Jakey Poo Will Make A Beautiful Christmas Bride
Jakey Poo has reportedly been blabbing off to his homegirls that he will marry Reese Witherspoon on December 19th, his birthday. His birthday! Typical. Jakey is going to be the worst bridezilla ever. He's going to cry into Reese's chin when they don't have the birds of paradise he wanted. He will screech like a pig bottom in heat when he finds out that Vera Wang has refused to make him a custom lace banana hammock. Yeah, he's going to be terrible.
Anyway, some nosy bitch told the Daily Mail, "Jake is telling everyone they are getting married at Christmas. He told me he had proposed several times but she kept telling him she wanted to give their relationship more time. When he asked her again a couple of weeks ago, she finally said yes."
She only said yes because Jakey Poo kept throwing a tantrum every time she said no. He really, really wants to be a Christmas bride. Reese got sick of buying him a limited-edition Barbie as a "I'm sorry gift" every time she said no, so she just gave in.
Seriously though, I don't see them tying the knot anytime soon. Well, except for the knot on Jakey Poo's harness.
Seriously though, I don't see these two bores tying the knot anytime soon. I mean, Hollywood rules state that you must get knocked up first. And since tickle games can't produce a baby, I doubt they will make it legal in the near future.
No worries okie.....lol, looks like we finally agree on something! (wink)
I am not gay, and don't see any shame in being gay. I think people should be able to love whoever the fuck they want to - excluding animals and children of course). Your comment didn't make any sense at all.
No one here hates Jake...esp not me...I think he and Austin should be able to live Happily Ever After .
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Don't push me, cause I'm close to the edge;
I'm trying not to lose my head
It's like a jungle, sometimes it makes me wonder how I keep from going under
fuck me! play nice girls!!!!
jakey's gay, jakey's gay, jakey's gay.. Bwahahahaha.. *points @ jake* You're gay!
haha, I don't even like PSL (sorry we both know this, you feel the same) And this is how much of a lame turd you are for me to come and say this..
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Pop pills, Pills I pop, Pop two pills
On stilts I walk; Snort two lines that were filled with chalk; Thought I was incredible and killed the hulk;
"How can anyone hate on Jake when he's such a hot piece of ass?"
Definitely agree with you that he is a hot piece of ass!
parissucksliterally, I never said thinking Jake is gay is an insult. So take your shame and look in the mirror. What is insulting is to use old stereotypes to constantly make fun of Jake. There is a big difference.
Submitted by NS on August 5, 2008 - 1:27pm.
Reese and Jake have denied these rumors and said the story is false.
Come on, give Jake a break already. I don't get the hatred at all. I bet he is more of a man than most of you are, especially Michael K.
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How can anyone hate on Jake when he's such a hot piece of ass?
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Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life. -- Lord Byron
NS, WHY is it "hatred" to say that he is gay/bi? None us see it as an insult, it is a shame that you do.
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Cause every time I try to leave, something keeps pulling at my sleeve; I don't want to but I gotta stay, these drugs really got a hold on me
-Eminem "Drug Ballad"
Reese and Jake have denied these rumors and said the story is false.
Come on, give Jake a break already. I don't get the hatred at all. I bet he is more of a man than most of you are, especially Michael K.
8:14am, you are really pathetic.
Jakey Poo looks like an excellent cuddler. I'm SO surprised he's with that cold fish of a woman! Maybe that's why he's such a bottom too.
Your face!
Bitch has my handbag, my cute kids, my blonde hair and my boytoy, alas I don't have the Oscar. It's like Reece and I are one ;) Honestly though, we do have the same handbag and hair which is bizarre.
Actually, reading that ONTD link has convinced me it is Jakeypoo :( They best not marry either. I want to be Jake's hag and maybe watch his car shagging escapades.
Leave it to Toofy to get hitched during the holidays.
Toothy Tile
Orlando Bloom was eliminated by Ted (see TT Archive).
TT was born in LA, Nick Stahl is from Texas.
What about Orlando Bloom and Nick Stahl?
Jake is Toothy Tile.
100%
www.toothytile.com
Holy rice and beans (with some salsa and sour cream), Batman! Is it just me or just the photo but Reese looks so itty bitty compared to Jakey Poo! HE MAN HULK! Wowie, wow, wowwwwwwww!
***THAT'S RIGHT***
Submitted by Michael K on August 3, 2008 - 7:27pm.
Submitted by . on August 3, 2008 - 6:25pm.
IIIIIIII wiiiiillll always love youuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuu <--ya'll do realize MK was being a smartass when he wrote that to me. Right?
Oh god... Please tell me this doesn't mean they intend on procreating.
**** "I Love Lamp" ****
Hell no. HELL NOOOOO!
Excuse me, while I go rip my heart out with a spoon.
Don't do it, Jake!!!!!
ESE!
I am in the kinder and gentler Reese/Jake thread and I have a Russkie made up for you!
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...whatever.
what happened to him being gay and reese being a beard? toothy tile & all that?
~I hope he tells us to burn our pants~
i swear, if jakey poo goes off with her
i WILL make several orphans cry for xmas!
>.<
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"Stanley, that better be me you're having sex with"
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I read somewhere that they are both gay. Why are they pretending?
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RIMADYL KILLS
Rest In Peace, baby boy
I love you
I don't buy these two at all
Body language is a pretty good indication of what a relationship really is. And these two always look very relaxed, affectionate and tuned into each other. He always seems slightly protective of her. I know most people think they are a sham, but I actually don't.
Jake Gyllenhaal always came off to me as the pretentious indie hipster kid who's always on a soapbox about "morals" and only fucks popular girls.
So whose cock did you have to suck for that contract, sweetheart?
I am so sick of these two. They are boring and just more boring... Reese is ugly with that stupid way-to-big fedora on and I really have always wondered how she ever became an actress with that Jay Leno chin. And Jake, no comment...
*rocks back and forth*
nooo.....
Must... not... let... this... happen!!!!!! JAKE IS MINE AND MINE ALONE FUCK YOU FLKSDHFLAKSDJFLISJ
"Giving quality blowjobs since 1987!"
Submitted by Devore on August 3, 2008 - 11:07pm.
and why do you insist gyllenhall is homosexual?
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Perhaps because he tried to smooch James Haven at John Travolta's Halloween party last year, dressed as a playboy bunny?!
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See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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i dont believe this item.
and why do you insist gyllenhall is homosexual?
i dont care much either way but do you think he is gay because he played gay too well in brokeback mountain?
I had to google "Vera Wang banana hammock" just to see if it existed - I mean, seriously. I need one.
Popular
Jake and Reese are so random. They don't seem like they'd have any chemistry. Besides Brokeback Mtn, I really don't see how Jake G is gay, though. I always thought Toothy Tile was Topher Grace.
OMG stop it HE IS SO CUTE! i don't see how people think he is gay..
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"Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere"
- Mae West
Submitted by parissucksliterally: "I never believe any of the stories about these 2....I still think Jake is Toothy Tile."
Me too.
And I always wonder if Jake is aware that he is Toothy Tile. Surely someone must have told him (people in Hollywood being short on tact).
Hell no. HELL NOOOOO!
Excuse me, while I go rip my heart out with a spoon.
Don't do it, Jake!!!!!
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I love twinks! ;)
She looks SO beautiful. I saw her personals ID on wealthy men for beautiful women site """"""""C e l e b C u p i d.c o m""""""""""" last week. It is said she is dating young billlionaire on that site. Is she single now?
I still don't get the connection with two. Her husband was way cuter than him and does this guy make Resse's money? What's in it for Reese she has everthing why him?
Please Mr. Francis Ford Coppola, make a Godfather part 4 with Talia Shire as the Godfather and Kay finally with the program.
James Haven has already been asked to do Jake's makeup for the big day however, James Haven will be touring with the Insane Clown Posse, doing their makeup and doubt's he will be back in time!
Truth be told, James Haven doesn't want to be around Reese. She is so bossy and anal. James Haven doesn't need the aggravation. Hanging with ICP will be far more relaxing!
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See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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Submitted by WTF on August 3, 2008 - 6:45pm.
What happened to his boyfriend that he used to hang around with? What was his name?
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I believe you are referring to the lovely and untalented Austin Nichols.
The last thing I saw about him was a DUI in Michigan months ago.
That wasn't too long after "John From Cincinnati" was killed by HBO.
[Untalented, unless having big ears is a talent... in which case, he is very, very talented.]
Submitted by parissucksliterally on August 3, 2008 - 6:51pm.
hehehe mike! Yes, I blew Rick Leventhal and got it out of him.....
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Bahahaha!
☠
"Martha Stewart, Oprah, your wife. You gotta fuck one, kill one, and marry one. Who do you pick?"
http://www.myspace.com/zoloftpony
Aw, ain't young beardin' grand? *belch*...*scratches tiger ass*...What? It ain't that grand...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Why get married? If they're not having babies, no need to. She's barely out of her marriage to "You Make More Money Than Me" Phillipe.
(BTW, Ryan, she made more money than you because she's classier and more talented.)
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"If Hugh is asked directions to the nearest Citibank, I am asked directions to the nearest plasma bank."
~David Sedaris
Not HIS birthday.. It's MY birthday!
"He will screech like a pig bottom in heat when he finds out that Vera Wang has refused to make him a custom lace banana hammock"
AHahahahaha!
--thanks awfully--
I hope they do get married. lol
hehehe mike! Yes, I blew Rick Leventhal and got it out of him.....
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I may be soft in your palm but I'll soon grow
Hungry for a fight, and I will not let you win
My pretty mouth will frame the phrases that will
Disprove your faith in man
I guess people decided that the exclusive news about these two was more important. lol
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Dick happens! - MK
People are 7 mins late - I hope they're hanging theyre heads in SHAME!! lol!
~♥~"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That is why they call it a present.” – Eleanor Roosevelt~♥
Last Xtina sighting - July 30th 2008
Uh what happened to that site? The red banner is gone and there are no photos.
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Dick happens! - MK
Submitted by parissucksliterally on August 3, 2008 - 6:43pm.
Bah! Where'd you get that, Fox News? :)
What happened to his boyfriend that he used to hang around with? What was his name?
mike, hate to break the news to you, but they are bi-bi-bisexual........
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I may be soft in your palm but I'll soon grow
Hungry for a fight, and I will not let you win
My pretty mouth will frame the phrases that will
Disprove your faith in man