Monday, August 11th 2008
Through The Cheetos
Lynne Spears has made it "Through the Storm" thanks to a little help from the millions of dollars she's received from whoring out her kids. Lynne has put her parenting tips into a little book which is due out next week. Whoever buys this book should automatically get a visit from Child Protective Services. Taking parenting advice from Lynne Spears is like....well....like taking parenting advice from Lynne Spears. White Oprah should have been Lynne's co-author.
And that cover looks like a still from a Massengill commercial from the 80s. I used to be obsessed with those commercials when I was little. "I have to ask you something really personal...."
VIA Allie Is Wired
i love the douche commercial. so true.
Fucking douchebag. That's what we need to hear - tips on how to make it by the mom of a completely dysfunctional family that should never had existed at all if she had only taken the pill!
I never realized but White Oprah is like the low rent version of Lynn Spears.
At least Lynn doesn't want to be a celebrity like her children (although the book, really?) and hang out at the same clubs. She may have raised those trainwrecks but I don't think I've ever seen her partying with her kids, so in my book she gets a brownie point.
This stupid enabling whore is one of the biggest reasons Shitney is the way she is. I thought I liked Mama Lynne but she plain sucks. Fuck em all.
(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)
Am I getting old or is the supermarket playing great music?
She is my favorite. Someone told me she is datting a young billlionaire on """"""C e l e b C u p i d.c o m"""""""". What kind of relationship she is looking for on that site? Long-term relationship or just a date?
It is all about the money.
"Now his failure is complete"... Darth Vader
The rest of the family should get in on the action and make their own fortunes by penning their own "must-reads."
Like:
Everything in Moderation and
Carseat Safety for Your Child by Britney Spears
How to Save Yourself for Marriage by Jamie Lynn Spears
How to Be the Guardian of an Adult Child and Love Every Minute of It by Jamie Spears
Proper Methods for Holding, Carrying, Feeding and Comforting Your Child by Sean Preston Federline
How to Give Your Child a Normal Life by Jayden James Federline
From Wifebeaters to Tuxedos and
Living Single in Las Vegas While Married by Kevin Federline
Making It In This Industry On Your Looks and Talent Alone, by Tori Spelling
... I can never come up with more than one at a time. You guys are hilarious!
Settling Down by George Clooney
Resisting Temptation by Brad Pitt
She Knows What She Did by Nicole Richie
Small Portions by Aretha Franklin
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"yes, DUH, I am a low rent whore"
She's at best in the eye of a hurricane.
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Aperitif for Destruction
Dress to Emphasize Your Femininity by Brooke Hogan
How To Land A Classy Woman by Flava Flav
Clearheaded and Employed by Gary Busey
Safe Driving Tips by Lindsay Lohan
Win Them Over by George W. Bush
__________________________________________
"yes, DUH, I am a low rent whore"
A Nonviolent Life by Naomi Campbell
Three Cheers for God by George Carlin
How To Be A Faithful Husband by Charlie Sheen
Shielding Your Kids From The Spotlight by Angelina Jolie
The Black Experience by Elisabeth Hasslebeck
Knowing Your Limits by Kanye West
LOL this is fun!
__________________________________________
"yes, DUH, I am a low rent whore"
I know I came back late to this but how about,
"Through the Lower Chats"?
"This ain't rock n roll. This is genocide!"
Ha ha ha! I love you guys. Good afternoon all!
And more:
Humility is a Virtue by Gene Simmons
Alternative Solutions to the Riemann Problem by Sherri Shepherd
In Praise of Bill Clinton by Ann Coulter
OnT: I'm going to have to agree with all of you on here. Why in the sweet Jesus hell would ANYONE outside of a trailer park take parenting advice from this woman? The mind boggles.
But you KNOW that this shit will top the NY Times best-seller list in no time...
---
A man in the dark in a picture frame, so mystic and soulful.
[Ultravox, "Vienna"]
Vote for me! It's free, it's easy, and it's fun!
http://billboardphoto.nielsencontests.com/bin/Rate?search=193__194
(first row, first from left)
More:
Nutrition and You by Keria Knightley
Saving Yourself for Love by Pamela Anderson
Tricks for Not Looking Cheap by Shauna Sand
A Virtuous Family by Barron Hilton
Living on a Budget by Brandon Davis
__________________________________________
"yes, DUH, I am a low rent whore"
Submitted by DivasGone on August 11, 2008 - 12:20pm.
LMAO!!! How about these:
How To Live in a Free Relationship by Tom Cruise
The Importance of Education by Kim Kardashian
How To Come Out To Your Parents by Clay Aiken
A Sober Life by Amy Winehouse
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"yes, DUH, I am a low rent whore"
This book should only be sold wear it belongs.
Dollar stores next to trailer park communities!!
Maybe pick up some of those Britney stockings while you're there!
'Heaux Confessionals'
www.myspace.com/triston
Dementa,
If the "grand prize" is a 40 oz. Miller High Life and a copy of this book on audiotape, I am one happy heifer today!
DivasGone, you just won the grand prize!
I love how it's always gossip rags and bad PR that just must be the root of these hustler clans' collapses. Never does education being eschewed in favor of fame, children being treated like chattel, untimely projections into adult roles, or parents' sick needs for vicarious adulation enter into equation.
You put a price on your kids and somebody named it. That's what's known as pandering.
What an introspective book cover...it's just...smaltzy. Oooo, Bryan Spears...next up to bat. Please oh PLEASE let him want a sex change. That would round out this family nicely.
_____________________
"Oh you little bitch troll from hell!" -- Patsy Stone
Submitted by DR.FUNK on August 11, 2008 - 10:32am.
"Taking parenting advice from Lynne Spears is like....well....like"
reading any of the following books:
101 Ways to Keep Your Marriage Alive by Balthazar Getty
Travel Tips for A Smooth Vacation by Nikki Blonsky
Dressing Appropriately and Beautifully Over 35 by Mariah Carey
Get Over Him in 30 Days by Jennifer Aniston
Quantum Physics in 6 Easy Steps by Jessica Simpson
Live Happy! Be Happy! by Mrs. Cash Warren
If they wanted a credible parent to author a tome about fame, family and the tabloid world, they should have asked Jaime Spears.
I do like the cover of her looking out the window with a smile. She is waiting for the next Brinks truck to pull up...
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"Practically" is not an option when it comes to virginity.
The title "Through the Storm" suggests that her family's problems are something that just "happened"....
Lady, you started the storm yourself when you purchased your sixteen-year-old daughter's breast implants. Please know that.
Wait a minute, did someone say Lynne iced Brit's nipples at nine?!
__________________________________________
"yes, DUH, I am a low rent whore"
Quick, someone use their piece of shit ShamWOWs to stuff her pie hole!
Purchasers of this tome are out of their minds.
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"What? Salma was supposed to stuff her melonitas into a million-dollar wedding dress and marry that rich bitch without a prenup." - MK 07/18/08
She should have just titled the book "I Need Money". I will still sell to the britaloonies, unfortunately.
__________________________________________
"yes, DUH, I am a low rent whore"
I might buy the book--I've been needing a good doorstop.
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Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life. -- Lord Byron
Submitted by Sluttsville on August 11, 2008 - 7:19am.
I think we could come up with a better title that "Through the Storm". C'mon Dlisters, what do you think would be a better title.
Through the Crazy
Through the Starbucks Drive-thru
Through the Storm with a Purple Drank in Hand.
Mebbe:
I Caused the Crazy
Kid Pimpin' 101
I Brought You Into World and You'll Pay fer It
It is truly pathetic that the only way she can sell that book (that she didn't write!) is to slap her famous kids' names on the cover. She and Madonna's brother should hang out.
__________________________________________
"yes, DUH, I am a low rent whore"
Submitted by Deb on August 11, 2008 - 7:15am.
Do you ever get that "not so fresh" feeling?
Yeah! I'm getting that feeling right now at the thought of this book.
How in hell did this come to fruition? Is there some kind of sick joke going on that us "normal" folk aren't in on? WHO would pay this scrotum-sucking leech any $$$ for life lessons when her OWN family is so fucked?
Good lord, it should be in the humor or horror section of Barnes & Noble.
It looks like they photo-shopped her breasts for the cover. As for the douche commercial...I remember when Paris' perfume came out and there was an ad that said "Smell like Paris" with a big photo of her. What came to mind was why would I want to smell like Massengill's and old anchovy pizza?
The crowning turd in the toilet of this is that Lynn acts like SHE alone molded Brit and Jaime Lynn into the screwed up, money-generating workhorses they are.
What about the agents, publicists, choreographers, the other manager (Larry Rudolph?), etc.
No wonder Brit married Jason Alexander in Vegas, then K-Fedex; and Jaime Lynn got knocked up at 16. They're both trying to ESCAPE Mommy.
If I were Bryan Spears, I wouldn't want my name dragged through the mud. You never hear anything about him. He seems to keep his shit quiet.
Thanks for making me watch that. Douche.
Fuck off! you southern bag of shit.
YOU, YOUR daughter, and your shallow, barbaric, gOD fearing, gun toting, walmart shopping, ethnocentric culture of waste and greed is "why they hate us."
sorry I didn't get my Wheaties this morning bitches.
lol "with Lorilee Cracker". por dios!!!
People act as if the Spears family was well liked or respected around here-NOT. He was useless and lived off his wife's meager income or from one con-job to the next until Britney started supporting the entire family. That girl was completely responsible for her entire family from day one and it is no small wonder she cracked. People joke about Lynn icing Brit's nipples before a show when she was 9 years old but it is true and it is also very sad.
The only reason anyone would buy this book is for scandalous dirt-dishery. If there's no dirt, just Lynn making little halos around herself and pretending that it was all her kids' ideas to be pubescent slutbags, then sales will crash.
And that cover photo looks creepier the longer I see it. Look at her soulless eyes. She looks like she's about to pounce and suck out your blood.
btw can anyone find this title on amazon? I looked to see what sales rating it had, and couldn't find it.
I'm so sick of these celebs claiming authorship of books they don't write themselves; it's an insult to the craft. Dictating one's jumbled confabulations to a real writer does not make these idiots authors or even co-authors as Lynn Spears would have us believe in her case!
"Society sooner or later must return to its lost leader,the cultured and fascinating liar. . ."
Oscar Wilde
Haven't read through the comments yet, but that commercial is CREEPY! Are they mother and daughter? Dayum, I thought my mom and I were close but we draw the line at anything more detailed than "woman problems" or "that time of the month".
Besides, douching is BAD for you! Messes up all your pH levels and sets you up for some nasty infections. Ugh.
Hunting for something on-topic... well, I can't say anything about Lynne Spears' parenting skills that isn't totally fucking obvious to anyone with half a brain or at least a television.
You know how a small child will come to you with a crayon drawing of an elephant, and they're so proud of it and they want to please you with it -- but in truth, it looks nothing like an elephant? Nevertheless, it's still cute and you know it will end up on the refrigerator door.
Yeah, well when an ADULT woman writes a self-aggrandizing, self-congratulatory piece of fiction about parenting -- and wants to be patted on the back for hard work and parenting she never provided nor even WANTED to provide, after having ruined the lives of two of her children -- I know the book is more likely to end up in the trash.
Plus, that cliche, faux poetic "serene gaze into the ocean that is my life" picture of her on the cover just makes me want to explode a can of Pringles in her face.
/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\
Boats n' Hoes, gotta have me my boats n' hoes.
www.myspace.com/dreamhypnotique
Dina Blohan is taking notes as we speak....
Submitted by Chris Eccleston... on August 11, 2008 - 10:18am.
I have never douched in my life. Fucked some douchebags, though. Kind of the same thing.
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HA HA HA HA!!!!! That slayed me!
LOL C-Word!
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
Girls with large kolaches shouldn't be talking all Slitty! ~Sluttsville
Latin Lingo Baby
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQhXFbuUmpM
Submitted by Dirk Diggler on August 11, 2008 - 10:49am.
Well, she did offer to talk to kids about staying off drugs, so she kind of wrote her own joke, didn't she?
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"I'm intellectual & stuff." "You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue & stuff."
http://www.myspace.com/dramaqueen365247
God, I love old commercials! Probably because I'm old.
We actually have an ob/gyn doctor here whose name is Dr Massengale, but everyone calls him Dr Massengill.
No joke...
http://local.yahoo.com/info-12328985-massengale-alexander-t-md-massengal...
dramaqueen365247:
You forgot:
"Taking sobriety tips from Amy Winehouse"
This book is a complete aberration...