Just When You Think You've Heard It All
I'm typing this post with one hand, because my other hand is consoling my no-no hole. It's scared and confused after hearing this story.
This past Monday night, two cops in Indiana were on their normal patrol when they noticed a naked dude in the window of his home. The window's blinds were not closed, so everyone could see the naked pepaw and his shriveled cucumber. The two cops approached the pepaw's door, which was wide open. They went inside and discovered some fucked up shit. I mean, fucked up shit! Cover your a-hole when read the next part. You don't want it to cry, because that will just make everything a mess.
The pepaw was on his sofa nailing himself in the ass with a claw hammer! The claw hammer was covered in a plastic bag and shoved up there. The cops also noticed some lube-type shit all over his genitals and nalgas. It was motor oil. Okay, let's take a moment and think about this for a second. Now the police report didn't say which part of the claw hammer was up his ass. Please don't tell me it was the claw part, because my asshole will start bawling and I'm wearing my last clean pair of panties.
I mean, I'm all for sticking shit up your ass, whatever you gotta do to get yours, but damn! Pepaw is going to pull out a kidney or something.
He obviously has some sort of fetish for tools. I don't even want to think about what he does with a hand brace or a sledgehammer. And what's with the motor oil? Was his ass squeaky or something?
The pepaw was arrested for felony public indecency. He asked for a second chance, but the cops denied him when they found out he had a previous conviction for public indecency.
The cops also interviewed a neighbor lady who said he's always naked in front of his window. She went on to say, "He does it 24/24. He's not right." Wait till she hears about the sexy things he can do with a claw hammer.
If it doesn't give a good reach around, there's no point to having anything up there.
So whose cock did you have to suck for that contract, sweetheart?
I bet his favorite songs and artist are:
Sledge Hammer, MC Hammer, It's hammer time!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JomHWt7p6-c
What, you guys have never heard of a ball peen hammer?
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Paris Hilton issues tart rebuttal to McCain ad
I feel bad for any neighbor who has ever borrowed his hammer. Ugh.
Submitted by mike on August 7, 2008 - 6:35am.
Using motor oil as lube is far more foul than using a hammer handle as a dildo, if you think about it.
For reals. There must be some RAMifications from using that in the pooper...Cancer or something, no?
The look in his eyes makes me think he doesn't care.
I once stuffed a Perrier bottle up my ass while I was wacking, but I didn't remove the paper label and I found it a bit chafing.
I wish that guy lived in my neighborhood. He sounds more fun than my neighbors. All they ever do is scream and swear at each other, but once in awhile I think they throw lamps at each other, too. I think that's pretty fun.
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"I'm calling in fat tomorrow"
dude's no no hole sure can take a hammering...ugh...
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butt sex can lead to ass babies...be sure to use a condom...
Submitted by Crikey on August 7, 2008 - 11:47am.
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I once used a shampoo bottle to masturbate and I covered it with toilet paper so as not to get anything on it (it was community property) - I'm thoughtful that way.
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"Ed Westwick is not gay - he's British!"
I'm pretty sure somebody from D-Listed knows who the hell dude is. Fess up, you guys.
BARF.
on a positive note, he was having safe sex with the hammer.
so now we have someone who shags plastic patio tables and cars and now hammers! is nothing safe ?!
And yes, those are the "Deliverance" banjos you hear in the distance.
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"Everyone turned rather nasty at this point, especially when Chick suggested that Terri might like to fuck off to Forfar and do something illegal with a ferret."
See, this is why I never ask to borrow anything from anyone. Who would think to say "hey do you have a hammer I could borrow? Do you have a plastic bag to put that in? And by the way, you didn't happen to shove this stuff UP YOUR ASS recently did you?" *shakes head*
That seriously made my naughty-hole cringe.
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Just don't feed the gayelles! They eat enough of each other.---MK 8/5/2008
He asked the hammer if the hammer would "hit it" and it wood!
My pain, my pleasure, my heart, my world.
I was once on a pogo stick when i fell into a sticky situation. I was in a long term relationship with my detachable shower head and well things got heated....
now i have to take baths and i bought a pogo ball so i would nt be tempted
My pain, my pleasure, my heart, my world.
Are we sure his name's not Albert Fish?
I guess he's just looking for one divine hammer! He'll bang it all day....
At least his picnic table went unmolested.
Tools + Genitalia = Tragedy.
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"What? Salma was supposed to stuff her melonitas into a million-dollar wedding dress and marry that rich bitch without a prenup." - MK 07/18/08
this is why i love this fucking place...only here can i make fun of Kate Hudson AND hear about some fucking pepaw shoving hammers up his butthole.
*shivers*
Submitted by oklahoma on August 7, 2008 - 8:18am.
I just don't understand the use of a plastic bag over th hammer, regardless of which end he used. I mean, if its a grocery sack. that shit would rip, Was that for like protection
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Yeah, so the hammer wouldn't make him pregnant!
Submitted by Two Drink Min on August 7, 2008 - 10:46am.
missy - um, have we met??? I am not doing the gay thing anymore.
**
hahaha, possibly!! and me too. lesbians are waaaay too needy for my taste.
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
Submitted by oklahoma on August 7, 2008 - 11:18am.
I just don't understand the use of a plastic bag over th hammer, regardless of which end he used. I mean, if its a grocery sack. that shit would rip, Was that for like protection, sanitary?, What? Makes no freakin sense.. *scratches head w/ hammer*
Oh, that's probably so he don't git no splinters up thar in his poop-chute!!
"Getting hammered from behind" has taken on a new meaning.
Why can't we just put perverts like this down?
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"yes, DUH, I am a low rent whore"
Here comes breakfast...totes disgusting!
***Not a Chola, Not Yet a Woman***
Missy - I would say I am sorry, in about 30 years from now! LOL
Submitted by Crikey on August 7, 2008 - 11:47am.
Submitted by oklahoma on August 7, 2008 - 11:18am.
I just don't understand the use of a plastic bag over th hammer, regardless of which end he used. I mean, if its a grocery sack. that shit would rip, Was that for like protection, sanitary?, What? Makes no freakin sense.. *scratches head w/ hammer*
LOL!! So you're fine with the hammer up the you-know-what. It was just the plastic bag covering it that made it cross the line of decency.
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Pretty much.. lol
Submitted by oklahoma on August 7, 2008 - 11:18am.
I just don't understand the use of a plastic bag over th hammer, regardless of which end he used. I mean, if its a grocery sack. that shit would rip, Was that for like protection, sanitary?, What? Makes no freakin sense.. *scratches head w/ hammer*
LOL!! So you're fine with the hammer up the you-know-what. It was just the plastic bag covering it that made it cross the line of decency.
missy - um, have we met??? I am not doing the gay thing anymore.
PSL - I am blonde...naturally...but I love to play
LMAO....Was his asshole sqeaky!!!! HAHAHAHA
haha, no my friend lives in southie and has this neighbor who undresses in front of a window ALL THE TIME. She's hot. We love her.
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
TWO DRINK I HAVE TOTALLY SEEN YOU NAKED
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
Hi 2Drink! New avie I see....is this recent? what color is your hair now? LOL
Most people I know like to get "nailed" when it it sexual, "hammered" when they are drinking!
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I need someone, a person to talk to,
Someone who'd care, to love
Could it be you? Could it be you?
- Violent Femmes "Kiss Off"
PSL - what up bitch...that pic still gives me imaginary cooties.
Having a huge window that overlooks S. Boston, I make public indecency a way of life.
Shouldn't this have been posted under "Morning Wood"?
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I need someone, a person to talk to,
Someone who'd care, to love
Could it be you? Could it be you?
- Violent Femmes "Kiss Off"
Hey what's the big deal?!?!!? He's better than the guy and his friend who video taped him getting fucked by a horse.
Please Mr. Francis Ford Coppola, make a Godfather part 4 with Talia Shire as the Godfather and Kay finally with the program.
i like the 24/24 saying better than that 24/7 .. somehow, with 24/7, you think the person can get a second in to do otherwise .. 24/24 says 'all day E'RE DAY - AND HE DON'T STOP!!' .. you old freak .. close the window ..
kdraco- you make a fine point. How would she know if it 24/24 if not to look. Seems like some word slipped out her no no hole.
What's 24/24?
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People Suck!
kdracofan on August 7, 2008 - 11:17am
Well, she's the one sitting there "24/24" apparently.
♥♥♥♥♥
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
haha loozer!
You'll all be eating crow when you realize he's hammering out love between the brothers and the sisters all over this land, er rather up his ass.
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
Hey I'm having my morning burger here.LOL ewwwwwww
*scratch his name off my general contrator list.
Submitted by applejuice on August 7, 2008 - 11:22am.
i guess when you have wood you kinda need a hammer
rotfl! AppleJ, that was good! Too good. Damnit now I gotta change my adult diaper!
If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning, I'd hammer in the evening, all over this land...
http://eduscapes.com/tap/topic101.gif
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When tryin' to untangle
The Jingle from the Jangle
It's easy if you listen with your heart.
Sing Me, Sing Me, Sing Me...
i guess when you have wood you kinda need a hammer
"I want to be...your sledgehammer! There can be no doubt about it!" MK, your post totally ruined that loving, romantic, sweet innocent song for me foreverrr.
Damn! This was the weirdest shit I've read in a long time. No wait. I take that back... There was the guy who shoved a lightbulb up his ass...can't remember where I read that online but there was an x-ray of it. lmao
I just don't understand the use of a plastic bag over th hammer, regardless of which end he used. I mean, if its a grocery sack. that shit would rip, Was that for like protection, sanitary?, What? Makes no freakin sense.. *scratches head w/ hammer*
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Pop pills, Pills I pop, Pop two pills
On stilts I walk; Snort two lines that were filled with chalk; Thought I was incredible and killed the hulk;
Damn. Can this guy even hold his shit in?
BRADIFUL BITCH on August 7, 2008 - 10:51am.
She went on to say, "He does it 24/24. He's not right."
- Video neighbor lady, VIDEO.
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bawahhhaaahhhaaaa...i like the way you think Brady.....