What's Wrong With Just Using Your Hand?
Some bitches will seriously fuck anything. This dude is one of them. A 41-year-old man was hanging out in Hong Kong's LanTian Park in the middle of the night when he got the urge to get sexy with a steel bench. I don't know why? That bench is tore up. It's used and abused. I could see if it was a sexy bench.
Anyway, the dude stuck his little peen into one of the bench's hole and started hitting it from the back. I hope he at least kissed the bench. Romanced it a little. As he started getting into that shit, his little peen started to grow, and well, it got stuck. Damn! That bench has a tight coochie for being such a dirty slut.
He started freaking out, so he used his cell to call the police. After the police arrived and probably shit themselves from laughing so hard, doctors showed up to try and get his dick out. They couldn't, so they cut the bench free and they all went back to the hospital for COCKtails. 4 hours later, the doctors were able to get his dick out. They said if it would have been stuck for an hour longer, they would've had to pull a Lorena Bobbitt on that shit.
I don't know what's more embarrassing. The fact that this dude did fuckey fuckey times with a bench, or the fact that his dick was able to fit in one of those little holes. Dude needs to call it a day. And that bench needs to stop being such a skank!
Thanks Lolo
ShareThis
The Bench may need counselling after this...
**** "I Love Lamp" ****
This is just making my Saturday. Everytime I think I am over the edge, someone tops me.
he's even inserted his big toes in the holes too.
hahahaha!
i love how many men are complaining on this thread that all the filthy beast stories are usually about men & they want more women making arses of themselves stories hahahaha!
Sorry guys, but women tend to have more brains. They don't need to shag raw chickens, patio tables, cars, bycicles, or park benches.
you guys are the pervs lol. now just own that sad fact!!
Submitted by Jenna K on August 9, 2008 - 5:22am.
Caption this: The thrill of the chaise.
That was awesome. :)
OMG LMFAO!!!! This is toooo funny!!!!!! What a jerk (literally)
so now we have:
Plastic patio table
Cars
Claw Hammer
Park Bench
And these are just the ones that have been CAUGHT!
Is there nowwhere sacred? Is there anywhere I can sit safely?!!! Geesh, MEN!!
Had this happened in Singapore, they would have chopped it off, fined him, made him clean up the mess, and called it a day.
What they should've done was "finish" him off...that peenie would've gone down in a heart beat.
...Just sayin'....
==Bad Vodka! BAD! You're not my friend anymore, I God to swear...==
Couldn't they just throw some ice water on the thing?
EvilShoe,
That is disgusting. Who the hell forgets they are wearing a tampon? And did she assume that the condom just magically vanished?
Weird.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
pathetic is chatting with bitch of crazy mouth
Funny Bitch LoLo as FLA
Submitted by Grace Disful on August 9, 2008 - 3:40am.
Why aren't there more stories about women shoving non-traditional items up their snatches? Hmmmm?
________________________________
What goes to the OB GYN, stays in the OB GYN. My friend worked for one for years, she said women take that shit to the doctors office not the ER.
She said one lady came in saying she smelled down there and her boyfriend couldn't take it anymore. The dr took a look and she had a wedged condom and tampon up there, weeks old. EWWWWWWWWWWW
Anyway, she said they got sex toy and other object issues in there all the time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dick happens! - MK
Submitted by Dr. Destructo on August 9, 2008 - 3:24am.
Are you a Paramedic or a first responder EMT? Some call Paramedic, EMT.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dick happens! - MK
We are reading a lot of fake news these days. Did you remember the news about Britney's pregnancy, Lindsay's joining on the famous rich men seeking affairs """"""C e l e b C u p i d.c o m""""""""? Is this news true or not? who knows...
Seriously, I a lost about the umbrella.
Caption this: The thrill of the chaise.
Submitted by Grace Disful on August 9, 2008 - 3:40am.
Why aren't there more stories about women shoving non-traditional items up their snatches? Hmmmm?
...there was the bottle lady in the club lol
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
where's my sauce, bitch?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inventions_in_the_Muslim_world
Col. Sanders art:
http://www.rebelart.net/diary/?p=380
=================================
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most!
I'm glad that that umbrella is shielding his foot. :]
So, recently on dlisted we've been introduced to a man who fucks cars, a man cruelly persecuted for making love to his bicycle, we've been able to view a fellow uhh, stuffing-- a chicken (with his penis), and then there was the elderly gentleman gettin' down and dirty with a hammer.
There seems to be some media bias, here. Why aren't there more stories about women shoving non-traditional items up their snatches? Hmmmm?
I'm very superficial, I hate everything official.
Warning! DANGER!!! Avert your eyes-weak of stomach!
You wanna know how they probably got it free?
Think blood evacuation via a very LARGE NEEDLE!!! (I was an EMT who saw a few things) Got an unknown medical call and the guy had broken his dick, mid-shaft (at least a 45+ degree sideways fracture!-Didn't, couldn't, wouldn't look!), during vigorous sex w/ his wife and didn't tell the operator what had happened ( gee, wonder why?). I'll spare you the true horror, but that's how they got the massive, painful swelling down (LARGE Needle-ER staff told us!)! I still wince and now so do you!
=================================
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most!
I hope he at least kissed the bench.
AAAAAHahahahahaha!
I'm very superficial, I hate everything official.
Holy Shit! Darwin World Class Platinum Medalist! Someone needs to chlorinate Mr. Small Pecker Metal Wrecker's Gene Pool!
=================================
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most!
You know they probably executed him as soon as the swelling went down.
Poor guy.
His big toes are probably bigger than his joystick.
Looks like he was trying to toe-fuck a couple more holes! Did they have to free his big toes too?!
Submitted by Fucking_Classy on August 9, 2008 - 12:32am.
__________________________________________
Shit, angel_i! it's almost two in the fucking morning here and you made me cackle like crazy!
Fuck, my neighbours already hate me enough as it is...!
********************************
Please do let them know how sorry I am.
And that I said they should have a nice day:)
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Avvie courtesy of Viva La Lohan.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on August 8, 2008 - 9:20pm.
I think I saw his personals ad in an IKEA circular.
***********************************************
I saw it in The Recycler...
************************************************
I know what you're doin; I know where you've been
I know where, but I don't care;
'Cause there's a no such thing as an Original Sin
-Elvis Costello "I'm Not Angry"
.'s probably off to do what I'd be doing right now if I weren't happily married, damn you . , that goddamned . is having more fun than me. Bitch.
Submitted by angel_i on August 9, 2008 - 12:17pm.
********************************
RAPE!!!
__________________________________________
Shit, angel_i! it's almost two in the fucking morning here and you made me cackle like crazy!
Fuck, my neighbours already hate me enough as it is...!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
" Jesus can see everything I do... and he's going to beat me brainless!"
Ouch. The cock-ring theory makes sense. Wow. I've never been horny enough to do anything that uh...er...well...RISKY. lol
BTW, off-topic but those of you that call me 'dot'...I started thinking about that 'special' twin named "Dot" on MadTV played by Stephnie Weir. I love that glove obsessed character. hehe!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-HL2sFX8RA
-And, with that I'm out for the evening. Take good care everyone. Keep smiling and bless all your sweet pea pickin' hearts!
~~~~~~~~~
"I'd rather be feared than loved because at least fear warns you but love? -Love blinds you before you have a chance to even see it coming."
It's a good thing they brought along an umbrella for this operation.
He thinks Bed, Bath & Beyond is a singles bar.
***********************************************
Lois: Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!
Peter: That's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk!
I think I saw his personals ad in an IKEA circular.
***********************************************
Lois: Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!
Peter: That's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk!
After they got him and the bench loose and on the orange backboard....
Two Big Toes and a little red peen poking out of a sheet of perforated metal...
HAHAHA!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Sometimes when we focus too much on who will lead our country, we lose sight of the important things, like celebrity babies."
~Keith Olbermann
That the blood even went to the shaft ... to boldly fuck what no man has fucked before ... another sacrifice made in the name of fetish pioneering
What's this about cock rings?
Submitted by Fucking_Classy on August 9, 2008 - 12:08am.
Submitted by . on August 9, 2008 - 12:07pm.
lol. you guys crack me up.
What I don't get is why the fear and trauma didn't make his peen go limp once he knew it was stuck? I mean...how can you keep a boner when you're in a panic like that? I understand the semantics of the 'launch sequence' but c'mon...wtf? Any card carrying members of the male persuasion care to expound?
_________________________________
The hole worked like a cock ring. The blood that caused the erection suddenly couldn't go back.
********************************
RAPE!!!
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Avvie courtesy of Viva La Lohan.
I just hope I never run into him at Pier One.
***********************************************
Lois: Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!
Peter: That's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk!
Hi Vany!
I see Fucking Classy concurs with my theory.
************************************************
I know what you're doin; I know where you've been
I know where, but I don't care;
'Cause there's a no such thing as an Original Sin
-Elvis Costello "I'm Not Angry"
I just hope he wore protection, he doesn't need a bunch of ottomans running around.
***********************************************
Lois: Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!
Peter: That's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk!
Dot, I would think that the Park Bench, almost acted like a cock ring- kept the blood that had rushed to his shaft there.....
************************************************
I know what you're doin; I know where you've been
I know where, but I don't care;
'Cause there's a no such thing as an Original Sin
-Elvis Costello "I'm Not Angry"
Submitted by parissucksliterally on August 9, 2008 - 12:00am.
Can you imagine how this guy's parents feel?
Hi PSL.
This is China. I think what his parents think about what is likely their only child is the least of his worries.
____________________________________________
Rudeness is a weak man's imitation of strenght.
An Eye for an Eye Leaves Everyone Blind!
Save an animal in a shelter: Http://dogsindanger.com
Submitted by . on August 9, 2008 - 12:07pm.
lol. you guys crack me up.
What I don't get is why the fear and trauma didn't make his peen go limp once he knew it was stuck? I mean...how can you keep a boner when you're in a panic like that? I understand the semantics of the 'launch sequence' but c'mon...wtf? Any card carrying members of the male persuasion care to expound?
_________________________________
The hole worked like a cock ring. The blood that caused the erection suddenly couldn't go back.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
" Jesus can see everything I do... and he's going to beat me brainless!"
How humiliating. :X
lol. you guys crack me up.
What I don't get is why the fear and trauma didn't make his peen go limp once he knew it was stuck? I mean...how can you keep a boner when you're in a panic like that? I understand the semantics of the 'launch sequence' but c'mon...wtf? Any card carrying members of the male persuasion care to expound?
~~~~~~~~~
"I'd rather be feared than loved because at least fear warns you but love? -Love blinds you before you have a chance to even see it coming."
Now seriously, those are pretty fucking TINY holes.
Dude must have one sorry little excuse for a dick, the kind that makes even the most expericenced hookers burst out laughing.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
" Jesus can see everything I do... and he's going to beat me brainless!"
Submitted by parissucksliterally on August 9, 2008 - 12:00am.
Can you imagine how this guy's parents feel?
-----------------------
His mom always told him to find a nice chaise. She must be so disappointed.
**********************
"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Submitted by parissucksliterally on August 9, 2008 - 12:00am.
Can you imagine how this guy's parents feel?
************************************************
I'm still trying to imagine how the park bench felt.
***********************************************
Lois: Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!
Peter: That's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk!
What's the big deal? I fuck benches ALL the time! I sorta think that bench is sexy. Not in a conventional way, but it's attractive enough.
Seriously, though. Didn't he think about that? Uh, my toes barely fit in these holes, so I'll stick my dick in it. Does he not know his dick will get bigger? Freak. I have to wonder how long he waited until he called the cops. Because, should I ever, ever get depraved enough to fuck a bench, you could bet it would be hours before I'd call anyone about it. Actually, you'd think it would go down again from the pain or uh, release.
*************************************************
Goo is what tape is all about! Goo is what makes it tape instead of paper!
Can you imagine how this guy's parents feel?
************************************************
I know what you're doin; I know where you've been
I know where, but I don't care;
'Cause there's a no such thing as an Original Sin
-Elvis Costello "I'm Not Angry"