What's Wrong With Just Using Your Hand?
Some bitches will seriously fuck anything. This dude is one of them. A 41-year-old man was hanging out in Hong Kong's LanTian Park in the middle of the night when he got the urge to get sexy with a steel bench. I don't know why? That bench is tore up. It's used and abused. I could see if it was a sexy bench.
Anyway, the dude stuck his little peen into one of the bench's hole and started hitting it from the back. I hope he at least kissed the bench. Romanced it a little. As he started getting into that shit, his little peen started to grow, and well, it got stuck. Damn! That bench has a tight coochie for being such a dirty slut.
He started freaking out, so he used his cell to call the police. After the police arrived and probably shit themselves from laughing so hard, doctors showed up to try and get his dick out. They couldn't, so they cut the bench free and they all went back to the hospital for COCKtails. 4 hours later, the doctors were able to get his dick out. They said if it would have been stuck for an hour longer, they would've had to pull a Lorena Bobbitt on that shit.
I don't know what's more embarrassing. The fact that this dude did fuckey fuckey times with a bench, or the fact that his dick was able to fit in one of those little holes. Dude needs to call it a day. And that bench needs to stop being such a skank!
Thanks Lolo
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Submitted by vanyvrgs on August 8, 2008 - 11:55pm.
I think Britney was assaulting the bench with that umbrella, but I can't be certain.
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Lois: Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!
Peter: That's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk!
Oh please. I have a story about a guy with a shampoo bottle that is about as pathetic [but, not quite] as this. Damn. I'm so glad I don't have a penis. I'm not being a man-hater and I'm NOT saying men are stupid but it's just very rare that you ever hear about a woman doing this weird kind of pervo shit. YES. I'm sure it happens on a rare occasion but I can't even recall the last time I heard about a female molesting produce at a grocery store...it's just rare.
I say we all donate some money towards a real doll for this poor sap.
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"I'd rather be feared than loved because at least fear warns you but love? -Love blinds you before you have a chance to even see it coming."
Hmmm... I want to know who brought the umbrella and why, oh why, is the umbrella hiding what the kneeling young man with the plus sign is doing to this man. ____________________________________________
Rudeness is a weak man's imitation of strenght.
An Eye for an Eye Leaves Everybody Blind!
Save an animal in a shelter: Http://dogsindanger.com
According to some shitty newspaper I just HAD to buy, the dog's dick had been stuck in his ass for hours. Dude only decided to call emergency when the dog freaked out and started biting him from the behind!
HAH!
...Are hookers so damn expensive nowadays??
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" Jesus can see everything I do... and he's going to beat me brainless!"
Submitted by Sheeps on August 8, 2008 - 11:42pm.
I think they call in Wang for penis rescue. He doesn't use the Jaws of Life.
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Lois: Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!
Peter: That's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk!
Near where I live, some dude had to call 911 to get his dog's dick outta his ass... The people who saw it said dude was carried outta his home with a white blanket covering his ass and all. And yeah, the banket moved.
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" Jesus can see everything I do... and he's going to beat me brainless!"
He is my favorite. Just saw his personals ID on millionaires personals site """C e l e b C u p i d.c o m"""""" yesterday. I am wondering what kind of relationship he is looking for on ~that site.
TV: hahahahhaha- gross...and BTW, I love the helmet reference- we used it in college...
Sheeps: I'd hate to be the guy who has to go beneath the bench to "lubricate" the dick.
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I know what you're doin; I know where you've been
I know where, but I don't care;
'Cause there's a no such thing as an Original Sin
-Elvis Costello "I'm Not Angry"
Submitted by parissucksliterally on August 8, 2008 - 11:34pm.
Never underestimate the depravity of anyone with a penis. The penis comes up with a lot of good ideas that seem pretty good at the time. Apparently, that little helmet doesn't fully protect them from head injuries.
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Lois: Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!
Peter: That's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk!
Rescue worker 1: OK, I'll get his shoulders.
Rescue worker 2: OK, I'll try to get his toes out.
Rescue worker 3: I'll hold the light.
Rescue worker 4: I'll make sure he's well hydrated.
Rescue worker 5: Tang, this is your first bench rescue. See if you can get his dick out.
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Esa canción está bien choteada.
You really can't blame the guy, I had heard that slut bench had spent the whole night whispering sweet nothings in his rear...
Oh My GOD.
I thought I had seen it all after the car and the picnic table!
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...and if you, would let them hold you, oh how grateful I will be...
- Otis Redding "These Arms of Mine"
Bench: "Great, I have assholes sitting on me all day, now this dick!"
To instantly shrivel his dick and render him possibly impotent for life, they should slide Parasite underneath that bench.
Can you imagine how dirty a public bench is? Not dirty like in you nasty, dirty slut, but actual bacteria and germs. The diseases he could contract! Oh, the HUMANITY!
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"What? Salma was supposed to stuff her melonitas into a million-dollar wedding dress and marry that rich bitch without a prenup." - MK 07/18/08
Semi-OT: Who else is watching the Olympic opening ceremony? I just watched the entire parade of nations (yeah, I'm that much of a loser :P) and saw a lot of potential Hot Sluts in there ;)
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Gary Busey is a poet too?? Now, that's a real man!!
Haha! You funny bitches.
I WANT A DOCUMENTARY. One full hour and a half of
Men: And The Things They Try to Fuck.
Now THAT's some worthwhile cinema right there.
edited for emphasis. wait - that's not what I mean.
you know what I mean, right?
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Avvie courtesy of Viva La Lohan.
It wasn't Paris he stuck his cock in, so at least he has some standards.
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Lois: Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!
Peter: That's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk!
Submitted by bennettk on August 8, 2008 - 10:28pm.
I am sorry to hear this.he is my favorite .I love her.he is so hot... [inane fuckery]
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Honey, bench-fuckers are a dime a dozen. Don't get too attached -- there's temptation just waiting in every park, every bus station, every government building.
Take my advice and find a guy who can commit to a Barcalounger and you'll find true, eternal bliss. Perhaps you should visit celebritybarcalover.com to find your match.
You're welcome.
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"I guess time seems to stretch out when you don't really give a fuck." -- MK, 07/07/08
Submitted by islandgirl on August 8, 2008 - 9:45pm.
I like the fact that his big toes seem to be stuck in there too.
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Bahahaha, awesome. :)
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
Girls with large kolaches shouldn't be talking all Slitty! ~Sluttsville
Latin Lingo Baby
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQhXFbuUmpM
ROFLMFAO!!!
Best... post... ever!!!
I like the fact that his big toes seem to be stuck in there too.
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"You're a tool. And do you know why? It's because you're a ginge, Fintan. A dirty, freckly ginge."
Submitted by angel_i
***Can't we give a stupid horny bitch a break?***
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LMAO!!
Oh come on, don't deny it. You are only fooling yourselves. Everyone here has fantasized about fucking a bench. Admit it.
Submitted by Manimal5 on August 8, 2008 - 10:35pm.
LOL. But wouldn't he be wearing high heels?
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Right... and a rope around his neck tied to... oh, you know the rest.
He contracted an STD: rust.
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Lois: Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!
Peter: That's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk!
Submitted by NotsoAnonymous on August 8, 2008 - 10:26pm.
The first thought I had was "I wonder if CNN's Richard Quest is out of rehab yet?"
LOL. But wouldn't he be wearing high heels?
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skybitch
call me, I heart you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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"what're you still doing here? Didn't I tell you to go home and fuck your mother?"
If I could get a better look at that bench, I think I went to high school with that bench.
Submitted by SkyBitch on August 8, 2008 - 10:26pm.
How did he ever decide which hole to put it in?
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I agree, they're all pretty much the same with your eyes closed.
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Lois: Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!
Peter: That's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk!
I am sorry to hear this.he is my favorite .I love her.he is so hot.I saw his profile on milllionaire personals site *******C e l e b C u p i d.c o m"******* last week. It is said he is dating young billionaire on that site.
How did he ever decide which hole to put it in?
☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠
Gentlemen... start your boners.
I'm really losing it. I actually feel sorry for the bench.
The first thought I had was "I wonder if CNN's Richard Quest is out of rehab yet?"
Submitted by angel_i on August 8, 2008 - 10:20pm.
Actually, he'd be a serial rapist if the holes in his Cheerios weren't so large. I say prosecute him to the fullest extent of the law before he moves on to random mail slots or car door locks.
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Lois: Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!
Peter: That's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk!
Ok, I'm sorry to be so insensitive but he can't have had a very large penis if he thought it would fit in one of those holes.
Also, can you get arrested for fucking a bench? Don't you think that having a team of medics come and cut the bench away so they could wheel you through the streets and a busy hospital, and then be told that if they can't fix it he'll lose it and finally ending in what has GOT to be one of the sorest peens in history (and scarred, I'm sure!0 be considere time served? Can't we give a stupid horny bitch a break?
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Avvie courtesy of Viva La Lohan.
Team V
if he wanted to have sex with something that didn't move, he'd could have come to my house with a bottle of Absolut.
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"what're you still doing here? Didn't I tell you to go home and fuck your mother?"
Submitted by NotsoAnonymous on August 8, 2008 - 10:17pm.
And then the bench slaps him with a restraining order.
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Lois: Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!
Peter: That's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk!
Submitted by christine the hoff on August 8, 2008 - 10:15pm.
do you have any idea what It costs to raise a bench to a grown up desk???????
do i?!?!... again, said too much!
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"So don’t worry about tomorrow.
Take it today.
Forget about the cheque.
We’ll get hell to pay."
I can't wait for this guy's court appearance... I just want to hear his attorney say, "Your honor, may I approach the bench?"
And... I presume he's being held on a bench warrant.
If he wanted an inanimate object for sex, he should just call my ex.
***********************************************
Lois: Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!
Peter: That's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk!
Submitted by angel_i on August 8, 2008 - 10:13pm.
let's just say i have some park benchs i'm not very proud of
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"So don’t worry about tomorrow.
Take it today.
Forget about the cheque.
We’ll get hell to pay."
ESE
I hope you used protection!
do you have any idea what It costs to raise a bench to a grown up desk???????
do you??
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"what're you still doing here? Didn't I tell you to go home and fuck your mother?"
Submitted by NotsoAnonymous on August 8, 2008 - 10:01pm.
Is this what they're talking about on those Viagra commercials...
"in the rare event of an erection lasting more than 4 hours, seek immediate medical help to avoid long-term injury."
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Ha, Ha. I remember Leno joking around about this commerical and said: If I had an erection lasting long than four hours, the last thing I would do is call my doctor. The first thing I would do is call all of my buddys and start bragging about it.
He considers a tetanus shot to be an aphrodisiac.
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Lois: Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!
Peter: That's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk!
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on August 8, 2008 - 10:11pm.
Submitted by christine the hoff on August 8, 2008 - 10:08pm.
damn right!... the last bench i had, tried to sue me for...
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Child support?
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Avvie courtesy of Viva La Lohan.
Submitted by shianne517 on August 8, 2008 - 10:05pm.
OMG! You're right MK. That bench isn't sexy at all. WTF??
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Ok. I'll be honest. I've been looking for ways to work this into conversation lately. I have no idea how it came after me.
I'm too sexy for this bench
too sexy for this bench
Now get me a wreeeeench.
(could you fix that with a wrench, you think?)
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Avvie courtesy of Viva La Lohan.
Tara Reid must have been out of town. That's her usual bench and the guy didn't notice she wasn't there until it was too late.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Sienna Miller just crawled out from under Balthazzz's beer gut to bust out an e-mail to the media: ANOTHER trend SHE SHE SHE started and no one recognizes her for it!
Submitted by christine the hoff on August 8, 2008 - 10:08pm.
damn right!... the last bench i had, tried to sue me for... oh, i've said too much!
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"So don’t worry about tomorrow.
Take it today.
Forget about the cheque.
We’ll get hell to pay."
Every strangers eyes.
fucking benches are ho's! do NOT trust a bench!
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"what're you still doing here? Didn't I tell you to go home and fuck your mother?"
Submitted by Sheeps on August 8, 2008 - 9:35pm.
Submitted by angel_i on August 8, 2008 - 6:29pm.
There. I fixed your typo:)
hahahaha. More of a bad-reporter's omission than an actual typo.
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Surprising, too - considering he's her favourite!
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
Avvie courtesy of Viva La Lohan.