"I'm the whoriest whore whoever whored and I still wouldn't get with that." ~ MK
Clearly, those ugly-ass shoes are too small. What an idiot.
Chestica is so damn stupid, she doesn't know what her actual shoe size is.
Good pedicure at least.
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on July 25, 2008 - 2:50pm.
Ok, so, there's a toe-sized gap in between my big toe and my 'index' toe, and people have actually said I must be closer in relation to gorillas than most people because I pick shit up all the time with my feet. Please tell me I'm not the only one.
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You're not the only one. I had a buddy just like that. Oh wait.. he was a gorilla, nvrmind. :P
Srsly, I pick up things with my feet all of the time. I started it when I was pregnant. It was too hard to bend over. It just stuck. But I don't have freaky toes or anything. eww, no J/K
Wait, isn't Ms. Paves Jess' main gay? It's his job to step and tell her she looks like the trashy girl at a school prom who's trying to be sexy by wearing tons of hair and thinks she's fooling everyone with shoes that are too small.
Christ Paves! Do your job!
P.S.- I'm with you Imnotme,When did she become a Country Music Singer?
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"Be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else."
-Judy Garland
*pours Martini w/ toes* No LCT you are not alone, I too walk on this planet w/ you.. lol
-----------------------------------
Pop pills, Pills I pop, Pop two pills
On stilts I walk; Snort two lines that were filled with chalk; Thought I was incredible and killed the hulk;
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on July 25, 2008 - 2:50pm.
ha ha ha i almost pissed myself
thankfully i got up and sat in that other bitches chair!
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We is tailing jokes in hair twoday!
Gross nasty finger toes!!!
Love Carrott Top
You are not the only one. I can pic chit up, too. It amazes the hell out of my husband. Jealous...that's all
Hey C Word....what book is your avatar from?? I used to read it all the time when I was little, and it's bugging me, I can't remember what it's called.
Anyway, I used to think Jessica was GORGEOUS, but now, looking at her face, especially in the 4th thumbnail, I have to admit, she's pretty fucking fug.
Take away the big blonde hair and 5 pounds of makeup, and I guarantee you would never look twice at her.
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It seems like just yesterday you were bursting forth through your mother's fertile womb!
her toes are tiny peni!
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We is tailing jokes in hair twoday!
Submitted by Rocket on July 25, 2008 - 2:48pm.
She is evidently coming out with a dress line next year also. Ick.
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Maybe that explains the dress she's wearing...
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My lyrics are sometimes sexist
But bitches oughta know
I’m trying to correct this.
Ok, so, there's a toe-sized gap in between my big toe and my 'index' toe, and people have actually said I must be closer in relation to gorillas than most people because I pick shit up all the time with my feet. Please tell me I'm not the only one.
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I like to say the eff word.
why wear shoes at all, if your feet will be on the ground anyway?
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Showin of your ass cuz you're thinking it's a trend girlfriend, let me break it down for you again; you know I only say this cuz I'm truly genuine, don't be a hard rock when you really are a gem
Submitted by Imnotme on July 25, 2008 - 2:42pm.
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Yeah, it's just as tragic and hard on the eyes!
She is evidently coming out with a dress line next year also. Ick.
You would think with all her money she could buy some shoes that fit.
Yeeaaaahh, I don't think your toes are supposed to overhang by an inch, but nice try Jess.
OT - I can never eat french fries again after that toe shot.
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I like to say the eff word.
Submitted by angry mom on July 25, 2008 - 2:45pm.
;) Goes along with your user pic.
AGH! OH MY GOD! WTF is that?! They're like fingers!
That's not a big toe, it's an opposable thumb.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My lyrics are sometimes sexist
But bitches oughta know
I’m trying to correct this.
_TRAGIC!
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We is tailing jokes in hair twoday!
Submitted by feckless on July 25, 2008 - 1:39pm.
I was gonna typr the same thing
great minds ;)