JLo Needs To Retire
Some brain dead fools in Hollywood cast JLo in another feature film. JLo will star in some piece of crap called "The Governess."
Coming Soon has a synopsis for this stupid shit: "The movie is about a professional thief who, in order to pull off a major bank heist, poses as a nanny to the three unruly children of a wealthy widower. When she starts to fall for the kids and their father, she must decide if she can give up her past for a chance to start over." It's funny that this movie is about a professional thief, because anybody who pays to see it is getting robbed.
How the hell is this bitch still getting lead roles in movies that aren't going straight to DVD? I mean, when was her last hit? Let's go over JLo's illustrious film career, shall we?
El Cantante - El CanTRASHTE!
An Unfinished Life - An Unfinished Piece of TRASH!
Monster-In-Law - Jane Fonda was in this, so I can't make fun...NEXT!
Gigli -No Comment Necessary
There's a reason why JLo hasn't had a good movie since "Out of Sight." It's called "acting skills" - JLo has none. She was fine in "Out of Sight" because of George Clooney. Although, I'll admit that "The Cell" was kind of hot. But it's only hot if you're stoned out of your mind.
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JLo Needs To Retire
needs to be on every billboard in LA and NYC
YES LCT... when her pale yellow ass was shucking and jiving for the Wayans Bros. Now her ass thinks she's too good for her own skin color.
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And if you complain once more, you'll meet an army of me
She will always be an In Living Color chola to me.
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Bloop me like you’ll never see me again.
"Submitted by queenosheeba -
Is that really her in that photo?"
So I'm not the only one who doesn't think that's JLo. Thought I was losing it for a sec.
"It's funny that this movie is about a professional thief, because anybody who pays to see it is getting robbed."
LMAO! Genius!
Anyways, can't stand HOpez! Everyone with half a brain knows this catty bitch fucked her way to the top, and yet she still swears she the hottest Latin thing to ever hit Hollywood.
Sorry honey, you are NOBODY'S Rita Hayworth
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"Be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else."
-Judy Garland
So basically it's a ghetto version of Maid in Manhattan. Reeeaaaallly original you labia.
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Bloop me like you’ll never see me again.
talk about beating a DEAD HORSE ! She should just stick to selling stinky perfume at Walmart and give it up already.
I think I might rent The Cell for the same reason as Mrs. K - Vincent D'Onofrio.
"All dis damn makeup keeps getting in my eyes....must.....keep...them...open....no blinkies..."
Haha...thats what i see when i look at this pic.
Love me a good JLo bashing post. ;P
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We were laying around in the woods and stuff, and I don't know how she did it but she got poison ivy on her brain and the only way she can scratch it is if she thinks about sandpaper.
-Stephen Wright
The Wedding Planner is a guilty pleasure!
*runs away*
I watched Monster in Law ENTIRELY for Elaine Stritch whose main line sums up my feelings about J Lo.
"I'm getting out of this car the same way I got into it. Without You."
Except replace the word car with "western culture".
www.reluctantwhore.com
www.cafepress.com/reluctantwhore
I enjoyed El Cantante for several reasons:
Marc's voice rocks,
Fania's salsa is a legend,
And off course the fact that a movie was made about Hector Lavoe is an honor to us salseros.
So I can't hate the movie.
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"D-Listed is like chicks who hang out together for a long time- they start getting their periods the same day.
All d-listed sluts start to think exactly alike after a while. LOLOLOLOL" Mel-tang!
I love The Cell and Out of Sight, despite Jennifer Lopez, which is one of very few celebrities I passionately HATE!
The Cell was visually stunning and really scary, one of my favourite movies actually.
Out of Sight has the best on screen chemistry I´ve seen between actors. The attraction between GC´s and JL´s characters is so convincing.
Mrs. K: me and my bf watched In Bruges and LOVED it, and the next day brought my friend over and forced her to watch it. Love love love that movie!
JLo can kiss my ass (topic!)
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And if you complain once more, you'll meet an army of me
OK, I just added The Cell to my Netflix list...but only because I ♥♥♥ Vince and Vincent.
Especially Vincent.
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"I'm OK. You're...fucked up"
Submitted by Viva La Lohan on July 29, 2008 - 9:33am.
Watch In Bruges, if you are feeling the Ralph Fiennes love, you'll love it.
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Oooooooooooooh, me and Clarisseleh LURVED In Bruges.
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"I'm OK. You're...fucked up"
VLL: Thanks for the tip. I just added it to my Netflix.
Even Amy Sedaris is not enough reason to sit through MIM. I saw five minutes of it and wanted to commit suicide, but I had nothing handy.
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"What? Salma was supposed to stuff her melonitas into a million-dollar wedding dress and marry that rich bitch without a prenup." - MK 07/18/08
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on July 29, 2008 - 11:30am.
Has she been botoxed?
Or, is she smelling her own fart?
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Looks like "I peed my pants a bit"-face to me.
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Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life. -- Lord Byron
IV - Maid in Manhattan: Will.Not.Watch.
Watch In Bruges, if you are feeling the Ralph Fiennes love, you'll love it.
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And if you complain once more, you'll meet an army of me
Dee Dee I love Selena. Me and my friend still say "anything for Selenas" when we are doing the other a favor. She made that movie before she blew up, when she was still yellow, not this bottle bronze shit she's been trying to pass of as her skin color.
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And if you complain once more, you'll meet an army of me
For the love of Pauline Kael, WHY? What lunatic would pay good money to watch this overexposed, undertalented hack media whore attempt to act? Why would anyone cast her? My heart ached to see Ralph Fiennes in that hideous catastrophe Maid in Manhattan, I about had a conniption, I tell you.
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"What? Salma was supposed to stuff her melonitas into a million-dollar wedding dress and marry that rich bitch without a prenup." - MK 07/18/08
Has she been botoxed?
Or, is she smelling her own fart?
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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The only JLo movies I like are U-Turn, Out of Sight, and Selena. Then she had to go "entertain" us with her singing........blah.
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Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs. ~Homer Simpson
Another flop
I will admit I liked "Monster-in-Law", but mostly because I thought Jane Fonda and Wanda Sykes were so funny. Best line of the whole movie though is, "...and you drank red wine from a BOX!!" LMAO
I'll save peeps some money: yes, she will give up her past for a chance to start over. I think I know who will be seeing this movie: 18 to 25yo guys hoping to see her big bowling ball ass cheeks, and their dates, dragged along because they need a bf.
ugh...for a second I thought that this was that nasty bitch Chery Burke
*vomits*
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"Stanley, that better be me you're having sex with"
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We once had a dear Mexican eldersister named Basha (who perspired from a heart attack suddenly at age 74) who used to say that she looked like a mamacita. She was actually a transexuella who was once a catholic priest!
Now J-Ho looks like Basha!
i like her and her movies are entertaining....
Haven't the studios lost enough money and enough moviegoers without greenlightin anything with this abomination in it?????
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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((sigh))
She's just cashing checks at this point. Why studios keep writing them, I don't know.
FuckingLoveAngelina on July 29, 2008 - 12:10pm
you gnome the rainbow times path to wizard in my heart.
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Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
VVL
HI baby!!!!!!!!
*Azz Slapz* lol
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Submitted by Your Mom Ate th... on July 29, 2008 - 12:14pm.
id tumble for ya!
id tuble foooor youuuuuuu
Let's not forget her movie Enough where she was totally believable. NOT! The best actor in that hot mess was the child. I think she should have taken that movie as a sign...ENOUGH, already, JelloAss.
Submitted by FuckingLoveAngelina on July 29, 2008 - 11:10am.
Your mom and Bradiful
i hearts times you two in my chest!
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FLA, I'd bloop for you, anytime.
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Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life. -- Lord Byron
hmmm now that I think about it I like the Cell too! I am being honest that was some fucked up shit.
She was wretchedly miscast in the otherwise interesting "The Cell". The two impossible hurdles she had to leap were playing A) a brilliant psychologist and B) someone who wanted to help others. The hitch with "Enough" was that nobody really felt any sort of empathy when she got smacked around.
I think for about ten years now I've had to hear about her starring in the "Dallas" big screen remake that never actually comes close to being made.
how come she's wearing like $80 worth of Maybelline?
Your mom and Bradiful
i hearts times you two in my chest!
The Cell scared the crap outta me even though J-Lo was HORRIBLE in that movie.
I liked The Wedding Planner, but I didn't pay to see it.
Hag is looking OLD.
disclaimer: Although I drank a healthy dose of HaterAde, I can say that Selena and U-Turn are great movies. Still wanna kick her in the face, but I'm just sayin'....
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And if you complain once more, you'll meet an army of me
who ever did her make-up needs to be fired. or maybe j-skank made the bitch mad......do not yell at your make-up artist. we get even in the best way.
get your own life perfect......then come talk to me!!!!!! ~~Michelle Aline~~
Submitted by Miss Priss on July 29, 2008 - 8:52am.
The Cell was good only because of Vincent D'onofrio. J-Ho almost ruined it for me. I hate this bitch.
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(air kisses and booby pinches betch!)
Ugh I absolutely HATED that movie at the time, thought it was the biggest piece of shit, but I think that is more because I was going through a really dark period where if I saw or heard anything to do with that bitch Jennifer Fucking Lopez I wanted to smash and destroy the faces of whoever it was that forced me to be subjected to her fucking bullshit. After some healing I can watch her movies and not hate as much, and that one was actually pretty cool, if only her stank ass hadn't wrecked it by trying to "act".
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And if you complain once more, you'll meet an army of me
Casting a Puerto Rican as a thief?
now theres a stretch haa haa
(
oooooh Im gonna get in trouble for that one)
bitch needs to retire.
another follower of the so-so Greek philosopher Mediocrates. enough already.
KTU here in nYc continues to play her moldy shit music from 8 yrs ago non stop too fuck I hate that.
El Cantante was good due only to the fact of Marc Anthony's singing skills,& that Hector LaVoe is and was the muthafuckin MAN. JLo was just eye candy when she just wasnt simply in the way of everything.
Im with above posts Im thinkin the Scien-tool-ogists are funding this crapulosity of hers.
"It costs alotta money to look this cheap"-Dolly Parton
Holy cow! She can't get rid of her "preggo nose". bwaaaahahahahaha.
God lord..she's not aging well.
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Pretty looks fade...dumb is forever -- Judge Judy
Submitted by FuckingLoveAngelina on July 29, 2008 - 10:50am.
Submitted by Your Mom Ate th... on July 29, 2008 - 11:48am
her but is like a moldy peach
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With brown bruise-spots!
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Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life. -- Lord Byron
FuckingLoveAngelina on July 29, 2008 - 11:50am
Her butt is two week old ambrosia salad times.
Electric screen times are fun times with FLA!
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Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
She's looking greasier and uglier every day. I don't get it. What happened? Also, she can't act or sing. She is kind of like Madonna. I don't get how these talentless fools make it and make so much money. I guess they know how to fuck the right people.
I loved The Cell.