Just When You Think You've Heard It All
I'm typing this post with one hand, because my other hand is consoling my no-no hole. It's scared and confused after hearing this story.
This past Monday night, two cops in Indiana were on their normal patrol when they noticed a naked dude in the window of his home. The window's blinds were not closed, so everyone could see the naked pepaw and his shriveled cucumber. The two cops approached the pepaw's door, which was wide open. They went inside and discovered some fucked up shit. I mean, fucked up shit! Cover your a-hole when read the next part. You don't want it to cry, because that will just make everything a mess.
The pepaw was on his sofa nailing himself in the ass with a claw hammer! The claw hammer was covered in a plastic bag and shoved up there. The cops also noticed some lube-type shit all over his genitals and nalgas. It was motor oil. Okay, let's take a moment and think about this for a second. Now the police report didn't say which part of the claw hammer was up his ass. Please don't tell me it was the claw part, because my asshole will start bawling and I'm wearing my last clean pair of panties.
I mean, I'm all for sticking shit up your ass, whatever you gotta do to get yours, but damn! Pepaw is going to pull out a kidney or something.
He obviously has some sort of fetish for tools. I don't even want to think about what he does with a hand brace or a sledgehammer. And what's with the motor oil? Was his ass squeaky or something?
The pepaw was arrested for felony public indecency. He asked for a second chance, but the cops denied him when they found out he had a previous conviction for public indecency.
The cops also interviewed a neighbor lady who said he's always naked in front of his window. She went on to say, "He does it 24/24. He's not right." Wait till she hears about the sexy things he can do with a claw hammer.
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Great now I have to shit threw my mouth cuz my asshole won't open. Anyway do people know that you can now buy your sex toys on the internet? Theres no more embarrassing questions to ask like is this going to give me pink sock?, or knocking a whole table full of dildos. Theres no need to stick a fuckin hammer in your ass.
I want to be your sledgehammer
Why don't you call my name?
Oh let me be your slegehammer
This will be my testimony
Show me round your fruitcage
cos I'll be your honeybee
Open up your fruitcage
Where the fruit is as sweet as can be....
I just couldn't resist
WTFH! This shit does not compute for me! Nalgas should not be treated this way!
*adding hammerfucker to the list of inanimate object pervs*
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Girls with large kolaches shouldn't be talking all Slitty! ~Sluttsville
Submitted by Angelina Jolie-Pitt on August 7, 2008 - 7:34am.
hahahahhahahaha...too fucking funny.
Just when I think i have heard everything, one more fucked up being emerges from the sticks...
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I need someone, a person to talk to,
Someone who'd care, to love
Could it be you? Could it be you?
- Violent Femmes "Kiss Off"
So will he do jail time for this? Sounds like he may take well to a prison shank.
That's some fuckign serial killer shit...He even has the look for it.
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on August 7, 2008 - 11:03am.
Oh my God can someone please give me that hammer so I can pull my uterus out? I don't want to ever mistakingly mate with something related to him.
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Oh fuck, could you imagine.. Being married, then having kids.. And one day your hub is like OH LCT. my uncle hermes is coming into town, He's a celeb around these parts.. And you find out its this guy.. *shits self*
Oh my God can someone please give me that hammer so I can pull my uterus out? I don't want to ever mistakingly mate with something related to him.
Submitted by TheBreakdown on August 7, 2008 - 10:58am.
I wonder how his hoe feels about all this?
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Ummmm...his hoe has been in the backyard screwing the shovel and rake.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
I can't help but wonder how many D-Listers will be stopping by Home Depot and Auto Zone today? You know MK buys WD-40 by the case.
http://www.ptgustan.com/wd40zip.jpg
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When tryin' to untangle
The Jingle from the Jangle
It's easy if you listen with your heart.
Sing Me, Sing Me, Sing Me...
I wonder how his hoe feels about all this?
'Heaux Confessionals'
www.myspace.com/triston
Assuming he's pretty old, I wonder if he uses high mileage grade motor oil?
Submitted by madam s. on August 7, 2008 - 10:49am.
At least take it out for drinks after work a couple of times before you get intimate.
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Nay, it's just a cheap HP....now if it were one of those expensive fancy Toshiba printers like my boss's, then yeah.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
You sure it was motor oil, and not the other dark brown stuff that comes out an a-s-s? ;-)
Hopefully it was "Extended Mileage" grade...
STOP! HAMMER TIME!!!!!!!!!!!
==Bad Vodka! BAD! You're not my friend anymore, I God to swear...==
She went on to say, "He does it 24/24. He's not right."
- Video neighbor lady, VIDEO.
"Can't touch this....."
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Submitted by loric on August 7, 2008 - 11:19am.
And this dolt uses motor oil?!? His ass should stay lubed for 5,000 miles.
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LMAO!!!
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Hi5.
What do you bet he tries to get a job in the wood shop in prison?
I bet all the tools he has in his shed have taken off and are ready to testify against his claw hammer ass in the court of law
Poor screwdriver...hand saw, and lawn mower. They will never be the same
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"But let's be real, if you can't look at dicks at work, then it's time to look for a new job"
MK on the SamRo's a Filthy bitch thread" 7.31.08
Sluttsville,
At least take it out for drinks after work a couple of times before you get intimate.
If you are going to ram a hammer up your ass, at least close and lock your door.
And this dolt uses motor oil?!? His ass should stay lubed for 5,000 miles.
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The only gossip I'm interested in is in the Weekly World News - 'Woman's bra burst, 11 injured.' That kind of thing. -Johnny Depp
God be with you, dumbass.
Motor oil cannot be good for the insides! Eek! I think the thing about this that puzzles me the most is why his front door was open. It's like he wanted someone to walk in on him. I bet he wants to go to jail. That's his wet dream.
I laughed through this HOLE thing. My no no is not amused. LOL. MK, you make my day.
Submitted by mike on August 7, 2008 - 9:35am.
Using motor oil as lube is far more foul than using a hammer handle as a dildo, if you think about it.
I agree! Whatever happened to old-fashioned cucumbers and crisco?
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When tryin' to untangle
The Jingle from the Jangle
It's easy if you listen with your heart.
Sing Me, Sing Me, Sing Me...
Submitted by madam s. on August 7, 2008 - 10:39am.
I know I'm a complete sicko, but these stories hold far more intrigue for me than any celebrity news. But really, is there anything left for mankind to bang? We have bike dude, picnic table dude, hammer dude, wall lady, car dude...
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There's an HP laser printer by my desk that keeps getting a paper jam, I think it's just beggin' for it. Any takers??? Anyone???
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
LMAO @ " Hammer time"
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"But let's be real, if you can't look at dicks at work, then it's time to look for a new job"
MK on the SamRo's a Filthy bitch thread" 7.31.08
Submitted by madam s. on August 7, 2008 - 10:39am.
I bet he calls his tool shed "The Love Shack".
I know I'm a complete sicko, but these stories hold far more intrigue for me than any celebrity news. But really, is there anything left for mankind to bang? We have bike dude, picnic table dude, hammer dude, wall lady, car dude...
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I'm with you on that.
MK needs a tag for these stories, or does he already have one? Going to look...
What is 24/24? Is it two consecutive 24 hour shifts and then he takes the rest of the week off? Or 24 minutes for every 24 hours?
She should be grateful that he doesn't do it 24/7.
Submitted by madam s. on August 7, 2008 - 7:39am.
But really, is there anything left for mankind to bang? We have bike dude, picnic table dude, hammer dude, wall lady, car dude...
Mr. Dean Spelling.
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Paris Hilton issues tart rebuttal to McCain ad
Submitted by madam s. on August 7, 2008 - 9:39am.
I bet he calls his tool shed "The Love Shack".
I know I'm a complete sicko, but these stories hold far more intrigue for me than any celebrity news. But really, is there anything left for mankind to bang? We have bike dude, picnic table dude, hammer dude, wall lady, car dude...
Now, you're just throwing down the gauntlet.
they like a challenge, it seems.
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"what're you still doing here? Didn't I tell you to go home and fuck your mother?"
An innocent claw hammer isn't safe anymore!
*falls off her chair from laughing so much after reading MK's comments on this post*
Submitted by EastEndGirl on August 7, 2008 - 7:35am.
I deny playing with screwdrivers or hammers but I'll defend to the death Ronald Miller's right to do so 24/24.
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Paris Hilton issues tart rebuttal to McCain ad
Oh my god every body over here in my cube is crying laughing at this.
Oh and one of your whores farted in my cube GET OUT! ha ha ha Ima put a tub stopper in your but instead of a hammer ha ha ha!
My pain, my pleasure, my heart, my world.
Submitted by madam s. on August 7, 2008 - 11:06am.
Isn't there a picture of a claw hammer on the Indiana license plate?
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Sadly, no. You can either get a plain blue one or one with a cornfield on it. Don't worry, I'll write the governor on behalf of all of Dlisted.
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Hi5.
I bet he calls his tool shed "The Love Shack".
I know I'm a complete sicko, but these stories hold far more intrigue for me than any celebrity news. But really, is there anything left for mankind to bang? We have bike dude, picnic table dude, hammer dude, wall lady, car dude...
what's cheaoer, vaseline or motor oil?
cause someone needs to turn him on to dollar store vaseline, all I'm saying.
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"what're you still doing here? Didn't I tell you to go home and fuck your mother?"
I would love it if he was listening to that song by that girl that got arrested like 5,000 times man!
My Neck
My Back
A crow bar up my crack!
My pain, my pleasure, my heart, my world.
He sorta reminds me of the older dude from Mighty Ducks. You know the one, he would fix Gordon Bombay's skates. I see a resemblance.
Submitted by Angelina Jolie-Pitt on August 7, 2008 - 7:34am.
Please tell me the cops told him to STOP HAMMER TIME!!!!!
hahahahaha. *crying*
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Paris Hilton issues tart rebuttal to McCain ad
Submitted by Sluttsville on August 7, 2008 - 10:35am.
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I was wondering what that locked room under the stairs was all about.
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"You're a tool. And do you know why? It's because you're a ginge, Fintan. A dirty, freckly ginge."
This gives new meaning to "Getting nailed"
Get your motor runnin Leroy!
My pain, my pleasure, my heart, my world.
Submitted by Why.So.Serious. on August 7, 2008 - 10:29am.
Submitted by Angelina Jolie-Pitt on August 7, 2008 - 10:34am.
Hahahahahahahaha!
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
Submitted by EastEndGirl on August 7, 2008 - 10:35am.
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I heard Sheeps prefers a Robinson. *wink*
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"You're a tool. And do you know why? It's because you're a ginge, Fintan. A dirty, freckly ginge."
Isn't there a picture of a claw hammer on the Indiana license plate?
I don't know what's more disturbing, what he was doing to himself or the neighbor lady saying he does it "24/24" really, there's only 7 days to a week.
Submitted by islandgirl on August 7, 2008 - 10:28am.
If you can't ram a claw hammer up your own ass in your own home, where can you do it?
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At Nitty's house, for extra $20 she'll provide the Home Depot deluxe claw hammer, it dispenses KY Jelly.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
Using motor oil as lube is far more foul than using a hammer handle as a dildo, if you think about it.
Submitted by Sheeps on August 7, 2008 - 7:31am.
When playing with your screwdriver do you prefer Phillips or Fatheads?
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pathetic is chatting with bitch of crazy mouth
Funny Bitch LoLo as FLA
I must know what brand hammer he used, did he get the finest tool on the market for his no no hole or some cheap ass China made shit from Walmart?
I bet he used an Estwing 22 oz.
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Dick happens! - MK