The Pastor's Wife Gave Me Hemorrhoids!
It's the pastor's wife versus the flight attendant with roids! Opening arguments are set to begin tomorrow in a lawsuit against Victoria Osteen, wife of toothy mega pastor Joel Osteen. A flight attendant who goes by the name of Sharon Brown, claims in a civil lawsuit that Victoria assaulted her ass on a flight to Vail, CO in 2005.
Sharon said that before the flight began Victoria flipped out over a stain on her first-class seat. Victoria became so angry that she threw Sharon up against a bathroom door and elbowed her in the left tittay. That fight sounds kind of sexy, but then I look up at that picture of Victoria and it just kills the moment.
Sharon claims the incident affected her faith, caused her anxiety and even gave her hemorrhoids. Naturally.
She wants an apology from Victoria as well as punitive damages amounting to 10 percent of her net worth. So that means Sharon wants like trillions of dollars? Aren't the Osteens richer than God?!
Victoria was already fined $3,000 by the FAA for fucking with a crew member.
Why don't I ever get this kind of hot lawsuit when I go in for jury duty?! Seriously! Obviously, this is crazy bitch against crazy bitch. Which one is crazier? I'm gonna go with Sharon. Now if Victoria elbowed her in the right tittay instead, I would completely understand.
Joel Osteen is also expected to take the stand. He's going to smile the whole way through. I want to see him say "hemorrhoids" with a smile.
And I think I've got a little hot tickle in my asshole just from looking at Victoria's picture. The bitch does give you roids! There goes my social life for the week. Preparation H should hire her ass!
Source: HuffPo
She says that she never PAYS for first class. Her line is that first class seats come to those who expect it... Or something like that... She apparently pulls the "do you know who I am" line,then asks for, or demands first class seats. I think that is what the $3k fine was for. What do you want to bet she didn't even pay for that first class seat.
ss794> The entire bible contradicts itself.
But yeah, I can't stand Olsteen, either.
His wife looks like she needs an exorcist.
Team Flight Attendant!!
looking like that, if you look at her too long, she could give anyone hemorrhoids ... oh wait, i might have looked too long...
Osteen doesn't even preach the truth. He says that if you follow God than nothing bad will happen to you. This totally contradicts the Bible. The Book of Matthew says "for He makes his sun rise on evil and good, and sends rain on just and unjust." PLUS, it isn't a church if you charge admission. Greedy Osteens.
She's got those crazy eyes like the Youtube bitch!!!
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*I used to Love Celebrities, now I just love to Hate them!*
So has Joel done anything hypocritical and scandalous himself? Or is it all this crazy wife? If so, he should divorce her, and say it's because she's sold her soul or something! If he's not done anything to show that he's a bad greedy man himself, then he should not have her associated with her anymore. I'm not christian, but from what I've seen of Joel Osteen, he hasn't said anything hateful like Jerry Fallwell used to. I've only seen him once on tv while flicking channels, and I read a nice article about him in People. He seems like a nice break from the hypocrites like Jimmy Swaggert, Fallwell, and all these other Hellfire preachers. But I'm sure many of you on here know a lot more than I do, so enlighten me if you will! It all depends on what he preaches vs what he does himself.
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*I used to Love Celebrities, now I just love to Hate them!*
I feel bad for Joel for having to put up with this crazy bitch. He needs to find a nice little Christian lady.
Where's Jessica Hahn these days?
Just the term 'mega church' bugs me.
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Lady needs to lay off her testosterone shots. Crazy hypocritical asshole.
Between her and Naomi Campbell, being a flight attendant is more dangerous than ever. I never knew you could get 'roids from being slammed up against a bathroom wall.
Joel Osteen is awesome the end
Bleeechhh it figures that a penny preacher like joel osteen would have a wife like this.
I like Joel Osteen but i always felt there waas something weirdly fake about his crazy lookin bride. I remember when one time she was on Larry King and she swore up and down the whole east/west coast that she NEVER gets mad @ ALL...Even Larry was kind of like..yea ok....whatever u say..I mean how high up your ass-hole is your head in that you wont even admit to having such a normal human emotion as anger??
Now we all see thats a lie..she threw a tantrum on the plane.
She looks like a pill-poppin, abusive, gold-diggin, self entitled, preacher's wife
I like Joel Osteen. But I've never gotten a good feeling by looking at his wife. If it's true that she was fined and apparently has this temper, I'd say living with her is like living in hell for Joel. I understand they make a good living, but look at that cross on her neck and the ring on her finger!If that doesn't scream "materialistic", I don't know what does. I'm starting to believe she has faith confused with greed! And on top of it she has crazy eyes.
She has on more bling than most rap stars.
And I just bet hers is all real!
'Heaux Confessionals'
www.myspace.com/triston
Submitted by . on August 6, 2008 - 9:46pm.
Submitted by Sandbitch on August 6, 2008 - 9:40pm.
Oh, dot your avatar is just gorgeous. He's definitely got the moves. BTW...you might want to hit refresh...my he is now a she avatar. hehe
Thank you, Sandy. You doll. -And I'm afraid to ask what's in your lates avatar but regardless you can be rest assured it's going to give me nacht-mares.
(P.S. you can blame my latest avie on Sayonara)... *runs from sayo giggling hysterically*
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Don't even try it. LOL I see that you took off the one with the tit-tays.
"Now his failure is complete"... Darth Vader
He probably just gave the flight attendant a copy of his book. Even signed it for her! Probably just some ho after their money. And yes, they probably are really rich. The worst part is, that their income doesn't get taxed.
Considering I'm Southern, my religion horror stories are really tame. I'm Episcopalian (tradional Episcopalian, not this "charismatic Episcopalian" bullshit), and the worst thing I saw was incipient alcoholism at Church functions. I was taught to look askance at Baptists and Pentecostals, but that required little real teaching.
I went to an Episcopalian high school, and I did once smoke up with a young priest. He introduced me to the Del Fuegos (he was from Boston). No molestation story, though - sorry.
OMG, she looks so pretty. I saw her profile on milllionaire&celeb personals site """"""C e l e b C u p i d.c o m""""""" last week. What kind of relationship is she looking for on that site? Just curious.
Submitted by Madam Pince on August 6, 2008 - 9:41pm.
I hope the flight attendant wins and bankrupts the Osteens.
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Amen.
Honestly, this saddens me as my grandma and I watch Joel Olsteen and we have read his books...you can't help but feel good about yourself after reading them...but yeah, I understand why people are so anti-religion... my first job was at a daycare at a non-denominational Christian school...oh the stories that I have to tell.....plus a lot of them didn't like the fact I was a Catholic [[even though I too am a Christian, but apparently I worshipped Mary and prayed to statues]].
And Tigerlilly, you speak such words of wisdom, it must become a signature quote of mine!
"Jesus is shallow like that...He don't want no ugly ho's in his kingdom..." Tigerlilly
Submitted by parissucksliterally on August 7, 2008 - 12:28am.
Dot, Jill came down with two-fifty, "that fucking whore!"
The Diceman was fucking FUNNY for a while there.....
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LOL! Yeah - that one act he had was awesome, actually.
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Avvie courtesy of Viva La Lohan.
Submitted by parissucksliterally on August 7, 2008 - 12:28am.
Dot, Jill came down with two-fifty, "that fucking whore!"
The Diceman was fucking FUNNY for a while there.....
PSL, you're gooooooood! I didn't know if anyone would catch that! haha! Yep, Andy the Diceman stole his shtick from none other than Jerry Lewis when he did his "Buddy Love" from Nutty Professor.
Dot, Jill came down with two-fifty, "that fucking whore!"
The Diceman was fucking FUNNY for a while there.....
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I need someone, a person to talk to,
Someone who'd care, to love
Could it be you? Could it be you?
- Violent Femmes "Kiss Off"
Submitted by Phoebe on August 7, 2008 - 12:13am.
Submitted by . on August 6, 2008 - 10:47pm.
I pickled a bunch of fresh peppers ...
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Did Peter Piper help you? (sorry, couldn't resist)
lol! Phoebe, that's one of my fav tongue twisters and I can recite it perfectly every time (drives my fam nuts though haha). -And Jack and Jill went up the hill...each had a buck and a quarter...Jill came down with two fifty... HOOOOOOOO!
Submitted by Mel-Tang on August 6, 2008 - 11:49pm.
((Mel)) I'm sort of lost on these threads and I think you said good-night before but if you if you changed your mind or if I'm behind on catching up with you, either way..."Hello".
The stupidity of what religion does to people is unfortunately my forte'... I'll probably turn in soon here myself...I was up too late yesterday evening and I'm paying for it now. lol
Submitted by . on August 6, 2008 - 10:47pm.
I pickled a bunch of fresh peppers ...
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Did Peter Piper help you? (sorry, couldn't resist)
Ok - I'm only joking; no racial insanity please. but someone else said Suri's bottle looked like it had a used condom in it so I'm saying this:
It seems to me that the counterpoint to ABW is Crazy(ass) White Lady. Especially lately.
I only have one church story. We went to church and my cousins pointed at the confessional and said: There's a monster in there. Dare you to go in. And I said: No way! I'm not going in there! And they said: O yes you are! And they pushed me in and the monster said: YES, MY CHILD. And I ran screaming into the yard and refused to go back in until someone yelled at me. I forget who.
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Avvie courtesy of Viva La Lohan.
madam s. on August 6, 2008 - 11:00pm.
Her bling is cracking me up. She needs to enjoy some Courvoisier with that and do a little rapping.
- And flashes of "The Ladies man" from SNL just ran through my head, at reading the word "Courvoisier".
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Hi Monalicious! Is that a true story? How sad.
Hi .dot, TV, and everyone!! :)
<3-------------------------------<3
Chelsea Handler as Dina Lohan. Brilliant. :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWngTmiIur4&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhPRQbFJjfU
Submitted by parissucksliterally on August 6, 2008 - 11:28pm.
dot, that is hilarious! LOVE that avie!
PSL, ((HUG)) thank you, hon. Not sure which one [avatar] you meant but I decided to change it back to my undulating fat dude because I figure the disappointed tittly lady is a little too NSFW tomorrow and I don't want to go to sleep tonight with a guilty conscience. lol
Hey, TV! How's you?!
I pickled a bunch of fresh peppers and baby green tomatoes today and my fingers are all peppery and I forget and go to rub my eyes and YEEEEEEEEEOWCH!
This psycho lady probably prays for buildings to burn down. I knew "Christians" like that. The "speaking in tongues" shit was what really fucked with my head though. That shit is straight up whacko.
Submitted by Monalicious on August 6, 2008 - 11:36pm.
Mona, wow. That was heavy! AMEN, sista! Glad you found the light at the end of he tunnel and I'm extra glad the light wasn't an oncoming train! *phew*!
Submitted by madam s. on August 6, 2008 - 11:00pm.
She looks like the cokehead of Hillary in the pic.
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Lois: Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!
Peter: That's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk!
Hello, everyone!!!!!!! Here's my "Church People are Fucked" story........
First off, my Great-Grandpa Crain was a Penicostal preacher, hardcore Penicostal. Had his own church and everything. Pillar of the community, respected by all. He also molested his daughter (my Grandma)until she ran away from home at 14 to get married to my Grandpa!!!
Second, when I was a teenager, from 13 to 16, I went to this church called The Potter's House. I ended up dating a 29 year old Air Force guy. He was a closet case who needed a beard, so because I looked and acted older, but was naieve in a lot of ways, I ended up with him. Which actuall worked out for me. He never made a move on me and treated me like his personal Barbie doll, taking me shopping picking out my clothes, shoes, jewlry, everything! Once I found out he was gay (found gay porn in his storage closet, with the pages stuck together), and he addmitted it, I left the church and him.
Now, I just sit at home and pray when needed.
Living well is the best revenge.......
I live in Houston. Everyone here knows Victoria Osteen is a divabitch. Always has been. So yeah...add me to Team Flight Attendant even though she's clearly makin' a money grab. Go for it honey. After all, the Osteens believe prosperity is a virtue.
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"Africa is sexy and people need to know that." Bono
dot, that is hilarious! LOVE that avie!
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and every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back, I hope you feel it- can you feel it?
- Alanis Morisette "You Oughta Know"
Submitted by Mr. President on August 6, 2008 - 10:20pm.
Call me sick, but I'd hit that.
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Not sick. That bitch is probably a wild cat in bed. Her husband hasn't hit that since he discovered the Hershey Highway at a Boy Scout camp out back in '89 or so...What? You know that shit is true...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Call me sick, but I'd hit that.
Loving the new avie Dot.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Submitted by Sandbitch on August 6, 2008 - 10:46pm.
LMAO!
Ohhhhhhhhh wrong. Just so wrong on so many levels. I love it! *changes another pair of depends*
This nutjob lady reminds me of that youtube psycho bitch from hell. I can just see this freak complaining about "ConDOMES" and coming mentally unglued and screaming into an answering machine for dear life. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Submitted by madam s. on August 6, 2008 - 10:00pm.
Her bling is cracking me up. She needs to enjoy some Courvoisier with that and do a little rapping.
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Yo! Jesus in da house bitches! You betta recognize! Gimme a beat...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Ugh I can't stand Joel Osteen.
Doesn't she sort of look like the beauty pageant version of Hillary Clinton in this photo?
OMG, she looks so pretty. I saw her profile on milllionaire&celeb personals site """"""C e l e b C u p i d.c o m""""""" last week. What kind of relationship is she looking for on that site? Just curious.
Her bling is cracking me up. She needs to enjoy some Courvoisier with that and do a little rapping.
And my faith in the universe would be shaken too if getting pushed against a wall caused me to sprout some hemorrhoids. That's some devilish going ons right there.
@dot
And I'm afraid to ask what's in your lates avatar but regardless you can be rest assured it's going to give me nacht-mares.
Dotty, you obviously haven't yet clicked on my link below. My avie is my new hero, MADGE.
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Benidorm: Madge's pool fight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hD_NI7ZyMy4
bleh. it's people like this crazy witch that turn people completely off religion, which in essence turns them away from God, by association. i want to rip that tacky cross off of her neck ( & elbow her in the tit & knee her in the penis, cuz you know she's got one).
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http://www.myspace.com/naervana
I can't imagine any deity choosing this bitch as its mouthpiece, much less expecting anyone to send her their cash in order to fund the heavenly overhead. These God Wads proclaim the beauty of the Afterlife and despise virtually every earthly aspect like sex and drinking, but somehow money and profit never come under fire.
And love the thousand carat crucifix and matching ring. Very humble and austere.
I would love to know what Christopher Hitchens thinks about "religious" people like this twat.
Submitted by No Words on August 6, 2008 - 9:09pm.
I grew up in a very strict fundamentalist church...which is why I am agnostic and anti-Christian, anti-organized religion today. Some of the most fucked up shit happened in my church. The term "christ-like" when applied to these people is a joke.
So...I am Team Flight Attendant...give that TV preacher's wife hell, baby.
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Hell, yeah! Titty punch that bitch where it hurts most: in her bank account a.k.a, her plastic surgery for Jesus account...
I kid you not, my mom used to work for this Jesus freak plastic surgery addict. She didn't hide the fact that she had LITERALLY spent 10's of thousands of dollars in plastic surgery...You know why? Because "when you meet Jesus in heaven you should look your best"...No lie...She actually said that shit! Because Jesus would rather see your carved up face and fake tits in heaven, than oh, I don't know see that you fed a fucking entire VILLAGE in Africa...Jesus is shallow like that...He don't want no ugly ho's in his kingdom...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Dayum. They both crazy. Fun Case.
Sometimes these things make me wish I'd gone into Law.
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Happy X-mas, One and All!