What About Lisa Garza?
This post is for the three of you out there that actually watched "The Next Food Network Star." Aaron McCargo Jr. already won that shit. He beat out Adam Gertler and my personal favorite, Lisa Garza. Well, get this shit! The Food Network has also given Adam is own show. Fuck me with a crooked pork chop, because this isn't right! Lisa is the true star. Nobody can squint their eyes like she can. And nobody can rock white anal beads the way she can! She also reminds me of Suri Cruise in 40 years.
Anyway, TVSquad reports that Adam's caca fiesta called "Will Work for Food" will debut on September 30th. One of the HBIC of the Food Network said, "He earned millions of fans across the country, who have let us know that we have a second star in our midst. We feel this series is a perfect fit for his talents, letting him showcase his brand of humor while he works for food."
Please, head whores of the Food Network! Hear my plea! Give that Star Trek-looking bitch her own show! The clip below can be her opening. "Welcome my friends to my beautifully basic buffeeeeeeet"
Thanks Ted in LA
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I'm glad they gave Adam a show too...this loser chick was awful. How did she get to the final 3 and who would want to watch her nonsense?
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks Ina is a beard. Her hub is so GAYGAYGAY my TeeVee almost bursts into flames when he's on Ina's show.
Lisa reminds me of a ferret twinking. Or else she should cut back on the stimulants.
"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."
~~~Douglas Adams~~~
How can you not like Guy? It would be hot sweaty pig sex with Hersey syrup, marshmallow fluff, cocktail weiners, bbq sauce and burning each other's private parts making s'mores.
It would be so gross, you'd need to take a bleach bath afterwards. But at least he knows where all best the drunk/post-sex food afterwards
"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by."
~~~Douglas Adams~~~
I read that the loser has to lick Guy Fieri's butthole.
Wow, giving Adam a show is kind of a slap in the face to Aaron. And how is it that you can have eyebrows pulled up to the top of your head and STILL have squinty eyes like that? Maybe if her eyes weren't so squinty, she could have read the cue cards properly in her "Wine Angel" audition. It was a "Mission: Impossible" skit, dumbass!
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Don't dream it... BE it!
You can't keep a good bitch down! Congrats Lisa on getting your own show on another network. I'm a Food Network whore, I admit it. I will not watch Aaron or Adam. They suck, big time. I love fag hag Ina. She's the best! Sandra Lee needs to pour herself another cocktail & get the eff off FN. Giada needs to put her tits back in her shirt, please!
That romulan needs to go back to whatever cave she chewed out of some poor man's backside. Yeah, ok... she can cook. But she's the frigid -- and beloved -- wife of the most deplorable local Yeti, and probably has ancestral ties to the Grinch. I can only have so much gazpacho in my life.
I hated her fucking bowl head haircut!
visit my blog if you are bored:
http://nocheezplease.blogspot.com/
Should be, "Fuck me with a pork tenderloin."
This chick should be a modern day Martha Stewart. She's got syle, flair, cooking skills and she can sing like nobody's business. She'll be alright.
Giada is moving on to bigger things. She's a contributor on The Today Show and sh just has her first baby named Jade. That's the English version of Giada's name.
I liked her the best too.
Lisa rocked but the real Next Food Network Star should be NIPA!!!
I loooooooooved me some Lisa Garza! I loved her point of view (which is actually missing from the network now that Sara Molton has gone underground) and I loved her sincerity. She can't help being squinty! That's her signature dammit, just like her Wilma Flintstone necklace and floral hairbands. I thought Aaron turned in only ONE public performance that was not cringe-worthy and that's because Flay was coaching him to death. All he had to do was walk and talk. Meanwhile, Lisa had to deliver her lines while being hoisted by the crotch in a cat suit!
They TOTALLY fixed it so Aaron would win. They just liked him best. And I admit, he SEEMED sweet. But get this: His 13 year old son RAN AWAY FROM HOME right before Aaron LEFT for the contest. Oh, he wasn't about to miss his shot and he didn't seem to know if his son was back home or not. Yeah, that's your down to earth papa. Fucker.
BRING BACK GARZA! Beads for Everyone!!
YAHOO!! Lisa got he own show. I guess I ranted too soon:http://www.seriouseats.com/required_eating/2008/08/next-food-network-star-lisa-garza-new-show-hgtv-bravo.html
That is all.
NOOOOOOOOOO! I HATED Adam (yeah, I watched the show, so what, bitch?). I didn't find him funny and charming AT ALL! LOVED Aaron...and totally love his show (yeah, I watched his show, so what, bitch?)
However, if ANYONE else deserves a show, it's that hot slut Lisa. Any bitch who cooks in couture deserves a damn show! I'd watch that shit just to see what this hot bitch wears!
I hope Adam's show tanks just like that Amy's show did (yeah, I watched last season, so what, bitch?)
TEAM LISA!
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
I can't get the appeal of cookery shows. Is it really that fascinating to watch someone prepare food...while talking about preparing food? In the range of talents, it's not exactly mesmerizing.
She looks sexy . But just saw her on millionaire personals site""""""C e l e b C u p i d.c o m""""" last month. I am wondering what kind of relationship she is looking for on that site.
I farking hate Bobby Flay!
Submitted by stefanch32 on August 7, 2008
umm...did anyone else love it when bitch fell on the Coast Guard ship and poured sauce all over her ass?? i could watch that over and over again!
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OMFG, that shit was hilarious! That was the only episode I attempted to watch, lol. Gotta give her cred though, she maintained her cool... but it was effin' hilarious!
Lisa is the only one of 3 finalists who deserves a show. But the most offensive thing about the "star search" was the 2 Food Network execs/hosts: a prissy, humorless Anderson Cooper wannabee and his brittle Botoxic sidekick. Talk about flavorless...
loved her and her squinty eyes staring down the little girl and forcing her to agree to the peppercorn steak bernaise: "you like steak bernaise with baby string beans, don't you, little girl?!!!"
still what she lacked in personality, she made up for in talent. she was robbed. and she totally looks like little suri. hilarious!
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McCain for President 2008
AHHHH how are you sooo fucking funny???? Star-Trek lookin bitch??? I LOOOOVE Lisa! They gave that idiot Adam a show?? That is ridiculous. Highly offensive. Poor Lisa. Back to Good Morning Dallas for her.
umm...did anyone else love it when bitch fell on the Coast Guard ship and poured sauce all over her ass?? i could watch that over and over again!
The winner is bff's with The Neely's of "Down Home With The Neely's".
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Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
I NEVER thought the dude that won would win!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"I'm Ron Burgundy?"
Ok...first couple of episodes Lisa freaked me out. I found the squintiness unnerving! But she grew on me and I totally loved her by the finals. I was shocked she didn't win - puleeze - her own line of aprons?!?
My husband and I watched the new show w/ Aaron...it blew! We really tried to like it but no deal! And now they're giving the hyper boy a show? UNREAL!
Lisa should hook up with Martha Stewart...her idol...they could take over! :-)
Sam
I met Rachel Ray- and let me tell you- she is the ANTICHRIST.
Putting that aside, Garza's perfectionism really pissed me off- but I loved her style. She was a little crazy in the eyes as well.
I liked Adam I wont lie.
Aaron kind of made me uncomfortable.
Ugh, Rachael Ray's name was brought up? WTH, what did we do to deserve this??
Everytime I hear (or read) that name I feel like punching a baby... and that's not healthy.
No way Jose. Ice Queen Squinty has ZERO likability. I seriously had to change the channel whenever she was on, I couldn't stand her that much.
I didn't realize it was possible to have even LESS sex-appeal than Martha Stewart until this squinty mess showed up on the scene.
Submitted by Athina on August 6, 2008 - 3:59pm.
Oh and can we talk about Giada? She's SUCH an attention whore.
Athina, yep. Between the cleavage twins (Sandy the dipshit and Giada the spoiled, rich bitch) I truly believe FN is sinking to an all time low. -And now poor lil' RR is trying to rock some non-existent cleavage to keep up and I can't help but feel sorry for that poor child...in between laughing and hiccuping.
i have a total gay crush on lisa garza. how can you not love a Romulan who cooks in chanel? me and a friend were saying that she's such a bitch that if she had her own show, she would just prepare ice. that's it. just ice, presented different ways.
"Today we're going to make a classic beef bourguignon, but with a modern twist- it's going to be made out of ice! Weeeelcome mah frieeends!"
WHAT TYPE OF SHIT IS THAT?!?!
Only ONE person is suppose to win???
If I were the other contestants...I would be having a PISSY HISSY!!!
Adam Gertler is FINE. But he didn't know how to cook!?
LISA IS CRAZY, and her song made me so uncomfortable. I like her.
ABOVE ALL AARON SUCKED. THNX.
MANDO
Submitted by Hoolrah on August 6, 2008 - 3:42pm.
Am I the only one who loved this high-strung robobitch? Damn. Big daddy is OK, but they already have the Neelys doing the whole "down home" cooking style, and I love them. Adam fucking Gertler? Well I'd rather shove a beer can up my ass and spice rub myself before watching his tacky ass. Food Network is starting to lose credibility with people like Rachael Ray, Paula Deen, Cindy McCain lookalike and fellow pill popper Sandra Lee, and that fucking Guy Fieri.
I still love me some Iron Chef, some fag hag Ina Garten, Giada's ginormous chichis, Ellie Krieger's unhuman happiness, Ted Allen's new show.... yup I'm a fat bitch.
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Holy shit, I could not agree more. Your characterizations are spot-on. Ina Garten is just so blissfully happy cooking for her gay husband and all her fabulous gay friends. I always thought Ina Garten would have been a perfect SNL skit. She's a walking sterotype. Paula Deen with her fake, over-exagerated accent drives me nuts. All she does is make fat-ass, deep-fried southern food with 3 pounds of butter in everything. And Guy Fieri is just a sweaty, gross mess. Would you eat anything he touched? Not me.
Oh and can we talk about Giada? She's SUCH an attention whore. I especially love the shows where she invites like 10 of her husband's male friends over and cooks some shit and sits in the middle of them whoring up the attention and moaning and orgasming about how good her food is. ARGGGGH. She makes me want to poke my eyes out with a wooden spoon.
Oh good pan gravy, which one of you hookers watched this mess?
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Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
oh gross michael k, i could have gone my whole life without ever seeing or hearing that beast. you should have atleast warned us all to turn down the volume of our speakers before hitting play.
Am I the only one who loved this high-strung robobitch? Damn. Big daddy is OK, but they already have the Neelys doing the whole "down home" cooking style, and I love them. Adam fucking Gertler? Well I'd rather shove a beer can up my ass and spice rub myself before watching his tacky ass. Food Network is starting to lose credibility with people like Rachael Ray, Paula Deen, Cindy McCain lookalike and fellow pill popper Sandra Lee, and that fucking Guy Fieri.
I still love me some Iron Chef, some fag hag Ina Garten, Giada's ginormous chichis, Ellie Krieger's unhuman happiness, Ted Allen's new show.... yup I'm a fat bitch.
I only watch TV when I travel. The last time I was in The States, I became a stereotypical couch potato, just surfing.
There are far too many channels now!
'Heaux Confessionals'
www.myspace.com/triston
I watched the show and she's a bitch
I watched that show.I live about 25 mins. from Camden,NJ.Where the Dude who won is from
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"I'm Ron Burgundy?"
She has been offered a show, just not for food network. http://www.seriouseats.com/required_eating/2008/08/next-food-network-sta...
Submitted by TheBreakdown on August 6, 2008 - 3:50pm.
Am I the only one here that rarely, if ever, watches television?
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Newp. I haven't actually sat down to watch TV in over a year. I'm on the computer too much to be bothered.
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Hi5.
I love Aaron with his dimples and two earrings. I would hit Big Daddy.
Am I the only one here that rarely, if ever, watches television?
'Heaux Confessionals'
www.myspace.com/triston
Bobby Flay gave her the "WTF" look. He was probably thinking, let me get on up outta here before her so-not-cool lame ass gets too close to me.
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http://www.myspace.com/oxygen162
Her dress looks like it's made out of lettuce leaves. And there's no way I'd be able to sit through a show with her and her squinty eyes, it would be too distracting.
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"You're a tool. And do you know why? It's because you're a ginge, Fintan. A dirty, freckly ginge."
Damn MK. I assume you have Tivo, because how else would you find the time to watch all this t.v. you post about?
ahhh OMG she totally looks like Suri in 40 years maybe 30. I hope the food was better than that lame ass song.
-And what's with the hybrid Wilma Flintstone/Barb Bush necklace?
i love nigella lawson that hot bitch can patty cake my ass any day
My pain, my pleasure, my heart, my world.
God she was terrible. She never should have made the top three.