That Shark Is Dead To Me
On his KIIS-FM radio show yesterday morning, Ryan Gaycrest claimed he was bit by a shark over the weekend. Ryan said he said he went about 8 feet out into the ocean, when he felt a sting. He said, "I thought it was a stick. I wasn't sure what had happened. I saw it swim! He took a bite, and he left."
He said finding the shark's tooth was like "finding a splinter."
If Gaycrest was indeed bit by a shark, that shark needs to turn in his resignation and retire. I am embarrassed for him and I'm sure all his shark friends gave him the side-eye for that pussy bite he gave Gaycrest. He's a catfish, not a shark!
Let's be real, Gaycrest wasn't in the ocean, he was in his bedroom. It wasn't a shark, it was a gerbil. He should call up Richard Gere and ask him what's the best way to calm down a grouchy gerbil.
I am so pissed. I paid that shark damn good money to take out Seacrest. I guess that's what I get for only going with a sand shark. I approached a Great White first, obvs, but he insisted on being paid in Euros. Something about the weak dollar. And let's face it, I just don't have that kind of scratch lying around.
A shark? Maybe it was Simon.
Gaycrest was at the Slammer & that wasn't an ocean, it was the piss trough.
Re:
He said, "I thought it was a stick.
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No.
What he actually said: "I thought it was a dick."
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"Oh, really? Did she like it?"
"I just love being a whore - you meet the most fascinating paint salesmen and curtain-rod manufacturers!"
I hope that shark has had a tetanus shot.
This guy would score about a million cool points if he just dropped the charade and admitted he is gay. His attempts to seem like a player and a ladies' man are painful to watch and listen to.
With that said, were he to score a million cool points he'd only be in the hole for about a million more, having lost those points for being a malignant, self-important and talentless midget.
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All your base are belong to me.
www.myspace.com/dreamhypnotique
Um, he walked 8 feet from the sandy shore into the water, and encountered a shark?
I think Ryan is on something.
<3-------------------------------<3
RIMADYL KILLS
Rest In Peace, baby boy
I love you
damn he's got some bulimia teeth going on in that picture... wtf
That shark apparently didn't like the taste of multiple man jizz and puked him back out.
one bite and the shark knew it was kin.spitooowe. ;> git well soon Ryguy.
to think that this guy might be getting an Emmy since he's nominated for Best Reality host! WTF is up with his jagged teeth? Maybe the shark was attracted to those theeth.
Submitted by But.Seriously.Folks on July 29, 2008 - 9:42am.
Well, pass the Zima. It's party time! I love a big hairy missing link!
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You're telling me. That combination of musk and grunting gets me going somethin' fierce.
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Bloop me like you’ll never see me again.
Another one that I can't stand....geez MK can you dig up some juicer news today!?
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"D-Listed is like chicks who hang out together for a long time- they start getting their periods the same day.
All d-listed sluts start to think exactly alike after a while. LOLOLOLOL" Mel-tang!
hahaha, that picture is killing me!
he is my favorite . He is seeking someone online now. I saw him at """""""""""C e l e b C u p i d.c o m""""""""""" last week. What kind of relationship is he looking for on that site?
Submitted by Imnotme on July 29, 2008 - 9:50am.
Well, what a hard-nosed reporter you are! Go out and get that story, you funny slut!
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Put on your slippers and sit by the fire
You've reached your top and you just can't get any higher
You're in your place and you know where you are
In your Shangri-la
~the Kinks~
I don't think the shark was fairly represented in this story. So I took it upon myself to interview the shark. His name is Phil. Here's the transcript:
Me: We all know Ryan's side of the story. Tell us what happened.
Phil: What can I say? It was an innocent mistake. I was feeling a bit peckish. I didn't want a whole leg of man.
Me: So you were just looking for a snack. Something to 'tide you over', if you will?
Phil: {{laughs}} Yeah.
Me: Why Ryan?
Phil: I didn't really target him. A couple of weeks ago, some two leggers had a luau on the beach. After high tide, there were some floaters. Cocktail weinies, ever had 'em?
Me: Yes.
Phil: I acquired a taste for them. I saw, what I believed, was a cocktail weinie protruding from Mr. Seacrest's pants. It could've happened to any shark.
Me: It was a case of mistaken identity?
Phil: Exactly. Not until his reaction did I realize my mistake.
Me: How did he react?
Phil: I was shocked. He smelled like a man but he bitch slapped me and called me 'Fish'. I do want to extend my apologies to Mr. Seacrest and his friends and family.
Me: I'll make sure I get the word out. Thank you Phil, for your time.
Phil: You're welcome.
I found Phil to be very genuine and articulate. His smile made me a little uncomfortable, but that's the nature of the beast.
Now being fully informed, you can decide. Who was the victim? At this point, I'm torn.
Rayon Gaycrest probably tastes like industrial waste.
Toxic and vaporous and vomitous.
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Submitted by But.Seriously.Folks on July 29, 2008 - 8:37am.
Maybe the shark didn't like the taste of cheese. That's probably what he tastes like, right?
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Smelly foot cheese...kinda like Casey Casum.
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Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life. -- Lord Byron
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP
Bitten by a shark. Riiiiiggghhhhhhttttt.
Help! Bigfoot's in my living room and he's trying to fondle me!
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Well, pass the Zima. It's party time! I love a big hairy missing link!
Maybe the shark didn't like the taste of cheese. That's probably what he tastes like, right?
Submitted by sexy on July 29, 2008 - 9:32am.
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He's just homely.
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Bubbles: Are you a married man, Mr Hutton?
Mr Hutton: Yes, I am.
Bubbles: And yet you allow yourself to be alone in a room with a rather beautiful woman. That's very dangereuse, don't you think?
What is up with his face and teeth!
This foolio is everywhere. He is the new Dick Clark or Casey Casum or some shit. I can't stand him. He's a total tool
***I'm only one stomach flu away from my goal weight***
Hmmm I've heard of those sharks; They're from the genus *Figmentus of my imaginationus*.
Who'd wanna bite him anyway?
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Bubbles: Are you a married man, Mr Hutton?
Mr Hutton: Yes, I am.
Bubbles: And yet you allow yourself to be alone in a room with a rather beautiful woman. That's very dangereuse, don't you think?
Submitted by BRADIFUL BITCH on July 29, 2008 - 9:15am.
That shark is so FIRED for not completing the one task deeded to him.
Was Ryan screaming at the ocean in his love for Jen A.?
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LOL! I wondered that too.
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Miss American Dream.
Wow, Ryan....Bethany Hamilton can hardly believe that you made it out alive.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
My lyrics are sometimes sexist
But bitches oughta know
I’m trying to correct this.
That shark is so FIRED for not completing the one task deeded to him.
Was Ryan screaming at the ocean in his love for Jen A.?
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Yeah - I ran a way as soon as I got a little taste of him too. So I completely understand.
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Miss American Dream.
From what Ted Casablanca and Joel McHale have to say about him, Gaycrest is a total psycho. They are both always dropping hints about it, but they can't really say anything substantial b/c he's their boss.
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Put on your slippers and sit by the fire
You've reached your top and you just can't get any higher
You're in your place and you know where you are
In your Shangri-la
~the Kinks~
Gaycrest tasted too nasty, so the shark spit him out.
For real, though, I bet he was just stung by a jellyfish...the shark tooth is BS.
www.myspace.com/mle62
"that shark needs to turn in his resignation and retire" Dude it was a baby shark. I think he was just getting a taste of Gaycrest so when he's big and nasty he can KNOW for sure what Gaycrest tastes like. I think this will turn into our own Salvation Shark!
Ya know Joel McHale is going to have fun with this story on The Soup.
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And in the end the love you take
Is equal to the love you make
Shark's don't like sweet things.
you are great. and i just found out your secret that you have joined an online wealthy or celeb or something club 【W e a l t h y L o v e s】, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,where you are seeking a sexy girl for extramarital relationship.there! lol
I think the funniest part is that MK obviously doesn't like him.
Now THAT is a hard core drama bitch that coincides his attention-seeking sob stories to synchronize with Shark Week.
I picture him calling all of his girlfriends on the phone and sounding just like Terri from Reno 911, "Oh my GAAWWD, a shark TOTALLY just bit me. It was like 20. feet. long. I SWEEAAR. Oh my Gawd, I think it was like, a talking shark. Yeah... I'm pretty sure he said something mean to me before he swam off. Whaat? You don't believe me? Oh my Gawd, it's TRUE!".
I cant stand this guy, there is nothing appealing about him. Enough.
"I think you know that your more then just some fucked up piece of ass."
George Fuckin Michael.
That shark totally needs to be put in a tuna can. I was hoping for a severed limb at least!
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"Fuck off, ya Bitch-holes." by my son. I am so proud...
Ry Ry shut the fuck up. You haven't been in the news for what, 15 minutes?? So you make up a story to get some MORE press. I can't beleive this ass clown doesn't get beat down every time he leaves his house.
Just one bite and the shark recognized his mistake. Sharks like the taste of blood, not bullshit.
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And in the end the love you take
Is equal to the love you make
Bitten by a shark. Riiiiiggghhhhhhttttt.
Help! Bigfoot's in my living room and he's trying to fondle me!
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Bloop me like you’ll never see me again.
This story sounds like BS and happens to coincide with Shark Week. He never says where it was (Laguna Niguel?), says what kind of shark (mud?), shows the bite, or produces the tooth.
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"His romantic attachments ran to the, shall we say, exotic."
What a bunch of shit. He totally made this up.
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There are many people who, through no fault of their own, are sane. It's up to folks like you & me who are out of our tiny little minds to help these souls overcome their sanity.